LYNDVARR vs VOLTAGE for SPAR
ROUND ONE
LYNDVARR
CLARITY |
- “...as he attempted sink his fangs into the lower outer portion of Volt's shoulder...” Which shoulder was he aiming for? -2
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Total: 8 |
POWERPLAY |
- None!
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Total: 10 |
DEFENSES |
Head aligned with spine, tail aligned with spine, chin tucked to chest, neck scrunched, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, limbs spread, weight distributed evenly, legs bent, toes splayed.
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Total: 10 |
ATTACK |
+ 3 chest slam to throat
+ 1 paw slam
+ 4 bite to shoulder + maim attempt
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Total: 8 |
INJURIES |
- First round!
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Total: 10 |
Total for Round One: 46 / 50
VOLTAGE
CLARITY |
- “The impact was great and he felt himself push back slightly at the momentum. The pain was instant, blossoming like the flowers that dotted the shore of his home. He would bruise, he knew, but he hoped his opponent would feel as much as he did.” How bad was this bruise? Is it more severe since it shoved him back, or more moderate bruising? -2
- “...the paw slam would miss most his toes, landing on the left most of his left paw.” How much damage did this cause? Light bruising, some fracturing? -2
- “...and instead his teeth would sink in, slicing along his ribcage.” “While the skin was tender, and the pain in that moment was almost overwhelming...” “Teeth would sink into the muscle...” “The pain was severe, and the blood seeped instantly...” You did a really good job of describing how it felt to Volt, but once again you left out the actual damage again. The way you described it makes it sound like a pretty major wound, but its hard to tell without the indications of something like “mild, moderate, severe, small scratch, deep wound, ect.” Without that, its pretty much up to the judge to say how much damage was taken, and can sometimes end up being way more, or too little, from what you indented. -2
- “and instead his teeth would sink in, slicing along his ribcage.” Which side of his ribcage? Where exactly along the ribcage? Upper half, lower half, between rib 4 and 5 or 1 and 2? -2
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Total: 2 |
POWERPLAY |
- None!
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Total: 10 |
DEFENSES |
Legs bent, lips snarling, eyes narrowed, claws in ground, legs spread, shoulders rolled, ears flatted, tail tucked, weight distributed, neck scrunched
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Total: 10 |
ATTACK |
+ 4 bite to upper shoulder + grip attempt
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Total: 4 |
INJURIES |
- First Round!
- (Moderate bruising to right shoulder, along the outer bone – decided by judge)
- (Minor bruising to left most of left paw – decided by judge)
- (Severe laceration on ribs - decided by judge)
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Total: 10 |
Total for Round One: 36 / 50
ROUND TWO
LYNDVARR
CLARITY |
- All clear!
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Total: 10 |
POWERPLAY |
- None!
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Total: 10 |
DEFENSES |
Head aligned with spine, chin tucked, shoulder rolled, neck scrunched, hackles raised, limbs equal distance, legs bent, weight distributed, toes spread, claws in ground.
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Total: 10 |
ATTACK |
+ 4 bite to wrist + maim attempt
+ 1 chest slam to upper portion of front leg
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Total: 5 |
INJURIES |
- Severe bruising to right shoulder -3
- Moderate laceration to base of neck -3
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Total: 4 |
Total for Round Two: 39 / 50
VOLTAGE
CLARITY |
- “He knew something must have snapped or torn or possibly bruised severely, he didn't know, he wasn't a healer, but he knew it damn well hurt and it would hurt for a very long time.” He may not be a healer, but it had to be ONE of them, hehe. So did it break, bruise, whut? Guuuurrll state your damage. -2
- “Lyndvarr's teeth wrapped around his ankle, clenching to the point of tears.” Which ankle? He does have two, you know. ;) -2
- “He hoped to connect his chest and shoulder with Lyndvarr's right leg...” Where on his right leg? Upper portion, ankle? -2
- Okay so, last paragraph. Don't really wanna quote it all but I will do my best. It just gets confusing to the point where I don't understand HOW he is dropping and what portion of him is dropping. Like all of him like a literal dead man flop, or just his upper half? And then you shoot up again, get that part, using back legs to push up off of, but do his paws leave the ground? Is he rearing up? Overall its a lot of movement very fast, and just kinda left me guessing for a bit. But it was also very creative and a very inventive mood, I wish I could give you literal style points. XD -3
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Total: 1 |
POWERPLAY |
- None!
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Total: 10 |
DEFENSES |
Tail aligned with spine, muscles tensed, toes in ground, shoulders rolled, hackles raised, lips snarling, eyes narrowed, ears pinned.
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Total: 8 |
ATTACK |
+ 3 Tightening grip and... dead man's drop? XD
+ 1 Chest slam to right leg.
+ 2 for turtle roll, aka flip. (Creative, yo. Awl the style points! xDD)
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Total: 6 |
INJURIES |
- Broken right ankle -5
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Total: 5 |
Total for Round Two: 30 / 50
Totals:
LYNDVARR |
46 + 39 = 85 / 100
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VOLTAGE |
36 + 30 = 66 / 100
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And the winner is...
LYNDVARR |
Voltage must give up by submitting, fleeing or passing out.
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Damage:
LYNDVARR |
- Severe bruising to the shoulder will take 2 OOC weeks to heal.
- Moderate lacerations to the base of the neck will take 2 OOC weeks to heal, possible scaring.
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VOLTAGE |
- Moderate bruise to right shoulder will take 1 OOC week to heal.
- Minor bruising to paw will take 3 OOC days to heal.
- Severe lacerations on ribs will take 2 OOC weeks to heal.
- Broken ankle will take one OOC month to heal completely.
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Notes:
Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):
LUNARCAT7 | Good fight! Lost a few clarity points but otherwise you were pretty good, could have fit more attack points in there though!
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ARIN | -wiggles finger at- You gotta state your damage girl! You would have been a lot higher if you did that, also missed a couple points like where you were aiming and where stuff landed exactly. Most of my notes are above though!
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- By [Evelyn]
