Round 1
NATALYA:
6 for clarity: “then turning and attempting to sprint at Cataleya from an angle” You're making it sound like she is trying to fully close the distance, although later you make it sound like she stops without really saying that she stops. Just a bit confusing. -1 “bite deeply into the side of Cat’s neck.” Where is she biting into? I know you say where her bottom jaws are aiming, but where is her top jaw aimed? -2 “when she made contact with Cataleya” Is this supposed to be an attack? To make contact makes it sound like an attempted shoulder slam or something, but no mention of it. -1
2 for powerplaying. “she began to move in a semi-circle, stepping slowly at first to her right, then turning and attempting to sprint at Cataleya from an angle” A lot of movement here, you're not giving her enough time to respond to the initial movement before she charges in. -2 “close the distance of a few feet between them quickly.” You cannot assume that Cataleya has not moved and has kept them at a few feet apart. -2 “She would aim to dig her claws into the ground when she made contact with Cataleya” You cannot at any time assume that you come into contact with your opponent, even though you added the 'when she did', because you're still assuming she actually hits her. -2 “and then would attempt to rip the flesh by abruptly pulling her head back in toward her throat.” Conditional, you cannot assume that her bite lands. Also too much movement. -2
9 for defences. Hackles raised, legs bent, legs spread, toes spread, ears pinned, tail aligned with spine, chin tucked, shoulders rolled, claws dug in ground
3 for attack. Bite to neck +2 (lost points for pp) paw slam +1
10 for injuries. First round
Round one NATALYA Total: 30/50
CATALEYA:
8 for clarity: “right foreleg, extending the limb forward with the intent to wrap her left foreleg” Which is it, left or right foreleg? -2
10 for powerplaying. None seen
8 for defences. Eyes narrowed, ears pinned, hackles raised, head level with spine, chin tucked, neck scrunched, shoulders rolled, legs spread, legs bent, toes spread, not making up for tripod state -2
5 for attack. Bite to left side of face + maim attempt +4, chest bump +1 (like a bro),
10 for injuries. First round, moderate bruise on left shoulder, severe lacerations on left side of neck, moderate bruise on top of left forepaw.
Round one CATALEYA Total: 41/50
Round 2
NATALYA:
4 for clarity: “the top set plunging into the top-to-back curve of her head partially on her still-flattened left ear, while the bottom punctured her left cheek and eye.” How severe is this wound? Also, where on the cheek did she bite down? -3 “Immediately she felt Cataleya’s right forelimb hook around her own left foreleg and she sought to counteract the move by bending her back legs further and pushing off with her front right leg to focus her weight in the rear.” A little but unclear if she has reared up or not, just got lost a bit in the wording. -1 “She attempted to bend the knee of her left leg tight around Cataleya’s right leg as well. It was an effort both to prevent Cataleya from pulling her forward, and to hopefully trap her opponents leg and pull the bitch off-balance instead.” So this was super confusing, and impossible for a wolf to do. She would really need to twist her leg into a very strange positions to get this. -2
6 for powerplaying. “She tore the flesh open as she wrenched her head back,” Needs to be attempted -2, “Natalya made an effort to push off with her hind legs and surge forward, knowing it would worsen the damage of Cataleya’s bites and probably cause the actual loss of her left eye once the teeth were removed,” You must attempt to remove yourself from a grip, you cannot assume that you will tear away. -2
10 for defences. Head aligned with spine, chin tucked, shoulders rolled, weight distributed evenly, legs spread, toes spread, legs bent, ears pinned, balance fixed for rearing
2 for attack. Bite to neck +2 (lost points for PP on the movements) No points for the leg grab, as its not really possible.
2 for injuries. Moderate bruise on left shoulder -2, severe puncture wounds to left cheek and eye -4 Moderate chest bruise -2
Round two NATALEYA Total: 24/50
CATALEYA:
8 for clarity: “Silver crown tipped to her right, neck turning to her own left, so that her jaws pointed to her own left, splayed jaws sought a hold of the womans neck, just above the bone in her chest.” The way you worded this makes it really hard to try and picture it, and its pretty confusing. -2
10 for powerplaying. None seen
10 for defences. Eyes narrowed, ears pinned, hackles raised, lips snarling, head aligned with spine, chin tucked, neck scrunched, shoulders rolled, legs spread, toes splayed
4 for attack. Bite to trachea + severity +4
5 for injuries. Moderate bruise to chest -2, Moderate puncture wounds to left side of neck -3,
Round two CATALEYA Total: 37/50
Round 3
NATALYA:
7 for clarity: “Her right leg had raised off the surface of the ground only slightly in that effort but she immediately returned it to the surface and shifted her positioning and weight.” Is this Natalya or Cat? Had she not reared up fully? -2 “the upper portions of her left shoulder and chest” Where abouts? Be more specific. -1
2 for powerplaying. “She pivoted, moving her hind legs about a foot to her own right in an effort to put her back at a slight angle to Cataleya’s form.” Is she still clinging on to Cataleya? If so this would need to be attempted because it would effect the opponent. -2 “and sprung forward and up. She was aiming to try and wrap both legs around her opponent’s shoulders so that she could try to pull her to the ground.” You cannot assume that Cataleya has let go of her leg to attempt this attack. -2, “She fought to maintain her grip on Cataleya’s neck as she moved.... Her change in position, moving up and forward,” This is a lot of movement all while trying to bite in the same spot. This would put a lot of pressure on Nat's neck from moving this way, since she is twisting around to try and hold on. Plus this much movement is just way too much, you're not giving her enough time to respond to the attack. -4 There is way too much movement in your post, you give no time for Cata to react. -2
6 for defences. Ears pinned, eyes narrowed, shoulders rolled, toes spread, legs bent, tail aligned with spine,
5 for attack. Grab and shake +2, hug/hold +1, second bite to throat +2 (lost points for too much movement)
1 for injuries. Severe wound to left eye and cheek (worsened last one. More than severe? Super severe?) -5 Severe bite to the left neck/shoulder, damage of the muscles -4,
Round three NATALEYA Total: 21/50
CATALEYA:
10 for clarity: All clear
10 for powerplaying. None seen
8 for defences. Eyes narrowed, ears pinned, hackles raised, lips snarling, head aligned with spine, chin tucked, neck scrunched, shoulders rolled, legs spread, toes splayed. Did not make up for tripod stance -2
5 for attack. Harden bite +1, Shove +1, Ankle swipe +1, Head thrash +2
1 for injuries. Severe puncture wounds to left side of neck -4, moderate bruise to front of chest -2, moderate puncture wounds to upper left neck -3
Round three CATALEYA Total: 34/50
Totals:
NATALYA: 75/150
CATALEYA: 112/150
And the winner is...
Cataleya! Natalya must give up by either submitting, or passing out. Cataleya now as the right to end her life.
Damage:
Natalya: Faces death, wounds will not matter.
Cataleya: Moderate bruise to the left shoulder, left forepaw, left side of chest and front of chest will all take 1 OOC week to heal. Severe lacerations to the left side of neck, as well as the severe puncture wounds will take 3 OOC weeks to heal and will most likely scar. Moderate puncture wounds to the left side of the neck will take 2 OOC weeks to heal and might scar.
Notes:
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here)
Notes
For Raii You struggled a lot with your clarity and power playing. Everything that you should be attempting are the moved that have a direct effect to your opponent, such as moving towards them, spacing between them, or pulling out of a grip. Also be more clear about where attacks land, have landed, as well as how deep they are. You're attacks were pretty solid though, just make sure to list all ten defenses! Easy points there!
For Saffie You lost points for not making up for shifting of balance, and you could have thrown some more attacks in there as well. Watch your confusion with left and right, and also about just how you list your movement. I get that you are trying to explain it well, but its coming off as very wordy and oddly specific, which makes it seem like you're doing a lot more than one movement.
Also sorry for the wait! I started a new job and worked a 6 day week, so awl the tired. Good fight, ladies. Contact me with any questions as always. ;)
- By [Evelyn]
