-1 “...just a few minor degrees to her right.” I think a bit more clarity is needed here. How many degrees? Is she coming in head on? At an angle?
-1 “Her set target was his left shoulder as she came in at a charge, aiming first to slam the left side of her chest into the left side of his own.” I found this statement confusing. You say the target is his left shoulder but then state that she's aiming for the left side of his chest. Which is it?
-2 “...aiming first to slam the left side of her chest into the left side of his own. ” What part of the left side of her chest? What part of the left side of his chest? It's a fairly large area.
-1 ”Parted jaws would then seek to clamp down upon the flesh of his upper shoulder...” Which shoulder?
9 for powerplaying.
-1 “She would seek to worsen the attack by pushing forward with her hind legs...” You're assuming your bite was successful.
-0 ...aiming first to...” and “...would then..” These are dangerous statements to make. They tread the line between acceptable and counting as an “if this, then that”. I didn't count off for them, I just wanted you to be aware.
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10.
5 for attack.
+2 for chest slam
+3 for bite
+0 for attempt to worsen
10 for injuries.
First round.
Pamela's round one total: 39/50
REGULUS: 6 for clarity:
-1 “He felt her jaws grasp his shoulder...” Where on his shoulder? It's up to you to decide where exactly the blow landed. Even if your opponent hit their intended target it needs to be stated.
-2 “...into Pamela's left chest with his left chest...” The whole left chest? Upper left chest? Lower left chest? Those are pretty big areas.
-1 “...he thrust the left point of his shoulder forward...” I assume you mean his left shoulder and not the left side of one of his shoulders, but as a judge I can't assume anything.
5 for powerplaying.
-2 “...as she slammed into his left breast, he thrust the left point of his shoulder forward...” followed by “a heavy bruise bloomed where their chests met...” That's a counter attack and you need to give your opponent time to react. If it were me I'd have had Reg thrust his shoulder forward and then, instead of listing damage (which pretty much forces your opponent to take damage too), I'd have said something like '[counter; damage pending]' and left it at that -for this round. Next round I'd have listed damage.
-1 “...her upper canines leaving moderate scratches in their wake...” Your opponent was at a run and intending to do a fair amount of harm. Since nothing was done to escape or lessen the attack I don't think Regulus could get away with just scratches.
-2 I feel there was too much movement in your attacks. In the third paragraph Reg attempts to drive his left shoulder into the center of Pam's chest and then in the fourth paragraph he attempts to ram his left chest into hers. To be fair to your opponent you can't use the same body part more than once in a round.
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10.
5 for attack.
+2 shoulder thrust
+1 paw stomp
+2 chest slam
10 for injuries.
First round.
Regulus' round one total: 36/50
ROUND TWO
PAMELA: 5 for clarity:
-1 “She would feel the man get a loose hold on her scruff...” Where on her scruff?
-1 “at the soft flesh of his underbelly...” Where on his underbelly?
-1 “She was seeking to bruise the toes...” The toes of which paw?
-2 What happened to Reg's toe stomp?
10 for powerplaying.
None seen!
8 for defenses.
+1 for each seen
3 for attack.
+1 toe smash
+2 for bite
5 for injuries.
-1 Moderate bruising to chest
-2 Moderate bite wound to scruff (damage assigned by judge)
-1 worsening of bruise
-1 for bruised toes (damage assigned by opponent)
Pamela's round two total: 31/50
REGULUS: 5 for clarity:
-1 “...in an attempt to slam her chest again...” Where on her chest?
-1 “...around her left front leg...” Where on her foreleg?
-1 “As she made to bite for his belly, he rammed forward...” Rammed forward with what?
-1 “...aiming once more to knock her off balance and deflect her attack on his belly.” What part of her is he hoping to strike?
-1 “Still, he felt her canines leave a moderate set of slashes in his flesh .” Where did she wound him?
8 for powerplaying.
-2 “As she made to bite for his belly, he rammed forward...” An attempt to shove was already made with this body part in this round. The latter of the two reads like a counter, so again, in taking damage you're almost forcing your opponent to take damage too.
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10
7 for attack.
+4 for attempt to maintain bite
+1 for shoulder throw
+1 for paw swipe
+1 for shove
7 for injuries.
-1 for moderate bruising of toes
-2 for moderate lacerations
Regulus' round two total: 37/50
ROUND THREE
PAMELA: 4 for clarity:
-1 Where on Pamela's left foreleg did Reg's ankle land?
-1 “Right leg would slide forward, held by her opponent...” Reg's attempting to hold her left foreleg.
-2 “...aiming to slam herself into his jaws and chest.” What part of her body and where on his chest?
-2 What happened to Reg's attempt to maintain his grip? Did it do more damage? Was he successful?
10 for powerplaying.
None seen!
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10
1 for attack.
+1 for shove
6 for injuries.
-2 for severe bruising
-2 worsened bite to scruff (damage assigned by judge)
Pamela's round three total: 31/50
REGULUS: 9 for clarity:
-1 “...as he aimed to knock her completely off her paws once again...” How is he planning on knocking her off her paws?
7 for powerplaying.
-3 “...his grip on her scruff afforded him the opportunity to get his nose smothered...” and “...as his teeth tore into her scruff...” You're assuming his attempt to maintain his grip is successful.
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10
8 for attack.
+3 attempt to maintain hold on foreleg
+1 foreleg throw
6 for injuries.
-2 for severe bruising on shoulder
-2 for severe bruising on chest
Regulus' round three total: 40/50
Totals:
PAMELA: 101/150 REGULUS: 113/150
And the winner is...
REGULUS! Pamela must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
Damage:
Pamela:
Severe bite wound to scruff – 2 OOC weeks to heal
Severe bruising to chest – 5 OOC days to heal
Moderate bruising on toes – 3 OOC days to heal
Regulus:
Moderate lacerations – 2 OOC weeks to heal
Moderate bruising on toes – 3 OOC days to heal
Severe bruising to chest and shoulder – 5 OOC days to heal
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
For both: Good fight! My notes (there are some in the deductions above too) are pretty much the same for both you, so here it goes: you lost the most points in clarity. Try to be simple in your wording and be sure to state clearly what your character is doing, what their intentions are and what damage is being done to them. Run on sentences make it harder to decipher both as a judge and as an opponent. If you don't understand what your opponent is trying to do it's better to ask the player (and leave an ooc note in the post saying you did so) for clarity than to assume and/or leave your response vague. Take care not to assume that your attacks are successful and/or hinging other attacks on the success of another.
