The rustling of color-changed leaves overhead in the gentle autumn wind mixed with the melodic white noise created by the flowing river. Several of the warm-hued leaves dropped from the canopies and fluttered around like snowflakes made of foliage, coating the ground in their fiery tones and floating downstream in the water. Azriel sat beside the water's edge, watching each leaf drift on by in the current with distant grey eyes. He was waiting for Sibyl to finish putting away some herbs she had collected to replenish her stock after tending to Fel. The Abraxas fae had gone back home, as she had a habit of doing, but she had left behind uncertainty and opportunity in her wake. Something she had said when she had been with them last stuck with the dark-furred brute and played havoc with his thoughts. Join Aerie. Such a simplistic concept, but with such great implication... Nothing was ever as easy as words made it out to be. This, especially, would be a terrible ordeal for him.

She had no way of knowing his history when she had extended the offer to them; how could she have? The three of them had never had much in the way of deep, insightful conversations—save for their last rendezvous, when Fel had allowed them a peek inside her psyche and her private life. Not even Sibyl knew the full extent of his history with packs or where he had come from. The notion was an acid that ate away at his mind. Was he ready to even entertain the idea of being in a pack again? Would they even want him? He was far from an ideal candidate, and though he had no doubts in his abilities, he doubted his ability to function as part of a collective again. He'd been on his own, caring for himself and himself alone for so long. What would it be like reintegrating into pack life? Would Aerie even be the right fit for him? Fel alone was a damn good reason to pursue it, but what were the long-term ramifications?

All of these thoughts and concerns had buzzed about in his head for days. He had to have a conversation with Sibyl though—a chance to reflect on where they'd been, where they were coming from, and what they wanted moving forward. This was a chess game and they needed to plan their next move carefully, as it had the potential to be life-altering. Before he could reach his decision, he had to hear his partner's side first.

WC: 426/1500

"Speech" | Thoughts

Sibyl sorted through the various bits and pieces of plant life that she had collected as she set them out around a portion of the cave they had been living in. She moved with practiced motions that she thankfully didn't have to think about too throughly as she placed some of them into neat piles and others into evenly spaced rows so they could continue to dry out in order to store and keep them more easily. It was the first time she had really gotten to collect any decent amount of herbs in quite some time, but somehow the methods and the ritual of setting up her stores was still so deeply ingrained that it was impossible for her to not do it exactly the same way she had been taught so long ago. Those wolves that had raised her had been so strict and studious, but they had been the experts in their crafts. It wasn't something she aspired to follow, but they had certainly left their mark on her none of the less. Finally satisfied with how things were organized - at least for now - Sibyl took a step back from it all with a soft sigh. She couldn't get Fel out of her mind. Even though she tried to distract herself with collecting herbs or messing with Azriel or investigating their surroundings... none of it seemed to make a dent in the impression that Fel had left on her. It seemed like every time Fel went back to her pack she was left wondering when the dark coated woman would return. The idea had been planted in her brain that they could follow her to this place called Aerie and it only felt tempting or enticing when she knew that Fel was there. The idea of being in a pack of any kind again wasn't exactly the most pleasant of thoughts, but she also knew that her experience of living in the pack of healers was very different from what Aerie probably was. That didn't really make the idea any less concerning to her, but... perhaps for Fel it would be worth it. Turning away from her work, she went back outside into the cool autumn air and easily spotted Azriel's dark form waiting among the falling leaves. She watched his back for a moment while her mind wandered back to the day that they met and the moment that had shifted her life so drastically. She still thought that her irrational decision was still one of the best she had ever made, but it had certainly put her onto a much more uncertain and sometimes violent path. Padding forward, she slipped up beside him and settled at his side, leaning her much smaller frame into his. She looked up at the falling leaves as well, not breaking the silence or looking at him just yet. She knew that no matter what she wanted to do she couldn't do any of it without him. Like it or not, their lives were tied together now and any decision she made had to be in line with what he wanted. After a few moments she finally shifted her lavender gaze to find his silver eyes, looking up at him thoughtfully. "Where ever you're going... take me with you," she commented softly after a beat of silence, a slight smirk pulling at her lips as her words echoed what she had told him the night she had escaped the confines of her former life with him. WC: 1014/1500 Talk

Azriel was still watching the leaves floating by on the breeze when he heard soft footsteps rustling grass coming closer. He didn't turn his head when Sibyl approached him, acknowledging her presence by leaning his body back against hers when she pressed her smaller form into his side. He turned his head towards her, gaze lowering until steel grey eyes met pale lavender from her. The expression on her face was unreadable, with a spark of mirth in her eyes. When she spoke, Azriel's ears perked and a wry smirk twisted his lips upward. Those words brought a flashback of memories, back to the summer night just over a year ago when they had met. The brute uttered a low chuckle, tickled by her comment, and wound a larger paw around her slender form, hugging her close while moving to plant a kiss on top of her forehead. While neither of them were in love, Azriel felt very protective and possessive of his precious Sibyl. She had become such a grounding force in his life that he couldn't imagine existing without her. What had begun as a symbiotic relationship between the two had long-since become his norm. When they had come to Boreas, Fel had disrupted that norm—but now, her absence was beginning to leave him with the same conflicted emotions Sibyl's did.

"Let's go for a walk," said Azriel after a beat of silence. "We have a lot to think about." Rising up to his full height, Azriel gave a shake of his coat before setting off down the banks of the Rio Grande, his pace leisurely and graceful, each measured step precise and calculated. Everything in his life had always been so meticulous, so deliberate, so premeditated. It was the only way he knew. In a world of chaos, the only order that existed was the order you created. Azriel was a master of his own destiny. But what was his destiny? Was it this life of a vagabond, roaming from land to land in pursuit of a meal and warm bed with the occasional shiny reward? Or did he have some greater part to play in this tapestry being woven in Boreas? What would become of them if they chose to break ties and run free now? What would happen if they chose to stay and submit to pack rule? Would they even be accepted in? Would they want to subject themselves to whatever had broken Fel so viciously?

For a long while, Azriel contented himself to walk in quiet beside the river, watching the changing leaves sway in the breeze around them and the squirrels across the water scramble about collecting nuts for the coming winter. "Hard to believe it's been almost two months since we arrived here," he commented with another chuckle. "Seems like yesterday we were still on the run, hoping that band didn't figure out we'd killed the alpha's brother." Time really was a funny thing to think about. Between the lying low, the fun times spent with their new ménage à trois, and simply trying to stay alive, the hours had formed into days, and days melted into weeks. Now winter was almost upon them, and they both had a decision to make. Of course, Azriel was attempting to put it off. He didn't want to dwell on those thoughts. He had spent more of his life as a lone wanderer than as part of a pack, and the last time he was in one had ended less than ideally. That was a story he did not like to tell. He had stowed that part of his life away, keeping a clue hidden in plain sight that none had ever been keen enough to pry into enough to discover, not even Sibyl. She knew nothing of his past beyond what he allowed her to know.

"I've been thinking a lot about our time together lately... Reflecting back on where we were to where we are now... How we got here... Where we're going... Everything in between..." he spoke after a moment, turning his silvery eyes back to his partner. There was a lot of in between with the two of them, most of it pleasant and pleasurable—some more painful and regrettable. A lot had happened in the course of a year. A lot still stood to happen in the near future. "What's on your mind, Sib?"

WC: 1748/1500 ✓

"Speech" | Thoughts

Sibyl appreciated the humor he found in her comment and made no effort to resist when he pulled her into an embrace and kissed the top of her head. She had never seen a relationship quite like theirs - affectionate with out being in love, protective without being family, and sexual without being exclusive. They fit together like strange puzzle pieces and even though it shouldn't make sense she never questioned it. He cared for her and she cared for him and they worked well together so why would she force it to be anything that it wasn't? She had no real intentions of following the "traditional" family flow or structure anyway at any point in her life so this strange bond they had formed fit her perfectly. At Azriel's request, she got to her paws and started to walk along beside him next to the flowing river that had become a semi permanent fixture of their landscape. Her steps matched his, as they often did, though her steps were a bit quicker with more of a trot to her steps to keep up with his much longer strides. She remembered being annoyed by how much faster he naturally was than her during the first few weeks that they had traveled together, but by now it had more or less just become her normal pace of walking. There was still that smooth grace to her steps all the same and she never missed the fact that side by side they made quite the pair. Of course, she was completely convinced that Fel fit perfectly between them - turning them into a beautiful, monochromatic trio of grace and wits. For a while they just walked in silence and she was content with that, but she was just as happy when he decided to speak, pulling her attention up toward his familiar face. She gave a quick scoff of laughter and a grin when he mentioned the event that had gotten them to flee to this place, rolling her eyes as she flicked his hip with her tail. "You mean when you killed the alpha's brother. Just couldn't keep your possessiveness in check when he wanted to fuck me," she teased, batting her eyelashes at him with an innocence that was completely fake. It was all really just for the sake of pushing his buttons and getting under his skin. She of course knew that he had only done it to protect her and she appreciated it all the same... though she was still a bit bitter that she didn't get to fuck that brute after all that tempting and teasing. She hummed thoughtfully when he went on to muse about the time they had spent together, casting a curious glance up toward him. He was always the more thoughtful one between the two of them. The one that did the musing and the planing and the scheming. She was a bit more impulsive, with most things so they balanced each other out pretty well. When he looked down at her with a question she chuckled a little and replied, "Fel... Aerie... Us... How all of that fits together or if it doesn't." It's all she could really think about when she was alone these days. She sighed softly and looked back at the path ahead of them as she added, "I've been thinking about the past a lot too. The healers that raised me, finding you, everything that got us to here... And just trying to figure out what I want next." She scoffed softly and gave a small shrug of her shoulders, glancing off toward the rolling river beside her. "Well... I know what I want, but I'm trying to figure out how to balance that with what I can have." Talk

Sibyl's response throwing the blame for their most recent debacle back on him made the monochromatic brute scoff and roll his eyes in turn. Of course she wouldn't see anything wrong with her actions. Sibyl found any way to avoid taking on blame and put it on someone else instead. He decided not to pursue the argument any further in order to maintain the peace. Sometimes to win the war you had to lose a battle. He couldn't fault Sibyl for being the way that she was. She was a reckless, impulsive girl, and that was just her personality. It was Azriel who continued to decide to stay with her. Maybe he was just a masochist for the punishment—or maybe he just really liked her. Either way, their unconventional relationship just seemed to work for them. Azriel had had a taste of traditional orthodox family and pack values. That had brought him nothing but pain, despair, and death. It was why he had been so reluctant to say anything to Fel when she had invited them both to join Aerie. The dark woman had no idea who they were, what backgrounds they came from, or anything about them at all. The only thing she knew was how their tastes ran in the bedroom. That alone wasn't enough to extend an offer like she did. It was that exact uncertainty and unknown element that was actually turning Azriel away.

While Sibyl explained what had been on her mind lately, Azriel just listened, keeping his eyes on his companion while she spoke. He looked away only momentarily when she brought up Fel and Aerie. Yep, that had been on his mind too... His mouth twinged into an uncertain frown. What would Sibyl say she wanted in all this? He knew the small fae well by this point. She could be easily swayed by sweet words or a pretty face. Fel Abraxas was both of those things. She held true potential to steal his Sibyl away regardless of what he thought, felt, or did. But Sibyl was also her own wolf; she could make decisions for herself too. Right now, it felt as if he were standing at a crossroads, staring down two diametrically opposed paths. Would Sibyl choose to walk with him regardless of what path he picked? Or was this a seminal moment for them—the end of an era?

"You can have anything you want," Azriel retorted less than a beat after Sibyl had finished speaking. "Having is possession, and that part is easy. But what do you want, Sibyl?" Steel grey eyes turned back to her beautiful face, studying her expressions as he so often did with whomever he was speaking to. It was a habit he could not break, not even with someone as close to him as she was. If she wanted to leave him to go be with Fel, he would not stop her. If she wanted to stay with him, he would not stop her. But if it all came down to his decision... that was infinitely more difficult. Azriel did not know what he wanted.

The notion of joining a pack again unnerved him. The thought of subjugating himself to someone else's will felt dirty, especially when that someone was a wolf they didn't even know. And Fel... Fel was equally as unknown. Sibyl had no problems following a total stranger into oblivion if they tempted her with the right things. Azriel was a different creature. He knew nothing about Fel, about her dreams and ambitions, about her past and her present, about her likes and dislikes... Fel was nothing to him, a value of zero. And yet he could not keep himself away from her whenever she came to call. She haunted him like a phantom in his brain, and he seemed like a wolf possessed. But to change his entire life—to overcome insurmountable barriers and traumas—all because she was feeling sad for her dead brother? That was asking a lot when they were little more than acquaintances who occasionally fucked one another. She knew nothing about him. He knew nothing about her. How could she ask him to change everything for her when it seemed as if she offered nothing in return?

"Speech" | Thoughts

She immediately scoffed and gave a shake of her head when he claimed that she could have anything she wanted. If it was that easy then she would have it already. She was a woman of many desires and sometimes those desires didn't always mesh well and weren't always readily attainable. Other times it was easy. If she wanted to sleep with someone or eat a certain thing or find something pretty or move to a new place - those were all things that she had within her control or could at least convince Azriel to get for her. This time though... things were more complicated. She wanted everything and didn't want to sacrifice anything to get there. She was selfish and she knew it which was why she knew it wasn't possible. If nothing else she was self aware enough to know when she was going to cross a boundary to please her own desires. "I want both of you," she replied, looking up at him with a frown. "I don't know if I want to join a pack or not... I don't think either of us really enjoyed being in a pack the first time around, but I also don't know how different Aerie is to what we experienced. I want to just take Fel with us, but she's not going to leave Aerie. At least not yet... But I don't want to wait." She understood that she was a contradiction for herself and that's why she was so frustrated. She couldn't and wouldn't leave Azriel behind, but she couldn't deny how much Fel intrigued her and how attracted she was to the Abraxas fae. "That's why I can't have what I want... I'm just not sure where I'm willing to compromise yet." Talk

The dark-furred brute cocked a half smirk while he considered Sibyl's words. Of course the indecisive fae would want everything with no compromises or detractions from what she already had. Sibyl wanted the world all to herself, and though Azriel was want to give it to her, he knew that was an impossibility. He had to agree with her, there were no appealing aspects of rejoining a pack, save for Fel, and especially not a pack he knew precious little about. If Fel was his only window into the inner machinations of Aerie, it certainly didn't seem like a pleasant place to be. After all his run-ins with packs, the striped male couldn't bring himself to commit to joining as enthusiastically as he believed Fel was hoping they would. But if he couldn't, did that leave them with only two options: convince Fel to leave Aerie with them or say goodbye to Fel Abraxas forever? Azriel's smirk slipped away as he pursed his lips in quiet contemplation. It would be so much easier to just turn their duo into a trio, but something was preventing Fel from committing to them, something she was keeping as secret as he was keeping his reasons for not joining Aerie.

"We don't know that we have to compromise yet... Although the more I consider it, the more likely that outcome is appearing to be..." he remarked while they strolled alongside the river. His large paws crunched a few drying leaves beneath them, breaking the otherwise stillness. Honking of geese flying south for the winter sounded overhead, heralding the coming change of seasons. They at least had to decide whether they would winter here in Boreas or head out soon before it became too difficult to travel. He didn't mind staying around here; the wolves didn't seem to know him, and it afforded them more chances to warm their bed with Fel's spicy presence. "The only pack I've ever been in, I destroyed..." Azriel said after some moments of silence while ruminating on what Sibyl had said about their past experiences with packs. "I was born in one, far away from here. It doesn't exist anymore. No one else is alive from it. To say my previous experience wasn't enjoyable is an... understatement. It's why the prospect of Aerie makes me uneasy."

Azriel didn't bother to look at Sibyl while he spoke. He didn't want to see the look on her face as he finally confessed the truth of what happened to his birth pack. Was he ashamed of his past? No, of course not. But it was not something he liked to advertise or let others know about. Even Sibyl had been in the dark until this very moment, and even then he had only given her a small sampling of what had occurred. He knew all about Sibyl's time with the zealot healers and how they had treated her. She hadn't been shy about sharing her experiences with him over the year. No other wolf besides him knew what he had done. She was the first he told, and the second living wolf to know.

"Speech" | Thoughts

She hummed thoughtfully in agreement when he spoke of the uncertain but possible out come of them having to compromise. It wasn't really even something she had hope that they might be able to get at this point - she had mostly given up on the chance to get Fel away from her pack to take her with them on their escapades. Right now the only real options she saw were abandoning Fel altogether, which she didn't want to do, or cave and give Aerie a chance. Of course there was also the option of just staying where they were and letting Fel come to visit them in their cave and that was an option she was willing to do for a while longer, but it seemed so unsatisfying in the long term. It felt like they were waiting in stasis for something to happen and seemed incredibly boring after all the trouble they had found themselves in since they joined forces. Just lingering around some cave and waiting for her favorite fae to come around whenever she felt like it... there was an attractiveness to that solution, but it also felt like it would get very old very quickly. Her thoughts were permanently derailed when Azriel admitted the fate of his former pack. It made her immediately lift her gaze from the ground in front of her to look up at him with a bit of shock. He didn't look at her, but she watched his face and expressions all the same. Somehow it wasn't even the news that he had destroyed a pack that had shocked her most. She knew that Azriel could be a violent and vengeful wolf when crossed so even though she didn't know exactly what he meant by "destroyed" or what events could have led up to such a thing, she was more just surprised by the fact that he was telling her this at all. In all their time together she hadn't managed to get more than the very bare minimum when it came to details about his past. She considered herself to be the wolf that he trusted most and even she didn't know where he came from or what had led him to the point where they had met. She was quiet for a few moments, listening to the sounds of the water rushing beside them and the crunch of the leaves under their paws while her mind reeled with this new information. There was a whole slew of questions that were just barely being held back by the flood gates that she wished she could ask, but she knew that she'd never get anything else out of him if she did that. Settling on one instead, she looked up at him again. "Why did you destroy them?" Azriel was violent, but he wasn't mindlessly violent. There was always a reason or a goal or something he wanted out of an action before he did it. He was smart and calculating and wouldn't do something so drastic if there wasn't a reason. She didn't know if he'd actually tell her, but it felt like if she didn't ask perhaps this door would close again and she'd miss her chance to find out more. Talk

There it was... that inevitable question that always followed a piece of catastrophic news. Why. The why was always so important, and yet, so meaningless all the same. What did it matter why he had done what he had? The actions were done, the fires burned out, the bodies buried... What difference would it make to know the motives behind the anger, the bloodshed, the murder? He almost wanted to turn that question back on her, but Azriel recognized it was a defense mechanism. If he did that, Sibyl would clam up, probably apologize and never bring it up again. She didn't deserve to be treated like that, especially not when he had been the one to open this door for her. He couldn't in good conscience close it in her face immediately. Chest rising with a deep breath, only to deflate with a heavy sigh, he motioned with a flick of his head and a grunt for Sibyl to follow his lead, turning off their path to face the river and sitting on the crisp grass and leaves littering the bank. If they were going to have this conversation, it was going to take some time; might as well get comfortable. While he waited for Sibyl to get comfy beside him, Azriel just stared out at the river, silver-grey eyes distant and lost in the haze of memories of days long gone.

Why had he destroyed his birth pack? That was such a heavy, loaded question, she had no idea, and he told her as such. "That's a more complicated question than you can imagine..." he tried to explain, not purposely trying to be vague, but also unsure of how to proceed. She knew what kind of a wolf he was, the dark crimes he dabbled in, but this... This was genocide they were speaking of. "The leaders of my birth pack committed unforgivable crimes against my family, and to every wolf like me, just because they could. I never knew until I was older, and by that point, they were beyond forgiveness. All of them were beyond forgiveness... because every single one of them just went along with it, like good little wolves..." He spat those last few words out like they were venom. Azriel tightened his jaw, grinding teeth together while he remembered the rage he had felt that day he'd made the haunting discovery that he hadn't been an only child like his parents had told him. He remembered the looks in all their eyes while he brought ruin to their homes and their lives. He remembered the taste of Elias' blood in his mouth and the boy's pathetic, desperate cries for mercy. Azriel's claws ripped at the grass underneath his paws.

"Packs are designed to benefit those at the top while those at the bottom labor and suffer for scraps to survive on..." muttered a bitter Azriel. "That's why none of them are worth sparing. They only take and take and leave damage in their wake..." He thought about himself, of Sibyl, and of Fel. None of them had been happy while part of a pack. Why would any wolf willingly choose to let themselves become pawns of someone else? To be used and discarded when they were drained dry? Fuck that. That was not a game he would play. He'd break the board and destroy the pieces. Never again.

"Speech" | Thoughts

Sibyl waited with anticipation for an answer and instead of an answer right away she was given a sigh and a nod for her to follow him. She did so without question and went away from the river a bit before settling down beside him. She naturally leaned into his side without really thinking about it. It's how they always were when they were sitting or laying anywhere so she didn't really see a reason for that to change now. She tried to read his expression, but the far off, hunted look in his expression didn't give her a whole lot to go off of. Soon enough he would finally break the silence and begin to explain a bit about how he got to the point where he wanted to destroy the entire pack he had been born into. Her brows pulled together with thought while she listened to him describe how these wolves had done unforgivable things, leaving things open to her imagination to try and guess just what kind of things they would have had to do to deserve death. He wasn't very forth coming with details, but she supposed that she didn't really need them. She would have listened to every word if he had, but it was easy enough to believe that he was right and that they were beyond saving or forgiveness. The tenseness in his jaw and the way his claws tore at the grass didn't slip past her observant gaze. She remained quiet while he added in some of his opinion and observations about packs and their structure. She wasn't sure she could completely agree with his assessment, but she could see why he would think such things. She hadn't enjoyed living in the pack of healers, but that had mostly been because she had craved freedoms and debauchery that she never would have gotten living with those up tight, strict, religious wolves. They hadn't been cruel to her necessarily or to anyone that came within the range of their pack, but they were most certainly stifling and obsessive. She wasn't sure where in that spectrum Aerie fell and maybe that's what made her hesitate most about joining Fel's pack right away. There was too much unknown. However, she knew that she didn't want to be reigned in again and perhaps that was enough to keep her from truly wanting that lifestyle again. As easily as it was for her to sway to what Fel wished, there had to be some things she wouldn't budge on. She leaned up to press her nose to Azriel's cheek, hoping to break himself out of this self induced trance of painful memories. "I'm glad you were able to get your revenge," she told him, wanting to make sure he knew that she didn't think any different of him with this new information. "If doing all of that brought you any peace and at least changed the path of your life so that we were able to meet then it seems worth it to me." She still hadn't fully decided what she wanted to do as far as the pack went, but she did know one thing. Bringing her muzzle to his and leaving a gentle lick on his chin, she gave him a small smirk and told him again, "Where ever you're going, take me with you. If you don't trust Aerie then neither do I. I'm not going to leave you." Talk

Azriel was both silently grateful and a touch disappointed that Sibyl didn't ask any followup questions. Part of him wanted to let it all go, to release the anger that was threatening to boil over inside of him again. A far greater part of him wanted to keep it repressed and hidden, forgetting his own history written in blood and ashes. For the long stretched of silence after he finished speaking, Azriel just sat there, lost in the memories of screams and blood, occasionally trembling with the rage. What finally snapped him out of his anger-induced trance was the soft, wet feeling of Sibyl's nose pressing to his cheek. A few rapid blinks and Az was back in the present, turning to meet his partner's gaze when she said she was glad he got his revenge. Again, the striped brute just stared at her, blinking in his stupor. She was glad he got revenge on his old pack...? The thought made the corner of his mouth twitch with the trace of a smile. Sibyl really was a different breed of crazy, and he loved it.

When she reached up to lick his chin, Azriel leaned down to return the lick to the end of her muzzle, a low rumble starting in his chest. It was far more intimate and hinted at promises of excitement to come once their walk was concluded. Sibyl had always been a close partner, a confidant, and dare he say a friend? She had never done him wrong, and if she wanted to stay with him, he would not turn her away. That did, however leave the matter of Fel Abraxas on the table. What were they going to do about her proposition? It didn't seem like either of them felt overjoyed at joining a pack blind and out of the blue... but perhaps Fel would be willing to entertain a Q&A session if she really wanted them in. Or perhaps they could convince her to leave them and come start her life fresh in their little band.

"Don't worry, my darling, I'm not going anywhere without you," the brute purred to the lighter fae. He stood up again, shaking out his pelt of the loose leaves and grasses, then motioned for her to follow him so they could resume their walk back towards their den. "I think we both need to have a little chat with our dearest Fel about all this before we decide on anything. Until then, though, I want to get you back home. I'm feeling selfish with our time today..." A wolfish grin touched Azriel's features while he waited for her to join him so he could escort her back home, the thinly veiled promise of his true intentions underlying his voice.

"Speech" | Thoughts