Peggy stared down into the rushing water of the wide, muddy river. In a perfect world this would have been the time to be staring at her reflection in a pool of water, but if this was a perfect world she wouldn't be in this particular conundrum, and being a generally down-to-earth sort she didn't generally go in for dramatics anyway but she would have made an exception in this case.


She was pregnant.


The signs had been there for some time now, but she had been steadfastly ignoring them. Constantly making excuses for the symptoms. But she was too much the healer not to put them all together, and she was forced to admit the truth, even if only to herself.


She had always in her heart wanted a family. Wanted a mate who loved her, wanted to raise their pups together. She would raise them in Abaven like her mother had always said she had regretted not being able to do. Her mate would join her there and they would both rise through the ranks and Abaven would thrive because of them. She loved children, and raising her own to be the happiest and best they could be was a dream come true.


But here she was, pregnant and alone. If she could find him, he would surely come with her. He would want to do the right thing by her and raise their pups together. But in her heart of hearts she didn't want him to just do the right thing. She wanted him to be with her because he wanted to be. Because he loved her. Not because they had created these lives together by accident. Besides... She didn't even know the man's name, let alone how to find him. It was impossible, and the white-and-gold girl slumped dejectedly by the river and considered her options.


She would have to tell Shaye and Rhyme, of course, though the realization filled her with chagrin and reluctance. She had never really bonded with either of them, and the idea of going to them to admit having been so foolish was… difficult. Not that either of them could judge her, she thought to herself. Not after what they'd done together.


She would need to tell Corvus. She didn't even know how to begin with that. He was more than her cousin, he was her best friend, and she had already been avoiding him over her deep embarrassment over the fact that their cousins had a litter together. She didn't want him to think badly of her - out of everyone in their shared family and their pack he was the one whose opinion most mattered to her.


So as she sat staring into the flowing, muddy water, it was with mixed feelings concerning the lives growing in her.

Ash had been over his binger for a little while now and he had all the ideas to go to Abaven and see Sparrow’s grave, apologize to her and whatever. Of course… then there was Shaye. And with Shaye came the deep knowledge that her and Rhyme had a litter together. That and she, a Destruction, had Rhyme’s balls under lock and keep.

Honestly, Ash hadn’t gotten to know Rhyme and he didn’t feel bad for the loss of a brother- he had plenty anyway. He wondered how Rhys was handling, though he was scared to ask.

Well, Ash figured he might as well get on the road with this little spectacle. He’d be lucky if he didn’t have to fight his way into Abaven at this rate and- hey, there was a familiar scent. Well… kind of. He was prettttty sure it was familiar.

So naturally, he followed.

And he was right (one point for Ashhindor!), it led to that one Destruction healer chick. Now, Ash wasn’t wearing his harness or his shirt. Mostly because he was too busy showing off the shiny, new, pink scars he had gotten in an ‘X’ across his chest. Of course he’d want to show off his new scars to the pretty healer girl he had met before!

He went to speak, but the scent began to register. Maybe he was just imagining things because he was at least mostly sure the girl was not in heat when they had done their stuff.

But the time would match.

She did sleep with him on a whim- there could be others.

”Uh-” he started, unsure what to say. ”Do we…. Need to talk?”

A familiar voice startled her out of her reverie, and as she jumped to her paws her gaze came back into focus on the very man she had been thinking about. “Oh!” was her startled exclamation, and she stared at him with wide eyes and burning ears. She hadn't even come to terms with it herself, and she had no idea where to begin to tell him. “I - I guess we do.” She turned her gaze to her paws. “But I guess you already know.” He didn't seem to be particularly pleased… but what could she have expected, when he had something like this dropped on him out of nowhere? Tears threatened out of sheer embarrassment for the predicament she had forced them both into, but she forced them back furiously.

Oh boy. The woman confirmed his thoughts. Sparrow would kill him- absolutely kill him. She was dead, but she would definitely find a way to kill him. Aaaaand now the woman looked like she was going to cry. Ash’s expression softened as he came up to her, ”Hey, hey, shhh, don’t cry, c’mon.” Was it the hormones? Did she not want the pups? Ashmedai couldn’t be sure. He did figure, however, that now wasn’t the exact time to ask if he was for sure the father- although that couldn’t wait long either.

”What do you want to do? Do you want to keep them?”

“I'm not going to cry,” she told him quietly, pulling together all her dignity. But she did lean against him, taking comfort in his presence. Had he sought her out? He clearly hadn't known that she was pregnant until he saw her, so if he had been looking for her - and not just coincidence that they met again - that meant he had been looking for her because he wanted to see her again. Right?


His questions confused her, though, and she pulled back to blink up at him in obvious puzzlement. Keep them? Of course she knew there were ways to rid a body of an unwanted pregnancy, healers sometimes had to make that sort of call when carrying a pregnancy to term would kill the patient and litter both - sometimes it was better in early pregnancy if they just quietly lost the litter. If it had not already been too late in the pregnancy, Harmony might have made the choice to do the same for her own litter because of the various risks associated with it. It had been a minor miracle that mother and litter had survived. So Peggy understood the implications of such a decision.


But for her, a healthy young female in the prime of childbearing years, in a pack that would take care of them and love them even if she herself by some twist of fate didn't survive the birth? It was unthinkable. “Of course I want to keep them,” she said blankly. “Don't… don't you?” she added tentatively. Her throat closed in dread st his answer. Surely he wouldn't want her to abort his pups…? It didn't fit with her image of the strong, kind warrior she thought, she knew, that he was. He was just thinking of her, not wanting her to go through it if she didn't really want pups.

She told him she wasn’t going to cry and leaned against him. Uh-huh… really convincing. She seemed to absorb what he was saying and then affirmed that she wanted to keep the pups. Well, that was good, otherwise Ash would have had to keep a good eye on her until she gave birth to them- assuming they were, in fact, his.

Arpeggio asked if he wanted to keep them. Oh, if she only knew. He blinked at her, ”Of course… they’re my children, aren’t they?”

Ashmedai was well aware that she belonged with Abaven and all of that, which obviously wouldn’t do as a home for any children of his. Rhyme and his mistakes had clearly proven how Abaven could ruin the Imperialis line- or any line. Like, for real, was everyone there really totally okay with the whole Rhyme fucking his cousin and a whoever else the other mongrel was? Like… as their alpha? When he couldn’t even control himself? Well… it WAS Abaven. Which was why his pups couldn’t be raised there. Now how was he going to break that to this poor girl? Furthermore… where could they be raised…

Legion. Surely Chaos would take them in if Ashmedai promised to also join and be a good boy. He couldn’t drag this poor little girl to the pirate cove, now could he?

His mouth was a little dry- he knew this wasn’t going to go well and he couldn’t explain why just yet. Should he explain they couldn’t be raised in Abaven and say it was because of Rhyme and his whole… bad relations? Could Ash say that he was an enemy of Abaven?

”I think… you should move in with me so we can raise them together.”

Relief made Peggy's toes tingle, and she beamed up at the male with a sunny smile. He wanted to raise their pups together. In her relief, she misunderstood what exactly he had said, but it was close enough as to make little difference. After all, he was clearly a loner, and she was a pack wolf. Of the two of them, her home was clearly better for raising pups, and it was just obvious to her that he would agree. “I would like that. My den isn't big enough for the two of us and pups but we can move into the larger den Abaven's old healer used to use, it's big enough. I will have to talk to Shaye or Rhyme, those are my alphas, but I'm sure they wouldn't have any problem with you moving in and joining, I mean you are the father of my pups and I know you will be a great asset for the pack.” She was babbling, burbling on as her relief and happiness bubbled over. Things were working out so well, like a dream come true. Her adoration as she gazed up at him with her soft mismatched eyes was clear, her tail wagging behind her in a brush-clearing arc of happiness.

Oh no, that sunshiny smile couldn't be good. There was no way she was just gonna accept all this so easily. As soon as she opened her maw and started babbling Ash realized where the fuck up was. He nodded and hummed "uh-huh's" along numbly until she was done. She looked up at him again and waited for his answer.

"Well," he started, drawling on slowly as he figured things out in his head. "While I agree that I would be a- uh- great asset to Abaven, I think... Maybe... We could go to my brother's pack where my family is and where the dens are- uh- large enough for the both of us and our... pups."

He waited for her smile to fall and her eyes to fill with tears. He waited for her anger and her rejection. He wasn't sure if he should get into the family drama, but he would if he had to. God, he would never hear the end of it for knocking up a Destruction girl.

Arpeggio stared at him a moment, quizzical. "I can't leave Abaven," she explained patiently. He was worried about being accepted there, she was sure, but she was completely confident that Rhyme and Shaye would jump at the chance to have a wolf like him in Abaven. He'd fit in so well. She'd never have guessed that he was shy... but it just made her smile fondly at him. "I understand wanting to join your brother's pack, but can you guarantee we'd have a home there? Abaven needs me, and I'm already a part of the pack. I've got a good chance to be lead warrior. I feel like I can do a lot of good there, and our pups would have a stable home. I can't just leave now."

The girl- bless her heart- said she couldn't leave Abaven and Ashmedai had to look away to hide his darkening expression as she spoke. Yeah. No. No way he was going to let his pups be raised in Abaven. Yes he was sure someone of her stature could be a lead warrior since Abaven didn't have any actual fighters. Ash swallowed his rising discontentment. He would try to settle this in a civil way.

"Darlin', my brother's pack is a good pack filled with warriors. It's safe and..." Ah, shit, he was starting to lose this argument wasn't he. He really didn't want to upset her, he really didn't.

"I just- uh- don't... have the best history with Abaven, so I think... it might be a bad idea for me to go there or to have our pups there. But, but my brother's pack would have us. We could still visit. I-"

He looked away, as if fighting back some confusion or some hurt expression. Could he pull her with emotions? Before she pulled him with hers?

"I was just thinking- hoping- you'd wanna come and, have a family together." Ok, ok, good and.... time to stare at your paws and get all quiet!

"I guess I was wrong."

Was he being a sleazeball? Yes. Was that better than having to rip her from Abaven's less than capable pack? Probably. Not that he was ruling it out, though.

Confusion rapidly degenerated to alarm and then to a faint horror as he hemmed and hawwed and sought to explain himself further. Peggy's eyes grew wide as he spoke, mismatched gaze fixed on him. Her fond smile had quickly faded as she bit at her lip. "I can't leave Abaven," she repeated, barely above a whisper. She swallowed hard, feeling her loyalties jerked back and forth like a tug toy between two vigorous pups. She'd sworn to Corvus that she'd always be there. She was supposed to protect him and their family, make sure that none of the new pups had to go through what they'd been through. She couldn't do that and still follow the love of her life, the father of her pups, to another pack. But he was offering her everything she'd ever wanted - a home, a love, a family. "I have family there... responsibilities. I can't walk away from that, it would be... wrong. Surely there's some way we can patch up your differences with Abaven." She was ashamed at the pleading note that had entered her voice, but she couldn't help herself.

He was beginning to lose his patience. He could feel the building hopelessness of the situation. He clicked his tongue in frustration.

"No. Abaven won't forgive me," he said. He didn't want their forgiveness, he didn't want to be a forgiven, accepted, lovey-dovey part of the Abaven family. "And my family won't forgive me if I go to Abaven."

His icy eyes sought to meet the woman who was going to be the mother of his children. He tried to think of a way out of this where he didn't have to be the bad guy, but he didn't really see it happening.

"Come just... even talk to my brother. Maybe we can work something out."

Peggy might have been young, inexperienced, and more than a little naive, but she wasnt an idiot. Alarm bells were, rather belatedly, drawing her attention to the red flags that she had been determinedly ignoring. She didn't want to believe that he meant any harm. He had been so sweet and honorable, and he'd given her the attention she had craved, had made her feel for once like she was beautiful and desirable... but she was definitely starting to get the feeling that something was very, very wrong. "I... I will have to think about it," she hedged. Her voice sounded strange in her ears, like it was coming from far away, and too calm, at odds with the panicky feeling in her chest and the way her hackles felt prickly, like they wanted to be standing on edge. She stood and backed away. She didn't, she realized suddenly, even know his name. "I have to go. I promise I will think about it." Confused and alarmed, she turned her back-pedaling into a spin and sprang into a lope that she knew would be a sprint as soon as she was out of sight. She wanted to get home where she would be safe to think without feeling pressured, where she could talk things over with wolves she knew and trusted.

-exit-