and the reason is you
Her sleep was disturbed by the suddenness of labor, she welcomed the process. After a long morning of endurance and efforts Ballad would be blessed by Tor. Two beautiful little pups were birthed. Ballad wished that she could have Eris or Lament here to enjoy them with her, but their skills were required elsewhere. She had no doubt in her abilities to do this alone, and with exhaustion she nosed the tiny girls to her stomach and fell asleep to them nursing for the first time.
Autumn here was incomparable to the one back… well, not home, not anymore. But as the leaves curled and floated to the ground in a variety of warm colors, she thought of the first autumn there and wondered if it was a sign. Reluctantly she walked away from the shore which for the time, she had made camp. Bad sensations lingered there and Nox found herself more and more curious as to what lay beyond. The promise of ripe lands led her south into a densely green plateau where water trickled over its heights. With the promise of discovery, she made the climb, taking in the breathtaking scenery. It was beautiful, to say the least, so beautiful that she almost forgot her troubles. Almost. She could only think of how much her daughters would’ve loved the place. She couldn’t speak so much for Eclipsie as she could for Astraea. Perhaps her lost Nightingale jewel had found herself there at some point if she wasn’t dead that is. Nox didn't want to entertain that thought for long. Her heart withered in the prospect of it. There had to be some interesting plants or trinkets about that she could collect as gifts for when her children would finally return.
It was then that she noticed a strange yet familiar scent. Sightseeing turned into scent-seeking, as her consciousness deliberately sought out the fragrance. There were other scents too, water, greenery, carcasses, and something sweet? Although it was a mixture of blood and something else that drew her in initially. Something warm and comforting but also vaguely nostalgic. Cautiously she approached the source, quietly stepping into a hidden-hollow where everything became clear.
There the small figure of a woman slept soundly. She was of a striking combination of black, yellow, red, and orange. The markings on her paws and tail resembled flames, and the rest was of ebony with bits of color tossed in that looked like sparks floating upward into a night sky. Appearance alone was not what Nox found the most intriguing. Nestled into her breast were two smaller bodies, either suckling as their mother slept. The warm scent had been that of mothers-milk and the blood after-birth. Nox took a step back then, suddenly feeling that she had entered somewhere that she was not meant to be. Something stopped her, however, a deep and intense pain that wedged between her ribs. The longer she looked the more that pain turned to bitterness and even jealousy. That had once been her, with three beautiful pups pressed into her stomach. They had been so small then, so vulnerable and eager for life. Watching them grow had been agonizing yet bountiful. Nox knew not what became of them, though as any mother, she feared the worst. Those that she’d adopted had not survived the journey and she felt their losses all the same. That was why she felt such envy toward the woman.
All she could think about then was how easy it would have been to slaughter the mother as she slept and to take those pups as her own. Nox desperately wanted pups again but not like that. What remained of her morality urged her away from that path. Her eyes stung and her chest ached, but as a mother, she could not do that. Nox bit her lip harshly, so hard that she could taste blood. Tears of grief, as well as shame, welled from her sockets. She made a futile attempt to be silent, covering her mouth as she choked back a sob.
Laying down my past I scream.
This is not the end of me.
Time to bury it or me.
I can't take back who I've been but this is where I'll start again.
The little she fox, pheasant still in her mouth, placed herself between her mistress and the large black she wolf as she sobbed lightly and brought Ballad to consciousness. Exhaustion held her tight, but immediately she was at the ready, however loathe she was to move her nursing pups. She blinked back her sleep, but her features were completely unreadable otherwise. Her paws however, danced lightly more from habit than hope that the woman would understand the sign language.
”Are you alright?” She answered cautiously, not allowing the dark woman a hint of her emotions beyond her moving paw.
At one time she had wholeheartedly thought the letting of tears to be a weakness. She thought that still and thus she only did so in private. Before she had bottled them up, storing grief and despair in little jars to be kept for death. Now, she had no other choice but to expel it, otherwise, she might implode or do something else that she would later regret. What happened then was an example of that. She tried to resist, of course, but the harder she fought, the less she seemed to be able to hold back. Nox raised a paw, futilely clamping it over her mouth to dampen her own whimpers. She thought to make a quick exit, turn back before she was noticed. Unfortunately, it was a bit too late for that. Much to her surprise, however, it was not the woman that noticed her first, but a… fox?
The creature moved swiftly, immediately placing itself between her and its master. Admittedly, she was a bit startled at its sudden appearance. Companionships between two different species were altogether unfamiliar and might have been amusing if not for the current circumstances. Nox quickly attempted to recompose herself, and with the same paw that she’d clamped over her mouth, she used then to messily wipe away the tears that had pooled. She sniffled, eyes darting briefly to the twitch of movement that came from below. Nox paid no mind to it, she knew not what it meant nor did she care to focus on it. Her sole focus now was on the question and the process of gaining enough composure to speak. I must look pathetic…“I... Nothing. I’m sorry." That was all she could manage at first. She did not give an answer to the question. What was she expected to say? How could she explain this sort of pain to a stranger? Rather, she fumbled with an apology. “Forgive me, I’ve disturbed you. I-it wasn’t my intent, I stumbled across you and--” Nox took a deep breath in the hopes of steadying her voice. How low she had sunk. This was not the fitting face of the Queen she aspired to be.
Nox dared not make eye-contact. She instead decided to tackle the awkward scenario by changing the subject. Her amber irises darted down to the two-bundles before flickering away. “They are beautiful… Have you named them yet?” The question rolled softly off her tongue, as she tried to mask her discomfort with an inquiry. She did not expect a straight-forward answer, or really any at all. If the follow-up was that she should leave, then Nox would do so willingly.
Laying down my past I scream.
This is not the end of me.
Time to bury it or me.
I can't take back who I've been but this is where I'll start again.
The woman’s dodging of the question was answer enough for the Pyre woman. Ballad was patient as the woman stumbled through her words, the cross fox relaxed more than the fire marked new mother. Still, the woman complimented her new young and lifted the focus of attention off herself. Ballad wouldn’t press her.
”No need to be sorry.” Ballad offered softly as her tarnished silver gaze returned to the two newborns at her belly. ”Thank you, but no they have not gained their names yet.” Tradition stated the family would help to decide their names, but Ballad was without her clan now. ”In a few days time.” Before the dawn of their third day. She would pray to Tor and Fenris to reveal them to her in their own time.
Nox could’ve cut the tension as a hot knife would butter. Though the stranger's voice was soft, it lacked the warmth that she sought. Though it was selfish to expect that sort of thing from a stranger and one whose peace she had disturbed no less. Nox took another deep breath, each inhale helping to steady the shaking of her vocal cords. Each release of oxygen draining the untamed emotion and setting her heart-strands back into place. She straightened slightly but for the time kept her eyes fixated on anything but the cool-gray orbs that seemed locked onto her. Nox understood why, and she was not hurt by it. A strange lady in a place that should have been hidden and safe from prying eyes. Well… It wasn’t like she intended to be there and she did not wish harm to fall upon them. Oh, but how was she to know that? It was just a mess, wasn't it? If she had known they were here, to begin with, she would have avoided it entirely.
She couldn’t help but share in admiration of the two babes. Life was a precious gift, one that could be taken away just as easily as it was given. “I see.” A few days? Nox thought to question further but instead turned her attention to the elepha- or rather fox in the room. “Is it--she--a companion of yours?” Nox studied the fleet-footed creature with reddened, tear-soaked eyes. The scene was something out of a joke. A 'two wolves and a fox go into a bar' sort of thing. “Where I come from foxes are more likely to eat pups than help provide for them.” Her lips thinned as she pondered how that sounded. “I-I didn’t mean to sound rude I’ve just never…" Nox sniffled, choosing her next words carefully. Normally she didn't struggle so much, but it had been a while since she'd talked to anyone other than Lupa, and well... this was just terribly uncomfortable, to begin with. “Species coexistence is rare…especially among other predators, is what I mean to say.” The longer the conversation went on the more she wondered if she should just turn away and make it easier on both of them.
Laying down my past I scream.
This is not the end of me.
Time to bury it or me.
I can't take back who I've been but this is where I'll start again.
The fox was a new addition but, ”Yes, companion is a good way to describe her.” Much like the puppies she was nameless, but she didn’t often have a lot to say anyway. ”Your assumption isn’t wrong, but she is no beast. We’ve come to understand each other. Our relationship is mutually beneficial.” She needed her help in raising the puppies and the fox had a small debt to repay. She didn’t know why but she wanted to help put the woman at ease. ”I do not easily offend, speak freely.” with those words Ballad began to relax. The cross fox made her way closer to Ballad’s side with a bit of dinner when she was up for it.
”Companions like her are rather common in these lands. Sometimes its easier to work together than against one another.” Ballad continued softly, giving the fox an appreciative glance before returning her attention the the tiny babies at her belly. With a gentle nudge she assured herself both twins were still there.
Something about the shift in her voice made Nox settle, if but slightly. Not once throughout the entire process had she vexed or raised her voice. Perhaps that was to not disturb the writhing newborns pressed into their mothers’ breast, or simply because birth had taken the strength from her. It was hard to tell between them who was older, but it was clear who was more mature. Nox listened intently, content to store the information that was given. She learned then that just because something was strange or unheard-of, did not necessarily mean it impossible. Maybe it was bold to assume that canines were the only intelligent species capable of cooperation and civility. She took the time to take-in the fox’s demeanor, amber eyes flickering up to peer into the smaller creatures with not prejudice but curiosity. "Good to hear." Nox sighed a breath of relief at the flame-touched lady’s soothing words and then proceeded to ask another question. “Mutually beneficial? How-so?” There were a few ideas that came to mind. For instance, certain species of birds and wolves had found use in another’s company. And again, with species of bird and prey-animals. Did they hunt together, or maybe the fox hunted and she provided protection?
It was only then when she managed the courage to look up, did she notice those steel-gray orbs were not intently focused on her, but the pups. A sliver of a smile crept across the corners of her face, bittersweet in nature. Nox recognized the expression of maternal love in the woman’s eyes. There surely was nothing purer than a mother’s love for her child. “It’s good to cherish these first moments. They grow up quick, far too quick for their own good sometimes.” Nox thought back to her own children and how swiftly they had grown in those first few months. Diaval had practically been out the door when he was old enough to walk. He always had been independent, and his sisters even more so. It was for that reason that she had a shred of hope they were still alive. Though she was most worried about Astraea, as she had never truly grown up. Her eyes flickered between the mother and the meal politely laid before her. Nox took a step-back then, reading the signs. “I wouldn’t want to get in the way of your meal. Thank you for being so understanding.” She craned her head down and back up again in a polite nod.
Laying down my past I scream.
This is not the end of me.
Time to bury it or me.
I can't take back who I've been but this is where I'll start again.
The dark woman spoke gently, reminding Ballad that she wouldn’t have much time with the newborns as newborns. The fire marked Ademre remembered fondy how quickly her nephew grew and was suddenly saddened at the thought of her sister. Ballad hoped that Eris was out there somewhere… happy and safe. ”They will.” She agreed softly, nuzzling the dark bundles, already they stole her heart. Her two perfect little daughters. Ballad looked back up with her tarnished silver gaze as Nox began to take her leave. ”My name is Ballad Pyre, by the way.” She added before the woman could leave. ”Feel welcome to return here, should you wish.”
The way she pulled her newborns in and held them tightly much reminded Nox of the first time she ever held her three. She remembered looking at her babies like they were the most beautiful creations that she had ever seen and nothing else in the universe could compare. That moment had been a fleeting one, but even now, she still felt the same. Nox felt a flitter of regret as she thought she saw a brief sadness wash over the new mother’s face. It felt necessary if a bit unkind to say such a thing. It certainly was not her place to ruin the special moment. “But they’ll always be yours… no matter how big they become,” Nox added to hopefully ease the hurt a bit. Nox met her eyes then, for the first time or what seemed like it. A sense of calm seemed to settle over them, two strangers finally on the same page. “Nice to meet you, Ballad Pyre.” Pyre. Nox wondered if her last name was simply ironic or if it was intentional, given the brazen color of her coat. That had to be the only reason, for her demeanor was quite the opposite of flammable.
“I’m Nox. Nox Nightingale.” Out of habit, she gave another bow of the head. When the mother spoke again, she found herself surprised. Surprised mostly because she certainly did not expect an invitation back after the introduction they’d had. What mother would want a passably deranged woman near her children? Maybe there was an understanding shared between them, something only another mother could pick up on. Whatever the case, she did feel her spirits lift at the possibility of getting to see the little tikes again. “I may take you up on that offer… but I will make sure to knock next time.” And with a final nod, she made a graceful exit. Father had always said introductions were everything but perhaps in this case, or like most cases, he was wrong.
Laying down my past I scream.
This is not the end of me.
Time to bury it or me.
I can't take back who I've been but this is where I'll start again.