Breaking Me Down
She couldn't take it anymore. Had she done everything wrong? Was Mercy right? Lykos hated her, and she felt in her heart of hearts that her other kids did too. She had tried so hard to be the best parent she could be, to give them a life that they deserved. And still, it didn't seem like it was enough. It was never enough! No matter how hard she tried, no matter how much she fought...it was never enough. She felt like her entire being was shattering, breaking her down until there was nothing left. So she ran.
Tanaraq followed her, staying above to keep an eye on the injured and bloodstained alpha. She said nothing, knowing there was nothing she could say that would help her brokenhearted friend. As Avalon ran, her shoulder began to bleed again as her legs pushed her farther away from the territory. Maybe...maybe they would be better off without her. They didn't listen to her, didn't respect her...so they probably wouldn't even notice that she was gone. They probably wouldn't even care about the bloodstained snow that littered the territory. Instead of running to Vereux, she had run away. She didn't want anyone to see her like this, a straight up failure.
By the time her breath began to run out and her body aching and throbbing, night had fallen. And she was in a place that she'd never visited before. And still, her legs pulled her up an incline until she wound up at the top. A field of flowers and a starry night greeting her, but she was far from awed at the sight. Her breath came out in ragged gasps, legs shaking and heart pounding painfully against her chest. A trail of blood and tears left in her wake.
When she finally came to a stop, she felt like she might collapse. Her throat tight as her gaze stayed fixed ahead. The ground up ahead seemed to end, so the woman would slowly walk forward until her paws kissed the edge of the earth. Below her, rocks and water clashed together in a dull explosion of sound. Dull amber gaze stared at the sight below, the wind lightly buffeting her fur. She felt defeated. She felt older then she'd ever felt before. This pain felt worse then what she had received as a slave...it was breaking her apart.
Slowly, her gaze would follow the sight of Tanaraq as the white falcon soared higher. The stars seemed...closer here. The moon bigger, it's shine casting a surreal glow over her and the lands. She felt that she could touch the sky, a single leap could do it...right? Tears began to fall again, dropping until they became swallowed up by the sea. Silently, she wept. And no matter how badly she wanted to scream, she simply couldn't. Maybe...it would be better if she was gone. Ivalice would probably be better off in someone else's hands...she had tried so hard...and she felt like everything was turning against her. Keeping her gaze on the sky, she just had to take one...more...step...
"Avalon!" |
It had been quite a few rough weeks, and the fate of Abaven was hanging in the balance. He still had no idea who was going to step up to the plate and take over as alpha, or if he was just going to run a pack until the day that he died. Bass sighed, and he needed to go for a bit of a walk. Since his talk with Avalon he had felt a little bit better, just taking it day by day at this point. So he left pack lands, just wandering aimlessly through the east. He remembered the days that he and his sister ran across the lands without a care in the world. But all of his siblings vanished, and he had no idea if they were ever going to return home. He hadn't even seen Rhythm or his niece and nephew. It broke his heart, he had hardly been able to even get to know them. The aging man kicked at a rock, watching it skip across the grasses and he followed its path, winding around larger rocks and a tree until he looked down where it rested. He considered just following it where ever it went, but then the scent of blood crossed his nose. The pale man stopped, sniffing the air to better pin point it. It was at that moment that he realized that he knew that scent. That was Avalon. His heart started to pound faster as he raced after her trail, the blood smelled so fresh. He was worried for his friend, and his tongue lolled out of his mouth as he ate the ground under his paws. He started up an incline, and he knew that she was on top of the Moontouched Cliffs. His sides heaved with effort, he had to slow as he reached the peak of the hill. It was getting dark, and his yellow eyes had not yet adjusted to the suddenness of the sun setting. Squinting, he tried to find her on the top of the cliffs, when Avalon's name was called from above. He looked up and saw a white falcon gliding against the expantion of stars, and looked where it was looking. It was there that he saw Avalon, standing on the very edge of the cliff. One of her paws was off, and his heart dropped to his paws. Without even thinking he booked it behind her, skidding to a halt and roughly grabbed her scruff. He tossed her backwards with all his might, aiming to loom over her fallen body. His nostrils flared with anger, but his brows were pulled together in concern. "What the actual fuck, Avalon?" he roared, his lips curling back from his teeth. He was mostly reacting out of fear, what would have happened if he didn't come up here, or catch her scent? Her dead, broken body would wash up along the shore, that's what. His chest puffed out as his sides heaved in and out, his hot breath on her face. He was not going to get off of her, not until he knew that she wasn't going to just walk off a fucking cliff. From what he knew about the blonde marked alpha, which wasn't a lot, he didn't think of her to be suicidal. Yellow gaze flickered to her shoulder that was open and profusely bleeding. Oh crap, this was not good. Shit! Why didn't he listen when Starling when he would talk to him about healing? He needed to stop the bleeding... ummm. Moss! That was it. Looking up at the bird who had spoken, he tried to catch it's gaze. "Go get me some moss, lots of it!" he demanded, a growl in his tone. |
Was she wasting her time? She felt like it. Nobody needed her. For so long all she wanted was to feel needed. And while there were some that wanted her, nobody truly needed her. It seemed that no matter how much she loved on her kids, they all took the independent route. Did she try too hard? Was she smothering them? Was she not giving them enough attention? So many things reeled through her mind, that even when Tan shouted out her name, she didn't hear it. She felt like she was in some sort of trance. The world around her had gone completely silent, the only sound was the pounding of her heart in her ears. She had lost the happiness that she thought she had found. And was convinced that all she deserved was to live in misery, to forever remain in the pits of whatever hell life decided she was to live in. She had tried so hard to figure out why...but she could never find the answer.
Just as the earth fell away from her feet, she suddenly felt a pain in her skin. A sudden gasp escaped her as she was thrown backwards, the ground meeting her back with a dull thud and the sudden motion jarring her numb body. She barely heard the angry words, tear filled eyes opening to focus on the creature looming over her. Amber gaze that was once fiery and bright, was now defeated and dull. The emotional turmoil clear within her broken gaze. "Bass?" what was he doing here? Her words came out a broken whisper, the woman lying there beneath him. She didn't even attempt to stand, the alphess too tired to even move.
One ear would barely move when he called to Tan to bring moss. Her eyes showed confusion for a moment. Moss? What did she need moss for? She was so out of it, that for the moment, she'd forgotten about everything else. Through her blurry vision, she watched as Tan soared away to find what was asked of her. Her attention would somewhat return to the angry alpha, her heart pounding against her chest. She didn't know what to say...she barely registered what had almost just happened. "I..."She what? She had no idea what to tell him. But before she could think about what to say, a light thud sounded next to them.
"Here. I've gathered as much as I could." Tanaraq hopped closer, moss in her beak and talons as she placed it next to them. A stern but worried look watched them, and she knew how distressed Avalon was. Looking at the cream alpha, she would speak. "She's lost a lot of blood from her wounds...but I fear she's wounded in more ways then just physically..." She watched as Avalon remained quiet. If she didn't, or couldn't speak...then tan would fill him in on what he needed to know. |
She just whispered bis name, and he saw the pain in her eyes. In the depths of his anger, his heart broke for her. It was clear that something horrible had happened, but he smelled nothing through the mixture of their packs and blood. All he got as a reply was a stuttered out letter, and he growled softly. He needed to know what the hell was going on here. When he told the bird to go get moss, they came back without fighting him, dropping bundles of it beside Avalon. The falcon sounded like a she, so he settled on that for now. "Can someone tell me what the fuck happened here? Avalon you look like you've been through hell and back..." His voice still carried his rage, but a hint of his concern bubbled up to the surface. Looking between her companion and her broken face, he waited for answers. Grumbling multiple curse words under his breath, he bent the front half of his body and grabbed the moss, pressing it firmly against her bleeding shoulder. He knew shit about healing, and he was tempted to call for one of his kids. Looking back at the falcon beside them, and idea came to mind. "You, I know that you probably don't want to leave Avalon, but she needs help. I am going to howl for my daughter, Finch. Listen for her returning howl, and go to her. I saw her before I left, she can give you some herbs and tell you what to do. Because I don't like flowers and shit. Then bring whatever she brings you back. Got it?" He was all in full blown alpha mode, but part of his fatherly side was showing. He wasn't just going to leave his friend here like this. Quickly tipping back his head, he called out for Finch, asking where she was. He fell silent until he heard her return call, concern clear in her answering howl. Letting out a huff, he lowered his head and looked back at hia battered friend. Without even checking to see if she left, Bass turned back to Avalon. Giving her a long look, he realized that she wasn't getting up any time soon. With a grunt he stepped away from her, leaning down and taking her scruff in a more gentle manner. Taking no risks, he attempted to drag her a few feet away from the edge of the cliff. You know, just in case she tried to roll off or something. Going back to grab the moss, he laid down at her sidd and pressed the moss firmly against her with his two front paws, laying in an almost L with her. Sighing, he felt his anger starting to simmer down. "Talk to me, and I will listen," he said softly, looking at her dull, almost lifeless eyes. Bass couldn't look any longer, this wasn't the woman he met on his borders. This was far from the nervous, excited new alpha who had greeted him so kindly. What on earth happened that she suddenly wanted to just walk off a cliff? She had a family, and a pack! It must have been something bad to break a wolf this hard. |
She shut her eyes and looked away from him. How could she even begin to explain? She felt like everytime she tried to speak, her words would catch in her throat. She whined, a low pitiful sound rising in her throat. Tanaraq would sigh, getting the feeling that Avalon would not talk yet. She moved slightly out of the way so Bass could tend to her friend, and she would frown. "She had a fight with a trespasser, I don't remember her name, but she knows who it is...afterwards, she sought out her son while I went to alert our healer. By the time I got back, it was already the tail end of their confrontation...I'm not sure what was said between them, but...it led to this..." She looked towards Avalon then, the falcon feeling powerless. "I'm afraid you'll have to wait until she tells you exactly what happened...I'm sorry I don't know more."
Tan's head lifted as Bass spoke to her. She didn't take into account that she hadn't told him her name, but she'd been so focused on Avalon that it was at the back of her mind. She listened carefully, nodding in understanding. Granted, she didn't want to leave Avalon...but she felt that she could trust this wolf. Besides, she had no choice. Take care of her while I'm gone..." With one last look at her friend, she would take off into the air in search of Finch.
The tears would hardly stop, eyes shut as she laid there on the ground. She didn't move when Bass had started to pull her away from the edge, her mind still numb and reeling from all that had happened. When was the last time that she felt like this? Probably when she had been enslaved, the pain and hopelessness had taken over her life then, and it was back to haunt her. Finally, when he stopped dragging her and set to applying moss to her shoulder wound, the numbness was slowly beginning to fade. Her ears twitched when he spoke to her again, a low whine following suit. Could she tell him? He had just gone through his own problems, she didn't want to burden him with hers. But the more she tried to fight it, the more her chest tightened. "They...they hate me...I failed..." Her voice came out a broken whisper, her throat tightening again as her emotions threatened to consume her. "I...tried...so hard...I can't..." She began to choke on her words. She'd fought for so long, and everything began to crumble around her feet. |
When she heard her fathers call, concern filled her right away. She answered his howl, letting him know where she was. Finch was in Abaven, for once it would seem. She was very confused at what was going on, he sounded far away and like he was angry. But after awhile when he didn't show up, she got even more worried. Finch started to pace back and forth, letting out a soft whine as she waited. Her blue eyes scanned the horizon as she waited, and Civetta circled over head. What on earth was going on? Was he hurt? Did something really bad happen? Shifting in the far away plains, all the pale girl could do was wait. |
His gaze shifted to the falcon as she spoke in place of Avalon, saying that she had fought a trespasser. His brows rose, well, that would explain the shoulder thing... How had she run all the way here from the north like that? That's probably why she had lost so much blood... She should have gotten this looked at a lot sooner. When the bird mentioned having a run in with her son, he flinched slightly. Had they not just talked about this when she came to see him last? He looked back at the bleeding woman, a large sigh leaving his mouth. That was why she probably looked so injured, whatever they had talked about, it wasn't good. This whole situation was just starting to sound more and more at home. Not that he had had that big of a fight with his children before, but he had a huge falling out with his sister. The words that they had tossed at each other... well, more like what he had said to her. Banishing her from her home, telling her that she could never come back. His pale ears clung to his head as it slowly shook back and forth. Poor Avalon, he couldn't imagine if he had that big of a fight with his kids, something that would drive him to just ending his life... The male swallowed hard, nodding at the bird as a way of thanks. He didn't think that he could talk right now, his anger ebbing away. It just made him feel tired, now that he didn't have all that energy to drive him after her. Looking at her dull eyes just broke his heart, and he felt like he was at a loss of what to say. After the commands were barked out at Avalon's feathered friend, he turned all his attention back to her. She told him to look after her, and Bass just nodded. Of course he would, that's why he was sending her to Finch after all. He almost scoffed, but he just left it alone. Avalon didn't even fight against him as he pulled her backwards, which was good. He doubted that he would have been able to do if she resisted. Pressing against the moss, he waited for her to reply. It took awhile, but when she did, it was a choked whisper. She hardly got out anything at all before she completely broke down, causing Bass to sit up and nuzzle the side of her neck. "Shh, Avalon it's okay. Can you tell me what happened? Why do you think you have failed them?" he asked in hushed tones, not letting up on the pressure he was applying on her shoulder. He knew that feeling, he was going through the same thing as well. But he had been a lot more... dare he say reasonable, with his emotions. There was no cliff walking for him. Avalon was very fragile right now, he knew that. He was taking on a very soft voice with her, almost like he was dealing with a child. In a way... he was. She was broken down to almost nothing right now, stripped of everything as she was just dealing with her raw emotions. She didn't have to talk to him either but he was doing all he could to show her that he was here for her. |
Tanaraq flew a few miles in search of the male's daughter. From her vantage point in the sky, she was sure she'd have no trouble in finding the girl. But it was also night time, and had the girl not responded to her father's howl then Tan was sure she'd have more trouble finding her target. Luckily, however, as she drew closer to the territory, she spotted a pale figure below. Could that be her? The way the wolf paced made it seem like she was waiting for something, so Tan would quickly glide down until she touched ground a few feet away. "Are you Finch? Your alpha sent me to bring back supplies." She peered at the girl, her tone serious. She wasn't sure if she wanted to name the patient that needed help, so she opted to keep it anonymous. "My friend is injured, your father is with her. She has a bad shoulder wound, and many other wounds that are bleeding. We've used moss to staunch the worst of the bleeding, but it might not be enough" She thought for a second, thinking that perhaps Avalon could use something to calm her down as well. "And if you have anything that might calm a distraught creature, that would be of great help." She would wait paitently, and should the girl need anymore information then she would provide it.
The tears would not stop. Why? It was a question that didn't need an answer. She knew why. And the more she kept thinking about it, the more her heart shattered. She didn't know why she hadn't run to Vereux. She didn't know why she hadn't sought out his comfort instead of running away. But perhaps, somewhere in the back of her mind, she felt like she just couldn't. He was more broken then she was, what could he have done? There was nobody else in the pack she could turn to in a time like this. So she ran away. And when Bass touched her neck, his voice soft and soothing, she would close her eyes as her head turned to seek the warmth of his chest. She rested her head on the ground, her head sitting between his forepaws as her face pressed into his fur. She didn't want him to see her this way. She didn't want him to see her cry like this. But maybe it was already too late for that? "I...had a fight with Lykos..." She murmured. Her voice slowly gaining just a little but of control, though still shaky.
"Mercy...she...she was right...I'm not a worthy alpha...Lykos...he betrayed my trust...he kept...twisting everything I was saying..." She recalled the confrontation. She recalled everytime before that. Not once had he truly understood anything she had said. He chose to twist her words into the worst possible thing he could think of. Making her seem like everything she was doing was wrong. "Everything that was said...my heart kept breaking..." She moved her head away, pulling back as her brows furrowed. She recalled the look in his eyes. The coldness in his voice. "I could see the hatred in his eyes...the coldness in his voice...he said he would rather follow a girl like Mercy...that I wasn't worthy of following...so I told him he would no longer be the heir..." Her lip began to quiver, eyes squeezing shut again as her head shook back and forth. "I did everything I could to raise my boys right! I loved them to death, even when their father abandoned them! I tried so hard to make a good life for them...what did I do wrong?" Tear filled eyes looked up at the cream male, a look that seemed to be begging for answers that she was sure she'd never find. "What did I do wrong?"
She wouldn't wait for an answer to that. Her throat tightening again as her body began to feel the effects of pain and exhaustion. She recalled the last time she'd talked to Bass, his question ringing in her head. She supposed the moment she had, was what he was talking about. "Remember...when you asked me, if I had felt the pull between mother and alpha...?" She took a shaky breath. Trying hard to keep her voice steady, but it seemed the more she thought and talked, the more it wanted to falter. "I felt it..." Tears fell again, just when she thought they would go away. "I tried so hard Bass...to make them happy...to find happiness...but every time I try...every time I think I've found it...I feel like it's torn away...Ivalice wasn't enough for them...everything I tried wasn't enough...they won't even let me try to be happy..." She dropped her head to the ground again, eyes squeezing shut as she took a shuddering breath. "Maybe...I don't deserve to be happy..." She'd whisper, throat tightening as she thought about everything in her past. Nobody else knew what she had gone through. Nobody else really knew her story. It was a burden she had lived with her whole life. But she felt like she couldn't carry it anymore... |
Finch wouldn't stop pacing, her mind spinning constantly as she tried to figure out what as going on. So when the bird landed beside her, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Squeaking, she spun around and faced the falcon, not surprised when she spoke. Civetta landed on her head, stunned into silence for once. She had never met another bird who could talk like the wolves could! Well, except Stella. Finch was glad that the bird was silent though, the task seemed to be dire indeed. "Y-yes, I'm Finch," She listened to what she had to say, her brows knitting together. She wasn't the healer in the family, but she had seen her father before he set out for a walk. Maybe that's why she sent the bird to her, because he knew that she was here, unlike her other siblings. The pale girl nodded her head with a determined look, Starling had taught her enough about healing that she needed to do. Without saying anything, she turned and ran towards her brothers herb den. As she ran, she thought about what she needed. Gathering it up as quickly as she could, she wrapped it in one of Starling's rabbit pelts and raced back towards the bird. When she got back, she was panting hard. It took a moment for her to catch her breath, and she opened the furs to point everything out. Her father was helpless when it came to herbs, so she knew that she needed to be specific. "Okay, if the bleeding hasn't stopped yet, put the lambs ear on it. It won't work for her shoulder wound, just lesser cuts. They are the soft, fussy looking leaves. The lavender, the one that smells very floral, she needs to eat. It will calm her down, The horsetail, the long, stringy looking plant, needs to be crushed and applied to the bad shoulder wound, it will help seal it up and keep it from becoming infected," Finch said all in a rush, pointing with her nose as she went along. It didn't sound like her own voice to her ears, as she tried to best to channel Star and all he had taught her. "The meadowsweet, the plant with the small white flowers, she needs to eat that. It will help with pain and give her some energy as well," Her brown brother had told her about wintergreen, but it was rare and he didn't have any left here, this would all have to do. Turning back to the bird, she nodded her head as she finished. "If you need anything else, come back okay?" With that, she stood back and watched the falcon until she flew away. -exit Finch- |
Bass was shocked when the taller woman snuggled into him, he froze slightly and blinked rapidly. It was rather unexpected and rather brash, but she was emotional right now. So he let out a sigh and relaxed into her, draping his head over top of hers in an effort to console her. Years as a father would do that, and he wanted to do all that he could to help his friend. Gently he licked the top of her head, seeking to offer her any comfort. A part of him was afraid for her, scared of what would happen to the woman that he had found an easy friendship in. The pale mans ears perked when she started to speak, just grooming her fur as she went on. He did this to his kids when they had been upset, and he felt like he was parenting her right now as well. His heart twinged for her, but he was curious when she mentioned Mercy. Wasn't that the pale woman who was in Imperium? He had seen her at the siege, but didn't know anything else about her. Was she the one that did this? Why? Her speech was only bringing forth more questions in his mind, but he didn't dare speak until she got everything out. That was, until she asked what she had done wrong. The Abaven alpha pulled back sharply, rolling his shoulders forward in hope of pushing her own head forward so he could meet her gaze. His own yellow eyes were narrowed into fierce slits, a low rumble sounding in his throat. "You did nothing wrong. No matter how much we parent and love our kids, they are going to turn into who they were destined to be. We can try to shape and mold them all we want, but they only revolt further into their own wolf. A parent can only do too much before their personalities take over," he said with a grumble. He knew this personally with Starling. No matter what he and his kids tried, he still thought that he was nothing. It was infuriating, but it took him realizing the mistakes that he had made to come back and apologize. Hopefully the same would happen with Lykos. He nodded when she brought up their last meeting, knowing that feeling oh so well. She spoke about not deserving to be happy, and in that moment he realized how much in common she had with Star. It shocked him, so much so that all he could do was look at her and blink. He was surprised at the irritation that flared up in him, but he felt like he had been through this so many times. "Your worth is something that you create yourself. Your happiness is your responsibility and yours alone. You cannot have others carry you emotionally through life; you're not your own wolf if you do this," He said, his voice slightly hoarse. He was trying to keep the angst he felt from his voice, which made it come off at broken as it did. How many times had he said those words to Starling? How many times did he have to affirm his pride in his own son before he finally saw it? Just how much would he have to say to her for her to see it? |
Tanaraq waited as the girl set off after listening to her request. She wasn't sure if she should follow or not, so she remained where she was. She didn't have to wait long for the girl to return, and quickly the out of breath Finch explained to her what each herb did. Tan listened carefully to the instructions, sharp eyes watching carefully to make sure she didn't miss anything. It sounded easy enough, surely there would be no problem. She nodded her head in thanks to Finch, "Thank you. You're a real life saver." She didn't wait any further as she grasped the bundle carefully and securely in her talons before making her way back to the pair of wolves.
The touch from Bass was comforting. With his head resting over her, she felt a little better. A little safer. But her heart still ached, and she didn't know when that would ever heal. Betrayal seemed to be a constant part of her life, first Newol, and now her kids. Or at least, one of them so far. That was how she felt. The loneliness she often felt was too much, and all she truly wanted was a family that would stick by her, maybe not forever, but longer then they were now. Was that too much to ask? Perhaps. Perhaps she was setting her dreams too high. But that's what she'd always been, a hopeful dreamer. It was all that had kept her going, and even when it wasn't quite what she wanted, she still kept that hope. She felt like she was calming a little as he comforting licked her. It was...strange. Nobody had really ever tried this much to really comfort her, and it was so new to her that she didn't know what to think. But she allowed it, and she wouldn't pull away too much. It felt...nice. To feel like someone truly cared instead of just saying things that might or might not help. Honestly, she didn't think anyone in Ivalice had the kind of wisdom and experiences that Bass did. Half of them didn't even have kids. And Vereux? He hardly ever talked about his, so she felt like he wouldn't really understand.
She then felt him move, her head pulling up to look at him as he growled at her. Her ears flattened, wanting to look away but she knew she needed to look at him as he talked. He told her she did nothing wrong. But if that were true, why did she always feel like she was doing everything wrong half the time? Maybe deep down, she still had those insecurities she thought she had gotten rid of. Maybe she expected too much, and because of that, always got hurt in some form or another. She would look away as these thoughts came to her, question after question flooded her head.
She remained quiet until his next set of words, amber gaze returning to meet his. "All my life I fought for myself. I fought and I struggled to survive, Bass. Never have I expected anyone to carry me through anything, and nobody has even to this day." When she thought about it, it was pretty much true. She thought Newol would be the one, especially after that bond she felt they shared the first time they met, and then the spark when they had found each other again. But that had all been a lie. And then now with Vereux, he wasn't exactly the most stable wolf around. He always seemed to be depressed, and just took things as they came. Accepting whatever he thought he 'deserved' which was far from admirable. She felt like she was the only one ever comforting him, and never the other way around. And while she didn't mind comforting him, she just wished it had been reciprocated when she needed it. But of course, he wouldn't know that unless she told him. Until then, he would remain oblivious. Maybe that was why she ran away instead of going to him after the fight and everything. Starting her pack had made her feel confident, until half of the members decided they didn't need to do anything let alone listen to her. That was when her confidence began to wane, it made her really think that she was unsuitable for the position...there were many things she started to think about, but before she could voice them, Tan had returned.
"Sorry if I took longer then expected. Here are the herbs." The white bird unrolled the bundle, carefully spreading out the materials for them. "Your daughter said this can be used for the lesser wounds if they're still bleeding. The horsetail must be crushed, and then applied to your shoulder." She pointed at both in turn, moving them a little closer to Bass. The other two she pushed towards Avalon, "And you, need to eat the flower plants. Lavender and meadowsweet, they'll help you." Looking between them, she was sure they'd be able to manage now. "I'm going to go find some food for us." She eyed Bass then, the way a mother looked at her daughters guest as if judging him with a sharp look. "Hm.." Without another word, she took off into the sky again until she blended with the stars.
Avalon watched as Tan flew away, a sigh escaping her. "She's been more help to me then anyone else back home." She returned her gaze partly to him, partly to the ground between them. "It doesn't even feel like home anymore...I'm living with a group of strangers." |
As he moved her head to look at him, she met his gaze but he could see the uncertainty in them. He didn’t care though, just going on and saying what he needed to say. When she looked away from him he wondered if he had stepped over the line, and he tucked his chin towards his chest instinctively. With how emotionally unstable she was, he didn’t know if she would lash out or what. Sadness did an awful thing to one’s mind, and you could never be too careful. But she looked back at him, telling him that she had been fighting for herself all of her life. He blinked at her for a moment, feeling like he was missing a big back story there. He didn’t question her though, she had more than enough going on right now. Bringing up her past would probably only make it worse. But she had pretty much taken his words and shoved them right back down her throat. He was rather baffled and struggled to find words. He had thought that he had made a pretty good point but… apparently not. He didn’t know what it was like to be rejected by your own kid and he had no desire to do so. It sure did sound like she had a lot of issues though, more than they could cover in just one day. Before anything else could transpire between the two, the bird returned from her trip. Bass almost forgot that he had sent her out to see Finch, but his nose wrinkled when he saw the plants. The long frondy thing that she called horsetail was something he remembered from one of Starling’s lessons, and he knew that it involved chewing. At least the other two were for Avalon to deal with. Her other wounds seemed to be closed off for now, so he moved the soft looking leaves away. He took the horsetail in his mouth and started to chew, growling as he did so. Damn, this was so gross. Standing up, he spat it on the ground before pressing his paw in the paste and patting it gently on her shoulder. His tongue hung out of his mouth, and when he was done he wrinkled up his nose and ran his tongue over his teeth. Spitting out the rest of the stupid plant, he turned to the bird when she made a sound before taking off. A single brow rose as he watched her go, wondering what the hell that was about. Avalon spoke again, and he turned around to face her. Apparently her bird was the only one there for her, and a sigh left his mouth. "Abaven has gone through its dry spells, but I have never felt like it wasn’t my home. If you feel like that… maybe you need to just get rid of it. If it’s causing all this trouble and strife for you, why keep it up? Or find help, perhaps. Is that not what you suggested to me?" he asked gently, eying her as he sat back down. "I’ve always wanted to pick my pack back up, and I’ve never felt like it wasn’t where I belonged. Sure, I needed little breaks, but who doesn’t? Maybe it’s something that you need to really think about," Stretching out his front legs until his belly rested on the ground, he looked at her with sadness in his eyes. It wasn’t an easy thing, being an alpha and a parent. |
He was right. But she didn't want to admit nor acknowledge it. While she knew she couldn't force her children into something she wanted them to be, it didn't mean she would stop trying to guide them into being the best they could be. She became distracted for a moment when she remembered the things that Tan had brought back, and with a sigh and a disgruntled look at the herbs, she reluctantly leaned down and took them, the bitter taste making her cringe as she chewed and swallowed as quickly as she could. When she finished, she swept her tongue across her teeth to rid herself of the taste, though it would be some time until she could find some water to really wash it away. "I know you're right...I just..." What? She didn't really want to believe it. She wanted her kids to turn out the best they could be, and not some lowlife that would resort to lying and cheating. For now, she would simply do what she could to guide them. Teach them the best she could. But in the end, they would choose who they wanted to be. She flicked an ear then when Bass seemed to grow wary, tucking his chin. She made no motion at all that it bothered her, what did he think she was going to do? Attack him? She had no reason to, even with what she was going through at the moment, she was aware of those around her. She wasn't going to flat out attack someone trying to help her without good reason, so in a way, his reaction was slightly offending but she made no comment nor indication that she had seen him do that. Maybe he didn't trust her. Maybe he didn't really know her at all, or even well enough to know that she wouldn't attack him. Oh well. Some things were too good to be true, she supposed. It was no wonder she had a hard time trusting others. That or maybe he thought she was just some crazy lady high on hormones and emotions. But still, even with her heat season, she was always level headed and usually not so emotional. But this was different.
She listened to him quietly when he talked about his pack, and then suggesting nearly the same thing that she had suggested last they met. This time though, her ears flattened to her head. Suppressing the urge to snarl and curl her lips. She never suggested that he get rid of his pack. And after all the work that he knew she had put in, how dare he even say that. Sure, maybe finding someone to help her with the pack, or maybe taking a break didn't sound like a bad idea. But there was no way in fucking hell she was going to just get rid of it. Not after all the work she put into it. And she was sure that if she had told him that very thing that he just said, about getting rid of it, he would have had something to say about it for sure. "That sounds like something I did say. To an extent." She looked at him, a guarded look in her eyes. "Though I never suggested nor mentioned getting rid of your pack." She didn't quite understand why he even said that part. Maybe it was natural for another alpha to say such a thing. Less competition after all. Not that she felt like she was competing with him or anyone else, but who knew if that's what went through the minds of others. "I think a break might be what I need. I've had Ivalice for about a year now, and alot has happened during that time. While it's not nearly as long standing as Abaven, we've been through different things at different times." She pulled herself up to a sitting position then, amber gaze finding the stars above as the breeze ruffled her fur. She didn't want to go home tonight. That was for sure. She knew that if she went back and got questioned by anyone, Vereux especially...she might snap. And her heat was doing nothing to help. That was when the thought crossed her mind. One that had plagued her for a while now. "Can I tell you something?" It was something she needed to get off her chest. Something that had been bothering her for a while now. "Avalon"||"Tanaraq" |
When Avalon grew slightly hostile, his lips twitched as his ears laid flat against his head. He was tempted to snap at her, but he controlled his temper. She was obviously not emotionally sound right now, but he couldn't keep the grumble in his voice. "It was only a suggestion, Avalon. You said yourself that no one cared, so why would you stick you're neck out for nothing in return?" He said with a huff, his eyes narrowing slightly. "You just tried to jump off a fucking cliff, and you get mad at me for saying one thing wrong? After saving your life and trying to heal you? Do you really think that I would suggest you do something if I didn't think that it's best?" His voice was low, but it was very difficult to keep his grumpy demeanor from his tone. Irritated, he tore his gaze away from her and looked at the grasses beside them, still licking the stupid herb off his lips. His tail tip swished across the ground, but when she spoke again he turned to meet her similar gaze once more. A break, he knew all about that. Bass curtly nodded his head, standing up and sitting at her side. His hackles settled and he let out a quiet sigh, they were letting their emotions get the best out of both of them. "I've taken a break before, you come back refreshed and missing your home and your routine," he said softly, looking up at the stars when she did. He hadn't even noticed that she was in heat, he had been far too preoccupied with her bleeding shoulder. The scent of the herbs in his nose blocked it still, he had no idea. When Avalon asked if she could tell him something, he glanced over at her out of the corner of his eye, nodding slowly. It was surprising, her change of emotions so quickly. Woman were so fickle, at least when it came this kind of thing. "Anything," he said softly, all hints of his anger gone from his voice. |
She only responded to his question with a grunt. Not really wanting to answer. She knew she was getting grumpy, mostly because of her Rollercoaster of emotions and everything that had been happening. She must look and sound crazy. This was hardly a side she wanted others to see...much less another alpha. She began to think that she must look weak in front of him. Yeah...this was totally a side to show someone else. Would the word spread that she was weak and vulnerable now? Or would it remain a secret atop this cliff? She supposed time would tell. She also knew she was probably being unfair to Bass too...after all, he was just trying to help and she was practically chewing his head off like some crazy black widow or something. "I'm sorry for getting snappy..." She would say quickly, her words sincere. She forced herself to try and relax as Bass came to sit next to her, and like him she lowered her hackles and took deep breaths to try and calm herself. How long had it been since she last felt like this? She had done so well to keep a reign on her emotions for so long. The depression, the anger, the torture had been nearly absent from her life for some time, and then it all seemed to return in a flash.
When Bass gave the go ahead, she would look from the sky to the ground between her paws. Her tail curled around her feet, body shivering slightly. She had been battling with her heart for a long time, and it never seemed to settle quite right with her. "I'm not...sure how to say this...I just...it's been bothering me for some time..." She sighed, throat tightening a little as she tried to figure out how to say it. "I don't think I love Vereux like I thought I did...I feel like....like I was in love with the thought of being in love...and I realize that the more time passes, the more my feelings about this grow...I can't shake the feeling, Bass. I feel stupid...I was so sure that this was it. But...it just doesn't feel right." She shook her head, amber gaze returning to the sky once more. "I've fought hard to keep him safe. Protecting him as much as I could. But I...can't do it anymore. We're too different. I want to feel like I can depend on someone to actually stand up and fight with me, not stand behind me. I don't want someone who will just lie on their back and accept whatever happens. If Katja comes for him, I don't know what I'd do...I can't keep trying to save him when I feel like he doesn't want to be saved." There. She said it. It was a mouthful, but she had been wanting to get it off her chest for the past few weeks. "Avalon"||"Tanaraq" |