Hatred. Hatred. Hatred. Flooding. Hatred. Desire. Hatred.

"Damn spring. Vaffanculo. And this bloody heat, too," the woman muttered, crouched lone atop one of the rocks in the Rustling Thicket. Stupid mud wouldn't come off, and she had to find puddles in the rocks in an attempt to get it off, but now there was not much clean water on the rocks and she was sick and tired of the mud. Why couldn't she just hide in her den? Oh wait. What den? It was gone now. "Damn spring," she muttered again.

And on top of that, her paw stung like hell. She accidentally cut it on one of the rocks - it wasn't deep, but it stung, and mud was bad and she didn't want to get mud in it. So she washed it in a puddle then licked it clean. Oh, by the way, mud tasted nasty. It took forever to get the taste out of her mouth. It was so gritty and terrible and... ew. Nope.

Growling, Lillianna shifted again, tucking all paws under her and her tail between her legs. She couldn't even get comfortable on this bloody rock, and it was an utter pain. Literally.

Ugh, she just wanted to kill something. But there was mud. And nastiness.

"Speech"

Starling hadn't been home in a dreadful amount of time. Ever since the seige, really. His stores have probably rotted by now, not that it even mattered. Winter had destroyed everything, and now that it was spring he had to work so bloody hard to rebuild it...again. Every day that he was gone, the angrier they would all get. He knew that, oh he knew that quite well. He had done this before, though not quite to this extreme. This time, however, he hadn't been as active. Aside from the odd wolves needing healing, he spent most of his time just being lazy. Stella had tried to convince him to go home, but he really didn't want too. He didn't want to face the music, didn't want everyone to know just how low he thought of himself. That was the only reason he hadn't been home, right? He hadn't been able to handle the pressure, and he had failed them all miserably. He had fled, ran away from his fears, his anxieties. And to be quite honest, it was rather nice. It felt nice not have to live up to all their expectations, or rather...what he believed their expectations were. But, he was letting them all down all the same. Maybe that was why he was quietly stepping over the border. Maybe that was why he was sneaking back into the pack, heading towards his stores to see if there was anything left that he could salvage. Maybe he was hoping he'd meet someone that would have their arms open wide, telling him that it was okay that he had been gone so long. With a gentle sigh, he moved slowly, blinking when he heard a very familiare voice muttering near by. Great, probably the last pack member he would want to run into at this moment. Slowly blue eyes would shift to the side, glancing at a very angry Lillianna in the distance, and he tried to calculate the best route to take to get out of her line of sight and not have her notice his presence... "Burn Baby Burn" || "Bruciare Bambino Bruciare"

Unfortunately for Starling, Lillianna noticed. Immediately.

Green eyes glittered as her head slowly swung around to fix on the male that was hoping to go gentle into the night. No, one did not do that. Not while she was around. And this particular male had something coming for him. Not only did he just fucking disappear but he disappeared right after a siege. And right after they fought and snarled at each other. What the fuck had he been thinking? And then to not return? What if something happened to him?

Selfish, egotistical, self-righteous bastard.

The woman would rise slowly, those green eyes never leaving the familiar brown and white form. She would stalk to the edge of the rocks, her muscles tensing as she stared at him. She could feel the anger pounding in her veins, and it took only a split second's thought before she pushed herself off the rock in a massive leap, tackling the healer to the ground. A snarl ripped from her throat as she glared at him, her jaws parting to sink into his shoulder as she bit him hard. She wouldn't remain holding the flesh, instead withdrawing her head and leaning towards his face. "Where the hell have you been, you fucking bastard?" she growled, teeth still bared at him - bloody still. Oh, he so fucking deserved that.

"Speech"

As always, Starling's luck was rather limited, and of course she had noticed him. It wasn't like he just blended into the night, he was light enough to be seen even in the shadows. When she bolted right towards him, a small "eep" sound would bubble from her throat before he turned and started away as quickly as he could. But his speed was no match for her. No, not at all. He yelped loudly as she collided rather painfully with him, his body spiralling onto the earthen floor. He winced as his head connected with the ground, teeth gritting as he refused to yelp, but then the most excruciating pain the young healer felt burst through his shoulder as her teeth sunk into his tender flesh. He had sparred before, yes, but they had all been practice and the intent wasn't to harm. But her intent sure seemed to be. He whimpered, blue eyes closed tightly as he braced for any other attack. Heart raced in his chest, beating hard as adrenaline coursed through his veins. He had to run, he had to flee. He had to get out of here, and now. Her voice caused him to wince again, and he'd quickly open his eyes wide to look up at her. He wore his fear so prominately, his pupils dialated and his brows furrowed. This was the first time he'd been scared of Lillianna, and it was quite obvious he wasn't strong enough to fight her. He never had been, had he. "Lasciami!" He yelled, teeth gritting as he tried to get his paws under her, to kick at her with his hind legs to try and get her off so he can get away. Tears welled up in bright sky blue eyes as he felt her anger like fire searing through his fur and flesh and his anxieties and fear. Why the hell had he come home!? "Burn Baby Burn" || "Bruciare Bambino Bruciare"

Okay, she sort of felt bad.

Sort of. But only because he looked so terrified. She'd lean forward in his face as her lips slid over her teeth again, and her ears would be rammed forward on her head. He'd shout, and she'd identify it as italian - but whatever it was... "No," she said crisply, firmly, green eyes staring at him as she pushed further down with her weight in order to keep the slimmer, weaker male in place. "No, you aren't going anywhere," she added a second later, her voice suprisingly calm for the anger that glittered darkly in her eyes. Strong, sharp - clear and precise.

That cool rigid calmness would break as she leaned forward and nipped his ear - not hard, she'd already bitten him hard enough. But a nip nevertheless. "Really?" she growled under her breath in his ear. "Leaving, disappearing right after a siege like that, no trace to be found? No word, nothing?" Her voice seethed, but it was not a growl - it still, miraculously, held the precise cold that did not match the fire in her green gaze. Her voice would drop to a whisper, "You had me worried sick, Starling," she growled. It was a light growl, a hint of it in the shadow of her voice. She had been afraid that he had been hurt, or almost even worse, had left because of her, because of that fight, that she'd driven him from Abaven.

"Speech"

The blood slipped from his wound, warm at first but cooling so oddly in his tan fur. It was a small wound, simple punctures, but enough to bleed freely and hurt. He could feel his heart beat in it, pumping the blood to the wound in hopes of "healing" it, but only to be left to dry in his fur. He winced at the sound of her voice, at the way she pressed harder into him. He could feel her anger, feel his own fear, feel the tear as it slipped down his cheek and his jaws clenched tightly. He kept trying to get his hind legs under Lillianna, to try and push her off or at least scratch at her delicate underbelly. Anything, any way to get a leg up. He needed to get out, he was starting to panic. His breath was coming out in quick rushes, and his blue eyes darted around, searching for any escape. He could call for his brother nad his father, they would save him. But something kept him frozen, the same fear that had him trying to escape her. He knew he had been wrong, and now he was facing the consequences. "Lasciami! Lasciami andare. Lasciami andare!" He whimpered, yelping as she nipped his ear. That hurt! She seethed at him, breathing her anger into his very soul, as if every word were meant to be tattooed into him. He had left, yes, and he was probably so stupid for it. Which, well, he was. He whimpered again, closing his eyes tightly as he fought the tears that threatened to fall faster. "Y-y-you d-don-t-t u-und-derstand" He whimpered, his stuttering worse as he tried to get away. "I-I f-f-fail-led. I f-f-failed..." He whimpered, he cried, and it was the honest truth. He had been so nervous of failing that he had done so. He had sabotaged himself, and then he couldn't see there faces, and then too much time had passed. "Non sono riuscito. Non sono riuscito. Non sono riuscito. Non sono riuscito. Non sono riuscito." He repeated over and over and over again, like every time he said it would make it truer and truer, like should would understand better. Each time he said it, his voice became more and more pitched and more and more tighter, and the tears that he tried so hard to hide just slipped behind his eyelids. He had to get away... "Burn Baby Burn" || "Bruciare Bambino Bruciare"

The first of the anger would begin to fade - at his yelp. She frowned, concern starting to crack through the froth in her eyes. Yelp? Her nip was barely strong enough to be noticed. She made it a point there not to draw blood. Her downward force to hold him in place relaxed, and that concern would only increase as he stammered... and cried. With an abrupt movement - mostly because he was kicking - she'd lunge away and roll, but would come back swiftly, crouching next to the crying boy.

What...? Failed? Failed how? What the hell happened? Still, she did not regret the bite - only the reaction it caused. She would scoot closer even as his words - repeated and repeated and repeated oh god did she break him? She really hoped she didn't break him, that would be baaad. She'd nuzzle his neck, lick his ear, flinch at the feeling of something wet on her neck. Blood. Her head would dip to lick at the wound briefly. "You didn't fail anything, Star," she said firmly, nosing him again and licking right where his ear met the side of his face, right where it was most sensitive. No, she wasn't going to have him break.

"Speech" "Language" "Farrym"

Lillianna

Art by suicidalbandz

When she finally got off of him could he feel like he could breathe again. A soft, almost silent whine pulled from his throat, but he just laid there. He knew, almost instinctually, that if he tried to flee, she would be on him again. And he deserved it, oh he deserved it. He deserved everything for not being around, just like she had said. His shoulder throbbed, at the thought, and he would clench his jaw again. Failed, how? Well, lets see shall we? He would sigh a pitched breath, closing his eyes again as he felt her pity being pressed into his skin, her tongue on the wound she caused. He almost wanted to jerk away, but instead he just laid there and stared up at the stars. "I-I failed..." He whispered so softly, his voice heartbroken. "I-I w-wasn't there...for anyone...I c-couldn't d-do i-it.." He whimpered, brows furrowing again. "I-I'm n-not good enough..." With that he'd roll away to get back onto his paws, wincing as he put weight on his heart shoulder but he wouldn't look at it. He'd get to it later...at some point. "I-I'm..n-not g-g-good enough, Lillie..." He whimpered again, staring at the grass under his paws. "I'll j-just l-let y-you all d-down.." His eyes closed tightly then, and he refused to look at her. He couldn't help this wave of depression, his heart hammering in his chest. He just wanted to make them all happy, but he couldn't seem to do that. "Patetico... dovrei lasciare..." He cried almost silently, his head hung and turned from her. "Burn Baby Burn" || "Bruciare Bambino Bruciare"

Lillianna would listen silently to his words, and when he was done, whispered Italian, she would rise quietly and pad over and around him. She'd slide back down, completely on her belly. He was looking down at the ground, and with a sudden impulse, would stick her muzzle in the space between Starling's and the ground. By this point, the anger had mostly faded - that is, all the anger that didn't have to do with how stupid he was acting. Which was... half of it? maybe a third? another third of the anger was being taken over by exasperation.

"You're being stupid," she murmured matter-of-factly, a sigh leaving from her. "You haven't failed anyone, I promise. And not good enough? Not good enough for what?" She sighed again. She frowned at the Italian - more than ever she wished she knew more of the language. What had he just said? Nothing good, she would bet. "Stop that," she chided gently, voice softening from before. "You've not failed." Despite her anger at him for leaving, he had not failed. Merely hurt and worried her, so she bit him.

"Speech"

Starling blinked as her face suddenly appeared, and he'd quickly avert his eyes to try and not look at her. But he didn't move much more than that, not really. She was one of his closest friends, even if they fought like enemies sometimes and they both thought the other was incredibly stupid at times. It's what made their friendship good, at least they could tell each other the truth, even if it hurt. They didn't really say nice things to each other just because, so there was a truth factor there that he could trust. But this...his anxieties seemed to win out over any truth. His jaw would clench as she spoke, and he snapped his gaze back at her. "Io non sono stupido!" He seethed, perhaps a little too loudly as he looked at her with wide eyes. He wasn't, infact he was quite intelligent, and that was his problem. His mind spun constantly and he thought and thought and thought to the point that he couldn't shut it off. Sometimes he wished it would quiet and he could be recklessly impulsive, but instead he was constantly frozen by his fears. He glared halfheartedly at her before he looked away again, a soundless sigh slipping from his lips. "I c-could kill s-someone...if I'm n-not careful..." He whispered softly, his voice shaking. "I-I want...I wish I c-could be strong, L-lillie...I w-wish I c-could b-be a warrior...l-like my f-father...I w-want to b-be there f-for e-everyone, and I k-keep falling sh-short..." He whimpered. "I-I'm n-not g-good enough..." "Burn Baby Burn" || "Bruciare Bambino Bruciare"

Ugh. He shifted away from her. But then she spoke... and he reacted! In Italian. Grinning, she tried to decipher what was said. Stupido... stupid? Non... non sounded like not, so she'd wager a guess he said he wasn't stupid. There we go, now he was back and not blubbering like an idiot! That was the Star she knew. She chuckled at his seething, and would aim a large, huge, sloppy kiss across his nose, grinning wickedly with her eyes twinkling. It only increased when he sent her the glare. There there, that was much better.

Despite that playfulness, it would not take long for her expression to sober up when he next spoke, the glittering light in her eyes being replaced with a seriousness. "With herbs?" she questioned, head tilting. "I wouldn't worry about that - you're always careful." And yet, he'd keep talking, and she'd keep listening. Him? A fighter? She nearly scoffed. He was no fighter, nor would he ever be. "You aren't falling short or failing anyone," she restated patiently. "You're just worrying to much. You aren't a warrior - you don't bite people's faces off - but what you do is just as important. You heal the people who get their face bitten off... case in point," she explained, lifting her muzzle up in an attempt to bump his chin. It was true, he'd never be a warrior, but what was the use of a warrior that could never get healed? They would fall, fall quicker than a leaf.

starling stared at her, snorting as he kissed his muzzle. He quickly reeled back, lifting a paw to rub at his face as his eyes quickly shifted away. He was angry, he was upset, and she seemed to be happy about it. Maybe later when his mind was cleared he would know why but for now his eyes just narrowed a fraction more. But then he sighed, almost like he'd given up and for a second he wondered why he was even talking to her. She didn't understand,  really. Being a healer with a father who really...had no time for the craft, it was hard. "N-no.…It's...wh-what if I m-miss diagnose s-someone...wh-what I-if I d-don't get th-there I-in ti-ime.…" He whispered softly, shifting on his paws. "B-being a h-healer I-is a l-lot more th-than just h-handing out m-medicine.…I-I h-have l-lives in m-my paws and g-goddamnit I-I c-can't even t-talk w-without a st-stutter!" okay so maybe he was still angry, as was evident in the volume and pitch his voice inclined as he spoke. His brows would pinch then, ears pulling back. "I-I k-know I'm n-not a w-warrior b-but I w-wish I w-were. I w-wish I h-had th-he co-onfid-dence….I w-wanna b-be s-someth-hing m-my d-dad c-can be p-proud o-of..." He whispered in a heart broken voice. He wanted so desperately to be something to be proud of. But instead he was a coward that could barely stand the thought of going home anymore and seeing disappointment in all their faces. "Burn Baby Burn" || "Bruciare Bambino Bruciare"

No, she didn't understand, but that wouldn't stop her from attempting to alleviate some of the badness. After all, what was so bad about it? He wanted to go a different path, wouldn't his father be proud regardless? Why did you need your father's constant interest to do something with your life? No, she far from understood.

She lifted her head, sighing softly. "If you misdiagnose someone, that probably means you're unsure to begin with, so you'd simply ask say, Harmony. It would be seen as a smart thing to do, I think." She smiled sadly at his next words, shaking her head. "That's part of the risk, Starling. I'd be terrified of that too." Her ears flickered back at his tone, and she whined quietly. Oh, she id hate this anxiety and worry in her friend; he would be a great healer, phenomenal, if he just got over it! Her ears flattened at his next statement, and she felt a flutter of anger that was not directed at him.

"Starling!" her voice was sharp, and she'd peer down at him as she had sat up abruptly. "You think your father isn't proud of you?" Lillianna shook her head roughly. "Star, look at me." If he did, she would try to meet her green gaze to his dull blue eyes. "He is proud of you. If he hadn't, do you think he would have told you about the siege before it happened? Do you think that he'd have you lead it? No. If he wasn't proud of you, then he wouldn't have done that. And true, you didn't heal any wounds yourself, but you led the healers who did. You were watching, you were the one in charge, and the others were gaining experience because of that. Bass shouldn't be anything less than proud of you, because you're something to be proud of!" Damnit, if he stopped freaking he'd be fine.

Watery blue eyes would look up at her, staring at her long and hard before dropping his gaze again. He clenched his jaw just slightly, before sighing. That was the problem...wasn't it. "I-if it's an e-emergency..." He whispered softly, gaze distancing as he stared at the ground. "I-if it w-were you...o-or Finch...or father, l-lark...shrike...Aunt Harmony, anyone I l-love a-and cherish, a-and I make a m-mistake..." He voice caught in his throat then, and he closed his mouth with a click! of teeth. He pulled in a shuddering breath, closing his eyes tightly again as if to block himself from the sights he was seeing in his mind. "I-i w-wouldn't b-be ab-able to l-live w-with m-myself..." He whimpered softly. But she continued on, as she was known to do. Her sharp voice harsh in his ears, causing him to wince and quickly look away again until she demanded his gaze. He would slowly life large blue eyes to her, meeting her eyes before she continued on. His ears were pressed back, his brows furrowed and he felt himself practically quivering with his anxieties. He just stared at her as she spoke, his voice and heart caught so tightly in his throat. He felt like he wanted to cry and scream in a single breath, but instead he just looked at her before slowly shifting his gaze to the left. "....b-but.." He whispered softly, shifting on his paws as if to make himself smaller. "I-i'm n-nothing like Lark..." He murmured softly. Perhaps that was his biggest thing. He idolized his big brother, perhaps to too much of an extreme, and it greatly colored his vision of himself. He wanted to be like him, so much. "Burn Baby Burn" || "Bruciare Bambino Bruciare"

A soundless sigh would leave her as she met his eyes, and he voiced his worries. His eyes would drop as he began, and she'd say nothing, merely. listen. "Ohhh, Star," she sighed softly. "Don't worry so much. I believe in you. You wouldn't mess up. Believe in yourself a little." Her words would remain soft and quiet as she spoke, a distinct contrast to before. "Trust yourself, trust your training. You won't mess up. You're the best healer I know." That was no lie; while she did not know many healers, Starling was the most determined and the best of all of them, by such a far amount it was insane.

He'd wince as she continued speaking, berating him... but he met her eyes as she, well, demanded. Her gaze was firm, but not angry; it was determined. She felt bad for making him... well, like this, but he needed to hear this. And when his gaze drifted away, and he spoke... Lillianna felt like laughing and screaming at the same time. Nothing like Lark? Well, duh! They were two different people with two different specialties. They barely looked alike! She'd take a breath, and let it out in an explosive sigh, eyes closing briefly as she struggled with words. He was being a complete and utter idiot, and the only thing running in her mind were expletives that firmly described the idiot that he was being. "Oh, Star." She'd pause, again, having troubles. Eventually, she said the first thing that came to mind. "Of course you aren't, and I'm glad you aren't. Right now all I want to do is bite him for a completely different reason than I bit you." Because he was an ass. "But.. for real. You don't have to be a fighter for Bass to be proud. He may not understand herbs, but that doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate it. Seriously. I wouldn't, personally, want you to be anything like Lark. You're your own person, and everyone appreciates that. You're one of the best healers. And, Lark also knew about the siege, right? It seems like he's being prepped to be in charge of Abaven's warriors. You're being prepped to be in charge of Abaven's healers. You guys are equal, great in your own, different ways. Appreciate that. Stop trying to be what you aren't, what you can't, and belittling what you are." It was the root of the problem, and it just didn't make any sense to Lillianna.