Round 1
Hephaestus:
6 - for clarity: -2 I found this section a bit confusing "As he did he stiffened both forelegs and as he dropped, he sought to drop his weight down on on his forepaws" you state he's already focusing his weight in the right shoulder. It might help to put that this would be after the shoulder slam so it's easier to visualize the movement. Also when you say stiffened, are they out straight? bent? -2 Is he trying to capture just her upper jaw or the lower one as well? or is this from above? it might help to mention where his upper and lower jaw specifically are aiming to land, i'm not 100% for sure what his target is.
9 for powerplaying. -1 minor power play "just before they would have hit he reared"
10 for defenses. +1 for each seen
8 for attack. +2 shoulder slam +1 severity/maim +4 paw stamp x 2 with maim (-2 for clarity, 1 for each paw) +3 bite + 1 grip (-1 for clarity)
10 for injuries.First round
Round one HEPHAESTUS Total: 43/50
MEINX:
8 for clarity: -2 how is she moving when she swings her hips around, is she just sort of pivoting in place is she stepping back? to the right? both? this is important with such a wide pivot as if her back legs were the only ones to move then one of her paws might still fall victim to Phaes' attack.
10 for powerplaying. none seen
10 for defenses. +1 for each seen
5 for attack. +3 bite +1 grip -1 realism (the jugular is deep in the flesh, it's unlikely a wolf could pierce the jugular of another wolf in one bite, especially if the neck defenses are set) +1 paw swipe +1 chest slam
10 for injuries. First Round
Round one MEINX Total: 41/50
Round 2
HEPHAESTUS:
8 for clarity: -2 I'm not following his movement in the first paragraph. How is he throwing his weight back? his he just arching his back? pushing back with his forelegs? how is he retracting that suddenly from diving all his weight forward?
-1 I'm not sure if I find it believable that the difference in weight of two wolves of the same height is so great that Phaes wouldn't be pushed back if he's balanced just on his hindlegs. It might be worth bringing weight into the profiles along with height as I'm practically left to guess.
10 for powerplaying.none seen
10 for defenses. +1 for each seen
6 for attack.+2 shouler slam +1 paw swipe +3 bite (point not given for maim attempt as I find it highly unlikely a wolf could break through the verebra and cut the spinal cord in one bite, especially as the space between is very slight)
9 for injuries.-0 light bruising 1 minor bite wound
Round two HEPHAESTUS Total: 43/50
MEINX:
8 for clarity: -1 "though hoping to stay on his left side" If she's pivoting to her left she'll be closer to his right side, direction mix up? -1 how far is she trying to pivot/how is she trying to align herself. Sorry, but I'm so lost as to what position they're in
8 for powerplaying.-2 if/then attacks are frowned upon as they partially assume the first attack landed.
10 for defenses.+1 each seen
4 for attack.+3 bite +1 maim attempt +0 death roll (points not given due to powerplay as the death roll may not occur at all)
8 for injuries.-0 light bruising -2 moderate wounds to back just behind right shoulder
Round two MEINX Total: 38/50
Totals:
HEPHAESTUS: 86/100
MEINX: 79/100
And the winner is...
HEPHAESTUS! Meinx must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
Damage:
Hephaestus: minor bite wound (3 ooc days)
Meinx: moderate bite wound (1 ooc week)
Notes:
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here)
Notes
For Tea
Well done and nice use of creative attacks, it's nice to see something fresh! However be careful in describing your movement and where attacks, reactions fall in relation to each other. I think you see the movement very clearly in your head but it doesn't always translate as well for the reader.
For Luis
Good work, same message too you watch how you describe your movement. Especially when it comes to pivots. It can be a difficult movement to visualize. Also work on your attacks in your later rounds.
- By [Lunarcat7]
