Parentals

The kiss was returned and Esti was glad. A small smile spread across her lips before she continued. Valentine offered to watch Ash more and Esti nodded, knowing he would, but also trying to be understanding that he was the alpha of a pack. He mentioned Ash's sibling and something in Esti stirred. She knew of the other pups, and she new of Cascade, though she wasn't sure of the woman yet. She didn't trust the woman yet. What if she was possessive over Valentine? While Esti knew Valentine had other women, she hated the thought that one of the would want to be his only, his number one. Even if Esti didn't own that position, even if she didn't want it, even if she was fine with sharing him, she didn't want someone else in that spot beside him. She had given up on having Valentine stay, but just as the thought began to dissipate, Valentine lay in front of her, his paws near hers. She couldn't look at him, not now, not this close, "If you have something to do... you should go do it." There was a moment of silence before Esti spoke up again, "Please forget everything I'm going to say." she begged in a whisper, giving it a moment to sink in before she continued, "Even though I never wanted a pup, I love him. Even though I hate being in a pack, I'm happy to be here for him. I feel like I've lost myself to him, but I'm not upset," Esti finally looked at Valentine, "Ashmedai is my everything. I don't want him to know the world I grew up in. I don't want him to know fear or lonleliness like I did. I don't want him to feel abandoned. Both my parents left me. I don't know why or if they ever regretted it, but they left me and it was the worst-" she choked a little on her words, "- most... awful feeling in the world, but I ignored it. I shoved it deep down away from everything. I was alone, and I was scared, but I survived. I don't know if my other siblings did, and to a point, I can't bring myself to care if they did... It would hurt too much..." The woman took a deep breath, "That's why... why... Even if I have to do things I don't like, I'll try to make them work. I'll never, never abandon Ashmedai for as long as I live. I can't, and so-" she paused, wondering if she should admit what she was about to. After a second, the woman decided she already said so much, so why not continue. Her voice shook, on the verge of tears, though they would not spill, "and so, even though I'm miserable here, even though I'm lonely, even though my legs and body ache to just get up and run away, I won't. I won't do it. I won't push this away from me, I'll embrace it... For Ashmedai, even if it really hurts."

"Speech"
'thoughts'