ardent

I can not bear the shame



Shaye I

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12-25-2018, 06:05 PM



The consequences from her actions of the night before, left her with a pounding head, a dizziness that could be seen in her paws, a sickness in her gut, and a wildness in her eyes. There was more at work here then just the effects of excess drinking, more memories then laughing and stumbling through the pack grounds. She felt sick to the very core of her being. She had done something no wolf should ever do, she had crossed a line that she had been raised knowing was there.

She had no plan when she had fled the lands of her pack, only the knowledge that she needed to get away. It was brisk in the early morning air, but she still found a body of water, and dived into its depths. She scrubbed her body with moss as much ass he was able to reach, rubbing until her fur and skin ached. She could still smell him, but perhaps that was more the act of her mind then reality.

She removed herself from the water, shivering and miserable, and still had no plan. She had to go back to Abaven. She knew that, and knew she would never turn her back on the wolves there, no matter how stupid and foolish she was feeling in that moment. She had made promises to the wolves there, and would die upholding them. Of course, she had thought that death would be bloody, not one of embarrassment and shame.

She found a place to sit, dripping wet, where she could hear the rush of water, and hang her head, breathing soft, even breaths as she let herself consider the cost of what she had done.


""


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Gustav

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12-25-2018, 07:19 PM
He had been traveling for about 2 years now and he had yet to find anything to hold him to a spot. He was holding tight the the ways of his parents, living and fending for himself. He had to admit that it was never easy, but it had been how he was raised. It was all he had left of the little German couple and though it was a life that lacked social interaction he dealt with it the best he could. He had met a few wolves here and there, but none of them had a lasting relationship. Packs had never been something he had considered, just because he had never had any interest in them.

He had just recently arrived within a new set of territories and had done a sort bit of exploring. Mainly his concern was finding a place to settle for the winter. To settle down in one spot over winter gave him better chances to survive, but he had to find a good spot. So far is seemed the East was a good spot, but what territory in particular?

He moved forward at an easy lope, his nose twitching as he smelled the water from the falls. He headed for it, looking to explore the area and see if this may be the spot he was looking for. His body language was neutral for the tall wolf as he moved, his orange eyes bright as they took the world in. As he grew closer to the shoreline his eyes spied a dark figure lingering on the shore. He stopped for a moment to focus on the figure before he realized it was another wolf.

"Hello," his deep voice greeted from a far before he began to approach the other wolf.



Shaye I

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12-25-2018, 10:12 PM
She hadn't intended for another wolf to see here, and in fact had been lost so deeply in her self reflection that she did not hear him until he spoke.

She startled, raising her head in alarm, displaying to him her red rimmed eyes, and slightly wild features. Her coat, still damp from her earlier attempt to rid herself of his scent, clung to her body. She wasnt exactly in the right frame of mind to be seeing anyone, but she couldn't bring herself to snap at him and tell him to leave. She had too much self loathing churning in her stomach to turn her anger on anyone but herself.

Still, it took her a moment to answer him. She was slow to bring herself out if her shell and even then it was only a partial effort. "H-hello" she murmured, her voice softer then usual. She had just enough wherewithal to notice he was a larger wolf then she, and had sleek dark features. His amber eyes where bright, and fill with a life she wasnt feeling right at that moment. "Can I help you?" She asked, managing to insert a touch of briskness to her tones. Thank goodness this wolf didnt know her as an Alpha, it would have only doubled her shame.

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Gustav

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12-26-2018, 08:37 PM (This post was last modified: 12-26-2018, 09:54 PM by Bluetick.)
She didn't seem to be aware of his presence until he spoke and something was off. He didn't know what exactly be something about the way she sat and the softness in her voice threw off alarms. Granted he didn't know this female and it could just be how her nature was, but it also drew him in. That plus his lack of socialization with others, along with the added want for company drew him in.

When she turned her head to look at him he could see the red rimmed eyes and the wild look they held, it sent more alarms off within his mind, a nagging that something was troubling. It wasn't his business to poke around in other's lives, but maybe all she needed was some friendly company. It wouldn't at all be proper for him to ask her any personal questions, so for now he would have to settle with being simply friendly and maybe seeing if she had any information on the nearby territories.

"Well you may be able to help me..... Are you very familiar with the surrounding territories?" he asked. "I'm new to this place."



Shaye I

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01-01-2019, 12:56 PM
The wolf seemed to study her a moment, no doubt taking in her rugged appearance. She hadn’t been gone from pack lands for long, so she certainly hadn’t had time to build up a truly wild appearance - and nor could she stay away for any extended time - but she had managed pretty well to accumulate a wild sort of look in a short time.

The red rimmed eyes and soaked coat seemed to do the trick. Unless of course, he was looking at her because he could still smell the scent of her cousin across her skin, in a terribly inappropriate way. She managed to keep her ears from pilling back, managed to keep the sigh from wracking through her body.

She was an Alpha, she had to be better than this. She had to be better than getting drunk and letting her emotions pave the way, but now that she had, she had to be better then what she had done.

“I am familiar with them, what would you like to know?” she managed to install a little more regularity in her voice. Her shame was still there, it would not wear away so easily, but it was pushed down for the moment.

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Gustav

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01-01-2019, 06:40 PM (This post was last modified: 01-01-2019, 06:49 PM by Gustav.)
She seemed to sound a little better with her next words and he smiled as she asked what he wanted to know. He hoped to gain some knowledge, but he also wanted to figure out if she was okay.

"Well I mainly need to know good territories to settle for the winter. Does the east get mild or harsher winters," he said his orange eyes looking to her as he took a seat. "Where are you settled If I may ask?"

Right now it was hard to tell the pack scent on her, really all he could smell was dampened fur which was masking where she came from. If it was a pack at least it would be good to know their general direction so he could be sure to keep a respectful distance.

"Du Narr," He uttered suddenly before shaking his head and looking back to Shaye. "I apologize, where are my manners. I'm Gustav Heinrich."

His german accent came in thick with those german words and pronouncing his name. His accent didn't always come out because it was taught to him as his secondary language. He never knew why the old couple taught him that way, maybe it was because there was things they didn't want him to hear when he was real young, he never did get to ask them before they both passed.



Shaye I

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01-01-2019, 06:56 PM
“The East isn’t bad, through the easiest lands to wait out winter would be in Auster” she would explain, rubbing at her eyes as subtle as she could. It did her good to talk about something else, to have a normal conversation like she hadn’t just broken the laws of nature.

“I’m settled in the pack of Abaven, which is just to the North of this territory.” she explained, not quite ready to explain that this wet, miserable creature was the Alpha of that pack.

Her ears perked up as he uttered a few words in a strange language. She knew her father's tongue, as well as the more commonly spoken one of her mothers and this was not either. He would then go on to apologise and offer his name, she managed a slight smile “I’m Shaye Destruction” she introduced herself. “What brings you here?”

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Gustav

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01-01-2019, 07:23 PM
His ears perked as he listened taking in the name of Auster to memory. According to her it was the easiest lands to get through the winter. He wasn't familiar with Auster, but he would note that he needed to find it and to explore. It might be to far for him to head currently. She did state that the east wasn't bad so for now he supposed he may stay in the east until winter was over then perhaps move on.

She went on to say that she lived within Abaven, which he assumed was the name of a pack around here. The pack was also close to this current territory something else he also mentally noted. She introduced herself and he smiled at her glad to see a slight smile from her.

"Well I'm not sure yet..... I've been traveling a few years now and havn't seem to find anything to glue me somewhere," he chuckled lightly. "Have to always lived in Abaven?"



Shaye I

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01-01-2019, 07:35 PM
The conversation kept swinging back towards Abaven, a fact that made her slightly uncomfortable. The Alpha liked being in control, assured. She wasn’t feeling any of those things today. “I was born there, but left for quite some years. I returned more recently, and, now I’m its Alpha.” she realised she was going to have to say it soon. Because, it was winter, and this stranger was making it obvious that he had nowhere to go for the colder season.

It didn’t matter that Shaye’s heart was troubled, and that she was trying to work her way through where to go from here. She looked at this wolf, and managed another, small smile for him. “If you need somewhere to wait out winter, you can do so in Abaven. We have food and shelter, and it would be easier than living in the rouge lands. “ she explained to him. Of course, that was assuming he didn’t take one look at their Alpha and think the pack might be a big a mess as she was.

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Gustav

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01-01-2019, 08:08 PM
She went on the answer his question his interest drawing him in more. Trying to not draw any attention to how miserable she looked when he had first arrived. It seemed she didn't want to discuss what she was doing here and he didn't want to push any buttons. He was internally surprised to hear that she was the alpha, but externally he hid it not wanting to at all offend her in any way. He smiled at her as she smiled at him again going on to offer a stay within the pack for the winter. It was a kind offer, but the male's ears gently flattened then rose once more. He had never experienced the pack life and wasn't sure if he could properly fit in. Though he supposed it would be a good trial run to see if the pack life was for him. He looked down to the ground for a moment, thinking it over before looking back up to her.

"I appreciate the offer, but I don't want to be a hindrance to your pack. The food supplies belong to your members and taking on more mouths to feed may cause trouble if it ends up being a rough winter," he replied. "Although if you don't mind me close, I think this territory may be good to settle in for at least the winter."

He wouldn't be able to live with himself if her pack didn't have enough to last them through because they took him on. He could survive on his own he just needed to prepare. His mind doubled back to how she looked when he first approached wondering if he should ask? What did he have to loose? Worst thing that could potentially happen was she would physically attack him, but he really didn't feel like she was that type of person, especially after offering for him to live within her pack for the winter.

"I apologize if this may be fairly blunt or improper, but are you okay?," he asked.



Shaye I

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01-01-2019, 08:30 PM
He would politely decline, pointing out that he had all he needed here. Her own ears moved back a little, though she didn’t show any other emotion otherwise. “I have the supplies necessary.. I might look a mess, but I took care of my pack first.” her laugh sounded a little bitter, though she tried to shake it off. “This land is unoccupied and I have no issue with you staying here. If you find yourself in a bit of a bind or a cold winter storm, you know my pack isn’t far.” it eased her conscience to say it. Abaven was the pack that cared, that took in the wolves that no one else would.

It helped her stand a little stronger despite what had happened, this reminder of the nature of the pack she led.

He would then bring up exactly what she had been avoiding, and a soft sigh escaped her. It hadn’t been that long ago that all this had occurred, the headache from the cursed drink still lingered beneath her temples. Perhaps that was why she said more then she might have otherwise. “We have a wedding about to happen in the pack, and I drunk more than I should have, intoxicated, I made a mistake I regret, which is why i’m out here looking sorry, rather then in my pack, looking like the leader i’m suppose to be.”

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Gustav

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01-01-2019, 08:53 PM (This post was last modified: 01-01-2019, 08:54 PM by Gustav.)
"No no I didn't mean it like that I have no doubt you take care of your pack," he replied quickly, fearing he may have just offended her.

His ears flattened a bit and his brows rose as she offered her pack again. He bit his tongue lightly, mentally cursing himself. Here was his first social interaction in what felt like a lifetime and he was completely trashing it. His attention drew back to her when she softly sighed and began to explain what was troubling her.

He remembered papa and mama used to drink, casually to keep their spirits up in the evening. Often when he was in bed and suppose to be sleeping. Later he learned about the liquid that could get you drunk and he understood the effects it had on you, but she was leaving the 'bad mistake' more broad and not really narrowing it down. Was it really any of his business though? He would probably continue to trash this whole conversation.

He looked to her unsure of what to say or do next. He didn't want her to think ill of him, but she was down in the dumps and he wanted to help her out.

"What..... What kind of mistake," he asked, almost preparing for her to get more upset with him.



Shaye I

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01-01-2019, 09:02 PM
He was quick to reassure her that he wasn’t saying she was incapable of looking after her own pack. Perhaps she had been on the defensive a little more than she should have. She was judging herself so harshly, it was hard not to think that everyone else was doing the same.

She offered him a slight smile, realising she may have been bungling this first time meeting a little. “Sorry” she offered, indicating that she realised the social slip had been more on her side then on his.

“I.. oh, ghee.” she sighed softly at his latest question. “There’s no light way of stepping around this. I.. slept with my cousin.” she blushed heavily, hanging her head in shame. She really wasn’t giving him a good impression of herself, and in relation, her pack.

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Gustav

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01-01-2019, 09:21 PM
He was relived when she seemed to settle and apologize for how she acted. It gave him confidence that this was going better then he originally thought. She seemed very embarrassed by what the mistake was and when she told him he could see why. Was it morally right? No, but a mistake was a mistake. The alcohol was mind and emotion altering liquid and sometimes you just couldn't help it.

"I can see why your here then, but there is always worse mistakes that could have happened," he offered.

He didn't know if that would help her feel better, but it was worth a shot. How could he make her truly feel better? Not everyone thought and felt like he did when it came to this kind of situation. The pack could very well be horrified if they ever found out, but whose to say they had to?

"I mean..... It's not like you murdered anyone. If it's only you and him that have knowledge of what happened you can just leave it like that. It's a mistake afterall it's not like it was something that was meant to happen and you were.... under the influence," he tried to explain so she could understand what he meant.



Shaye I

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01-01-2019, 09:54 PM
She expected him to recoil once he heard why she was here. Instead, he offered her a comfort, saying that perhaps there were worse things that could have happened. Having this stranger not immediately judge her, relieved some of the pain in her heart. Of course, he hadn’t been involved, and didn’t feel all the same emotions that family would, but if he could forgive her. Maybe, just maybe…

She gave a soft laugh, not so bitter this time. “Thanks, that actually helps a lot. I’ve been sitting here feeling wretched and foolish, i’m glad you came along.” she admitted, looking up at him, and offering him a more sincere smile now. There was something about this man that seemed upfront and honest. He didn’t beat around the bush, he said what he thought, and what he thought comforted her.

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Gustav

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01-01-2019, 10:05 PM
Her laugh this time was not like the last and sounded more natural then the one before. Was he actually helping her? He grinned as she told him it helped, glad that he could help her out. He didn’t like seeing others upset and even though she was still practically a stranger, he would gladly try and help her out as much as he could.

”I’m glad I could help out a bit,” he replied.

Her face held a more sincere look as she smiled again and his grin faded into a smile as well. His orange eyes looked to her blues for a mere moment before he looked down to his paws for a moment.

”So what is this pack of yours like? Is it a big pack?” he asked.

Now that she seemed in better spirits he was interested to learn more about her pack. Maybe it was a good idea to stay there over the winter. It couldn’t hurt and he could certainly hunt for himself still so they didn’t have to use up thier supplies on him.



Shaye I

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Glacier

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01-01-2019, 10:33 PM
He seemed a considerate wolf, happy to have helped her out, even in this small way. His company certainly lightened her mode, and she realised how much being in ‘her own’ company had helped to drag her down. She had too much heaviness in her thoughts, she needed this chance to escape them.

“Abaven is certainly getting there in size, its growing all the time, but we hold three lands and have more than enough space for everyone. “ she explained to him. A touch of pride entering her voice as she spoke of Abaven, something she wouldn’t have been able to manage just a few moments earlier.

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Most people dont want to be nagged about threads - I do! If I owe you a post, tell me. I've taken on a lot of threads and gotten lost. If you want a post, tell me where, and i'll reply.



Gustav

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01-02-2019, 09:53 AM
The pack had three territories under thier claim. It sounded like a decent sized pack, but she also reassured him that there was more then enough space. What harm could it do to try living within a pack for a season and see how he liked it. Sure there would be a lot of lifestyle changes compared to how he currently lived, but at least maybe he could get the social interaction and companionship he was looking for. If he didn’t well then he could just move on in the spring.

“If your offer is still good, I agree your offer would be better then busting my tail getting prepared to survive on my own. I’ve had plenty of years doing just that and somehow I managed,” he smiled then chuckled lightly. “And this conversation will remain between me and you, I will not utter a word to anyone.”

He didn’t want her to feel like he would be a blabber mouth and go telling anyone about her mistake. It was hers to choose what she wanted to do with and he would leave it at that.



Shaye I

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01-05-2019, 02:52 PM
He wanted to accept her offer, a face she was a little less thrilled about after her confession. So, as he promised he would tell no one else, she offered him a smile. She didn’t know why, but she felt that she could trust this man. A strang setninment, considering how she had only known him a few brief moments, and after experiencing a betrayal of her own. A betrayal of her own wits, rather than that of someone else.

“Of course the offer is available, no point staying out here over winter when there’s a pack just a land over.” she said, especially when that pack prided itself in looking out for others. Standing strong for the weak, and all that.

“I.. appreciate your discretion.” she would add “Come on, i’ll show you to Abaven.” she suggested with a smile.

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Most people dont want to be nagged about threads - I do! If I owe you a post, tell me. I've taken on a lot of threads and gotten lost. If you want a post, tell me where, and i'll reply.



Gustav

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01-05-2019, 03:12 PM
He knew that this might have been weird for her. She disclosed some personal information she was feeling horrible about. She told him and now he would be living within the pack. He was honestly surprised that she was still making the offer good, although he was glad. He wouldn’t mind getting the chance to experience pack life before having to actually decide to remain there or continue his solitary life. He smiled back at her before she beckoned him to fallow so she could show him where the pack was. He nodded and stood ready to fallow.

“Thank you, after you,” he said before fallowing her.

He would let his mind mull over what he would need for the den he would build and what work would lie ahead of him.

-exit Gustav with Shaye-