Watching the calmness fade from their conversation was gut-wrenching. Caelum wished she hadn't shattered it like this, but she was unable to escape the realities of their situation. They couldn't avoid the difficult things forever. If they tried it would fall apart eventually anyways... As much as she disliked doing this, she would have been equally upset by letting things fester.

Now here they were. It didn't surprise her terribly much to hear he felt as she did, though part of her had been braced for the opposite response as well. They had too much history for it to be easily erased, even through time and negativity those bonds ran deeper then either of them could dig. If only caring deeply was all it would take to make things right between them. Even if they were never together again, what she wanted most was to not feel so at odds with him, to have closure and to get things out in the open. Maybe if they could achieve that someday she'd have a hope in hell of moving forward with her life. Her face betrayed her emotions so easily, crinkling with mixed emotions, tears of frustration that wanted to fall would cause her eyes to burn and she would turn away for several moments, heart beating faster and chest tightening.

Time... It seemed to change everyone, whether for better or worse no one stayed the same as time ticked onward and wolves made their choices and reflected on things. A pang in her gut coupled with memories of their last meeting were beginning to convince her that Zephyr's reflections on her had been... Well, not positive if she were to put it lightly for the sake of her own feelings. What did they matter though. Where she'd gone wrong... Yes, Caelum had gone wrong, as much as she hated to admit it even silently to herself, perhaps there were a few things she could have done differently. Sometimes, when sorrow and pain wrapped their arms tight around her and left her crumpled on the ground in tears she would go back to that night. Even if she pictured doing things different, still they died. Not knowing whether to be frustrated with him and this insistence on finding someone to blame or to simply drop the subject, she'd settle for shaking her head finding her old flightiness was beginning to resurface and a desire to leave bloomed in her chest, moving to her legs and causing them to tremble slightly though she didn't move. She couldn't leave yet, not again. Not yet...

An ear would rotate toward him at his final words. Curiosity sparked within her, mixing in a great bubbling mess with all the other things she felt. She would turn towards him again and find herself wondering where to go with this. Even having the expectation that this meeting would one day occur Caelum found herself puzzled by her absolute lack of preparedness for it. She didn't know what to say, what to feel, and least of all what she hoped to get out of this. Tying up loose ends of course had been a hope, but now that she was trying it just didn't feel right. Maybe today wasn't the day. Maybe the day never came. Was she okay with that? After watching his face for some time she came to the conclusion that it was unlikely he would give her much more to work with. Not now at least. Rising to her feet silently she'd stand on weak legs and look at him, waiting a bit before replying in a tone so soft that even the gentle falling snow might shatter it, "I don't know why... But I... Can't stay much longer. I just really-" Her voice was cut off as the words seemed to stick in her throat. This was it. This was where she fell apart again. Her desire for words to be spoken was being pushed back, crushed by an overwhelming fear she'd previously put aside that would only now begin to rear it's ugly head and overtake her. Could she come back from this? Could she keep going, keep speaking with him? What was she afraid of? Was it him? Or... was it what she herself might do? Cae felt at the edge of doing something wrong, or either pushing things too far in her quest for answers, or maybe that she would try to bring back the warm moments and complicate things more. And her answer to all this was of course to try and leave. There were few times in her life that the woman had loathed herself more than right now as she allowed herself to fall into a trap of her own making.

What he wouldn't give for things to simply go back to how they had been. Despite the fact that he blamed her, he would do anything to change things so that he hadn't left that night. Maybe he could've alerted the back to the attackers before it was too late. No matter how badly he wanted to undo all the hurt that he had done, to forget all the blame and the frustration.. it wasn't that easy to let go. Even as he lay here with here, he felt it gnawing away at his core - a slight desire to lash out, to cause her hurt again as he had last time, though for now the nostalgia and the familiarity of her touch had been enough to keep his demons at bay.

He longed to wipe away her tears that continued to fall, though seemingly for a different reason now. Something had shattered, something they had tried so desperately to cling to, though he knew the serenity wouldn't last forever. It had been brief enough to keep him wanting more. She pulled away then, twisting away from him and he retracted in turn. Did she want an apology? No words came out, even as he tried, as his jaw unhinged and a breath of air left his throat. He couldn't apologize, and he couldn't explain anything right now. Didn't know, truthfully, if he even wanted to apologize. Zephyr hadn't done anything wrong. He would've died for her, for their children, a thousand times over in order to save them, but he'd never gotten the chance.

He couldn't but feel stunned as she moved further away from him, an air of.. finality settling around them. For this encounter, at least. He should've expected it, since he hadn't said much to keep her here. His own grizzled features contorted in a look of confusing, almost pleading with her to stay though still he was silent, finding speech nearly impossible. Last time, he'd told her to leave.. had welcomed her departure readily, feeling more anger around her than anything. But now he felt his heart break a thousand times over, though mingled with the hurt was raw anger and that all-too-familiar sense of blame. Here she was, running away.. for the third time now. Though perhaps, by not speaking, he had also mentally checked out in a more serious way. He closed his eyes, gritting his teeth as she stammered over her words.

"Don't-" he mumbled weakly, unfurling from where he'd lay against her as she stood and turned from him. His sea-green gaze lay on her, pained and helpless as she quivered there. Dark-furred ears flicked uncomfortably, as though waiting for some kind of answer or solution to come to him. He'd thought about this all for so long, and while he thought that he'd found some kind of solace in the blame he placed on her, suddenly it didn't feel like the right answer at all. He didn't know what could fix this, so he simply watched as she moved away, silently hoping that this wouldn't be the last time. There was so much left unsaid.

Feeling broken and beaten for so long had truly done a number on Caelum, leaving her feeling hopeless for so long. Their last interaction only served to worsen her emotional pain. Now that they finally were able to meet in relative peace and speak gently they began to resurface - those memories of the previous meeting, how it left her distraught for seasons until she only recently began to truly start to recover. She felt at fault for ruining this. If only she could have lay still and enjoyed their closeness for hours on end. But alas, the ghosts that haunted her mind would command that this was not to be.

The tears still had not stopped, in fact they'd flow quicker the more she remained here, shaking in a state of confusion. She was weak. Even if time had returned some of her strength, her current actions spoke volumes about how far she still had to go before she would begin to approach strength. It was tempting to reverse roles this time. Now that the peace was shattered and rendered irreparable she could take her turn if she so desired. She could tell him that if he'd never left that night maybe he would've been there. She could leave him hurting as he had done to her. The muscles in her mouth tensed, seeking to open and deliver a fierce barrage of words. The words never came though. Only more tears, which would drip from her cheeks and hang in the air for but a breath before hitting the ground and slowly freezing there. She couldn't do it. Maybe that was a good thing.

His single word hit her ears and ran straight to her chest, leaving behind a sharp pain as though she had been struck physically. Why must he have such sway over her? The gusts of chilly air carrying a wave of snow with it could hardly hope to move her as easily as he did with but a single word. She swayed gently, as if she might loose her balance and topple over at any second. It took great self control to keep herself planted where she was for so long. His word - that single word spoken so softly she'd barely heard it - had left her almost powerless. Her mind raced. She knew it was too late to cease her exit from this place, yet she didn't want to leave him like this. She wanted him to know she wasn't just running from him as she had before. She wasn't exiting the scene with no explanation or hope for a future interaction. Thinking things over never seemed to get her anywhere though. In that case, she would let herself simply flow with what felt right.

Her right front leg was the first to move from it's place planted in the now frozen soil. It was placed firmly before her, not in a motion to leave but rather to execute an volte-face, so she would face him once more, walking towards him, no, running. She dashed back to him, Ears flat and eyes narrowed so she might see through the increasing snowfall. Quickly she would run, sliding to a stop before him and aiming to plant a single kiss on his cheek, whispering with conviction, "I promise this isn't goodbye, Zephyr." Her eyes gazed into his for what seemed like an eternity, though it was only a heartbeat, before she raced off, down one of the paths she'd been considering earlier. She was unsure where it might lead, but that wouldn't easily stop her. Her small winged companion would dart into view from her right, following her and chirping excitedly now that they were on the move again.

While she was entirely clueless about where she was going, she knew she needed to have some room to breathe just for a moment. Zephyr was in the same lands... And, apparently so was Asha though Cae was less interested in that. The whole thing was overwhelming her, leaving her confused and finding it difficult to know what to do. Yes, some space just for a bit might be what she needed. Cae was increasingly determined to fix herself. She would find a way to feel better, even if it took some time. Right now though it was all too much.

-exit Caelum-