That Sea is just a Gambler at Heart

Aurielle's pups had been a true blessing to Valhalla and Dómari couldn't be happier at their presence. He'd often wondered about being a father himself but there was immense guilt that he already was. He remembered vividly giving into temptation some time back, during a hot day like this one. Swimming with a lovely woman and losing all common sense. He never saw her again and he well knew that it only took one time to conceive a litter. Were there pups out there? Fatherless because he flaunted himself like a common whore?

Dómari sighed heavily. He was desperate to confide in someone and the only wolf he trusted with his thoughts was Justice. Even if she felt the need to beat sense into him he'd gladly take the punishment. He needed something, anything, to try and get out of this rut. Tipping his head back he let out a low, smooth note as he called for his friend.

Justice was surprised when a howl beckoned her, and her heavy ears flicked towards it in interest. Domari? Well, that was a pleasant surprise! She was still pleased as anything to have her best friend from her youth return to the pack. She felt a lot less alone inside her own home's borders knowing that there was one person here that would see her and remember her just as a friend, without all the baggage. She set out at a lope to answer the call without hesitation, but when she pulled up beside him she was surprised to note that he looked unhappy about something, and the grin she'd flashed him faded. "Something up, 'mari?" she asked, brows raising in query. She was a bitch mostly, and nearly always irreverent, but she could be serious for her friend when he needed her.

That Sea is just a Gambler at Heart

Dómari paced as he waited, trying to order his thoughts into words. When Justice arrived he felt his stomach fall right out of his belly. How the fuck was he supposed to even start this conversation? Would it make him even feel better? Well, it was too late to back out now. Dómari took a deep breath.

"I've got some personal garbage I need air out and I you're the only person I feel I can tell. Aurielle would be disappointed if she knew and I don't really feel like I know anyone else that well." He didn't want to think about Aurielle giving him the face-of-great-disappointment over his paste behavior.

"When I left Celestial I did something stupid. There was a pretty girl, Razi Abraxas, and I met her at the lake and…" And I'm a stupid, horny moron. "One thing lead to another I lost my virginity and every time I see Aurielle's pups I wonder if I don't have some out there and I'm such a dead beat! I don't know how the fuck I screwed up like this but like… I don't know beat the shit out of me or something so I can process my fuck-uppery and not feel like coyote shit whenever I see those pups!"

Whatever she'd been expecting - which was frankly nothing since she hadn't the foggiest idea what to expect - it certainly wasn't the particular monologue he launched into at her prompting. Domari wasn't prone to babbling generally, so she wasn't expecting the amount of words that poured out of him, but it was something that had clearly been eating at him for some time.

And no wonder. They were heavy, heavy thoughts for someone as sensitive as Domari to be carrying around for so long. She blinked when he named an Abraxas, but held her tongue until he had finished. "Well," she started slowly. "You're an idiot."

Well, now that that was out of the way. She dropped to her haunches next to him and slammed her shoulder against his with rough affection. "Honestly, Domari, sex isn't a big deal. I've fucked guys... so many times. Not one pregnancy. Why? Because of the power of a very magical plant called a juniper. Really, 'mari. Don't worry about it. No woman is going to be that stupid to sleep with some random guy and not be taking something to prevent pregnancy, unless they're trying to get pregnant to catch a mate, in which case she'd have been after you to settle down with her as soon as the pregnancy took. Since that clearly didn't happen..." She shrugged expressively. Then she stopped, played his words back again in her head, and blinked incredulously at him. "Wait wait hold up. Are you saying that's the only time you've fucked someone? That one time?"

That Sea is just a Gambler at Heart

Dómari felt flustered and embarrassed at the deluge of words that flew out of him but in some ways it felt better just to say everything that had been eating at him for the longest time. Guilt had dogged him ever since that night and the birth of Aurielle's pups had brought everything rushing to the forefront.

He nodded as Justice called him an idiot. Yes, he was definitely that. Though he was surprised she didn't seem all that bothered by his behavior. He was even more surprised that she'd been around the block when it came to the whole 'sex' thing. He felt some relief at her words that maybe he wasn't a dead beat dad but his mind wasn't content to just leave him alone. "But, if she was trying to catch a mate and come back to find me she never would've. I left Celestial right after that. What if she was looking for me and I wasn't there?"

Another thought suddenly crossed his mind and he felt a sudden anger kindle in his stomach. "She wouldn't have… used me for only pups right? Women don't do that." He wasn't sure why he assumed women were more noble when it came to sexual relations. Embarrassment stirred in with the anger. Had he just fallen for the woman's charms hook, line and sinker? Caught like animal in a snare. Baited like prey. No, no, he couldn't believe that. It was an accident. The whole thing was just one stupid accident and he was left without a way to make it right.

"Wait wait hold up. Are you saying that's the only time you've fucked someone? That one time?"

Dómari nodded and shrugged. "Yea. I mean it felt really good in the moment but it's brought me nothing but guilt ever since. Why would I want to do that again?" Not that he hadn't been tempted. He'd run across loners in heat before and took everything in him to turn and walk away. He didn't want to be responsible for a bunch of fatherless pups even for mind-numbing pleasure.

He replayed Justice's words. "Say, does juniper work for guys to? Like is there anyway I could make sure I don't accidentally father pups I'm not ready for?"

Her brand of rough comfort didn't seem to bring Domari much... well, comfort. But the first problem he brought up just earned a shrug. "Well, you might have been gone, sure, but I was still here. No woman ever came looking for a baby daddy, or I'd have heard about it eventually. That sort of juicy gossip wouldn't stay quiet long, especially with how slow it always is around here."

His next question, with the anger hot in the tone like blood on your tongue, narrowed her eyes at him. Not out of anger of her own so much as a faint incredulity and thoughfulness. "If she did, would you still feel guilty? I mean, she'd have made sure you wouldn't find out about it for a reason, right? Maybe she was from a culture that doesn't have the men have anything to do with pup raising or something. And that makes sense really, doesn't it? Because they only might be that male's pups, but they're definitely the bitch's pups. Maybe she was afraid you'd take them away from her, or that your pack would. A lot of pack's do that." In fact, wasn't one of Valhalla's rules that the pups of a pack member had to have joint custody with the pack wolf until they were old enough to decide? Or was that just for females? She'd be willing to bet a lot of packs were even more possessive of their members' pups than that. "I know if someone tried telling me what to do with my own pups I've tell them to go fuck themselves right off a fucking cliff," she added, grimacing.

She studied him with her eyes still narrowed. Man, 'mari, it is fucking tempting to fuck you right now so you know exactly what you're missing out on with this hang up. There are so many bitches out there who would kill to have some of that Xanilov dick, you know. You are depriving them of your touch and that is just... so sad." She gave a crooked half-smile. "But nah, juniper doesn't work that way. It wouldn't make you infertile. It basically aborts any possible fetuses before they stick so they don't grow into pups. I can ask around, see if there's anything I can find out for you, but best advice is to not fuck a bitch when she's in heat. Can't get pregnant if she's not in heat." She grinned fondly, not in the least bit aware that she was very, very wrong about that, and also very aware that she was probably making Domari uncomfortable, and as he was her best friend she was very pleased with that idea.

That Sea is just a Gambler at Heart

Thoughts tumbled over each other as his mind chased after them, trying to pin them down to make sense of what he was thinking and feeling as the conversation continued. He felt relief that no one had come to Celestial's borders looking for him, but at the same time he felt anger. What if she'd just literally fucked him over?

He looked up at Justice as she stated that Razi very well could've been from a culture where the men were completely uninvolved. He knew it was that way with some species of birds, cats and other animals, even if it wasn't what he personally believed. He couldn't imagine not being in his children's lives and perhaps that was part of the problem. Life doesn't always grant you what you want. He sighed heavily. "Yea, I guess that makes sense and I would've tried to take them back." Even as he said the words he wondered about them. What if he couldn't have convinced her to come with him. Would he have just taken the pups from their mother? Just enslaved her in the pack? He still felt he had just as much claim to them as she did but everything was quickly growing more and more complicated and even then it didn't really matter did it? When it came right down to it he didn't know where she was or even if he had pups anyway.

"Fucking hell, when did life get so complicated.  I get it, I should just let it go. It's not like I have any idea where the fuck she is anyway. Couldn't even fine my own bloody family." He felt a kindling of anger. It made sense that they were wild and wandering like their mother but he still had a bit of anger at his siblings for just vanishing right out of his life.

Man, 'mari, it is fucking tempting to fuck you right now

He stared wide eyed at Justice and opened his mouth to say something. Unfortunately, at that moment he inhaled a bit of spit which  careened down his airways and he coughed and sputtered. "I-I…uh…" What the fuck was he supposed to say to that? Thank you? Yes, please? Fuck no? Are you high?

Honestly, the thought of having sex with Justice had crossed his mind now and then. She was strong, talented, intelligent and gorgeous. She was the only one who ever seemed to be a constant in his life even when he was less than steady. She was his best friend. But that was why he didn't want to mess anything up by introducing other factors into the relationship. What if sex complicated things? His cheeks were on fire as he tried to figure out something to say but thankfully she moved on to talking about juniper.

"Weird, I didn't realize juniper was good for anything other than achy joints." Assuming he was even thinking of the right herb. It had been so long ago since he'd studied healing. He took a deep breath, minus spit this time, and sighed heavily before he looked at Justice with a soft grin on his face. "Thanks for talking with me about this. I do actually feel better despite the heart attack you gave me a second ago."