Parentals

The Autumn air chilled as the sun set, the golden glow dying down to a blue hue. A breeze blew by and Esti watched mindlessly as the trees dropped their leaves in the distance. Her blue eyes skimming the slate horizon for the familiar stormy figure to appear. Valentine was due for a visit. Since Ashmedai had been born, everything had been revolving around him. Was he safe, was he entertained, was he well? Questions always spinning in the new mother's mind. The little dappled figure was curled into her side, her tail clasped between his spackled paws and under his chin. He was so tiny, lanky, but he was definitely going to grow into a monster like his parents. It was odd, seeing a fully formed wolf at her side when it was still so small.

The longer Esti was a parent, the more she realized how little she had learned about, well, anything other than being a loner. Her muscles had tightened back into place, but her stomach still sagged, and she wasn't sure how she felt about it. Was it ugly? Did it always happen? It swayed back and forth with her steps, and she had thought it had gone down some, but she couldn't really tell. That said, Esti had been thinking about how Ashmedai was born. Esti had two mothers, and she knew that only one was her real mother, but this also meant that she had a real dad too. Somehow the thought had never really crossed her mind or bothered her. It still didn't bother her, but she was curious as to why her mother did that. Did her father know he had pups even? Esti could have never told Valentine she was having a pup and he probably wouldn't have ever known Ash was his. Well, the stormy colors on Ashmedai's coat told another story, but theorhetically Valentine wouldn't have known. Maybe Esti's father didn't want anything to dowith them. She wouldn't half blame him, Esti didn't want to be a parent herself, though she loved Ashmedai.

At first Esti had felt void of any emotion towards the pup, but she wanted to protect it. Now she could definitely say she loved him in a way she didn't quite understand. She didn't know how to be a parent other than trying to prevent any of the bad things that had happened to her from happening to him. Valentine would have to do the refining for both of them. Esti needed it too. She didn't understand pack life, really, and thus far had stayed tucked away by her den with only rare visits from others. She didn't have the desire to want to know anyone else, though, or even stay in a pack unless she was a leader like she was when she was little. All that was good and all, but if staying in the pack would mean Ashmedai was safe and well-raised, then she could deal with it for now.

The woman sighed as the night crept closer. She wanted Valentine to talk to her about her. Ashmedai was the most important, but Esti had internal conflicts that she wasn't used to dealing with. Overall, she just felt so drained and melancholy. Maybe it was the Fall weather, or maybe she just needed to get out more. She wasn't sure, and that's why she wanted to talk to Valentine, adult to adult.

"Speech"
'thoughts'