"Speech"

It was time, she'd been stewing on this idea for some time. Four gorgeous and rambunctious little hellions were napping deceptively peacefully at her stomach, soon enough they'd wake, rising with the moon as she'd been teaching them to do. Habari was a nocturnal pack after all, and she had no intentions of letting her little ones out of the den for the first time in the middle of the day when she was all but useless at watching over them.

As for the fifth bundle at her side? Well, she knew she wasn't inclined to keep him. The pups were starting to eat solids now and while they weren't totally weaned yet she was planning to ease them off soon anyways... Why she cared so much she wasn't sure, the lump at her side was all but useless to her... a reminder that even she was not infallible and that if she let weakness fester it would plague her for the rest of her life. The boy could not be allowed to taint the growth of the four children she saw as her heirs. This boy, he was not hers, she did now and would not claim him. He wasn't the smallest of her boys but definitely the most demure... and the way his eyes slid off of everything and the stumbling way he'd learned to walk had all worked to make it clear he could never be hers. And yet... she couldn't quite bring herself to truly rid herself of him though... maybe it was her own weakness but despite her desire to be rid of the little scrap she still allowed him to nurse, allowed him to clamber over her with his uneven wobbling movement. She had still birthed him and maybe that made her soft. That had been the biggest hurdle, how to handle this child she did not intend to keep but also couldn't simply abandon to fate... for all her flaws she intended to be a better parent to her children than her own had been, and she refused to leave a young pup alone... she'd nearly died when she'd been abandoned...

So it had to be Beat, it was the only answer she had. The fact he lived in the pack right on her border, the only one now that The Hallows had left, had seemed like a curse at first. How was she going to keep his children from him when they would inevitably wander close enough to be seen or scented... well that was something she'd worry about in the future but for today their closeness was a blessing.

Recluse sighed, the setting sun was starting to peek into her den. Her children would be stirring soon enough but for now, she had time to get her mission done. She gently dug the black and white marked boy out from among his siblings, gently scruffing him and extracting herself from the rest of the pups. Lilith moved instantly in to circle the pups, she'd not be coming today, instead of remaining in the den to watch over the remaining pups and keep them in the den until Recluse returned. Then she left the den, the blind boy dangling from her jaw. It was as she was heading down the side of the mountain that he seemed to rouse, the cool winter air filling his lungs for the first time and he squirmed and groaned. She could just see his little pink nose, so like her own, twitching manically. "Momma? What's happening?" He asked in his high voice.

"Hush," she said around his scruff, slowing her trot as they reached the nook. "I'm taking you to meet your father." She veered towards the river that fed into the lands, and carefully stepped into its freezing water. "You're going to get so spend some time with him." She said, slowly lowing him into the water, he squealed in the cold she gently set about washing him carefully, doing her best to remove the scent of his siblings from him as possible, once she was satisfied she did the same for herself. Then she took the time to lick the poor shivering boy dry.

The sun was now half behind the horizon, she had little more time to wait. Picking the boy back up she walked around the base of the volcano, along the shore of the river as it turned into rapids, then pressing closer to the base of her mountain as the borderline shifted, moving inland. Once she was content with how close to Abaven's inner lands she settled herself on the ground on her side of the border, gently curling around the boy and allowing him to wander a bit, though keeping him close with her nose and paws, though he seemed more interested in climbing all over her instead. "You must promise momma one thing," she cooed gently, "you cannot tell anyone that you have brothers and sister, or momma will be very upset." The boy nodded, still very obviously not sure what she was indicating but the last thing she wanted was for Beat to think he could have access to her or the rest of her life.

Finally satisfied she tipped her head back to call for the boy's father, silently praying she wasn't wrong about what sort of a man he was.

Art by petitecanine

The boy was snuggled in among his siblings, their warmth and their scents swaddling him in familiar comfort. He was so deeply asleep he didn't even notice his mother picking him out of the puppy pile of his siblings and only started to stir as the cool winter air hit him for the first time in his life. The rock pocket in the side of the mountain that Recluse had taken for her den had the benefit of being nice and warmed by the molten lava that ran below the stone so the boy had never felt such cold before, he squirmed against the feeling, little groans of discomfort pulling from his lungs. He roused, eyelids lifting though they brought no sight to the boy. "Momma? What's happening?" He squeaked. His mother gently shushed him and he was left with more questions, his father? As far as the boy could remember his mother had never spoken of such a wolf, but that did not worry him too much, he was excited to get to meet new wolves and as far as he could tell, the first of his siblings to be allowed to not only do that but also leave the den! The boy knew he was different from his siblings, it wasn't hard to realize that when he struggled with things they never seemed to... but he wasn't totally aware of how. He had never seen, he had no way of knowing anyone else could either... just that his siblings, particularly his brothers moved with more confidence than he could, that they always seemed to be able to find him even when he was holding as still and quiet as he could... he was not particularly fond of hide-and-seek. The next step of the journey seemed to be a bath, his mother gently dunking him in ice-cold water, and thoroughly cleaning him. That part was a little disquieting to the boy, she was stripping him of the scents of his siblings... scent meant much more to the boy than it might to other wolves, scent was the only thing he had to identify others with and the traces of his brothers and sisters on his pelt was an integral part of his own self-identity... Then his mother cleaned herself of them too and he whined softly, ears pulling back. He was much too naive to understand the implications of what it was his mother was doing but it put him on edge. His mother dried him and the boy's coat fluffed up to keep warm and they were off again, moving along beside the river, its bubbling telling him they were quite close. Then the cadence of his mother's footfalls told him they were near the mountain again. He had no idea where they were going but the familiar scent of the pack his mother ran helped to reassure him. He was gently lowered and left to wander, but he was still feeling a little uncomfortable with having had his scent so easily stripped and set about clambering over his mother, trying to get her scent all over him again, flinching slightly as his mother suddenly howled but otherwise unbothered by whatever it was she was planning. "Speech"

Base by therougecat

"Beat Destruction" Beat had been down for a few days due to a shoulder injury while hunting. A buck had given him a little poke through the skin and had bruised the muscle. Boredom had been eating at the young man. He was so used to just going and doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted but Theory had told him to take it easy. He had to let his shoulder heal or else he could hurt it worse. It was hard. Very hard. Having spent the majority of his youth on the run, Beat's paws were aching for movement. So, when the call came, he was ready to rush right to it. At first Beat didn't recognize the voice that beckoned. Who would be calling for him specifically anyway? Aslaug? No, not her voice. Recluse? Surely not. She'd made it clear that she wasn't the type to meet the family, so what could she want? Maybe she was seeking him out for another romp. He wouldn't deny her, but he'd have to take it slow because of his shoulder. So strange though that she'd let the whole pack hear her call for him. Coming to the edge of the rapids territory, Beat smiled as the familiar form of Recluse came into view. He was more than a little surprised to see a tiny pup nearby. His brow knit in confusion, but he continued to grin anyway. "Hey, Recluse." Beat crouched down to the pups level, his demeanor as friendly and oblivious as ever. "And who's this? Your little brother?" He could see that there was something wrong with the boy simply by the way that he moved and looked about. Why take a child like this all the way from its family? Strange.

"Speech"

She wasn't left waiting too long, Beat was such an eager young man, something she was grateful for. The boy seemed to perk up, turning his head towards the packlands before even she could tell Beat had arrived, she had to admit even as she was unnerved by his blindness that he seemed to have a keener sense of smell and hearing than she did. But Beat did arrive and Recluse offered him a soft, even slightly sad smile. He immediately dropped down to be on the same level as the boy and despite herself, she felt a twinge of something in her stomach, she tried not to imagine what could have been if she could allow him to be a father to her brood... but that was not an option for her, she'd just have to be comforted that the little blind boy would be in good paws.

The pup toddled towards Beat, squeaking out a question. "Hello! Who are you?" Recluse chuckled sadly, shaking her head at Beat's question. "My- Your son." Her voice was so soft, allowing the hint of sadness she had been trying to ignore to start to grow, letting it sneak into her words. "Your father." She said, leaning forward to nose at the boy. "You'd not be here without him." Then she looked up at Beat, eyes pleading and remorseful.

"Beat," she breathed, begging him with her voice, "I can't keep him. He's, he's blind... and I have my pack I have to look after. I can't give him the time or care he needs..." She was desperate, and that much was obvious in her tone, even if her concern was only half true.

Art by petitecanine

It was hard to tell with the unknown pack's scent so strong here but he thought he could smell a stranger approaching, his pawsteps reaching him from farther away than they might his mother. He turned his head to face the direction of the approach, stumbling his way towards the stranger as he spoke his mother's name aloud. He tipped his head back, tail beating the air as he tried to pinpoint the voice. ""Hello! Who are you?" He asked. His mother responded to both their questions, and the boy felt excitement thrill through him. He didn't exactly know what his mother meant about him being only being here because of the man but he was a little too excited to worry about it much. He also wasn't really paying attention as his mother spoke, instead he was trying to wind himself through the man's legs, trying to get a good sniff and rub himself all over the most accessible part of the man. "Speech"

Base by therougecat

"Beat Destruction" Hunkered down, Beat gave a soft chuckle as the boy rubbed himself all over. He was a cute little thing. He shared coloring with Recluse and so that was why he'd thought the boy was her little brother. The real answer shocked him though. Recluse told himself and the boy of their relationship to one another. The black and white man stilled, two-toned eyes going wide as his heart ceased to beat. This was his son? He was a father? Beat felt as though he might very well pass out, but he managed to keep it together somewhat. His mouth in a hard line, he stared at the woman before him. There were so many thoughts racing through his head but the one that managed to come to his lips was, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He could have been there for her and the boy. He could have helped. Keep him? She wanted Beat to keep and raise a child? "Recluse," he rose from his crouch. "I can't raise a kid." He couldn't. He'd just barely gotten himself together. A few seasons ago he had ben a child himself, drifting through the wilderness, waiting to die. No, surely he couldn't... Ah, but what had put him in that position in the first place? The loss of his family. The man's brow furrowed, scrunching his white eye-spots together. He looked down at the tiny pup and eventually his gaze softened. "What's his name? Is he weaned? What do I feed him?" A million questions formed, but he asked the important ones first. "Do you want to come see him?" Surely she would want to see her child, right? Gods... their child. What was he going to tell Theory? What was he going to tell Twig?

"Speech"

There was a flash of panic that thrilled through her as she saw Beat grow still, she closed her eyes for a moment silently praying he'd not turn her away. A single question dropped from his lips and she a brief flash of indignation passed across her face and she opened her eyes to look at him. "What would you have had me do?" He voice lilted into a desperate frustration. "I am a new Alpha, I never intended for our meeting to end in pregnancy." It wasn't a lie. "It wasn't even my season! I panicked." Her gaze grew a little hard as she spoke again. "Beat you don't know me. If I'd told you what would you have done? Abandoned your pack and joined mine? I'm practically a stranger to you. I had no intention of keeping him from you, but my pack and my family are not like you or yours. Habari would not have been a good place for you." Her tone and gaze softened as she spoke those last words, a hint of real regret creeping into her tone. He had been too good for her, softer and lovelier than could ever be worthy of. He was gentle and kind... and she would never deserve that. "I never meant to hurt you." Her gaze dropped, voice soft. It was true, even if only because in her mind she'd never intended for him to find out.

He told her he couldn't raise a child and the woman nodded slowly, gaze still on the ground and she closed her eyes, screwing them shut tight. What would she do? The boy could not be raised by her, she was not strong enough to simply abandon him but she also knew she could not keep him. Beat wasn't done though. He asked more questions and slowly she opened her eyes to look up at him, hope and pain playing in equal measure in her eyes, the trace of tears in her eyes. She seemed to struggle for a moment, shaking her head before she managed to find her voice. "I couldn't bring myself to give him a name, not when I knew I wasn't going to keep him." To be fair, that was very true, if she'd given him a name... she probably wouldn't have been strong enough to give him up. "He was still drinking milk but I've been giving him meat already, softer pieces, or broken up into water will probably help... if you can't find someone to substitute nursing him. He'll be fine."

Recluse paused for a moment, processing his final question. She finally nodded. "I don't know how often I can visit but I'd like too yes."

Art by petitecanine

"Beat Destruction" The man sighed as Recluse launched into an explanation, getting a little defensive. He wasn't blaming her for getting pregnant. It was as much his fault as hers. He just wished he'd have been there for her and the child. Her reasoning that he was too different than her pack was garbage, as far as he was concerned. No matter how different he was, he would have wanted to be there. It hadn't been her place to decide that for him. Despite all of these thoughts, Beat kept his tongue. Bringing it up now wouldn't make a difference. Purple and teal eyes looked down upon the happy looking pup and again Beat found himself crouching down. He snuffled the fur atop the boys head and his heart clenched. This was his child. He was a father. He could do for this little boy what hadn't been done for him. He could provide safety and support. He could provide a loving home. Beat would teach this boy everything that he knew and they would learn everything else together. And he didn't even have a name... "Soul," he said softly, scooping the child towards him and once again nosing the top of the boys head. "His name is Soul." Because that's what he would be to Beat. This tiny, blind child was a piece of his very soul. Without looking up at Recluse, Beat asked softly. "What would you have done if I hadn't been able to take him?" Was her pack really more important to her than the life and well being of her own child? Today, Beat grew and he grew up quickly. He learned some things about the world and the people in it. He learned that the things that he found important weren't as high on the list of importance to others. This child though... he would be the most important thing. This boy would have everything that he didn't. Beat released a silent vow into the universe. Soul... he would want for nothing. He would have the world if he wished for it.

"Speech"
Recluse had to admit she had hoped that her relationship with the man wouldn't immediately crumble but she resented the fact he seemed to think she owed him anything. If she hadn't wanted to keep the pregnancy he wouldn't have had any say at all, the fact she had decided to drop off his son for him was more than he would have gotten otherwise. He'd walked into her life for one night and that did not entitle him any further involvement in it as far as she was concerned.

Still, he had accepted the boy and that was enough for her, the woman rose to her paws, a sad smile pulling at her lips as the boy was finally given a name, the first of his siblings to get one, what a lucky boy. She watched Beat carefully in case he tried to stop her as she reached forwards to nose at the child one last time, her heart squeezing, for all her posturing she had loved him, had nursed him... he had been one of her precious gifts when he'd been born, no matter what she felt about keeping him. Some part of her would always wonder what could have been.  "Soul, momma has to go. Your dad will take good care of you in my stead, I know you'll be good for him right? Promise?" The boy nodded, obviously still confused about the situation. "We keep our promises right?" It was a hidden reminder of the promise they'd made earlier. When the boy nodded again she smiled sadly, her expression and voice genuine as she spoke the last words meant for her boy. "I love you." In the end if that's all he remembered of her, then she could be happy with that.

Beat's question hung in the air for a time, she had pulled back, gaze on her son as she thought. She still did not have the heart to abandon the boy, to harm him any further than her abandonment now would... And when she answered it was the truth again: "I don't know." And then she would return to her remaining children, still hidden from the man she knew she had just hurt.

-Exit Recluse-

Art by petitecanine

The boy was much too wrapped up in meeting this new wolf he was told was his father too really pay attention to any of what the adults were talking about, not that he could have really understood it yet anyways. So instead he clambered all over Beat's paws and nipping playfully at his ankles. Beat scooped him closer and the boy set about chewing gently on the man's toes. Then his mother was nosing at him, calling him an unfamiliar name. The boy tipped his head back to lick at her muzzle happily. She told him she was leaving and his father would be looking after him. Soul cocked his head to the side in confusion, but otherwise nodded when she asked him to be good. And then reminded him of their previous promise and he giggled, nodding again. It was a secret between him and his momma! That was fun! "Love you too Momma!" He squeaked, licking at her muzzle before she pulled away. Then the boy tipped his head back, his weight carrying him back until he was leaning against Beat's foreleg, unseeing gaze turned towards the new man he had just met, tongue lolling from his mouth. Though that would change in the coming days when Soul realized that his mother was not coming back for him as he now assumed, for now, he was more than happy to be left with his father, it was a brand new experience! "Speech"

Base by therougecat