-1 “He positioned himself directly in line with Soliloquy...” Directly in line with what part of him? His face? His rump? Even if it seems obvious I can't assume.
4 for powerplaying.
-2 “...he waited until he was within five feet of the stranger to let it loose.” Did you and Eld decide this distance? If so you need to state it OOC and if not you need to attempt the positioning.
-2 “He positioned himself directly in line with Soliloquy...” All movements regarding your opponent need to be attempted.
-2 “...he sent his figure into forward motion directly toward Soliloquy.” Same as above.
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10
4 for attack.
+3 for bite
+1 for paw swipe
10 for injuries.
First round.
Vitus' round one total: 37/50
SOLILOQUY: 6 for clarity:
-2 “...jaws seeking to bite the right hand side of Vitus's neck.” Where exactly on his neck? It's a fairly large area.
-1 The damage from Vitus' bite could have been a bit clearer. Is the moderate damage just puncture wounds or tears or both? It's also up to you to decide where exactly damage on your character lands, so in the future I would suggest spelling out exactly what was done and where even if you're taking the damage exactly as your opponent intended.
-1 ...jaws seeking to bite the right hand side of Vitus's neck.” Whose right hand side?
8 for powerplaying.
-2 ”...jaws seeking to bite the right hand side of Vitus's neck.” With Vitus biting Sol's face I don't see how this move is possible. You either need to state your opponent failed to get a grip or attempt to break free before you attempt an attack like this.
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10
6 for attack.
+2 for shove
+3 for bite and +1 for grip attempt
10 for injuries.
First round.
Soliloquy's round one total: 40/50
ROUND TWO
VITUS: 4 for clarity:
-1 “Soliloquy's jaws would fall hard and fast upon the high right side of his neck, near the middle.” This could be a little bit clearer. Is it right below the jaw? 5 inches below the jaw? Vertical middle or horizontal middle?
-2 What kind of damage did Sol's bite do? Is it light, moderate or severe?
-3 for general lack of clarity. The wording in your bite attack in this post confuses me. If Sol is currently biting into his neck, why is Vitus tilting his head up to bite Sol's lower jaw? Which side of his lower jaw?
10 for powerplaying.
None seen!
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10
4 for attack.
+3 bite and +1 for grip attempt
7 for injuries.
-1 for light bruising on chest
-2 for moderate bite wound on neck (severity decided by judge)
Vitus' round two total: 35/50
SOLILOQUY: 6 for clarity:
-2 What is the severity of the bite wound across Sol's face?
-2 “...head angling to Soliloquy's right slightly...” Is his head rotating in place or is it moving towards his right? If he's reaching towards his right, how can he be aiming a bite at Vitus' right shoulder if they're facing one another?
10 for powerplaying.
None seen.
10 for defenses.
+1 for each seen to max of 10
4 for attack.
+3 for bite
+1 for paw swipe
8 for injuries.
-2 for moderate lacerations to right side of face (severity decided by judge)
Soliloquy's round two total: 38/50
Totals:
VITUS: 72/100 SOLILOQUY: 78/100
And the winner is...
SOLILOQUY! Vitus must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
Damage:
Vitus:
Light bruising (3 ooc days to heal)
Moderate bite wound (2 ooc weeks to heal)
Soliloquy:
Moderate lacerations (two ooc weeks to heal)
Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
For Andy: You lost the most points in clarity. A bit more detail overall would bring your score right up. While I definitely think you can have too much detail in a post, I also think it would be better to have too much than too little.
For Eldar: Your posts are good and clear, but they could definitely benefit from more detail. Even if something is understood (for example, where your opponent's bite was intended to land) I'd restate it anyway so there is absolutely no question as to what happened.
For both: You both could have benefited from more attacks in each round. There's a thin line between too much and too little, but in a spar it's worth it to experiment. Play around with complexity and try multiple attacks. Of course don't use the same body part twice in a post and blah, blah, blah, but you've got a whole body to work with! Try new attacks and be creative!
