all those things left unsaid
04-05-2013, 10:33 AM
She bared her fangs at him but he didn't retreat, didn't move away from her. She she qished to strike him then he would let her, he knew that he deserved all the rage she was throwing at him and he would take it silently. Commitment? Was it what had scared him away? Not the commitment to her, that hadn't been it at all. But he wasn't sure how to explain that or make her understand, though he knew that she may never understand. She had probably always been in a pack, always had wolves to love her and care for her. His first year of life had been like that, 2 more years had been watching his family fall apart and his mother sink into madness after Maze had either died or left them. His siblings had scattered. He had only known Zara well enough and Cynrik at times but the rest he rarely had seen and no longer knew if any of them were alive. His last memory of family was acompying his mother with Zara back to Anoki so she could be burried with her brother. He had thought he had known love for a short time, had even had a mate but the flood had taken her... After that it had been looking out for himself. It was hard to change a mentality you had for 2 years in one day. But he loved her and he was here now. It had taken him a month to change that mentality but he had and he wanted nothing more then to be with her. She snapped at him again and he felt teeth rip out a chunk of fur but he allowed it, gaze steady as he let her take her rage out on him. Slowly he sank back onto his haunches, giving her that much needed personal space though still staying close enough that he could touch her if he reached out. Her words hurt more then her teeth ever could and ears remained folded back against his skull in shame. He didn't interupte her as she spoke, letting it all come rushing at him in a torrent of words and emotions. For a long moment he didn't speak, instead lifting his gaze to watch the tears fall from her eyes. He wanted so much to wrap his neck around her, to lick away those tears and make her feel better. But at the same time he knew that he was the reason for those tears... Would she be better off without him? He never wanted to cause her this pain. "I can never say I'm sorry enough, I can never take back what I did... We both know that" he said slowly, ears slowly lifting and turning towards her. "Ais I would gladly take any punishment you wish to give if it would take away this pain... I never wanted to hurt you like this and I never want you to feel this way again." he said softly, muzzle reaching out a bit to try and get her to look at him but he gave her her space and didn't touch her. "I don't know what I was doing, I was running from myself but there wasn't a moment that I wasn't thinking about you. I know now that when we were talking about the pups and your pack and seeing them that I wouldn't be able to see you or them for quite some time without joining your pack... And that terrified me." He paused for a breif moment, drawing in a shuddering breath. He had never really spoken about his insecurities or short comings with anyone other then his mother before, not even his mate. But he knew that if he wanted Aislyn that he was going to have to fight for her. "If I could have I would have taken you with me, it was never you that I was running from or the responsibilities of having a child with you. I can't even begin to explain what I felt when I met you but whatever it was is the reson I'm back here. Its the reason my heart is breaking over the sight of you crying and knowing that I caused those tears. I NEVER wanted you to feel this way. Ever." Words were quiet, tone hushed so she knew he was talking just to her. His eyes had gone from pleading to steady, trying to get her to understand that this was so far from what he wanted. "Ais if you would let me I'd never leave you again, I would spend every minute trying to figure out what it is I felt, we felt when we met. I would do everything in my power to make sure you never have to cry again. I would do anything you asked of me to make this better. Even if that meant leaving you... Just ask..." he said, voice starting off determined but as her spoke of leaving his voice faded. It would kill him to have to leave her now... |
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