All these things that I have done

*Amalia* · 05-30-2015, 08:44 PM

The whine that left her lovers lips nearly tore her heart in two, but she was thankful for her warmth as she moved to press her side against her own pale one. Amalia shuffled closer to her, breaths coming out in quick short bursts. Athena curled around her and she tucked her red head under the gray woman's chest. She shook with each tear that fell, even as her loved one told her not too. Ears were flat against her head as she struggled to find the words, fought to find a way to explain how she was feeling. She hated that this rut had formed between the two of them, it was something that she never, ever wanted. It made her feel smaller than she already was. As Athena called her sweetheart, darling, all those things she needed to hear, the flood gates open. She sobbed into her wife's fur, the force of them nearly shattering her body. She quivered between the folds of the woman that held her, nose pressing deep into her chest. It would be a long while before she would be ready to talk, she just needed to cry. It was a heart wrenching sound, one that sounded foreign to even her own ears.

It was awhile before Amalia felt she could breath again, gasping for the cold winter air as she tried to get a hold of herself. She refused to meet the two-toned gaze of Athena, afraid of what she might see there. Still trembling, she finally found her voice. "Do you still love him?" she asked softly, looking at the horizon as the snow fell steadily around them. There was no accusation in her words, but it was hard to keep her fear out of her quivering voice. "I won't blame you if you do, he was able to give you something that... that I could never give you." Children. It killed her that she could not bare offspring for her amazing wife, to have a little piece of her in their haphazard family. They had adopted two little girls, which made her heart swell, but they were not of her own blood. She did not love them any less for that, but there was a longing inside of her. "I... I don't feel good enough for you, Athena. I can't... I can't be strong like you. It kills me to see our boys out there in the world finding their own little friends. I... I sent Vereux away because I was afraid," she broke off, nearly choking on the words. "I was afraid that you would take him back. I have had you to myself all this time and I know it sounds selfish but... I need you Athena. You are the only thing that keeps me going, you and our family. You are the reason why I devote myself to my studies, in hopes that no matter what happens to you I can save you. But I cannot fight for you like he did. I... I am scared. Scared that one day something happens, and I fail in protecting you. I can't... I can't do it!" She cried, finally pulling her blue eyes up towards Athena. "Do... do you still love me? After all of this? After I turned away from you and the pups like I did? Could you ever forgive me for that?" Amalia knew that she couldn't. She had purposefully put that divider there to keep them apart, in fear that she would break down like this. That all her inner doubts would come pouring out as they just had.

"Talk" "You" Think

Login
Username:
Password:	Lost Password?
	Remember me