Everything Ends (Ebony Meeting)

When something happened to draw his attention from his grief, it happened all at once. The appearance of a male he didn't recognize, the words he spoke falling on ears slow to catch the nuances and uncaring of the insult to himself, then suddenly sharp, furious snarls from Sindri and - he was surprised to see, when had she gotten here? - Birna from Fiori. His mouth opened, shock holding his tongue as Sindri attacked the male and drove him away.

No sound could pass his teeth, and what could he say anyway? He was not the alpha anymore. He didn't have the responsibility for this pack. It wasn't even Ebony anymore though he found himself grateful for that small kindness. It was hard enough facing everything else his cowardice had wrought without that. It broke his heart enough to see so many walking away without a single thought of what they once had been, could be. Was it so easy to walk away from? Svetlana had stalked away without a word as soon as he'd spoken - their own sibling, so why should he have expected any differently from any of the other wolves he'd once supposedly ruled over?

"Kass?" Initially he flinched away from the voice before he recognized it. Integra Armada? What was she doing here? "Are you hurting somewhere? Can I help?" "I..." his voice broke, and perhaps it was a crack in the dam holding back his misery, for his breath hitched and wetness sprang into his eyes. He sought to let his forehead drop lightly against the tall young healer's shoulder, his own shoulders shaking as he fought back the grief and guilt. Later he would regret dragging her into this maelstrom of emotion, his student, this young girl who'd faced so much grief of her own, but now he simply hid his pain against her until he regain control. "I am not wounded," he finally spoke. "My younger brother has..." He wanted to believe this white lie Katja told him, of a life-after, of a Valhalla where Sigmarr had gone to be with their ancestors, but it felt to him like just that, a lie... "My younger brother is dead." Saying it to Integra felt strange, made him feel leaden, as though every repetition made it feel less real. Like repeating a word over and over again until it lost meaning.

He lifted his head, turned his attention to the dwindling number of wolves. "I am staying," he told Katja, told everyone, in a voice gone hoarse from unshed tears. "It doesn't really matter what it's called now, this was my pack and my home and I'm not going to abandon it. I just... I just can't lead it." Couldn't protect it, couldn't lead it, so he wouldn't. Wouldn't keep trying and just lead it into disaster again, and again, and again.