Pyrrhic had developed a bit of a split in his personality. It was strange. He could go from fully functioning and engaged with his friends and family to devastatingly sad in the span of a heartbeat. The little things set him off but he struggled to predict what those things would be. They'd come out of nowhere, blindside him and leave him with a bitter, hollow feeling in his chest. It was like getting stabbed in the heart. The feeling was so strong and so sudden he'd fallen to his knees once and searched his skin for the wound that was causing him actual physical pain. And there hadn't been one to find. He didn't know what was wrong with him and he certainly didn't know how to go about trying to fix it.

He was in the middle of one such event currently. The crushing feeling had sent him reeling away from Aerie and the hopeful, watchful eyes who might not understand his invisible agony. His family was pretty understanding but he couldn't bring himself to lay his soul bare and admit to his inability to heal. Pyrrhic did not want to appear broken and beyond fixing. He wanted to be man; to stand tall and strong; unbowed by the challenges and heartbreak he'd faced.

His blind run was brought to a screeching halt as his feet tangled in the shadowy roots that littered the floor of the Deluge. Pyrrhic fell hard and was unable to catch himself. His chin struck the ground and blood burst across his tongue. Instead of getting to his paws and shaking the dirt off, he lay still in defeat with frustrated tears welling in his eyes.

Hannibal had invited her to join his pack, and then he had vanished, and the pack idea seemed to have gone up and smoke, as gone as Hannibal had been. She had left Ashen, finding no reason to stay, and no attachment to its wolves. She had not gotten a chance to know anyone there, and maybe she had not given it a chance, but… she had felt it was time to move on. The seasons past, and the land recovered from the volcanic destruction, she sought herbs, and added to her stores. She kept to the quiet life of a loner, and wondered at the could-have-beens of her life. Of the brother she had discovered, and then re-lost, of the packs she had tried to join, which had crumbled around her. From Branch, to Hannibal, it seemed security of home wasn’t to be her life. Lost in the thoughts of her past, she absently picked at the weeds growing beside the river of the Deluge, intending to experiment with them later and discover any healing properties they might contain. She tucked away her findings in the rucksack she always had nearby. The sound of crashing brought her up hard, and raised her head in confusion, only to find the form of a wolf coming to a halt on the floor of the deluge not far from here. He stayed there, in a slump, and she rushed over. “Are you hurt?” she asked softly, approaching without fear of retaliation, and began nosing about his chin with her muzzle. She could scent blood in the air. “Nothing major it looks like, can you get up?” she asked, offering her own shoulder for him to climb up with. She noticed the tears, and tucked the knowledge away. They looked like more than just the shock of a tumble, but she would give it a moment and see. "Speech"

The moment the sound of paws reached his ears Pyrrhic scrabbled to try to fix his appearance. He'd already made a fool of himself. He couldn't allow himself to appear even weaker in front of a mortal stranger. Fear of being seen in a sorry state was enough to keep the tears in his eyes from spilling over and a quick, aggressive swipe of his paw rid his lips of pink hued spittle. He felt barely presentable but the woman was standing over him in an instant and there was no time to do better.

He forcefully cleared his throat to rid it of the tightness that would give away the extent of his predicament and then submitted to her generous and unnecessary attempt to make sure he was okay. "Oh, um, no I'm okay. Really, it was nothing." She offered her shoulder and he dutifully took it, feeling embarrassed all the while. "Yes thank you."

Pyrrhic tone was lackluster but honestly he tried his best to be light-hearted when he said, "Damn roots jumping out in front of me." It was a lame justification for what had happened and an even worse attempt at humor but he was at a loss for words and simply wished to retreat into the shadows.

The stranger seemed rather caught off guard, and certainly unhappy that another wolf had seen him in a sorry state. He took her shoulder, and she helped him to her feet - ah, she could see then that he was a bit of a giant. Not really surprising, most wolves in her life towered over her. “We really should do something about them” she agreed lightly, in an attempt to put him at ease. Now that he was standing, she could get a better look at him. He had a flower of white up his nose, and intense blue eyes, lighter from the watery touch he had scarcely managed to hide. He also looked none-the-worse for wear in terms of injuries. A bit of dirt in his lightly dusted coat, and some blood on his muzzle. She suspected he had bitten his tongue. “Sometimes we all have moments where the roots get to us.” she would add, certain the heaviness in his shoulders had nothing to do with his fall. “Best we dust ourselves off and chew on Marigold for that tongue” she said, giving him the chance to either talk about what bothered him, or move away from it. You couldn’t pry the past from a wolf, she had learnt. As she spoke, she opened the top of her satchel, and pulled out the golden, dried petals of the flower she had mentioned, offering it to him from her muzzle. "Speech"

She was kind and that made it all the more difficult for him to accept her help. To accept her charity was to admit to his failings as a man. And yet here he was doing just that. Pyrrhic was a poor specimen indeed. The thought caused his heart to sink to a new low. And yet...he welcomed her attention. Reluctant as he may have been, Pyrrhic had to admit it felt nice to have someone take the time to ask him how he was doing.

He swallowed in an attempt to rid his mouth of the metallic taste of blood, but once cleaned the small wound quickly overflowed again and he was right back where he started. Despite this he smiled as she went along with his joke and quickly quipped back.

Pyrrhic's smile faltered, though, at the rest of what she had to say. She knew. How did she know? Was he so transparent that a mortal woman could figure him out in seconds? He thought for a second he was reading too much into her words, but no, he wasn't, was he. His gaze slid to the ground as he struggled to find a worthy reply. "And what do we do," he ventured tentatively, "When it isn't marigold we need and it isn't a tongue that needs fixing?"

He didn’t take the marigold, but he definitely heard the double meaning in her words. He took the bait, asking what one did when it was some herbs for a tongue that he needed. His gaze went to the mossy floor, as though he couldn’t quite meet her eyes as he admitted this very barest hint that something was wrong. Well. She took a seat, giving him a little space, and herself a second to consider the best way to reply. She tucked the merigold back away, she would offer it to him later if his tongue still hurt. “Well, same with any wound, we diagnose, we decide what the problem is, and what we need to fix it. No point letting something fester, it’ll only make the healing longer and more painful in the end. Like… breaking a leg, if you don’t set it, it’ll heal wrong. The only way forward then is to break it again, and set it right.” She was a healer, so her analogies were definitely going to be healing-based. Still, the point would stand. If there was something wrong, she would offer him what help she could. That was her nature, and she wasn’t going to turn away from the blue-eyed giant. "Speech"

He watched out of the corner of his eye as she tucked away the offered marigold. For a moment he felt kind of bad about not acknowledging her gesture, but of his current "wounds" the physical one was the least of his concern and he had been so focused on the important things that he'd been blind to what she was doing until it was too late and the moment had passed. As an afterthought, a weak attempt to make up for ignoring the gesture, he blurted softly as she put the leaves away, "Thanks for the offer."

Pyrrhic found himself nodding along shallowly as she replied. He liked the metaphors she was using. It made sense to think of what he was going through as an injury. Really, it was clever and it put things into perspective. "I think I understand." Did he tell her what was wrong? How could he explain himself to her, a stranger, when he struggled to do that with his own family?

He bit his lip and lifted his eyes to the root matted ceiling above them; looking anywhere other than at Riva. "I feel..." The words stuck in his throat. This was wrong, he couldn't do it. Pyrrhic's voice dropped and he shook his head. "Like I shouldn't be boring a stranger with my problems." He was suddenly angry. With himself, with Riva. It was just easier than to continue down the path he'd been on.

She offered him a gentle smile, looking at him as she did so - grief, but he was tall. She understood, he was lost in his worries, missing some of the little things going on around him. She knew the feeling, she kept trying to latch onto something stable in her life, only to have it vanish beneath her like it had never been. “My pleasure.” She felt like she was starting to make headway with him, he looked as though he was pleased with the metaphor, and he told her he understood. He started to say it, he wanted to… but he just couldn’t. He shook his head, and she felt for him, like a small squeezing in her heart. She wanted to help him, but he would need to give her a starting point. Some understanding as to what plagued him. Despite the sudden anger that entered his tone, she moved forward, dwarfed by his shadow, the tiny healer put one small paw on top of his very large, tawny one. “It’s okay, we don’t expect the words to be easy. If we knew how to say what plagued us, it wouldn’t plague us so much, now would it?” she offered. “I’m Riva, by the way, a healer. I like to say I have what ails any wolf, but life isn’t that black and white, is it?” she said with an easy chuckle, trying to relax him once more by not approaching the problem directly. "Speech"

She took his sudden rejection of the topic at hand in stride which was laudable. No one would have blamed her from completely changing the topic or even choosing to bow out gracefully since there wasn't anything else to be done with him. The woman spoke truth again; her thoughtful words clever, forgiving and so perfect for his predicament that he found his anger fading just as quickly as it had arisen. He breathed a sigh. "You're right."

The woman introduced herself as Riva and the slight shift away from the topic that made him uncomfortable was welcome. "I'm Pyrrhic and I..." Am what? A fighter from Aerie? How weak would that make the pack in her eyes if he was what passed as a fighter in the Abraxas pack? "I'm from Aerie, the pack just up there. I'm a uh, well I suppose a tinkerer." After a beat he signaled his willingness to touch on the uncomfortable topic again by saying, "And no, you're right. It's not. Though it would certainly be easier if it were."

Pyrrhic was quiet again for a second as he rested his gaze on their paws. Her touch embodied everything he thought he knew about her at this point. He could feel her warmth and her kindness, and the simple gesture conveyed the depth of her compassion. He wanted to know what that was like. To live in that feeling. "I saw something," he admitted as he finally broke down and decided to trust her. He was so desperate to be understood that once he got started he couldn't stop."Something that...shattered my understanding of the world." To use her metaphors... "It created the wound that I don't know how to fix. I have family I can lean on but...they are so strong and I am ashamed of this weakness."

He snorted a soft, sardonic laugh. "Somehow in a pack I am lonely. So tell me then, mighty healer, how do you fix a lonely, grieving heart?" Pyrrhic said, his eyebrows rising and the corners of his mouth turning upwards in a wicked, sarcastic smirk. "Is there even a cure for such a thing?"

“Pleasure to meet you, Pyrrhic” she greeted, after he took a moment to find the right words to describe himself. She had not heard of ‘Aerie’ before, but then she had been out of the loop to the changes in the land. She expected there were many, now that the volcano no longer prohibited travel to certain areas of the land. “A tinkerer!” she said, pleased. “I've collaborated with tinkerers before, they helped me craft some of the ways that I store my herbs” she admitted, explaining why she was so pleased to hear where his creativities lay. She couldn’t agree more with him, it would be so much easier if they could find the words, and the ways, to heal themselves without outside help. Sadly, she seldom found it to be so. She didn’t say anything, just held her paw to his, offering him strength through that touch. She would find small ways to help him creep around the edges of his hurt, if she could. Despite her willingness to help, she was surprised - and pleased - when the walls came crumbling down, and he began to describe what happened. “Then maybe someone outside of your family would be better suited for you to talk to. I’m a healer, we don’t heal-and-tell, and if you like, you don’t have to see me again after I've helped you.” through he hoped he would not want that in the end. She was enjoying spending time with the quiet, hurt man. Once she put her heart and soul into helping someone, sometimes it was hard to walk away. The wicked, sarcastic smile he turned to her told her much about how much this hurt him, how he wanted to turn it onto others, and drive them away so he didn’t have to see the pain he held in himself. She ignored it, her fears did not lie in pain to herself. Perhaps that was part of the reason the role of healer suited her so well. “You let someone in.” she told him, squeezing the paw she held, trying not to find amusement and how she couldn’t wrap the width of her paw around very much of his own. You didn’t have to be big to help somebody. ""

She had a point. Again. While he loved his family and he wouldn't trade Aerie for the world, perhaps they simply couldn't help him because they were too close. Those he trusted the most shared a father with him; they shared the very foundation of his hurt. How could he speak of the depth of his pain when doing so put him in line for a one to one comparison with how they were coping? Doing so would set him up for shame one way or another; either because he found out he didn't have it so bad or because he found out he was handling it the worst.

The deal Riva offered was a good one. Though he wouldn't say it out loud, he did muse about how easy it would be to cart her off and hide her away like he had Erystotle. He was not so selfish and superior as to consider killing her to ensure the safety of his secret, but he wasn't above holding her captive. But that was not on the menu for the time being. She was so kind, her expression so open, that he believed her when she said she wouldn't tell a soul what he told her.

Pyrrhic nodded to himself as he made up his mind. He briefly placed his other forepaw over top of the one she rested on his grounded paw and gave it a squeeze. "Alright, you're hired. Where do we go from here?" She hadn't answered his question about loneliness but considering their exchange so far he believed if anyone could solve his problem and answer that question it was her.

When he squeezed her paw back, she knew she was gaining his trust. She would hold that trust with every bit of care it deserved. She knew he did not give it easily, and breaking it would damage him far, far too much. She would have to make herself worthy of this gift, and do everything in her power to help him. She smiled at him again, feeling her tiny paw sandwiched between his two giant ones, but he was careful, and in a moment she was free again, her paw still intact. “Well then, I better get to work.” she joked back at him easily. Hired, eh? She supposed it was an easier phrasing for him then ‘i’ll trust you’ she wouldn’t push it, she knew what she had. She settled in across from him, expecting their conversation might be a long one. How much daylight did they have left? Not that it mattered, she hadn’t had somewhere to be in a long time. “I have a feeling we are going to be doing a lot of talking, how about you take his merigold, so your poor tongue doesn't suffer? chew on it until its a mulch, then you can spit it our or swallow it, it wont harm you either way.” she offered, pulling out the merigold again. This time when she grabbed it out of her bag, she reached over. Letting go of it so that it lay across his paw, the one she had held and now released. “Alright, so you said that you saw something - something that changed your perspective of the world. Did you want to talk about what you saw? You don’t have to find the right words today, you don’t have to tell me how you felt, or what it did to you right now, just tell me what you saw.” She encouraged. ""

Riva settled down in front of him and after a moment's hesitation Pyrrhic followed suit. They were serious about this now, eh? It felt like they were preparing for a long haul and it made him nervous, honestly, but he was going to try to the best of his ability to swallow that feeling. He needed this and she was right. Even though trust didn't come easy to him (he did after all consider taking her captive to keep his secret safe - an option that still was on the table if he thought he needed it) he needed someone outside his circle of friends and family to help him. Honestly he was fortunate to have found Riva when he did.

Her statement about his poor tongue brought a faint smile to his lips. Wordlessly he picked up the flowers and began to chew them. His mouth still tasted of blood but the metallic twang was quickly masked by the herbal greenness of the flowers. When they were reduced to a pulp he forced himself to swallow the mass so as to avoid spitting a bloody, spittle laced blob somewhere in Riva's vicinity. "Thank you."

As for her question, the marigolds had given him time to consider his answer. "Were you here for the volcano eruption? I ask because I was and I wasn't just...here. I was on that mountain when it exploded." The memory washed over him and he was struck wordless. He remembered the bitter stench of the brimstone, the deafening boom and the way molten rock had rained down around him like the fiery wrath of god.

He looked up at the ceiling again. "I lost someone that day who...meant the world to me. He was everything I wanted to be and more, and he had this breathtaking connection to God. I wanted to be just like him." Pyrrhic's anger flared up again and he snarled, "He died a hero killing a bastard traitor." He stole a glance at Riva. "But...he died. And he shouldn't be dead. If he hadn't died things would be different." Guilt caused his gaze to drop to the ground.

She watched patiently as he chewed the petals, watching the way his gums moved as he did so, and determined the injury was indeed a minor one. The petals would do their work and numb the bitten tongue, and well she would normally recommend less talking for 24 hours, she knew the pain in his heart was greater than that on his tongue by far. She didn’t want to ruin their momentum and stop now. She hid a smile at his decision to chew them, it told her that he was practical. It was easier to deal with them that way then the other. She startled a little and the amusement faded when he brought up the volcano. “I was… sort of.” she admitted. The eruption had unsettled the earth, and she had fallen into a sinkhole. She had spent some weeks in the dark before she found her way out again. It made her a little leery of small dark spaces. Pushing aside her own hurts, she considered his words. He had been on the volcano? It was any wonder he had managed to come out of it alive. She began to understand his loss then. He had lost someone important to him - a mentor, a fatherly figure, or his actual blood father, would be her three top guesses after the way he described him. His anger was clear and pronounced, and she wondered if it was directed solely at the traitor, or at the entire situation. She wondered if even Pyrrhic knew. His words on ‘god’ were interesting. She was not a believer herself, but she could understand the desire to believe in a higher purpose. She wondered if his belief in god and this great act of nature, (or in some cases, perhaps even ‘god’) changed the dynamic of what he was saying, and seeing in that memory. “It’s not your fault he died.” Riva said softly, reading the guilt in his down-cast eyes. “If he was a hero, then likely nothing could have kept him from doing what he believed to be right. No one could have known what was coming, or what the consequences had been. It’s not his fault he had died, either. I bet that if he could have, he would have returned to you.” her voice was soft, and soothing. She wondered if she should have stuck some ginseng root in with the Merigold, to lower his stress. She figured it was 50/50 if her words were met with anger. Addressing what hurt you often caused wolves to lash out. Like binding a gaping hole in a wolf, they didn’t realise it was helping, they just saw how it hurt them more in the moment. She had earned a few of her scars that way. ""

And now they were at one of the deep roots of his problem. In aggravation he lurched to his paws and turned away from her. Pyrrhic didn't feel guilty because his father had died. It was not his fault, he knew that, but of course she didn't know that because he hadn't said anything of the sort yet. Absently he wondered if they'd reached the point where he would lose her when he explained himself. She was a mortal woman, how could she understand his feelings on God, his predecessor, and the one responsible for taking his father? Worse yet was how he'd handled leadership after his father had died. Abraxas had made a mistake. Malleus had made a mistake. As a result of his weakness, Risen had shrunken under Pyrrhic's care.

Pyrrhic turned back after composing himself, but he wasn't quite ready to lay back down. Instead he stood in front Riva, looming over her by virtue of his height. "That's not it. I didn't kill him. I know that. I just..." He pursed his lips. "I thought I knew who God was and I don't understand why He did what He did. My father didn't have to die on that mountain. Abraxas could have struck Archon dead. He could have killed him in any number of ways and let my father live. Instead he died and I took his place as Emperor."

He studied Riva for a second, then went on, "You know what that made me? I was supposed to be the Empire's direct connection to God. The one who speaks on His behalf and directs the people to do His will. Me." He snorted. "And I couldn't even take care of myself."

Hmm, well, this was getting even further out of her depths. She wouldnt give up on him now, of course. The atheist wolf would tread carefully, she did not want to disabuse him of his belief. She would have to reply without letting her own beliefs cloud her words. She had to be a neutral party. He had gotten to his feet in agitation, and the already large wolf loomed easily over the sitting healer. She looked up at him without fear, only thoughtful concern.

She almost felt like she should be writing something down, but the only scribbling she has ever done was in map making. How to help a religious man that believed God had abandoned him?
"So you saw God as one thing all your life, and now suddenly you see him as something else?" It wasnt really a question, but a thought she spoke allowed as she assembled her words. "Have you considered the possibility that the eruption wasn't His doing, but a coincidence that happened at the time His wolf was there? Maybe it wasnt Gods plan, but the hand we've been dealt regardless. You lost something that day, someone you valued and loved. Maybe Hes giving you time to find yourself, and decide what you want from life now." She suggested. She didnt know much about his God, but she could tell he was being hard on himself. Maybe he just needed someone to tell him that it was okay to grieve. "You said that you were lonely, maybe this is the time in your life to rediscover yourself, to decide who you want to be and who you wish to share it with."

"So you saw God as one thing all your life, and now suddenly you see him as something else?" Pyrrhic considered this for a moment and then nodded. It was like thinking your parent was a super hero only to discover, rudely, when they let you down in some way, that they weren't infallible. But God was supposed to be different, wasn't He? Abraxas wasn't a mortal and He wasn't just a god, He was the god. The most powerful, the most perfect. And He'd made a mistake, hadn't He? Pyrrhic felt ashamed for even thinking such a thing, but that didn't stop the thought from plaguing him.

Pyrrhic disagreed with Riva about it not being part of a divine plan. This was Abraxas they were talking about, not some lesser water god. There was a purpose to everything. While he may have disagreed with her there, Riva's next words struck home. Perhaps he was supposed to take this time to grow. As a pup he'd spent nearly all of his time preparing to be Emperor; how much time had he had to discover himself? It was plausible.

His eyes had been everywhere but Riva until now as he considered her last statement. Now they searched her gaze, his expression serious. Was this a sign? It seemed awfully coincidental that he would feel the way he did on this day, stumble into a cave and fall to pieces on the ground only to be found and tended to by a woman who seemed to know just what to say. Pyrrhic was desperate enough to be hopeful. He had never felt anything for anyone except family. The only ones close to him were family and thus he'd never explored a romantic interest, so he had no idea what to expect. What he did know was that he was thoroughly enjoying Riva's company. Was this it? Was this what it felt like to have feelings for someone who wasn't blood?

"Perhaps you're right." Time for another confession. His eyes darted away. "I've never..." How to start... "I've spent my entire life trying to become what my family needs me to be. To be a worthy heir and a strong leader. I never had the chance to get out there and...meet someone. How do you decide? How do you know who is right for you?" Perhaps that was too subtle but the ball was in her court.

She was patient as she watched him think, and chew it over. She wasn’t certain how much he agreed with her, but she was expecting some resistance. She had her next argument laid out on the tip of her tongue. look at it this way, she would say Either God can make mistakes, in which case perhaps some acts of nature are so great, even he can't plan around them, or he doesn't. In which case you're exactly where he intended you to be, and his empire is exactly where he intended it to be right now. Either way, don't you think he's giving you time to find yourself? the words were there, in her heart, determined to show him that he didn’t have to be so hard on himself. So it came as some surprise, when he agreed with her. Perhaps not on the God-side of things, in which she was so far from any sort of expert, but on relationships. Which, lets face it, was just as equally alien to her. She met his gaze, determined not to look away, even when she felt heat rising to her dark cheeks. His eyes darted to the side first, and he would admit his whole life had been about leadership, without any time to think about himself. “I know what that's like, I let myself get swallowed by my work. I guess… I guess no one really knows the answer to that, you just have to take the risk, open up your heart, and see what happens. I think fear of that is what keeps a lot of people lonely. I don’t want to be lonely.” the last hadn’t meant to slip out. This wasn’t about her, it was about helping Pyrrhic. ""

When Riva admitted she didn't want to be lonely Pyrrhic's eyes flashed to hers. His heart was suddenly beating wildly in his chest and he felt restless, as though he needed to get up and run. But he didn't want to run. He wanted to be right there with her. Pyrrhic had felt so alone for so long. He was desperate to make a connection. Nearly from birth he'd been raised on the idea that he would someday go out, find a good woman - or women - have a heap of Abraxas children and raise them the right way. He'd heard some variation of that over and over until there was no other option for him. Find a woman who made him better. Make her his. Contribute to the future. And here was his woman! He was convinced of it now.

She'd said to take a risk so alright, that's what he was going to do. He leaned down suddenly, perhaps a bit too eagerly, and sought to plant a forceful kiss on Riva's lips. Pyrrhic had thrown himself eagerly into the jaws of many a beast. He'd put his skin on the line more than once in defense of himself and Risen. But he had never made himself so vulnerable before. This was uncharted territory for him and he was without direction. All he knew was that he couldn't pass this up. If this was meant to be, if his God had not forsaken him and had led him here, this had to be why. He didn't want to feel alone anymore and he thought Riva could fix him.

Pyrrhic didn't mean to but he was looming over her again. His head was low over hers as he admitted in a soft voice, "I don't want to be lonely either."

She didnt meant to reflect her own thoughts on to him, to admit her own loneliness or what she wanted from life. At some point she had accepted her lot. She had seen her brother fall in love, and knew that what he had was beyond her ability to obtain. She had thought she had accepted her lot in life. So long as she could heal, and help people, and learn, then she was content. Not happy perhaps, but content.

So when Phyrric leaned forward, and kissed her, her mind went blank. It wasnt a gentle kiss, it was intense, like she suspected he could be. Forceful, too, as through the giant want plunging forward recklessly. She closed her eyes, leaning into the touch. Her first kiss. He tasted like marigold, a hint of blood. Like a challange, like warm fire in her belly. She wasnt quiet ready for him to pull away when he did so, and her eyes slid back open almost reluctantly. She was afraid to release the moment. To face what it meant. "Oh dear" she whispered "we dont even know each other. How... how would we know it's real?" She was admitting her ignorance of love and all things related to it, but she hardly cared. She was too busy being shell shocked.