Another attempt at an Apology

Walk | Talk | Think

He did not deny the inherent accusation she made, only voiced her unwillingness to accept it, and if possible the distrusting expression of her face became hardened. So it was true. He did want to keep her as his, wanted her as Callisto had believed, and the only thing stopping him was her denying him that privilege. Though she had expected it, though she had believed it for so long, hearing it did not make it any easier to wrap her mind around. She had trusted him for so long that it was difficult for her to accept he had been harboring these secret thoughts about her, and even harder for her to simply overlook his desires for the sake of friendship. Callisto had spent enough time being claimed by someone and knew well enough now that she was not meant to be cooped up by someone else's will. She wanted her freedom, wanted to be her own person and not belong to anyone else, and just having that oppressive notion that sentencing her to that fate was what Maximous would have preferred made her feel like her reaction to him had been justified.

She only half heard what he had said immediately after, taking those initial moments to gather her thoughts and come to terms with what she had just learned, and reentered the conversation as he went on to apologize for everything. It sounded long and exaggerated to her ears, but as Max stepped away, offering her more room and showing her through action that he would not attempt to get closer, she found herself beginning to ever so slightly relax. Remember. She remembered well how it used to be between them, how he had been the one wolf in all of Ebony that she had looked upon as a friend, the one wolf she could tolerate for more than merely a few minutes at a time. She remembered how considerate and patient he had always been, catering to what she wished to learn about and going out of his way to ensure she got the training that she wanted and needed. And he was right. Everything they had ever done had only been at her pace, at her choosing. And not even when he had had her cornered inside of his den when he had admitted his feelings had he tried to control her, touch her, make things intentionally uncomfortable for her.

It was her turn to drop her eyes, her thoughts swirling rampantly as she tried to process this new revelation. Inside, she felt uneasy. She had been right all along in thinking he wanted her, and in that respect her reaction had been justified, but she had revoked her trust in him too quickly, before he could prove that he would not act on those feelings. She knew why. It had happened too soon after her kidnapping, too soon with all those thoughts of being locked away still fresh in her mind, still the most prevalent thoughts that tried to protect her from falling into the same sort of situation again. And needlessly they had completely severed the relationship she had had with this wolf, her teacher, her friend. Callisto did not feel guilty - she had only acted out of self-preservation, not as a means of breaking Maximous's heart for caring about her - but she was saddened by the way it all had played out and wished, in a way, that it had gone differently. Both of them had gone through unnecessary stress all because of a couple words and an implied meaning behind them.

She hardly knew what to say. With her gaze still downcast and averted, the black and grey wolf seated herself, feeling weighed down by the topic of their conversation. It took her a minute to collect her thoughts and figure out what she wanted to say, and even when she made herself look at him again and began to speak she still did not know what exactly that was. "I don't hate you," she answered, choosing to leave out the fear of him she had developed in its place after learning of his feelings. That would have likely made him feel worse. "But I don't feel the same as you do." She needed to tell him that part, just to make everything clear if nothing else. He deserved to know, even if it was not what he wanted to hear. Though it was not something she did very often, Callisto lowered her gaze again and murmured softly, in a tone that was firm but sincere, "I'm sorry." She was not entirely sure if it was the right thing to say, but she wanted to make an effort. Max had been an important figure in her life, a strange mixture of parent, teacher, and friend, and seeing now that there was still a chance to save that relationship she realized that she wanted very much to mend it.