TW: pregnancy loss

Corvus needed to talk to Twig. He'd been surprised by the news Drifa had brought from Winterfell, and he knew he needed to talk it over with Twig before... before what? Before anything came of it? The thought made him feel sick that one of his oldest friends, from back in his childhood, had turned such a violent leaf. He'd never expected what had happened with Ignis to follow him home anyway; he thought what had happened was between the two of them, not something that had any wider-reaching consequences. But maybe he'd been wrong. He wasn't sure. Sighing heavily, Corvus continued his walk across the plains, searching for Twig's scent. He shuddered as a gust of cold wind whipped over him.

Why'd this season have to be so damn cold, anyway, Corvus wondered? It was an uncharacteristically frigid winter so far, which didn't help his already slightly frazzled thoughts. It seemed like some kind of cruel joke that things had to get shaken up again when he was finally settling into a rhythm that he was comfortable with. Of course, nothing could ever stay the same for long. He just hoped Twig would understand what he had to say.. whatever that was. He hadn't quite figured out what he was going to say. Brows furrowed tightly as he continued to track her down, letting out a bark once he thought she might be within earshot of him.

Trigger warning- pregnancy loss

She hadn’t felt quite right after the bison hunt and not long after she’d experienced bleeding in places that probably shouldn’t have been. Twig had curled up away from the den she shared with her mate and lost a pregnancy she hadn’t even realized she’d had. Tears, confusion, fright… Twig kept to herself and was thankfully left alone.

The resulting emotions were difficult to deal with and especially the unexplainable shame. Twig knew she needed to tell Corvus, and probably get better checked out by a healer. If she told someone it would have to make it all a reality, so already numb Twig picked herself up and washed in the icy cold waters of the Plains.

This was one of the coldest winters she could remember, no matter what she did she was cold. Even after drying herself with some old furs her pelt was still a little wet when she heard Corvus call for her. For a very quick moment she froze and debated not answering him, but it was better if she went to him. She knew she needed to tell him but would build her courage and find the right moment instead of the subject being forced.

The Memoire woman was subdued but she hid her secret well for now. He’d called her for something and she’d heard him out while she worked herself up to tell him. Her mind was racing and her heart beat heavily in her chest but she couldn’t fake the loving and relieved smile that appeared on her features. She hurried the rest of the way to his side and hugged him a little too tightly for such an uneventful visit.

Corvus's own internally-directed thoughts and worries had made it easy to overlook Twig's abrupt detachment from him. Sometimes he needed space too, though rarely from her, but subconsciously he either hadn't noticed that she'd pulled away from him or simply wasn't worried about it. Not to say Corvus was terribly selfish, but it was easy to get wrapped up in his own thoughts, especially after the recent news brought from the north by Drifa. He worried more than he ought to about what the sudden change in Ignis meant for his pack. As time went on he began to think the situation was more and more dire, especially given Drifa had fled from his pack, fearful for her life if she spread the news of what had occurred. The thought left a hollow, sinking pit in his stomach, one he knew wouldn't go away for some time. Maybe talking to Twig about it would help, not that he knew what to say..

It took a moment longer than expected to find her, and when she drew in closer she hugged him tight, catching him off guard. Were his frayed nerves really that obvious? Corvus had never been good at hiding his emotions but he thought it'd take her at least a few seconds to catch on, but it seemed she'd heard it in his call, oblivious as to what was really troubling her. He moved slowly to return the embrace, slipping his muzzle around her shoulders and holding her for a long, silent moment. "I'm sorry," he started slowly, not wanting to worry her or... anything. "I wanted to talk to you about something," he finished weakly. hoping that the sudden dread that washed over him was completely blown out of proportion.

Being with Corvus helped to steady her and calm her nerves and the rush of crazy emotions that warred in her belly. She knew he called her for a reason but her own thoughts kept her from truly understanding the turmoil beneath Corvus’ chocolate brown fur. He was slow to react, not expecting so much affection, but he did return her embrace. She felt the warmth of him spread through her as he held her tight and they lingered quietly in each other’s presence. His deep voice rumbled through her and soothed her deeply as she sighed into his soft fur.

”Don’t be sorry,” she tried to keep the edge out of her voice but the truth was that she felt she was about to cry. As long as she didn’t look into his eyes. ”You can tell me anything, Corvus.” The words were a whisper as she worked hard to hold back until the right moment with him. If he could talk to her surely she would be able to tell him? Twig took a deep breath and squeezed him a little tighter. She didn't quite have the guts to say I've something to tell you as well.

Something felt strange between them but Corvus couldn't quite place it. It was easy to blame it on his own thoughts, and how he was fumbling around trying to figure out just what to say to her. It was hard to figure out what exactly needed to be addressed, though he knew talking to her about what Ignis had done and what their last conversation had generally been about was inevitable. Her words sounded pained - did she fear for something even worse than he was about to say? - and he furrowed his brows slightly as he pulled away from her. Truthfully he found himself averting his own gaze, his focus on briefly darting to and from her features.

He wanted to assure her it wasn't anything that bad, but maybe just spitting it out would be better. "It's nothing that bad. I wanted to tell you sooner but it didn't seem important, I guess. You know I have a friend in Winterfell named Ignis, right?" Surely he'd talked about him before. He'd gone to see Ignis in the north a few times now when he needed someone to talk to, but mostly before he'd gotten so wrapped up in Twig and their little life. "Well... someone from his pack came to visit the other night. They told Theory and I that he's turned violent and taken over the pack. I never expected anything like that from him," he hurriedly explained, looking pained at what he was saying.

It wasn't a pleasant thought that his friend might make anyone fear for their lives; in fact, he hated it. It went against everything he believed in, and everything Abaven stood for. "But.. I don't know. The last time I saw him he was really... off. He.." He fumbled over his words, trying to think how he ought to explain it. "He kind of.. told me he loved me? And got really upset when I told him I was with you," he finished weakly. He'd told Ignis that he thought he might love him too, but that he loved Twig and had promised himself to her - that they'd started building a future together. "Like... beyond upset. He tried to attack me. I thought he was just being dramatic but... I don't know if it set him off or what.."

Focusing on Corvus and what he had to say was the best medicine for her poor nerves. Having him hold her and speak about anything that wasn’t.. What happened. Her heart stopped again but she breathed him in, needing him more than she ever had before. Twig was pretty independent, but didn’t deny how much she relied on the pack nor how much she needed the man she loved more than now.

He tried to assure her, and though she couldn’t meet his gaze she wore a small supportive smile as she held herself together. Caramel ears swiveled and fell with the lilt of his voice she nodded knowing who Ignis was. How could she not when he was the one to warn of Winterfell’s raid? She listened as he went on, spelling out what could possibly mean trouble for Abaven, but then he went further.

Ignis loved him? That was a good enough reason to see why the fire red wolf would warn of the betrayal all the time ago. But to turn violent at a rejection… Twig felt even more loved, knowing that Corvus had stood fast for her. Even up to his best friend, who would go on to take the news without reason. Twig’s emotions were already a wreck and though uncertain how to feel she could focus on this.

”You aren’t responsible for this Corvus.” She said steadfastly, despite everything she knew this. ”He is the one in control of his emotions, you couldn’t have known…” Twig buried her head back into his neck. ”If he comes here we’ll keep Abaven safe.” She promised as everything bubbled up at once. She grit her teeth and bit back a sob before stuttering, ”I have something to tell you too.” Her voice was a scared whisper as the color drained from her skin.

He was still oblivious that she had problems weighing on her that were far greater than what he was sharing, but he was so lost in his own thoughts that it was hard to notice anything was amiss. And once he started talking, he found it hard to stop. "I told him.. that I thought I might have loved him too, before.. before you, but..." But I told him I had a girlfriend that I loved. Would Twig judge him for recognizing he'd felt that way once, and just didn't have the words for it? Would she feel betrayed that he'd kept it from her? Sometimes he wondered what might've been if Ignis had told him sooner, but he couldn't focus on that now. He didn't want a life of turbulence and violence and unpredictability, that wasn't who he was. He wanted this, the two of them as they were, and nothing else. Seeing Ignis lose control of himself at his rejection had proved that much to him.

He nodded as she leaned against him, knowing she was right. They'd take care of their pack as fiercely as they always had, though Corvus hated the thought of Ignis actually acting against them. The thought made him feel sick. But Twig suddenly saying she needed to tell him something suddenly made him feel even worse. Something was wrong - her voice was weak and scared, and he felt the blood drain from him, a cold rush of dread suddenly gripping him. "What is it, Twig?" He barely spoke back, torn between holding her close and getting a better look at her. He settled on the latter, leaning away from her to get a good look at her face, as if it might prepare him for whatever she was about to say, fearing the worst.

She didn’t know what to think of his continued explanation, but she shook her head into his pelt. It didn’t matter now did it? They had each other and he’d come back to her. Corvus had rejected Ignus and thus his temper tantrum began. Twig didn’t know the wolf, wasn’t even sure if they’d spoke. She was grateful for his help when he’d given them warning but this sudden turn? Something would have set him off eventually. Corvus didn’t argue with her assessment, and as she spoke she felt him stiffen as she lost control of her voice.

He questioned her quietly, his forest green gaze on her as he pulled away slightly when all she wanted was for him to hold her close and read her mind. The pain would be clear on her face, he’d seen her hurt before especially when it came to her nephews. Twig attempted to glance up at him with vivid violet eyes and tears formed in them immediately. ”I didn't know.” She started, uncertain and shakily. Again she tried to avoid it, if she didn’t say it did it really happen? But as she thought it she felt the bottom of her belly fall out and her heart crumbled further. ”I didn’t know I was pregnant,” her voice was caught in her throat and she barely managed to utter them. ”I.. We.. then..” She felt her breath quicken and her face flushed as she struggled. ”I’ve lost them.”

All at once his worries were cast aside in light of whatever Twig wanted to tell him. He'd been too worried about what was going on inside his own head - worried about whether Twig would be upset he hadn't told her he'd talked to Ignis and what he'd admitted to him. Would she judge him for admitting he thought he might've once loved his friend? Would it bother her? All of those questions suddenly evaporated as she began to speak, his worries amplifying as he heard the pain in her voice. Something was wrong, seriously wrong, and it pained him that he'd even said anything while she listened to him so patiently and held in whatever this pain was.

I didn't know, she started, and he held his tongue, certain she was trying to find the words to say what she meant. The tears started and it took everything in him to not hold her close, instead waiting patiently for the words to come. Once they finally did he felt the world fall beneath his paws. It felt like he was floating, the world around him melting away, and only Twig remained. She'd been pregnant, and now she wasn't. She'd lost them. He felt a wave of grief suddenly hit him, knocking the air from his lungs; but even more heavy was the weight that suddenly fell on his shoulders. Had it been his fault? For not knowing, not seeing the signs? Could he have done something differently? But more than anything he felt pain for Twig's own experience. She'd been carrying them, not him, and the loss somehow seemed bigger for her.

What did they do from here? Corvus had no idea. "Oh.. Twig..." He breathed finally once he caught his breath, quickly pulling her close to him with sudden desperation. He felt tears stinging his eyes that he clamped tightly shut as he held her close. "I'm sorry. So, so so sorry," he whined, feeling helpless but wanting desperately to try to console her in any way possible. No other words were able to come. Why us? What did we do wrong? What happened? He knew the questions wouldn't help any and might only further the hurt, but they didn't stop circling his head like a pack of starved vultures. Why them? What had they done to deserve this?

Twig was confident in her relationship with Corvus, he could have given her a long list of once lovers and she wouldn’t have bat an eye. She loved him, and she knew that he felt the same way for her. Especially right now in this moment with her weakness laid bare for him to see. Would he think she was to blame for losing their children? Surely he wouldn’t spurn her for this? Twig’s anxiety spiked as she spoke. When she finally lifted her bright purple gaze to his she saw the same pain and confusion inside herself. Despite everything she felt more connected with him in that moment than any before. They shared in the sudden grief and loss that brought about thoughts of guilt and blame.

He breathed her name and then she was in his embrace and her emotions were renewed. Her heart felt broken, she felt inadequate, nothing was right. Nothing was right but the man who held her tight. Corvus didn’t push her away, he held her close and he mourned with her. ”Corvus,” she managed to utter his name, rooting him to the spot and making it all so real. They hadn’t planned for this, she hadn’t expected to start a family, but no matter she still felt the loss of it.

”I am too.” She whispered softly as she buried her features into his neck and shed more tears. ”Did I do something?” Twig knew he had no answers, but uttering the question brought a sense of relief almost. ”Is there something wrong with me?”

The pain of what she'd told him seemed overwhelming; like something the two of them could never begin to conquer. He knew that wasn't true, but in the fact of what he now knew - how close he'd been to being a parent, a father - it seemed a mountain impossible to claim. And Twig.. poor Twig. He felt for her more than anything, able to stifle his own feelings and push them deep down for the sake of worrying for her. There was no part of her that deserved any of this; in fact, of all the wolves he knew she was the one who deserved something like this least. But he knew loss wasn't always something that made perfect sense. It was messy and unpredictable, and struck even the most selfless of wolves.

Suddenly he felt tears welling up in his eyes as she spoke again. "Twig, you mean everything you to me," he assured her as he pulled her close, refusing to let go for a long while. "You did nothing wrong. You are perfect. Sometimes things just... happen," he finished weakly. "I'm so sorry..." He was unsure if his words would convince her of anything at all but he knew them to be true, however much it hurt. Sometimes loss just happened, no matter what you did wrong or right. Loss was a natural part of life, a fact that he knew all too well now, no matter what they did right along the way. Corvus let out a quiet whine as he leaned a bit more into her, feeling tears of his own not beginning to fall as he cried as quietly as possible.

They were very nearly parents. Neither wolf had realized what was really going on, but Twig wondered how far along she might have even been. Had she gone too far during the bison hunt? What if she hadn’t joined in? What if she had paid a little more attention and realized the possibilities. What if what if what if. Twig might have lost herself in the grief if Corvus wasn’t right there and holding her tightly at her confessions.

As he spoke she heard the emotion in his voice as he held her tight. She could almost feel him willing the pain away, but there was nothing to be done. They couldn’t go back in time and she wasn’t sure that she would ever know the true reason this blessing was ripped from her. Twig was all too familiar with loss, but this one was like a dagger in her heart. Corvus was her balm, he chased her fear and doubt in herself as he proclaimed her his whole world. They still had each other, her body was presumably going to recover, this was not their only chance. Still, Twig hurt.

But she hurt with Corvus and despite how terrible the situation she had him beside her. Her trust in him increased, their hearts were drawn closer together. They’d weather this storm no matter how difficult together, and they’d make it through stronger on the other side. ”I am too.” She whispered as their tears mingled and they cried over what was lost. Twig didn’t know what to do though, what their next step might be. All she wanted was to cry into Corvus’s soft fur.

It was hard the shake the sudden guilt that threatened to overtake him. Was it his fault somehow? Maybe he hadn't been paying enough attention to Twig and any possible pregnancy signs; maybe he should've spent more time with her, caring for her, making himself available to her. Somehow. Some way. But another part of him knew they had done nothing wrong, but with all the recent life being brought forth within Abven - both past and future - he couldn't help but feel like they'd somehow failed. Their pack, each other, and themselves. The feeling was overwhelming and suffocating but the desire to care for Twig and support her allowed him to power through it, just barely.

"It will get better. I promise," he assured her softly, but his voice quivered with the sound of tears he was trying to contain, to little avail. It might not get better today, or next week. but... someday. Things always got worse before they got better; pain helped them grow stronger, but that was a mantra easier to be reminded of after the fact. It felt hopeless right now. It was a pain sudden and swift, one that felt like it wouldn't loosen its vice grip around him anytime soon. All he knew now was that he wanted to hold Twig and keep her safe, to somehow help ease her pain as best as he could.