Put the pieces back together
02-09-2019, 04:20 PM
While the pack still was much smaller than he'd like, things were admittedly going well so far. He was careful not to say as much aloud though lest fate decide to teach him a lesson about getting too comfortable. Today though, Ignatius was not focusing on his pack responsibilities. He had something else on his mind that he could no longer ignore - or rather, someone.
Knowing she was around and being ready to face her and the emotions surrounding their broken relationship were two different things. He'd known for some time that she'd been nearby, it would be impossible to not take notice eventually. Working up the courage to face her again with a calm and rational mind though? That took much longer than he'd expected. Maybe it was nostalgia or a longing for what had been lost that finally pushed him to leave the pack lands for the day with a new purpose in mind. Trudging through the snow as more flakes fell in lazy arcs from the heavens, Ignatius moved with more than a little trepidation not all of which was due to the difficult climb over the glaciers. Should he even try? What if it was only a coincidence that she'd stuck around. Maybe she had something else to occupy her time. She could very well not want anything to do with him anymore.
Still he'd press on. The wind picked up as he climbed higher, pulling through his thick fur and sending a chill down to the skin. Ice and snow picked up by the rolling breeze pelted him from time to time. Keeping his head down and eyes narrowed, Ignatius walked with calm determination. He'd already imagined hearing her once, so why he was so confident he'd find her this way even he couldn't be certain.
Knowing she was around and being ready to face her and the emotions surrounding their broken relationship were two different things. He'd known for some time that she'd been nearby, it would be impossible to not take notice eventually. Working up the courage to face her again with a calm and rational mind though? That took much longer than he'd expected. Maybe it was nostalgia or a longing for what had been lost that finally pushed him to leave the pack lands for the day with a new purpose in mind. Trudging through the snow as more flakes fell in lazy arcs from the heavens, Ignatius moved with more than a little trepidation not all of which was due to the difficult climb over the glaciers. Should he even try? What if it was only a coincidence that she'd stuck around. Maybe she had something else to occupy her time. She could very well not want anything to do with him anymore.
Still he'd press on. The wind picked up as he climbed higher, pulling through his thick fur and sending a chill down to the skin. Ice and snow picked up by the rolling breeze pelted him from time to time. Keeping his head down and eyes narrowed, Ignatius walked with calm determination. He'd already imagined hearing her once, so why he was so confident he'd find her this way even he couldn't be certain.
02-14-2019, 12:07 PM
Ignatius had wanted time away from Kirsi and she had rather begrudgingly agreed. What else could she do, after all? After all she had done and all she had lost, he was the only one she had left - driving that already-deep wedge between them even further wouldn't help her situation. She kept her distance, keeping tabs on him from afar, noting the smells of him as well as Sephira, which didn't settle terribly well with her, but what could she do? The distance was painful but she knew not to agitate him, and that was how she'd spent most of autumn and the rest of winter, lingering just outside the borders of Fyri, close enough that Ignatius might catch a whiff of her here and there but not close enough to agitate him - or so she hoped. The icy cold of the north was not unfamiliar to her, but somehow even in all its beauty she felt stifled by the snow. It only exacerbated the frigid loneliness in her heart, making each day more difficult than the last. The arrival of a light snowfall should've brightened her dreary mood, but it did no such thing. She trudged mutely along over the vast expanse of ice, occasionally blinking and pausing to shake the fat snowflakes from her face. The wind's speed made the climb a bit more difficult, whipping relentlessly at her face as though urging her to turn around. Always quietly defiant, she pressed on, though as the landscape shifted so did the scents she'd picked up on. Was she really closing in on Ignatius? His scent had been faint, but quickly grew overwhelming. She hadn't meant to find him, not like last time, and her pace slowed into an uncertain crawl as she tried to regain her composure. She swallowed hard when a gust of wind brought a flurry of snow up into the air and then it settled down again, revealing none other than Ignatius in the distance, his fiery coat a stark contrast to the pale white snow. This time she was frozen, as though encased in ice herself, pale blue eyes fixing on him and refusing to let go. |
02-14-2019, 02:33 PM
His breath caught in his throat for a moment when a snow flurry cleared for a moment and as he looked up he found Kirsi looking back at him. His heart ached instantly. Oh, wow, okay, so he definitely hadn't realized how much his traitorous heart was missing her until now. Seeing her much smaller ice-colored form before him brought a crushing wave of nostalgia forth and all of a sudden Ignatius was drowning in wonderfully painful memories.
Growing up, Ignatius hadn't had enough opportunities to know if he was truly an impulsive wolf. He supposed establishing his relationship with Kirsi had been done on a whim. One of the few things he did that was his decision, made for himself alone. So many days spent hiding from responsibility with her, he could practically feel the heat of the summer sun and the dry dirt as they'd lain in the shade of one of the few leafy trees back home, talking, laughing, and falling hopelessly in love. Next thing he knew he was sweeping up beside her.
"You know," he began, speaking only just loud enough for her to hear as he found himself leaning closer, just barely brushing his fur against hers, "I was going to press you for more answers. I still will. I can't move past everything that happened without knowing more but," slowly, he pressed closer to her, seeking to bury his face in the fur on the back of her neck and draw her close to him. The proximity had him feeling breathless.
"I just can't do that right now. No matter how I try to, I can't stop myself from wanting to be with you every minute of every day." He must be a fool. A soft fool.
Growing up, Ignatius hadn't had enough opportunities to know if he was truly an impulsive wolf. He supposed establishing his relationship with Kirsi had been done on a whim. One of the few things he did that was his decision, made for himself alone. So many days spent hiding from responsibility with her, he could practically feel the heat of the summer sun and the dry dirt as they'd lain in the shade of one of the few leafy trees back home, talking, laughing, and falling hopelessly in love. Next thing he knew he was sweeping up beside her.
"You know," he began, speaking only just loud enough for her to hear as he found himself leaning closer, just barely brushing his fur against hers, "I was going to press you for more answers. I still will. I can't move past everything that happened without knowing more but," slowly, he pressed closer to her, seeking to bury his face in the fur on the back of her neck and draw her close to him. The proximity had him feeling breathless.
"I just can't do that right now. No matter how I try to, I can't stop myself from wanting to be with you every minute of every day." He must be a fool. A soft fool.
02-27-2019, 10:42 AM
The same painful rush of nostalgia hit her at the same time, nearly knocking her over where she stood. If she didn't know better, she'd wonder if she was dreaming but she knew the pain that tugged at her heart was too raw to be anything but real. There was so much he needed to know, to understand, but she already knew what she'd told him had been too much. She wasn't sure he'd ever fully believe her side of the store, not after she'd forged their relationship on a foundation of lies and deceit from the very beginning... but she needed to try. Would he believe her that her feelings had been true? Perhaps not at first, but time had caused her to fall deeply in love with him and nothing about that had ever felt staged, despite the circumstances. He'd somehow both calmed her and challenged her, a small glimmer of peace and security in a world otherwise chaotic; even her own mind often seemed like a whirlwind that only he could tame. Even now she felt the world slow as he approached her, his scent wrapping around her like a vice, his warmth slowly melting away all the icy cold that had gripped her. His touch was all she needed to feel okay. It was as though she'd been holding her breath for so many seasons now and all at once she felt the weight lessen, her chest no longer quite as constricted as she breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "I'll give you all the answers you need. In time, I swear it," she assured him carefully. Kirsi had no doubt that their conversations wouldn't be pretty ones, and there were still some things she wasn't sure she could bring herself to tell him, but the present wasn't the time to figure that out. A soft whine fell from her lips, a sound she hadn't meant to make at all, as her own snout buried into his fur. How had she existed for all this time without him, after everything that had happened? While part of her felt relieved, she felt a sudden overwhelming grief claw at her heart - and the next sound she made was a pained, helpless sob as she leaned into him heavily and felt tears prick at her eyes. "I've wanted nothing more to spend every moment with you for... so long now," Kirsi started softly, words meant only for him. Even if anyone else lingered nearby, their quiet chatter would be drowned out by the whistling bitter winds. She wished she could say she'd felt that way since they day they met but she couldn't. The feeling hadn't come long after, though. She remembered the exact day, too - the moment she realized he'd captured her heart completely. "Do you remember the day we both realized it?" It was so clear in her head, and she knew the moment had been clear to the both of them, despite how young they had been. "I'd challenged you to a race and I was so distracted by how stupidly handsome you were that I ended up falling down the hill we were racing down." It'd been such a simple moment, but she realized how enamored she was with him by how easily he'd caused her to lose a composure. She'd been so sure she would win that race, too, that she'd been totally stunned by her misstep. Her mind was assaulted with memories, some more pleasant than others, of him licking her sore paw after her stumble and how they'd both fallen asleep together as the sun fell. Somehow they'd lost track of time and Ig had awoken in a panic, certain he'd be punished back home for staying out all night. So many of their memories were like that, small snippets of time that felt somehow secluded from the rest of the world, from all their peers and their family - Kirsi sighed at the way the nostalgia tugged at her now, trying to sniff away the tears that had begun to fall. "I'm sorry, Ig. Please. don't make me go." Kirsi rarely asked for anything, let alone leaned on anyone, but with Ignatius everything was different and she felt like she couldn't bear being pulled away from him again. |
03-01-2019, 02:44 PM
She swore she'd tell him everything in time, and for now... yeah, that was good enough for him. He always knew Kirsi was, well, capable of things he was not, but he'd never really wanted or been able to believe that that extended to him. Some small part of his soft heart looked back at him whenever they looked at each other. He held her tighter when she continued, sobbing quietly into his fur. He simply allowed her to, wishing he could just make everything better, erase the bad and heal what had broken and send them to a place where they could be okay, with nothing standing in their way.
"I know," he murmured gently, his deep voice as soft as velvet, "The past is past, we're here in the now, and our future can be as bright as we make it." His words left an unspoken promise hanging in the air between them. Time had not really healed his wounds, but it had given him fresh eyes to see how much he needed her. At times he feared he might discover he still could not fully trust her after what little he'd learned of her part in the betrayal, but right now his fears were being silenced by his overwhelming desire to bring her back into his life. Whether she was poison or panacea to his life felt irrelevant now. Living without her felt like being forced to take half as many breaths and still be alright. Too painful to manage.
The memory she brought up had him smiling despite himself. She'd looked so funny to him that day, seemingly unable to keep her eyes on the path ahead of her, and the way her eyes bugged out when she realized she was about to go tumbling. He'd laughed so hard his sides ached, but soon discovered he kept catching himself having that same infatuation. It was like she was magnetic and he was hopelessly drawn to her. "I always hated having to leave. Knowing there was always a time limit hanging over my head, cutting things short..." Every memory they had seemed to have been cut off too soon. His life had never been his own before, no matter how he tried to fight the oppressive responsibilities thrust on him. Even in the time of peace, he'd never felt at peace. Sometimes he felt foolish for caring that he'd been removed from the position of heir. It wasn't even the loss of position that angered him, he'd have gladly left it before without hesitation. It was how he'd been ousted. His brother would have a target on his back for the rest of their lives so far as Ignatius was concerned.
Finding that he was growing tense, Ignatius forced himself to relax and return his mind to the present when Kirsi pleaded for him not to make her leave again. Ah, there it was. That faint hint of trepidation that sung through his body like an electric shock. Ignatius ignored it, pulling back slightly to look her in the eye as he responded, "Kirsi, you have my word, so long as we both remain true I will never make you leave my side again. Our lives are our own now, we can make them what we wish, and never give a shit again what anyone else thinks or wants. I just need one thing from you." He eyed her seriously for a long moment before cracking the faintest hint of a smile. "Join my pack. Come home with me to Fýri and let the rest work itself out." In time he believed they could smooth out all the issues from the past. Maybe not easily at first, but he had to believe that it would all work out, that he could rule how he wanted with the love of his life standing by his side. Just once in life he wished for one chapter of his story to have a happy ending.
"I know," he murmured gently, his deep voice as soft as velvet, "The past is past, we're here in the now, and our future can be as bright as we make it." His words left an unspoken promise hanging in the air between them. Time had not really healed his wounds, but it had given him fresh eyes to see how much he needed her. At times he feared he might discover he still could not fully trust her after what little he'd learned of her part in the betrayal, but right now his fears were being silenced by his overwhelming desire to bring her back into his life. Whether she was poison or panacea to his life felt irrelevant now. Living without her felt like being forced to take half as many breaths and still be alright. Too painful to manage.
The memory she brought up had him smiling despite himself. She'd looked so funny to him that day, seemingly unable to keep her eyes on the path ahead of her, and the way her eyes bugged out when she realized she was about to go tumbling. He'd laughed so hard his sides ached, but soon discovered he kept catching himself having that same infatuation. It was like she was magnetic and he was hopelessly drawn to her. "I always hated having to leave. Knowing there was always a time limit hanging over my head, cutting things short..." Every memory they had seemed to have been cut off too soon. His life had never been his own before, no matter how he tried to fight the oppressive responsibilities thrust on him. Even in the time of peace, he'd never felt at peace. Sometimes he felt foolish for caring that he'd been removed from the position of heir. It wasn't even the loss of position that angered him, he'd have gladly left it before without hesitation. It was how he'd been ousted. His brother would have a target on his back for the rest of their lives so far as Ignatius was concerned.
Finding that he was growing tense, Ignatius forced himself to relax and return his mind to the present when Kirsi pleaded for him not to make her leave again. Ah, there it was. That faint hint of trepidation that sung through his body like an electric shock. Ignatius ignored it, pulling back slightly to look her in the eye as he responded, "Kirsi, you have my word, so long as we both remain true I will never make you leave my side again. Our lives are our own now, we can make them what we wish, and never give a shit again what anyone else thinks or wants. I just need one thing from you." He eyed her seriously for a long moment before cracking the faintest hint of a smile. "Join my pack. Come home with me to Fýri and let the rest work itself out." In time he believed they could smooth out all the issues from the past. Maybe not easily at first, but he had to believe that it would all work out, that he could rule how he wanted with the love of his life standing by his side. Just once in life he wished for one chapter of his story to have a happy ending.
03-04-2019, 04:52 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-04-2019, 04:54 PM by Kirsi.)
Perhaps the pain she shared now was simply too much for her to carry on her own; even now she wasn't completely sure she could tell him everything, but even now the thought of considering to felt like a great weight being lifted off her shoulders. She still tried to stifle the soft sobs that shook her body, hating feeling so weak even around the one she trusted the most. The feeling wasn't something that settled well with her and she wished badly she could compose herself and stand strong and certain in front of him. Crying wasn't something she did often, if at all, but the waves of grief came like a strong storm that she couldn't hide from. "You're right," she breathed softly at his promise, though even to herself she didn't sound fully convinced in her agreement. Regardless of what she thought though her need for him felt overwhelming and it was hard to pretend she could go on without him now that he'd so much as teased at togetherness again. "You leaving... was always the worst," Kirsi agreed, a bit breathlessly as she tried to stop herself from sobbing, her voice still unsteady even when she managed to calm herself down. Somehow through all the lies and deception she had managed to convince herself that they'd make it out okay. Everything in her life had always worked to her advantage. Ignatius will understand, she'd told herself repeatedly. It seemed plausible that despite his exile they would find somewhere to settle down together, to make names of their own and to raise their family. The mere thought of their children made her very nearly lose her cool again, feeling the now-silent tears continuing to fall, though she hoped the crying was mostly masked by the way she'd buried her face into his fur. She couldn't mask the tears for long though, for he was abruptly pulling away and looking her in the eye. He was the only one she couldn't lie to or hide her emotions from - the pain she wore now was worn plainly for him to see and to dissect. She could only hope Ignatius knew it was genuine. "I want nothing more than to be by your side. Until the end of our days." It was hard to imagine life before she'd grown to love him - and while she wouldn't admit to be a good creature by any means, when it came to him she'd always meant well. She had no doubt she'd gone about things all wrong, but it'd all been for.. well, for the both of them. Obviously things hadn't gone her way but it was hard to imagine how she could've done things differently. If she hadn't tried to betray Ignatius in the first place, would she have even given him a second glance? She truly wasn't so sure, not that it mattered much now. The expression he gave her was hard to ignore, and she felt a similar smile prickling at the corners of her lips. "Your wish is my command," she promised him, mostly serious though not without a hint of impishness. "To Fyri I shall go. What will your sister think of.. all this?" Kirsi had to ask after a moment. Beating around the bush wouldn't do them any good. Kirsi knew exactly what Sephira thought of her and had no doubt her return would displease her.. not to mention what any other wolves from their homeland might thing if they heard of her arrival. She didn't give a shit about them, but Ignatius was more likely to be rattled by their displeasure. Who knew what the others thought, or what Valkorion had told them all? She breathed a shaky sigh, deciding only time would tell. |
04-08-2019, 06:32 AM
There were a few blessed moments in which he was able to simply lose himself in the moment, to let the clamoring of his mind be silenced and to simply appreciate her closeness, relieved to finally be able to hold her close.
"I want nothing more than to be by your side. Until the end of our days." Oh the hold she held on his heart. Was it possible for it to break so many times, so very easily? Those words alone were enough to leave him feeling weak with longing once more to erase all the damage that had been done.
He wanted to swear up and down that they'd never be apart again, to continue reassuring her that all would be well so long as he still had breath in his lungs. He'd protect them both and their future together more fiercely than before. But... the words died in his throat. Not just because he'd made the promise already, but because there was still a part of him that was too wounded yet for him to fully trust that this happy reunion was entirely real. A foolish thought that was agony to entertain, yet it still held a valid place in his mind as he gave Kirsi a gentle lick atop the head. Sometimes words simply weren't enough.
"Sephira..." he hesitated as Kirsi made him remember that there were at least a few pack members who might have something to say about her arrival. Sephira was certainly the most outspoken of the lot... She knew most of what had transpired, at least from Ignatius' retelling, and had little reason to care for or give a second chance to Kirsi. Ig snorted. "Whether she's livid or thrilled doesn't much matter to me. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd err on the side of her not being to happy." An honest assessment, but still he had a difficult time caring one way or the other. So long as an actual fight didn't break out, which... well, they'd cross that bridge when they came to it.
"She's not the only one who joined up though. I don't think anyone else will make much of a fuss though. Sou certainly won't publicly..." And Drifa might not even know of Kirsi's involvement. Shaking his head, Ignatius straightened up and regarded the little frost-colored woman for a moment before a smile tugged at his lips and he glanced at the thickly falling snow around them. "Enough speculating though, we really should find somewhere else to head to before we freeze out here."
"I want nothing more than to be by your side. Until the end of our days." Oh the hold she held on his heart. Was it possible for it to break so many times, so very easily? Those words alone were enough to leave him feeling weak with longing once more to erase all the damage that had been done.
He wanted to swear up and down that they'd never be apart again, to continue reassuring her that all would be well so long as he still had breath in his lungs. He'd protect them both and their future together more fiercely than before. But... the words died in his throat. Not just because he'd made the promise already, but because there was still a part of him that was too wounded yet for him to fully trust that this happy reunion was entirely real. A foolish thought that was agony to entertain, yet it still held a valid place in his mind as he gave Kirsi a gentle lick atop the head. Sometimes words simply weren't enough.
"Sephira..." he hesitated as Kirsi made him remember that there were at least a few pack members who might have something to say about her arrival. Sephira was certainly the most outspoken of the lot... She knew most of what had transpired, at least from Ignatius' retelling, and had little reason to care for or give a second chance to Kirsi. Ig snorted. "Whether she's livid or thrilled doesn't much matter to me. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd err on the side of her not being to happy." An honest assessment, but still he had a difficult time caring one way or the other. So long as an actual fight didn't break out, which... well, they'd cross that bridge when they came to it.
"She's not the only one who joined up though. I don't think anyone else will make much of a fuss though. Sou certainly won't publicly..." And Drifa might not even know of Kirsi's involvement. Shaking his head, Ignatius straightened up and regarded the little frost-colored woman for a moment before a smile tugged at his lips and he glanced at the thickly falling snow around them. "Enough speculating though, we really should find somewhere else to head to before we freeze out here."