She was going to go batshit insane. She knew it, she just knew it. She was in heat, again and had been for some time, and it did not help being around the number one object of her desires. And on top of that, part of her mind was still in absolute denial of her emotions, so she tried her best not to think about it. Or what they did in the past (albeit once). Or what she wanted them to do. Or what could happen if she actually stopped fighting herself and them.

...As you can see, she generally failed. It was one of the few times that she wasn't really by his side; she wasn't sure how long it'd last, since they usually always found one another again. Sometimes they talked, sometimes they just enjoyed each others company. Sometimes she force snuggles from him, although that was a lot less since the... heat really started kicking in. She really only tried sneaking cuddles if they'd been wandering and were too far away (or too lazy) to make it back to their respective dens and just passed out in the open. That usually worked well no matter what, because even though it sent heat pooling in her stomach - what didn't, these days? - she was generally too tired to give a damn and fell asleep, decently content.

Right now, though - right now she was the absolute opposite of content. It was like someone turned her desire and heat on extra high and it was only the morning. The morning! She woke up and it was already within her, and she had to try to escape as quickly as possible, to try and cool down, so she'd slipped away from her companion, as quietly as she could (she wasn't sure if he had still been sleeping, she was a bit distracted), and headed for the nearest stream, which was actually only just out of sight. She stuck her paws in the water, and then part of her face, but even the ice-cold water did almost nothing, and she sighed in aggravation and frustration. She didn't know what to do - she knew who, but not... what.

Argh.

Lillianna quickly had become a constant in his life again. Not many things were certain in his life, not anymore, and he was grateful for her companionship. Sure, he could always depend on his father, on Finch -- though admittedly she spent much of her time with Tiburtius now -- as well as his other siblings, Merlin and Sandpiper and Sparrow, though the latter of his siblings he hadn't spend much time with for awhile. Having someone outside of his family, though, was different.

Still, his relationship with Lillianna was.. strained, at times. He'd had enough clarity over the last few weeks to acknowledge his attraction to her, though truthfully he'd known about it for some time now. Maybe he hadn't accepted it, but he was self-aware enough to recognize it. For some reason, he still wasn't quite ready to make things official. Why? Good question. It was easier to not discuss it, and to not draw attention from anyone else regarding it. He was sure some of his siblings might not adore Lillianna, maybe, though if he was being honest, he had once told Lillie to go fuck herself. Time changed a lot of things, clearly, but he didn't know if it changed everything, and some questions were better left unanswered.

He was grateful for the time they spent together, even if it was something they both were a bit.. secretive about. He wouldn't lie if anyone asked, but things were easier kept private, and he was okay with that for now. Lark hardly stirred when she moved from his side, rolling to his opposite side and letting sleep briefly take hold of him. After a long while, though, he roused when he recognized she was no longer there.

Blinking sleep from his eyes, he slowly pushed himself to all fours and stretched his stiff limbs. After a few moments of waking up, he sniffed at the ground and started to trail after her scent. It led him to the stream, where she was lying with her paws in the water. He stifled a yawn, still quite sleepy, as he made his way to her side, flopping down rather ungracefully. "Sick of me or somethin'?" he quipped, leaning to nudge her neck lightly.

Lillianna never really had family in Abaven to keep her company - she always made her own family. First, with Shaye, Vail, and Motif; when that fell apart it became Finch, and Starling. Now, it was mostly Lark, though she knew she could always go to Finch. She also had little Farrym, though he wandered off a lot these days, still with her, just more independent. Also, he may not have gotten over the fact that she'd left him behind for that trip and had gotten all injured and stuff. But still, her family was the family that she chose around her, and though a small part of her longed for a real family... it was only a small part of her.

Part of the quiet joy from the family she chose was not having to... announce it. Okay, yes, she may not give any fucks about being publicly affectionate - and would gladly do so in meetings and the such without a second thought - but she enjoyed Lark and their privacy, though it was a bit odd. They didn't hide it, no, but it also wasn't announced in any way - it just... was. It existed. There were still things that weren't discussed, little boundaries that were mental in nature that they didn't touch, and while Lillie wanted those broken down... she wasn't sure where to begin. So she just left them, those silent little things holding both of them back.

Though, really, it didn't hold them back from one thing. Groaning quietly to herself, she kicked her legs back and dangled her head over the ledge of the stream, pushing her paws deeper into the icy water. Yeah, this definitely wasn't helping, except to make her paw pads numb. Huffing quietly, she shifted again, trying to get comfortable... but she knew it was a nearly futile attempt.

Of course, all thoughts of getting comfortable disappeared from her head disappeared when the source of all her discomfort appeared. Still, though she was aware of the... okay, tension, radiating off of her, she couldn't help but actually, truly be distracted by how sleepy and ungraceful he was being. She laughed quietly, amusement dancing in her eyes. That was another thing she loved; this was a side that rarely anyone saw - maybe his family saw the sleepy who-gives-a-fuck or the let's-just-not-try-and-just-flop but she knew that in a way, she was absolutely special to be able to see what she always saw from him.

When he nudged her neck, she leaned into the touch lightly, laughing softly while she did so. "Why, I could never!" The faux-offended tone she put on was ruined by the laughter and snorts accompanying the words. She flipped her head around to look at him, grinning lightly while she ignored the skip in her chest and the zip of electricity down her spine. "No, in all honesty, I just needed to... cool off for a minute," she murmured, lips twisting from the grin into a wry smile. That was an understatement for certain.

"Lark" | "Lillianna"

Someday he would be forced to face his feelings for her, but he was grateful that today wouldn't be that day. Hopefully. It was easier to just exist, to do what they liked, when they liked without having to worry about what to call it or who to share it with. He was grateful that Finch had been preoccupied with her own... romantic interest, or surely she would've been bothering him about whatever he shared with Lillie.

He was too sleepy to think about any of that much. His mind wasn't on much other than the present moment. Wondering where Lillie was, and now that he'd found her, wondering what she wanted to do for the day. Going back to sleep sounded pretty enjoyable, but it didn't matter too much to him. Another yawn took hold of him, one he didn't fight, as he hunkered down at her side. He was blissfully unaware of the fact that his presence was disrupting her; it wasn't in a bad way, although a frustrating one.

Implying that she might be sick of him, though she was joking, made him scoff in sudden retort. "Suuuure," he drawled tiredly, his ears flicking as he pressed his snout against her neck again. Her scent was... delightful, he realized suddenly. Well, it was always enjoyable but it was more so than usual. "Don't know if I'll help with that," he offered, scooting closer to her, wishing he could nuzzle deeper into her fur than he already was. "So.. I apologize in advance."

He didn't quite catch on to what she was really saying. It seemed plausible enough that sleeping close quarters with him might cause her to be a bit too warm sometimes, so he wouldn't question it.

She chuckled at the drawl and scoff. "Oh, think that highly of yourself, hmm?" she teased again. This was... nice, she decided; just a gentle banter as she spent time with the person she cared about. Okay, maybe a little bit was also because this was a side that only she got to see, and she might feel a bit special, okay?

A tingle shot through her as he suddenly buried his nose in her neck again, and her eyes half-closed in both delight, and in control the sudden zip of desire. His words made her bark with laughter, and she shook her head just a little bit even as he moved closer. Unable to resist, she did the same, so they were pressed side by side. Besides frustrating, it was also... comforting. Also frustrating. Buuut comforting. "Not at all," she murmured wryly, now acutely aware that Lark was... absolutely unaware of her true meaning.

Oblivious idiot, she thought fondly, snorting again. She laughed again at his apology, which was, in her mind, absolutely sincere, because he did not regret one bit his closeness - even if he thought she meant actually hot. And, well, she was okay with that. Grinning, she twisted her head around - yes, disrupting his muzzle from where it was buried - and nipped him lightly on the neck, ignoring the thrill that was caused from her action. "You're not sorry one bit," she told him, smiling. And, well, she wasn't upset with that at all.

"Lark" | "Lillianna"

It was funny how much time changed things. Over the years, his mother had floated in and out of his life so many times.. and his siblings, many of them, were prone to disappearing too. Only a few wolves had been a constant, and Lillie was one of them. Maybe he'd initially gotten close to her because he worried the sort of influence she'd have on Finch -- maybe it was because she was one of thee few wolves to actually challenge him, to push him outside of his comfort zone, with how he thought and how he felt. He remembered he'd hated her once, had even imagined her walking off a cliff and hadn't been disgusted entirely with the thought. He was well-aware now that he cared for her, though he hadn't quite wrestled with the details much. He'd always liked when things were black and white, when he knew exactly how to classify things and didn't have to think too much about it. Everything about Lillie, though, was somewhere in the middle, a murky shade of grey, and ignoring the confusion was the easiest route for him. He only retracted slightly from her touch, having not expected it, but he wasn't oblivious to the warmth that suddenly spread through his body at the feeling of her teeth against his flesh. The closeness was definitely preferred, and he let his head roll slightly to the side; an open invitation to her, rather than rejecting her touch. Her words made him snort though, the soft sound leaving his throat and echoing in the relative silence that surrounded them. It was a peaceful morning, and only the gentle bubbling of the stream and the nearby birdsong would break the peace. "Alright then, I'm not that sorry, " Lark admitted after a moment, amusement filling his eyes, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of thinking she was right. Meeting her halfway was a much better option. "You know what I am sorry for, though?" He rolled slightly onto his side to face her watching her with laughter dancing in his eyes. "That one time I told you to vaffanculo . That wasn't very nice of me, was it?"

Heh. She'd surprised him, again, with that little nip - it was always amusing when she managed to do that. Hell, half the time when she surprised him... well, it shouldn't really be a surprise. It was interesting, how in a way... he still didn't expect some of the things she did, even though she did them a lot. It was like... well, his mind was still wrapping around them. And to be honest, it still was for her too. That they could have turned from... the anger and intense dislike to... this. It was all very confusing to her, and she couldn't even begin to think where it all changed. Although, damn, she sure was glad he got over the fact that she too cared for some of his siblings. Smiling at the thought, it only widened at the open invitation, and a shiver went down her spine. She took full advantage of it, too, burying her nose in his neck and delivering several more kisses and nips, all with a devious sparkle in her eyes from what she knew she was doing. She had absolutely no regrets, either, partially due to the past, and well... partially due to the fact that she craved like no other. She pulled back as he spoke again, though, and she chuckled lightly. Not that sorry? She tilted her head to the side and gave him the look. You know, the one happily calling him out on his bullshit. The pure amusement in her eyes shifted to something more speculative as he rolled on his side a bit and asked a, well, rhetorical question. Her head remained tilted as she silently questioned him, eyes slightly narrowed in suspicion at the laughter in his eyes. Just what was he going to say? When he said it, she froze. Not a sound, not even a whisper for a solid second before she burst out laughing. She had completely forgotten about that. But that was indeed one of their very first conversations, wasn't it? Funny how she had thought of what they used to think of each other, and here he was, mentioning it. And such a memorable thing, too. "No, it wasn't," she agreed, still laughing. "Remember after, though, at that yearling meeting? When I asked you what it meant and Sparrow's reaction when she heard me ask?" Lillianna chortled with amusement. Really, the look on Sparrow's face had been absolutely priceless.   The laughter finally faded, but the mirth did not. "Funny how things change, huh?" she asked rhetorically, smiling fondly at Lark. "But, I'm pretty happy they changed." She paused here briefly, grinning at Lark before nudging him briefly. "After all, had things not changed, I wouldn't exactly have the wolf I lo- c-care about, now would I?" The moment the words were out of her mouth she froze again, her eyes widening. Wait - what? Ah, shit. How she even recovered from that she had no idea - she wasn't entirely certain that true recovery was even possible. Instead, she forced herself to relax, though her eyes stayed wide as the oh shit just kept running on repeat. "Talk"

It'd been a seriously long time since he'd found himself really caring for someone outside of his family. Family was everything, after all. His prospects for girls to be interested in was fairly limited in Abaven, and he was grateful he'd found someone to spend time with who was part of his pack; he couldn't imagine spending extended time away from home. He was deeply loyal to Abaven, even if he wasn't overly motivated to do much for them all the time. He still couldn't quite help but wonder what his siblings would say if they knew. Finch had seemed supportive, and aware that they shared something beyond a friendship, though they hadn't exactly discussed the details. He found his mind wandering, though was quickly brought back to reality when she felt her nose pushing into the thick fur of his neck. Lark reveled in the sensation, a shiver crawling down his spine, his body twitching ever so slightly against hers. The warmth was welcoming, and he wondered how he would ever want to leave her side, especially on a day like today. He found himself chuckling as she reminisced with him. He hadn't been sure if she'd find the recollection funny or not. The truth was, they'd spent a large portion of their childhood actively disliking one another. Since the day she'd joined Abaven, he'd been uncomfortable with her presence. She was bold and unpredictable, something he'd never liked in her until he realized why these things about her made him uncomfortable. Recalling Sparrow's reaction when he'd explained what the word meant made him laugh a bit louder, his grin broadening. "I do remember, " he agreed, stifling a soft snort of amusement. "I'm glad nobody else heard me. I couldn't imagine what Harmony would've done with me if she heard me talking like that." Remembering how disappointed she'd been with the yearlings made him cringe; if only she'd gotten the full story, he could only picture how frustrated she would've been then. "It is funny," he agreed again, gaze filled with mirth as he watched her. His amusement only heightened at her words, wondering if she'd almost said what it sounded like. The wolf she.. loved? His ears twitched on his head. "I'm gonna pretend you weren't going to say loathe," he drawled tiredly, teeth revealed as he grinned again. "That'd be pretty mean." He swore she looked a bit panicked, and felt a flutter of nervousness settle in his own stomach at the thought of what she'd almost said, unsure how to respond except with humor.

Her gentle smile switched to a full on smirk at his reaction, though she withheld the chuckle that threatened to emerge. Still, those thoughts were ever distracted from when Lark laughed and started to talk about. She laid her head on his neck, giving him a much more innocent affectionate nuzzle, instead of the... other kind she was so fond of doing. That is, until his words made her snort with laughter and shake her head. "I know," she agreed, snickering. "She was so frustrated with us, and she didn't even see the half of it. She'd have been so angry with us if she heard or knew everything going on." At the same time, if she had, Lillie probably would still be laughing at the moment with the years gone by. It was hard to believe so many had, when it felt like it was only a season or so ago. Ha, Harmony must be pretty damned glad they somewhat grew up. Though... most of the yearlings then are gone, Vail, Shaye, a few others but notably those two. It did make Lillie wonder what they were like now - how had they changed? It'd been so long... "I kinda wish we could start those days over again," she murmured in a much more serious way. "So many of us that were there then are no longer here, and a lot of the anger was just... unnecessary." Oh thank goodness Lark responded to that with humor. Although, she knew that he knew what she actually was going to say and that too was moderately terrifying. The 'oh shit' slowed down in her mind nevertheless, and she took a deep breath before semi-forcing a small smile on her face. "I know, right? But I figured it'd be best not to hurt your feelings." Damnit, she'd respond with humor too then. "Talk"

Now that everything was said and done it was easy to joke and laugh about they had treated one another in the past. Upon reflection, it was obvious that he'd been overprotective of Finch and much of that had led to how he'd acted around Lillianna. It wasn't like anyone could blame him though, after what his sister had been through. At least they'd moved beyond that now. Lark liked to think he'd grown up quite a bit, even though it was still strange to think of himself as an adult at times; he wondered if that feeling would ever truly fade. He snickered, letting out a content sigh as they reminisced. "I'm just glad my dad never found out how we were treating each other," Lark snickered. He'd caught on to some of the tension among the yearlings, and he'd called them all out on it.. but he couldn't imagine how he would've reacted to knowing the full extent of things. It was definitely an amusing thought now. It did make him feel a bit sad, though, thinking of the wolves that were no longer here. Briefly he thought of Tinaro and Calypsei, as well as a few others. "I agree," he murmured quietly, growing thoughtful for a moment. "Though I guess a lot of it was just part of growing up and figuring everything out. Things could've been worse." Abaven had been a relatively peaceful place through most of his life, other than a few incidents, ones that had luckily never escalated. He'd never felt afraid here, never felt too uncomfortable except in his own head - he had no complaints. Lark was almost relieved that Lillianna hadn't clarified what she meant. She, too, replied with some gentle humor and his grin widened. It wasn't that he didn't care deeply for her - the word love was just something he'd never considered too deeply, and with each second he grew more aware that she was likely about to say that. He let out a soft breath after a moment, leaning further into her touch. For now, he was happy to push aside that talk, though he had a feeling things couldn't be avoided forever. "Well, I appreciate your thoughtfulness," he quipped lightly. "You're so kind to me."