Living in the Memories
Evening light glinted golden off the back of the grey-toned girl. The light was dull, black-on-black as the fading tones hit the ebony sands of home. She knew long before she reached the beach that it was a shell of what it had been. There was no borders against the outskirts of the territory, no familiar scent of the great, big family she had once known. Her head was bowed, and she would not see the light of the fading sun as it danced across the blue of the gently rolling waves. She had eyes only for the shadows, the length of the sandy shore, and the chill that blew through the trees of the forest beyond. If she raised her head, she would see the ghosts of things long gone, she would see the blue of her Auntie as she fished against the rock cropping that juttered out from the beach. She would see the golds of her Uncle as he watched his children play against the sands of their home.
There was no Gale in the wind of this world, no Caeli in the stars when the light faded enough for them to shine. She wanted to rage, she wanted break the shells that decorated the shore, and lash out against the ocean. She hated her father in that moment, she hated him more then the mild disdain that had made her choice to leave him. She wanted to lash out at him, to berate him for ruining all that had been brilliant, and shinny, in her world. She forced her anger inside of her her, smothering it into a cold rage, and forced herself to take another step forward. She didn't want to enter the dens of the wolves she had once known, she didn't want to find the stones of Voltage's collection – because she did not know what would be worse. Finding them, here, without him, or finding them gone like her Uncle had never existed.
She walked like a dreamer, not seeing the world before her, but seeing the past. The world was brighter in those dreams, and she paid no heed to her paws as they took her through the territory. She ducked into the cave entrance that opened up onto the cliffs she had once loved to explore. She remembered her uncles and aunties, always watching her when she took this path. They had never liked her to come here alone, and she could almost, for a breath, feel their eyes upon her again. She exhaled, and the sensation was gone. She tore through the other side of the cave, and out into the open, beating her way up the curved path to the top of the cliff. She didn't care for safety, and more then once her paws skidded on loose dirt close to the edge. She was breathing hard by the time she reached the top, and it wasn't from the exertion of the run. She stepped onto the very edge, the tips of her paws hovering over onto the other side, and tipped back her head. She howl was a roar, it was anger and pain, it was memory and loss.
He'd been reluctant to come back here. He'd found Ricochet and lost her again somewhere along the way and for that he was angry with himself. He'd finally come in contact with one of his siblings (whom he'd previously presumed to be dead) and all over again he had no idea where she was. The fact Arsenal and Caliber were alive made him happy, but he was about as close to finding them as he was to finding Ricky. It angered him to have everything ripped out beneath him for the third time now. Why did life seem to find it so amusing to tear everything away from him as if to mock him. Was he not allowed to have family anymore? It's what it felt like and it was turning him cold and bitter. Before he knew it, his paws carried him through the familiar plains to the once comforting black sands of the beach. Donostrea's scent had faded away long ago and no recent visible remains could be seen. He was sure he could find his old den in the prairie. There he'd find the old furs and odd sticks that littered it from when he'd been a pup. If he walked even further down the beach he was even sure he'd find his old den within a crevice where he'd started collecting shells and other oddities that he could find on the beach. A mournful chuckle let him as he remembered the crab that had latched on to him and his surprise and then Voltage had came and helped him get it off. The chuckle then hitched in his throat and he forced down the lump that formed. He didn't want to think about it. The memories came flooding back and more than anything he wished he could will them into existence. He missed Ray the most and Glacier. The tall blue man had even called him a son at one point, and then they'd all turned around and vanished. Out of all of them he hadn't expected Ray to abandon him. She was supposed to be his best friend, his partner in crime, the closest thing he'd ever get to family. And then she was just gone without a whisper of where they'd headed off to and the worst thing was - they left him. And then, as if his wishing had actually made it come true, he smelled her. The thought didn't make him happy. Instead he just believed it to be a figment of his imagination. There was no way in hell that she would be back here. Still he found curiosity got the better of him and he followed the ghostly scent anyways. He'd just prove to his imagination that it was wrong and then he'd leave here as quickly as he could and never come back. He followed it through the familiar path through the cave opening. He followed it across the perilous cliff that Glacier and Voltage hadn't liked them going on alone. He was an adult now, large and strong, and his towering limbs found little trouble. It wasn't until he reached the top that he noticed the fading sunlight and the way it illuminated an equally large figure. Just then the wolf tipped back its head and let out an angry and sorrowful song telling the story of things in the past. It was then Mortar realized that it really was her - and then he grew angry. "You left me!" He cried angrily after she'd finished her howl. His tone was accusing and hurtful and he made no move to hide the angry tears that threatened to spill from his bi-colored eyes. "All of you... how you could you guys do that to me. I needed you." Walk, "Talk" Think |
It was funny how grief could conquer wraiths to taunt her, memories real enough to be tangible would appear before her. Only this memory wasn't the one that had stood on her dreams, nor did he seem to match her memories. The scent of him, the first thing she noticed, was wrong. His voice was different too, deeper, more masculine. It fit the body she saw before her, this wraith had grown into his too-large paws. Not many wolves could match her in height, but this one did. She imagined if they stood shoulder to shoulder, they would see exactly into each others eyes, although there was more muscle on his frame then she had on hers. There was curves in all the right places, through she wouldn't have dreamed of calling him feminine. He looked... delicious, and it stunned her into silence.
She stood there as he accused her, all her own thoughts mirrored in his eyes, his tone, his words. She hated that this world was gone, this pack and its people... her Tar. She hand't left willingly, but Glacier had, and that had been enough. He had been an essential part of this pack, he was one part of two wholes, and she just knew that Voltage would not be here if he was gone. He had raved on about his siblings and his need to protect them, to provide structure, and he had still vanished like a drop of water to the sea, lost. He had left Tar, and through him, Ray had. But he couldn't be here, he was gone. Still, this figure before her was astonishingly detailed, more handsome then what her imagination could have supplied her with. She took a step forward, hesitant, and then stopped. “Mortar?” she asked, her voice shook. No, it could be this easy, she thought it would take her months, years, hundreds of hours of research and searching to find him again. She would have done it too, Mortar had been her world once upon a time. He had hung on her every word, taken her up on every adventure she proposed, he had been her childhood friend and the pivotal point of all her greatest memories.
Only now that he stood there accusingly glaring at her, did he realize how much she'd grown. He knew she was younger than him, yet they stood at the same height which was nothing he wasn't used to. Ricky was very nearly his height, though they were from a special breed. Their family grew large wolves and he had seen only a few females outside his own family that were as large as himself. Most seemed to be rather tiny, but not Ray. She'd grown nearly as impressively tall as her father. At least that meant she didn't have to strain to look up at him, if she even looked at him at all. He was forced to realize how beautiful and filled out she'd gotten too. If he hadn't been upset he would have marveled over his attraction to the blue marked female. She was almost the same as when he last saw her save for her growing into her more feminine features and the height. But no... he was supposed to be angry for her. There wasn't supposed to be an easy forgiveness and just pretending everything was okay. Everything was not okay and it wouldn't just be as easy as going back to the way things used to be. Things would never be that way ever again. So he did his best to try and keep the more relieved and happy parts of him at bay. More than anything he was happy to see her. Inner parts of him rejoiced that she was back, but most of him demanded answers. He demanded justice for being abandoned once again. They were supposed to be his new family. They were supposed to take care of him and never leave him. He absolutely needed to know why he'd been left behind. He would have followed them anywhere if only they'd told him. Instead they left him like a rotten kill to fend for himself once more. “Mortar?” "The one and only." He muttered, unable to keep up the energy to match his accusatory tone from earlier. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. A soft sigh shuddered through him as he stared at her. As upset as he was her words... well they were infuriating and soothing at the same time. He'd really missed her voice... he'd missed everything about her. It was a battle inside him. Half of him fought to keep the anger and the hurt so he could easily cope with all of the emotions and hardships while the other half told him to be logical and and calmly demand a reasonable answer. Finally he managed to find his voice again. "Why did you all leave me? I searched forever for you guys and never found you..." His voice wavered as he shoved down a whimper. His tone had calmed some, but the hurt still remained. Walk, "Talk" Think |