WHEN THE IRON IN YOUR SOUL ~*~ As much as Crusade thought the whole Tortugan thing strange, she had to admit it was doing wonders for her health. She still had her snow- it was a high altitude, northern area and there was snow on the top year round, but she also could find a far more mild climate in the lower reaches of the territory. It was such a blessing to her bones, which, she had to face it, were getting older. She couldn't have taken the extremes for too much longer, but here? She could see herself surpassing her mother in old-age vigor. Just this morning she'd caught her pups a spring fawn! There was still much to do around the new packland - a suitable pack dwelling being one of the main ones, and while Crusade was confident in Gargoyle's abilities, she figured on using her new pep to the advantage of everyone. Yet, if she was going house-hunting, she didn't need to go alone. Crusade set about tracking down her adopted daughter Maka. The girl had been very retired as of late, and at the meeting with the challengers... Creator above the girl had almsot chosen to stay. Had they grown that distant? Perhaps it was Crusade's fault. She'd been spending so much time with her new litter - and Keki had been spending time with hers. No wonder poor Maka felt left out. The old she-wolf felt shamed for not having taken up on this sooner. But with all the recent chaos, the importance of a tight family bond was pushed back up to the place where it belonged. The forefront of Crusade's mind. "Maka!" she called, coming round a copse of mountain ash. "There you are, darling" She gave her tail a limp sort of wag as she came over at a swaybacked trot. "I fancy a stroll through our new gardens," she said with one of her characteristic good natured smirks. "How about you join me, hmmm?" ~*~ IS THE ONLY HOPE YOU'VE EVER KNOWN

The dame sat quietly In the new territory. Unsure of where to go and unsure of where everything was or what she should do. Was she hungry? No. Was she tired? Maybe. Was she lonely? She'd gotten used to that. Was she happy?....No answer came to that thought. It was as if the curtain had finally been set aside revealing the real inside of the theatre, emptiness. All this time she had really been sad. She had been sad since Keki had left her since they were pups. The small dame recalled that night...her sister saying she was going to leave to fulfill her dream and look for a pack. Keki the favorite of the two Menapache daughters. Keki the pretty one, Keki the smarter one. Keki the serious one. Keki the normal sized one. Sometimes she remembered how their parents would sit there and fuss over their daughter as the other one looked on. Maka knew she was the runt of the two. Maka knew she wasn't as pretty as her sister. And Maka knew she wasn't as adored. But she still loved her parents and they still loved her....but less than they loved Keki. Her turquoise gaze settled on the ground as she delved deeper into her thoughts.

Maka had the stripe along her back while Keki had those triangles. Maka had her normal eyes which she rather liked; while her sister had bi-colored eyes. Stop it stop it Maka! She was pretty too right? But maybe others just needed help to see it. All this time she had acted happy. If you act happy others believe it. But remembering is too painful. And to look and see her sister now with her three nephews is painful. Even though the femme was sometimes jealous of her sister it wasn't her fault. And she also deserved a loving mate instead of being raped. She deserved help with those pups and they deserved a father. But no...her sister's perfection was gone in that field. Her stomach knotted and twisted as she though. Her head pulsed with a small pain. She should stop....stop. Pull the curtain back over and say it's gone. Hide it and pretend its not there....no, she couldn't do that anymore. It was there! Lurking! Waiting to envelope her in its horrible thoughts and memories. Yet she saw the pain in her mother's eyes as she let go of her tail. Her real mother, biological mother sacrificed her life so that Maka could live. But in those final moments she looked into her eyes and saw the pain, the guilt, and the sorrow. At that moment did her mother realize the neglect she had given her daughter. And that was that...

Drawn out of her thoughts was she at the sound of her adopts mother's voice, Crusade. Her voice had surprised the dame and it showed as Maka stood up and took a few startled steps backward. As she recovered did the dame also realize the familiar scent of her heat. It was spring and no doubt Keki was in eat too. Hopefully this season she wound get raped again...but she doubted it would happen again. Maka ignored the heat rolling off of her and turned her attention to her mother.she even called her darling. It has been a while dice she had been called any names like that. She wanted to be grumpy towards the dame but she just couldn't. Couldn't be rude to the wolf who had given her happiness for a few seasons in Glaciem. Then did that happiness recede as did Maka herself. She even found herself one day looking for a friend. Crusade asked if she would take a stroll with her. With a small nod Maka agreed and walked next to her mother with her tail almost in-between her legs. Ears were pinned back as she tried to avert her turquoise gaze to her front paws. No sound was given or so much as a whisper. No smile, no bounce in her step, and no adventurous comments. She knew she wasn't a pup anymore. And gave up longing for the list time she had when Keki had been the center if attention. Retreated back into that state she was when she was a pup herself. Quiet, submissive, and to herself.

WHEN THE IRON IN YOUR SOUL ~*~ They hadn't gone a step before Crusade knew something was terribly wrong. This wasn't the Maka she knew and loved, this was a thorny, cringing creature. Crusade's ear unconsciously pinned back. What was going on? She'd never been the best at well, talking out problems with others. She was too blunt of a creature herself, and too strong. She'd been through several different brands of hell and come out on top, or at least still perfectly sane and able to enjoy her life. She'd come to learn that the world could be a terrible, horrible place and often it doesn't matter what you do, bad things will still happen. At such times being lost and empty and depressed was natural, but it didn't do anyone any good. And you'd come out a worse wolf than when you began. But how did you explain that to someone else? Maka had been through tough times certainly, but Crusade couldn't see how it compared to herself or to her sister Arcane who'd seen her mate go crazy, eat her children, try to kill himself and then die. Maka knew pain, she knew sorrow and she knew what it was to be alone, but things could always be worse and often if you weren't so busy looking down, things would seem better. Perhaps some of these thoughts were exactly what Maka needed to hear. But first Crusade needed to listen. "Alright, child," the old she-wolf said as she picked her way through the fertile volcanic soil. "Talk to me. I've never seen you so upset. Is it having to move? Is it the new home?" After a moment, recognizing the scent of heat on her daughter, she added, sweetly, "Is it that your heart pines for a mate and kids?" ~*~ IS THE ONLY HOPE YOU'VE EVER KNOWN

She felt horrible inside. Like a grumpy goat except she wasn't a goat. She would call her sister a grumpy goat sometimes when Keki wasn't cooperative with her. "You grumpy goat!" she would tell in her small squeaky voice at Keki. Then her sister would just turn her nose upwards and crinkle it as if she had smelt a horrid smell. Usually Maka would reply by sticking her tongue out. For a moment she stuck out her tongue a bit and looked at it. Wondering if she ha actually done that but had stopped last year. She didn't know why she was so.....uneasy. She didn't even know how to describe herself now. She had a reason to be this way then didn't. She shouldn't be this way but then she couldn't help it.

Turquoise eyes averted to her mother as she spoke up. Then did she tell her to talk to her, and that she hasn't seen her this upset. Actually, Maka herself hasn't seen herself this upset. It even surprised her as well. Crusade then asked if it was the move or the new home. A phase was set until she asked if she longed for a mate and children. The femme resisted the urge to crinkle up her nose at that. She just sat there but imagined herself doing it. Turning her nose upward just like Keki did when they were pups. What would make her say that? Was it the scent of her heat? Probably, but Maka hadn't thought about that at the moment. What was it really?

She resisted to sigh before she spoke, but did take a breath.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm not being pleasant to be around now am I. And it's neither of those. The fact is...I don't know why. It feels as if my mind has opened up and all of these horrid memories are falling out. An I realized that I'm tired. I'm tired if living in my sister's shadow. I'm tired of looking at her from the sidelines feeling jealous but then guilty that I realize it's not her fault. I love her as my sister but I've felt that no one loves me as they do her. It's been the same since we were born. She was always the favorite if us. Our biological parents would fuss over her and not so much as take a look it glance over at me. And when she left! When she promised to come back but she never did. My parents were devastated. They searched for their list daughter but never realized what they had left. Never realized the small runt or imperfect one sitting there. It angers me! They didn't let me be a pup. They didn't let me be happy, loved as much, and cared for as much. You would think that after she left they would move on to me. Nope, they still grieved Keki's absence in their lives and I was just dragged along, a burden. And I still feel like that today. Her shadow. And when my biological mother died. She sacrificed her life to save mine. I slipped crossing an abyss on a fallen tree and she fell as well. With her teeth on my tail she knew it wouldn't hold both if us. So she let go... But I saw her eyes. She looked at me with them and I saw what she realized at her last moments of life. Pain, guilt, sorrow. She realized she had a second daughter; at that moment! Took her long enough! And then she was gone... But now when I look at Keki with those pups I know she deserves better. But I'm also not used to her imperfection in that field. Not her but the fact that she doesn't have a mate she deserves. And those pups don't have a father they deserve. And that one flaw...is her one imperfection. The only one in her entire life. And mine? I don't know how to describe. I'm sick and tired of being her shadow....I hate it but I love her at the same time; because it's not her fault. And I don't know what to do..."

Maka took a moment to look at her mother before speaking once more.

"Help me...please." she pleaded before turning away to hide her tears.

Ashamed of her confession and everything she had hidden inside the curtain. Opened was it and the show was over. Everyone had left except her. Maka was in the theatre alone...in the shadows.

OOC: ignore phone post errors X)

Crusade had always been the sort to wear her heart on her sleeve. No matter how many times it'd been ripped. No matter how many times it been torn. So long as it kept pumping, she kept feeling, kept loving. She'd had an adopted daughter once before, a beautiful grey sweetheart with lavender eyes. Little Animi. They'd snuggled up in their forest down and gone for walks along Starlite's beach. Animi loved to chase the gulls.

But Xy had killed. And left a message to Crusade in a most horrible way.

But Crusade still loved. She still tried hard for a family. And she ended up adopting two more girls - Maka and Keki. She loved them more than she could saw. They helped to warm her scarred heart. She'd never wanted to see them in pain or upset, but of course the world was as dangerous a place now as it had been when she was their age. Keki had been raped, and when Crusade had sought for justice she'd been laughed out by one wolf and declined by another. The second being Gargoyle and she had been more angered by him then than she had ever been before. She was too old to deal out justice herself. She was made to watch others bear pain and struggle through. It wasn't easy. If she could she would've taken it all away. But in the end, Keki had done well and came to love the pups that a twist of fate had given her.

And Maka... well now Crusade was realize that Maka had her share of problems too. When the levy broke, the Timber cross was left standing, staring, silently listening as Maka pulled out her heart. It was terrible, and heart breaking, but Crusade remained standing strong, and in the end, when her poor baby called for help, she was there. She padded forward at once, offering a pale chest of fur for Maka to bury her head in, and unless she pulled away, Crusade shifted to tuck her head around the girl's quaking shoulders - to try to pull her close, as though by squeezing her tight she could stop the sobs and the pain that came with them. She wasn't the sort of wolf who had a weakness for jealousy. She didn't understand the path that certain flaws lead some wolves down. But she didn't care about any of that right now. She just wanted Maka to know she was loved. To know that she was important. She would always be. "Maka..." she murmured, her old voice soft but quickly thickening with emotion. "My Maka..." There was much more to be said, but in this moment, those words were the only ones that came.

The small dame sat there on her haunches. Turquoise eyes brimming with small tears and her lip quivering. Odd enough, sitting ere like this made her feel like a pup again. She was small enough and had a high enough voice. But in the inside she knew she wasn't she wasn't a pup anymore.yet sitting here reminded her of when she would fall or slip and get a cut or scrape. Keki was always there to hug her and make her better. But now standing before her wasn't Keki. Ther mother was there. So what if Maka hadn't been loved before, she would be loved now right? The runt looked up at her mother as one tear made it's way down her face. She wondered what she looked like. A small shivering wolf looking up at her mother with a pained face. How this must break her mother's heart. She knew Crusade didn't like it when anyone was in a bad mood. But then again it hurt her as well because she loved the wolf. She never wanted to see anyone in pain right? Maybe this was fate right? Despite the difficult childhood and parents she had gained new ones. And a new mother as well.

But what made Maka cry the most. That she couldn't see her dead mother again. That she couldn't forgive her for what she'd done. Maka missed her surprisingly and wished she could have been loved like Keki was. But now she had someone else to love her, Crusade. And still her sister Keki loved her. And her nephews, and the rest of the family. Sure she was small and a but quiet now but that would have to change. As the curtain lay drawn it closed once more. Only to be opened again with a single small girl standing in the center. She looked around at the audience only to see no one was there. But when she looked down at the first row, her mother sat there smiling up at her. So returning the smile did she start the show.

Maka mustered a small weak smile and let out a sob as she looked at her mother who said her name. Then coming closer did she out her neck around her and said she was her Maka. The small femme pushed her face into her mother's fur on her chest and cry out her pain. The pain that had been hidden behind the curtain. Let it be free then gone. Even though a memory would still remain she knew she was loved. Her mother loved her; so Maka nuzzled her as she sat there crying. Her turquoise eyes looked up to Crusade as she pulled back a bit to speak.

"I love you....Mommy" she said.

Maka said mommy because she had never been able to say that. She had always wanted to say that to her biological mother but she knew it wouldn't mean anything. But now it did, this was her mother, her mama, her mommy. The one that loved her back and cared for her as well. The one that loved her as much as she loved her sister. She then pushed her face back I to her mother's fur as she let out whines of happiness as her tail wagged. She cried still but tears of happiness and joy. Maka closed her eyes as she sat tere with her face pushed into Crusade.

She even felt like hopping around. Maybe the old Maka was slowly coming back; and the monster that had its shell over her was fading away.

The show ended as the girl ran to her mother. She was swept up in her arms as she giggled with joy. The curtains closed and the two walked out of the place with smiles on their faces. The girl was in her mother's arms as they exited the place. And her head lay on her shoulder. Her mother, her crutch in life.