For the Hundredth time Zori hopped from Astrea's shoulders to her head. The Star Dreamer could tell that her companion was worried for her. In the past week she had not been able to find anything to eat... not that she would have been able to catch it regardless, she felt the hunger sapping her limbs... Astrea sighed as she trotted toward home, she was going to be in big trouble if one of her siblings catch her. She had been gone from the family for a few weeks now, looking all along the northern coast looking and asking about little Illume. So had not wanted to come back home at all until she found the wayward child... but Zori would not rest until Astrea agreed and frankly it was a good call, to much longer and Astrea would not be able to move let alone search for the pup. Astrea had not intended to decline in health, in fact she tried her hardest to stay strong, that after all was the only way to continue to search for little Illume but even knowing that. Even knowing that Astrea could not bare to spend all day trying to hunt when she knew she would not be able to catch anything because she was terrible at hunting... So instead of feeding herself she had been looking high and low for her niece... and still have found nothing of her. Zori chirped into Astrea's ear startling her. The Star Dreamer looked around dazed, not even realizing that she had stopped... "Ok Zori, I will keep moving," Astrea softly called to her bird, her voice tired. She needed to get home so she could get a night of sleep, that was another thing she had not been getting much of. Every time she thought to lay down and maybe get a few hours she always thought back to the look in Volt's eyes, he looked... so broken... so lost... and with that image in her mind she was not able to sleep... at all. Astrea stumbled into the temporary home that her family had set up in the field next to the beach... Astrea wished that she could go to her cliff, that was the only place she could relax in recently, the only place she was calm enough to catch a nights sleep... but no the path up was under water and like her hunting she was not a good swimmer either. The Star Dreamer sighed as she moved to where the family was most likely to be curled up together to sleep... but thought better of it. She did not want her family to see her at her worst, but not only that, she did not want anyone to stop her from her quest. Astrea was determined to find her niece... even if it really did end up killing her.

To say that Voltage was waiting for Astrea was an understatement. Ever since she had up and disappeared...again, he had been practically pacing. Oh, sure, he kept himself busy planning parties and weddings. But he was always looking for her, always staring over the horizon to find her. He knew she had been here when the beach had been flooded but after that he hadn't seen a hair on her and he knew that she was out looking for Illie. The last time he had seen how tired she was he had meant to tell her to stay home, but....perhaps it was selfishness. Perhaps he had wanted her to find his daughter again. So when he saw her moving towards the Prairie, he was moving towards her before anyone could even take a breath. His paws pounded against the earth as he ate the distance between them, stormy eyes drinking in her appearance. She seemed absolutely wrecked. "Astrea.." He sighed out, not stopping until he could wrap her in his arms. He felt horrible, felt so selfish. She needed to be home. She needed to teach Glacier's children and help lead the wedding. She needed to be here and alive because he couldn't lose her aswell. "Stay home.." He whimpered softly, wrapping her tightly in his arms and hugging her close. "Burn Baby Burn"

Astrea was about to turn and head back the way she had came when Zori sent up a little cheep in warning before his energy surrounded her. He surrounded her as he seemed to rap himself around her, his paws pulling her close... Astrea wanted to cry... she wanted to run. To not look back. She felt the year of pain and suffering in his body, she felt his sadness and loss as her own, she felt the darkness that still seemed to drag at him... She felt all that and more as her brother pulled her closer, his voice almost pleading with her to stay... But she could not... She had felt that deep well of pain, felt it dragging him down, felt him sinking for far down into the depth that only a shock would pull him out, so she had tried, she tried to call to him with soft words first, telling him that she needed him, that they all needed him still... When that did not work his well of emotion seemed to cover her, making her feel what he was feeling, a sadness so bleek she was not sure how she would survive and fight to live let alone him, she had broken down with him, crying for him and his loss where he seemed unable... Then he told her that he did not deserve the happiness he had felt and that seemed to chase the sadness and darkness from her heart and replace it with anger. So she had lashed out, calling him out hoping the shock that he was acting like the very wolves he hated. It seemed to pull him out a little, not a whole lot but just enough for him to look to the other parts of the family and heal the cracks in his heart... Through all that Astrea had thought that Volt had hated her, had not cared if she lived nor died, and frankly Astrea was okay with that. She was fine if the only thing her dearest brother felt for her was contempt, that he never wanted to be close with her again. She was willing to give him up if he only continued to live, to fight the currents that wanted to take him under... So instead of staying Astrea had left, she went out into the world again, the dark world that still haunted her dreams at night to do what needed to be done... What still needs to be done. "No Volt, I cannot stay." It pained her to say it, hurt her deeply. Astrea moved away from him them, putting distance where there once never was. "I failed you and the family, this is the only way to make this better, to give the family back the thing that was lost that day. I cannot fail again Volt, if I do I may never find the light again to return." She looked up then, her eyes tracing the stars, knowing that they may never look the same again, she may never see them with all the wonder and glee that she once had, she could only see the darkness that now seemed so vast. "My star is fading Volt, with every new lose and failure my star dies a little more, I fear if I stop if will finally go out..." ""

There seemed to be only one wolf in the family that could make Voltage feel anger. Not even Serefina's raging fires could push him that far, not even Arcus' grumpiness and wild accusations. No, just...her. There was something about it that made him mad. Perhaps he wasn't used to others questioning his knowledge, or telling him his emotions were wrong. Perhaps he wasn't used to feeling looked down upon. Here was his star sister, the one he had helped rise from her anxieties, and she wasn't listening to him now. He stared at her as she pulled away, stormy eyes searching for hers. "What.." He began, the rare anger licking his words light heat from his lightning. "Now that you've gone on your journey and earned your rank, you think you know more than I do? As your brother and your alpha I demand you stay home." He said deeply, his voice a rumble of thunder as his eyes flashed lightning. And then he sighed, shaking his head. "You are no use to Illie if you die looking for her. We cannot lose you as well." His voice was grave and deep as he stared at her, trying to get it through her stubborness to just...listen to him. Because he knew. Dear god, he knew better than anyone. "I am expecting more children." His voice was tentative, words slow. He was nervous, anxious as he stared at her. "They will need their aunt. Stay home, get better. Be strong and let your star light shine so that my daughters can find their way home." He needed her to listen to him, to know that he knew what was best. "Please, Astrea..." "Burn Baby Burn"

Astrea could see his anger then, could tell that she seemed to be hitting a deep well of anger and desperation, he unleashed it on her. Calling her out on her journey away from the family, a journey that she needed to take to cast aside the child she once was, to give up the immaturity that had fallowed her those first years of her life... but he called her out on it, making it sound like it was for nothing, that she was merely playing out in that darkness that they called the world. Her own anger was sparked with that, a anger that seemed to only be called when Volt was at his most unreasonable. She narrowed her pale eyes at him, the feathers in her pelt rustling in the wind. "When have I ever said I know more than you? When have I ever even acted like that, I have never acted like I always know best, I point out things that may be missed merely giving advice when it is needed. If you take my advice or not if up to you." Her voice grew deeper as she continued, "So you know my feelings better then I do? Okay, lets test that, what am I scared of Volt? Why am I not able to sleep at night, even before little Illume was lost to us. What haunts me, what shadows eat away at my light? Tell me Alpha Voltage, what fear does your youngest sister hold near her heart?" How dare he assume her thoughts and feelings, as if she was still that scared insecure child that he brought home to the rest of the family. She had found herself those months she was out in those world but not only that but she found clarity to the shadows that had filled her, had began to understand them... "You do not want to push me Voltage, I may be your youngest sibling but I will not scavenge and beg for scraps." Then his tone changed slightly, a slight begging tone coming to his voice, but seeming to be hidden under his high and mighty tones. She laughed when he seemed to turn the very words she told him all those months ago back at her, but it was a bitter sound, one filled with the anger and distress that she felt at this very moment. It was a sound that never had before came from her, Voltage it seemed could bring out her most ugly emotions. "Cannot lose me, eh? Need me? Why? Why Voltage, I am nothing, nothing more than a passing thought most of the time, always pushed into the shadows, always forgotten until I am needed. Why is it Alpha Voltage that not ONE of my brothers or sisters ask me where I have been? Or ask if I had something to eat, or if I would like to sleep where it is warm? Why have you not seen the darkness that seem to hound me like nothing else?" Her voice grew softer as she looked down then at the ground between her paws. "Why does it seem none of my siblings are concerned with my fading light? That even before little Illume was gone that there was a shadow in my heart, no matter how hard I hide it one of you should have seen it flicker in my eyes." Why have no one heard my soft cries when I wake from my nightmares? "Even at home my light will fade, even safe and fed I will fad, the shadows I live in, Alpha Voltage, have covered me in a way your inattention have only fed... At least this way I am doing SOMETHING, I am fading for a reason..." It was true she felt the shadows draw on her, filling her like they had never before. Knew that her failures had cut at the light enough to let the darkness grow, and her families ignorance of this shadow had only made it harder for her to resist it. The only thing that seemed to keep her going was her nieces, the need to find little Illume and her promises to little Ray, those two purposes was why she was still going, why she got up from her bed and went on with her day...

He listened to her, quietly, his stormy eyes never leaving her. He listened to her so intently, didn't make a sound, didn't even flinch until she was finished. He felt his heart beat hard in his chest, but whats more was the flash of anger that could only rival Serefina's fires. And in that moment...he was ashamed. "Call me "alpha Voltage" one more time..." He whispered slowly, staring at her in warning. He was mad, he was pissed, because she was being so incredibly selfish! How dare she. "I have put my life to the floor for you. For all of you." He said deeply, rumbling as the fur along his neck rose. "And you are thinking of no one but yourself! Were you there when I lost my daughter? No, you only compared me to our parents. I have been here for you from the start. I have seen your light, I have tried to raise you above the darkness that you can see. I have tried to do that for each and every one of you." His eyes flicked to the left then as he sighed deeply, feeling sparks flicker along his fur, feel the heat at his paws. "When was the last time you asked me how I slept? Don't you think it's odd that I'm always awake for sunrise, yet I can stay up most of the night watching the stars for you? Don't you think it's odd that I have been there for each of you, to enjoy your elements while I flee from mine? You are all constantly on my mind to the point that I have absolutely no time for myself. And do you know what? I don't mind. It's not about me, it never has been." He just wanted to make it clear to her, wanted her to know. Wanted her to see that it wasn't all about her, and at the same time how much he cared about her. And then he curled his lips, turning his head away as he gritted down his anger. He couldn't handle this. She was acting like a child. "You are terrified of being alone." He said softly then, looking back at her. "You are scared that you are on the outside of this family that you constantly put yourself there. But do you know what, Astrea? You are just as important as any of them. If you don't believe me, after all these years that I have tried so hard to show you that you are, then...I just...I don't know what to say anymore." And he was tired, so tired of all of this. He was tired of her woe is me. He was tired of constantly having to show her that she was important. "The darkness is in your mind, Astrea. You are your own worst enemy. Look to the light, for once, see the positives, and maybe you'll finally understand what I'm saying." And then he turned, swivelling on his paws and stepping away. He was tired. So so tired. "Go then, do what you think is best. But please, don't make me mourn another family member." He whispered then, sadness in his deep tones, stormy eyes set on the ground and a sigh on his lips. He needed Glacier... "Burn Baby Burn"

Astrea could see the shift, could see when the anger seemed to intensify then seep from him, she felt shame. Shame at herself. She sat then, her head hanging, he was right, she was scared, more then anyone. She always felt the outsider, always seeming to do the wrong thing at the wrong time, never seeming to get anything right when it mattered the most, maybe she had not changed as much as she thought, maybe sh was being a selfish brat again... "I'm sorry..." Was all she said, her life seeming to crash around her, she thought that was what she was needed to do, she thought that he had not wanted her around... Its not like she never wondered why he was awake at night, but she always was thankful when he was, took it for granted. But it seemed that she broke the soft feelings that he once had for her, maybe she had really messed up big time. "I'm sorry," she said again, her sadness and shame showing in her voice, her head hanging so low that she was almost bend double. Was this it? Could she move on from this? Could she began looking away from the darkness that fallowed her through life and move into the light again? She did not know, she yes may have matured in some things but she had not in others, she could not seem to get her paws under her, she could not seem to do the right thing and that shame filled her her eyes watering in silent tears of frustration, at herself. Why did she do this? Why did she act this way to the ones she loved? Why did fear eat her up and leave only a husk of herself behind, why did she pull her brother, who seemed to have pulled himself forward, through the darkness with her. She kept her eyes trained on the spot between her paws and let the tears land in the earth there. "I'm sorry." She whispered, not knowing if he would understand what she was apologizing for. So much she needed to, so much she had missed and disregarded for her selfishness... "I'm sorry."

Reguardless of it all, reguardless of the anger that swelled within him, despite the white hot heat that flared in his chest, he still loved her. Above everything, Voltage was always a family man, and he would always put himself aside to be there for his siblings. So the moment that he heard her soft voice, heard those gentle sniffles, he sighed and stopped. Slowly he lifted his eyes, turning towards her. She was bent in half, crying and he knew he had struck a nerve. For a moment he stared, listening to her quiet but broken apologies. He didn't quite regret saying it to her. Sometimes they all got lost in their own pain that they forgot to really...see what was real. For a girl that constantly looked to little fires in the sky, she certainly lived in the darkness. Stormy eyes would soften as he turned fully towards her, just staring at his youngest sister. She didn't understand, really. She couldn't! She could say that she did, but she wouldn't know exactly what Voltage and Glacier had been through, what they dealt with every day. Just like he wouldn't know exactly what she was going through. And that was okay, that was how it was supposed to be. He was happy she didn't face the challenges he had in his life. And he sympatized with her, because he knew darkness. He knew lonliness. He could understand her feelings. So he sighed, a small smile touching his face as he stepped towards her. Gently, he'd lift a paw to push her chin up. "I am probably the most emotional wolf in existance." He said softly, just looking down at her. And it was a good thing. He might not be the clearest thinker, but he felt everything. "So if you ever think no one knows what you feel, you are very wrong. I know everything." All sign of anger had fled, and his eyes were just soft as he looked down at his sister. "We all get caught up in our own troubles that we forget sometimes, to ask how you are doing. Just like you might forget to ask us. But you must never forget, that we love you so much and you are never alone." His voice was deep, soft, his best big brother voice. "Thank you for looking for my daughter, Astrea. But I think it's time for you to stay home. It's spring, and we are going to be having a wedding here. I want you there and I don't want you tired." He'd step forward to envelope his sister in his embrace, sighing so softly as he rested his cheek against hers. "Why don't we go to the cliffs. You can tell me a story, hmm?" "Burn Baby Burn"

She felt him move, sure that he was leaving her, telling her that he no longer cared for her. Insecurity filled her then, and a bit of panic. What is she going to do without her family? She wasn't Arcus, she could not live in that big dark world by herself, she did not have a well spring of emotion and storms to keep her tender heart safe, she would die, so unable to care fro herself. But she would not stay if Volt turned his back on her, she could not, could not live with the ache in her heart if she did. But it was all moot as his warmth seemed to surround her again, envelop her in his feelings for her, his love and the fear he must have been feeling for her health. Silent tears still streaming down her face she allowed Volt to lift her head and she looked into his eyes as he talked. She had understood that everyone was busy, she really did but as days turned to months and no one seemed concerned with her failing heath, and lets be real, it was failing long before little Illume was lost, the dark resentment seemed to swell. She had hardly slept those few weeks, hardly ate. The darkness that filled her soul slowly creeping up on her, her nightmares haunting her. All she had needed was someone other than one of the pups to ask her, to open the dam so she can get her fears out, but no one had, so the fear festered and expanded... leaving her almost broken. Astrea nodded at Voltage as he told her to stay home, not that she could turn and leave if she wanted too. She was too emotionally and physically tired to even stand, but when Volt spoke of the cliffs she almost perked with a happy smile, but the shadow of it was lost quickly, she was too raw for happiness to take root in her inner light. "Yes," was all she said as she got to her paws and started to make her way to the cliffs, her heart injured like nothing before. When she arrived at the cliffs she took her normal perch and then look down at the ground, not wanting to see the things that called her name and be unable to reach them, a fitting metaphor for her life it seemed. She always reached out, always wanted and needed but was able to achieve her goals. "I am scared Volt. I was scared that you hated me for what I said, but I had not wanted to hurt you, only pull you out of your sorrow. You where wasting away, I could see your soul slowly fleeing your body and kind words and sentiments did not help... So I had struck at the most sensitive part of your heart, hoping to do what time and kindness did not seem able to do. I could not lose you to the tides of disrepair, the family... no I needed you. Volt I love all my siblings but it was you who have the most sway over me, you who can cut me deepest, but it is also you who can uplift me, who make me feel just as special as everyone seem to think I am If you where gone... how could I leave the dark to shine in the light? You do that not only for me Volt but for every one of us, if we had lost you our heart would have died. So with no thought to myself I lashed out, hoping to start your drift to shore... I am sorry I hurt you, that was not what I meant to do." She hoped he understood what she was saying, but even if he did not, she at least tried, it had bothered her to see his dark look when she said those things to him and seeing that fake smile the only other time she saw him nearly broke her for good, she had thought that he had hated her, was merely giving her that fake smile because he no longer cared... "I live in the dark but thrive in the light, Volt." She looked at him, her dream quest still fresh in her mind, she had saw many things that night with the shamaness and that was made clear to her, as none of the other lessons had.