Winter was coming to the north fast. Already he could hardly count the amount of snow that fell on the land. Thankfully he’d done not a lot but prepare for the colder months since Spring returned. There was one constant in his life despite the vast amount of tasks and chores he did and that was coming home to Kirsi every night. He knew she was just as busy as he was, and it seemed like they hardly had time for themselves beyond cuddling up at night. Now that the snow began to fall he was either in the shop or helping an apprentice.

He wasn’t giving Kirsi near enough of his attention, and he was eager to remedy that this morning. Song started out before dawn, quick to gather up a bit of breakfast for his love before he asked more of her. He’d make the whole day about her, and what she wanted to do, with a couple suggestions of his own. First though, breakfast in bed.

Song returned quietly with the sun, their south facing den was soon lightly illuminated. Gently he returned to Kirsi’s side and aimed to wake her with a brush of a kiss to her cheek.

Life had been pleasantly normal for quite some time now. Change was coming though, in more than one regard - Kirsi could sense it as plainly as she could the change in the seasons. Winterfell had passed into Winter's hands, and what exactly that meant for them... Kirsi had no idea. She didn't fear change in the slightest, but it was always odd getting used to substantial life changes. Perhaps the change in season, as well as leadership, would shake things up a bit? Regardless she felt a change stirring within herself. Her slight idleness had let to a feeling of unease that was hard to shake, a longing for something more, something different. Something she couldn't quite put into words.

So far today though none of those thoughts had crossed her mind. Briefly she stirred when she felt Song slip from her side, sprawling out comfortably and vowing to get a few more moments of sleep. Kirsi wasn't sure how much longer she slept before she felt Song rousing her from sleep, but she roused when she felt him return, a content smile touching her lips. She stretched her legs out, toes splaying as she let out a yawn and finally forced her eyes open. He was such a lovely sight upon awaking, and she felt her heart begin to flutter in her chest at his features before her. "Morning, you," she greeted him quietly.

He was glad to see her still asleep when he returned to her, she deserved every minute of extra sleep she was afforded. He placed their breakfast down as his attention was fully on her beautiful features. She woke slowly, stretching herself before blinking back her gorgeous gaze. Song couldn’t help the grin that spread over his features. Looking back at the beginning of their relationship and how they had come to find each other… Other than the pain she suffered when she lost her first love Song wouldn’t have changed anything. They weathered the seasons together and he couldn’t see himself without her.

”Good morning,” Song rumbled in return before he curled his large frame around her. Placing his head over her neck as though protecting her from the cold of the end of autumn’s days outside. ”I’ve brought you some breakfast.” He whispered as he nuzzled into her ear and motioned towards the awaiting meal. Not that he was in a rush to start their day, letting her wake up slow. He’d take all the cuddles he could get before eventually returning to work.

Waking up came a bit quicker once she caught whiff of breakfast. She continued to stretch out and pull herself into the waking world, resisting the all-powerful urge to curl up completely against him and let his larger form practically engulf her own. Some days it was more difficult than others to convince herself to rise and begin her day, when lying here with Song was so painfully tempting. She returned the grin with one of her own, slight but true as she continued to slowly shake sleep from her form. Before long she twisted around onto her belly to face him better and see what he had brought her for food.

"My knight in shining armor," she sighed wistfully. The truth was that she would never depend on another again, so long as she could help it, especially not to keep herself fed. But she knew the act was out of kindness rather than necessity, and she appreciated the gesture anyway. "What would I do without you?" Grinning a little wider now, she moved to begin to tear into the food he'd brought her, deciding that there was no way she'd rather wake up as long as she lived. This life was so different than her own one and though she knew winter would soon arrive she didn't doubt with Song by her side that they'd continue to thrive.

He could help but grin with adoration as Kirsi waded into wakefulness beside him. Song made himself comfortable again, leaving the gift to her as she spoke softly and teasingly in response. He sighed contentedly, having grown fond of his life, but as the years wore on he couldn’t help but wonder at the purpose of it all. He was getting older, and there other goals in his life he hoped to achieve. Namely with the woman beside him, they’d come to trust each other and Song could admit his deep love and affection for Kirsi. This was the closest he felt to calling her his.

”You would flourish.” He assured her, completely confident in her own capabilities. ”But I don’t think you would have quite as much fun.” Song teased her lightly as he nuzzled into the soft blue fur at her neck. He pulled away slightly so he didn’t disturb her meal too much, but as she enjoyed his offering he’d become more serious. ”Kirsi,” he savored the way her name fell from his lips. ”You know my love for you has no bounds.” He never wanted to push anything on her, but he could see no greater honor than this. ”I want to raise a family with you.” His voice was soft and quiet as he asked her, uncertain that she felt the same way.

His words were honest and they earned a little chuckle from her. He was right; without him she likely wouldn't be having half as much fun. Sometimes she wondered what her life might've looked like if she'd made different choices along the way. Perhaps she'd be sitting on a throne somewhere, ruling over two united kingdoms. Or maybe in a different world she'd be still watching her children grow older with her and raise children of their own. Kirsi wasn't one to regret, persay, but the pain that she'd never quite fully dealt with from her past often came back to haunt her, often in the form of nightmares. In the daytime those thoughts were easy to ignore, and even easier in Song's presence.

At least.. usually. She tilted her head to him as he spoke her name, chewing the bite of food she'd taken as she licked her lips. His tone was more serious than she'd expected and she was surprised at what he was leading up to. "Song. Nor does mine," she admitted easily. She'd experienced more than one love in her life, though she loved him fully in the present and that was all that mattered. But.. family? She felt her breath hitch in her throat as he expression faltered, words suddenly failing her. Her own childrens' faces suddenly were brought forth from her memory. Their expressions were hazy now and barely recognizable in her mind's eye, fallen victim to the years of time that had passed. "I.. Song.." She started, though her voice faded into nothingness.

A family to carry on their bloodlines and their legacy. It was something most wolves desired as they grew older, and she certainly wasn't getting any younger. Song was a fine candidate to father children. He had a brilliant mind, he was in peak physical condition and she trusted him deeply, not to mention that she loved him. And yet the thought of bearing children again struck her with a fear she wasn't even sure she was capable of vocalizing. Fear was not an emotion she knew how to express, and even though Song had seen her when she was vulnerable she felt unwilling to fully express just how this topic made her feel. "Song," she breathed quietly again as she shifted to bury her face in his fur and work to steady her breathing. This was her one true weakness, and he'd unearthed it fully in one fell swoop.

Song had quite a boring life up until the point that he had met Ignatius and joined the pack that would ultimately lead him to being with Kirsi. Though he adored and cherished her every day Song knew relatively little of her past. At least partly because he had done little to solidify his life and its meaning. He wanted to raise a litter of pups, to remember him, to contribute to the next generation, to have some kind of legacy that was more than the crafts and trinkets he made. Those thoughts played through his mind as Kirsi echoed his sentiment. She loved him too, endlessly. That didn’t stop his sudden panic when she whispered his name and froze beside him.

For the first time since they’d met each other Song saw Kirsi experience fear. Their meal quickly forgotten as the beautiful oceanic woman leaned into him and buried her features into the pale fur of his neck. Song shifted slightly and held her tightly, he didn’t know what he’d sparked but he would do anything he could to make her better. He aimed to wrap his head around her neck in an embrace and gave his affection and support to her heart’s desire.

”Kirsi,” he returned gently. Song didn’t know what was going through her mind, but he hated to see her like this. Her strength knew no bounds, why did these words hurt her so bad now? ”I don’t know what to do… or say.” He started awkwardly, but the words came straight from his heart. ”But I’m here, no matter what.”

Children. That was a big step in her relationship with Song, one she wasn't completely sure she was willing to take. Her worries stemmed from her past and the fact that she'd never fully come to terms with what had happened to her, rather than anything to do with Song. She had no reason to be wary of raising children with him, nor with continuing a life with him. But... nothing in her life had ever come without a cost, and surely this was no except. She took a few deep breaths to steady her shaking lungs and tried to gather her thoughts. If she was a different wolf she'd no doubt be crying by now, but she was trained in the art of self-preservation. Kirsi hadn't survived this long by showing her pain, especially when it was at its worst, and she wouldn't begin now. At least not in the way most wolves might.

Fortunately he didn't react as badly as she worried he might. She was no weak woman and she didn't want to be coddled by him, though he offered his support nonetheless. If he'd cradled her like something fragile that could easily shatter she doubted she'd have the desire to tell him what she knew she ought to. He seemed more surprised than anything at her sudden shift in demeanor. "I'm sorry, I just didn't expect... that," she said, her voice rising slightly as she struggled to regain her composure. "I've had children before. Talking about them... is hard for me." She'd start slowly, gauging his reaction, wondered if he had any clue exactly what she had to share with him. "But I think it's something I need to do if we have this talk." Kirsi exhaled slowly, her voice quiet but steady now.

He didn’t change his position as they lay side by side, he only held himself steady for her should she need, or want, to hold to him. Kirsi steadied herself with a few deep breaths and Song offered his support as much as he could, she proved her strength as she returned her beautiful but sorrowed features back towards him. He certainly didn’t expect an apology, ”There’s no need to apologize,” He muttered softly so he didn’t interrupt. Song did lean forward to touch his nose to her cheek as she continued, revealing details of her life that were long guarded deep within.

Song wasn’t given the whole story, but she hinted at what happened before they met. He could make assumptions, especially with everything he’d seen and heard so far. The expression he wore showed no judgement, he knew how much he loved her. Whatever it was she needed in their future he’d provide as best as he could. As long as they were together, he wanted to be her partner and support. Even if they were capable of living on their own he felt like everything was better with Kirsi.

”I’m here to listen, I'll do whatever I can.” Song wouldn’t rush her, whatever pace she decided. He wanted to help her, and perhaps work through to change her experience. This wasn’t just because he wanted to raise a family, he wanted to relieve her burdens and help carry the weight on her shoulders. She showed her strength in the way she controlled herself, Kirsi was limitless. He offered a supportive hint of a smile, and a tender kiss on her cheek.

Her children were her true weakness. Talking about them was like twisting a knife already wedged deep; the wound had never fully healed, the pain only dulled slightly with time. Though she never wished to forget her children she did wish their memories might someday something she could encounter without crippling pain... but how could she? They'd hardly had a chance to experience even a minuscule fraction of life. Their deaths had been pure cruelty; there was nothing to celebrate there. Kirsi steadied her breath and she tried to collect her thoughts and express them properly to Song. His touch steadied her - and for a moment she cursed herself for allowing him to help her find her strength. She was strong, she reminded herself. Not many wolves could have endured what she had and stand to tell the tale, she was certain of that.

"Ignatius and I had children," she explained carefully. "When we were very young." The story was a long one, woven with complexities she wasn't sure she was ready to share with him. It was hard to tell how he'd react to the kind of wolf she'd been in her younger years. Not that she wasn't the same wolf, but.. time and grief had softened her somewhat. "His brother killed them. All five of them, in front of me. Ignatius never even knew I'd been with pups..." Her voice trailed off slightly as images of that day flashed in her mind. Blood, staining the floor of her den, a sharp contrast against the pure white snow that crept in from the last storm; the pain she'd felt that day was hard to forget. "It's hard for me to forget them. And I don't want to, but.." But it hurts, she pleaded for him silently to understand.

He knew that she didn’t need him, Kirsi was strong and could take care of herself and her life but she had invited him in. He was here for her though, and even if she didn’t need him she could use him and his strength however she wanted. Song was hers to do what she wished, and if that happened to be there to help find her strength he would do so again and again. He held onto her, now knowing what else he could do, as she spoke hesitantly.

She became even more amazing in his eyes as she told her sorrowful tale. Song didn’t expect what she said, that she had born Ignatius’ pups but he’d never known. The children had been killed right in front of their mother. Song’s heart broke, he couldn’t begin to understand what she had gone through, and dealt with alone, for her whole life.

”You are more incredible than I ever imagined.” he whispered to her, in awe of what she’d been through and still she held herself so proudly. ”I don’t think…” his opinions were worthless, but he’d come to see the pair of them as partners. He wanted to be here to support, help, and love her however she needed him to. ”I don’t think you should forget them.” They had been here, they had been alive and then they were murdered. ”The pain shows how much you love them.” He told her softly, leaning forward hesitantly as he offered her a comforting nuzzle to her neck before a kiss to her cheek.

”Kirsi, I want what’s best for you.” He told her softly. Song wouldn’t press her to do anything she was uncomfortable with. If she wasn’t ready or didn’t want to try and have a family he wouldn’t force her. Just having her beside him was enough. He’d grown to adore her and even if she could manage without him he wasn’t sure the inverse was true. Kirsi was everything to him. ”You are my whole world, I live for your smile. Anything I can do to take this pain from you I will.” He promised her. Anything.

Her breathing had quickened but she willed it to slow to a manageable speed. Hiding her grief was something she was used to, but it was still exhausting just the same, especially now as she tore those wounds back open. The death of her children was a wound that would never fully heal, but it was all she could do to keep it closed as long as possibly. The hurt was still raw and speaking of it to another wolf for the first time ever made it feel just as fresh again. For a long time she'd carried the guilt with her, as heavy as a lead weight; if it hadn't been for her actions they would not have been killed, but without the choices she'd made they wouldn't have been born at all. Over time the guilty had lessened but the pain had not.

She leaned a bit more heavily into his larger form, infinitely grateful for his support. 'I've never spoken to anyone about this," she admitted quietly. The fact that she could be this vulnerable to let him see her pain was a huge thing for her, even if they'd been together for quite a few seasons now. "And I don't want to forget them. It's just... hard. My memories of them are so few." They'd hardly existed long enough for them to even feel real before they'd been taken from her. Kirsi took a moment to contain herself again, heaving a quiet and shaky sigh as she leaned back slightly. There were tears gleaming in her eyes but she refused to let them fall.

"I do want a family," she admitted quietly. Would another shot at the family that had been taken from her help heal this lingering wound? Kirsi wasn't sure, but she was willing to try. "With you. You just have to promise me something." She lifted her gaze to meet his, her brows furrowed slightly as she felt a single tear spill down her cheek, against her wishes. "Promise me if we bring life into this world that you'll do anything to keep them safe. That you'll throw yourself blindly into danger's way to protect them, always. Even at the cost of your own life, or mine." She would do the same, without hesitation, if this was the path they chose together.

Song went whatever pace Kirsi would guide him with, he hadn’t lied when he told her she was his first priority. He’d never thought he’d find himself in this position, devoting all of himself to a single amazing woman, but he’d do everything again if he had to. He wanted Kirsi beside him always, no matter which paths they chose. The massive white wolf curled around her as she leaned into him and confessed softly. He was the only one who knew.

”I can’t imagine how difficult..” He said softly in support as he touched his nose to her cheek and she went on. Her words proved her strength, that she could continue her life despite what she’d been forced to endure. Kirsi wanted to have a family with him. Song pulled back to find her gaze as dark and light blue met and she wanted a promise from him. He didn’t lose her gaze even as a precious tear slid down her cheek. What she asked of him was doable and more, and would have gone without saying. However, Song would promise to that pledge and more for her and the family they desired.

”I wouldn’t hesitate.” He promised in a soft whisper. Words meant little but if the time came he’d do all of that and more for the ones they would call children. ”I promise to give my life for theirs in any way I can.” Song committed himself fully and with all of his love to her and even more to their future.

All she could do was nod at his words. It was by far the most difficult thing she'd ever had to endure, no matter how she tried to frame it. It had shaped everything in her life following that moment, down to each and every decision she'd made. This moment was no exception. It was hard to imagine anything significantly softening the pain of losing her children, but.. Song had presented her with a chance to don just that. She wouldn't be forgetting them, but starting another family, this time with not just another parent to help protect them and keep them safe but an entire pack at their heels to jump to their defense. At least that was what Kirsi hoped for.

She'd never loved him more than she did in that moment, as he agreed to her wishes. "Nor would I." She wished she could've done something to protect her first litter, but she'd been caught off-guard and defenseless. She wouldn't allow herself to be left vulnerable again, not in that position. She'd guard any future children tooth and nail until they were old enough to defend themselves, and even then she'd train them to be sure they were stronger than either she or Song were capable of being. It was all she wanted. The moment of vulnerability had made her feel closer to Song, and she leaned into him slightly, nipping softly at his neck. "Start a family with me," she breathed quietly against his ear. The thought had terrified her at first but suddenly it made sense, the missing piece to a puzzle that had long since been forgotten.

Song couldn’t help but look at her adoringly, she was the only woman he wanted to be the mother of his children. She was strong beyond her physical bounds and he never ceased to be amazed at her tenacity. Kirsi quickly became an integral facet of his life he was eager to make her, and their family, his purpose. Song loved Kirsi more every day, and he felt closer and more connected to her in this moment than any leading up to it. He wanted this more than anything, for her, for him, for the both of them.

Kirsi leaned into his larger frame, her affections more suggestive as she drew near and his chest rumbled deeply as he felt her teeth along his fur and flesh. Those wonderful words were whispered into his ear as he leaned into her and a grin spread over his features. Song wouldn’t dream of denying her. ”Anything for you.” He muttered in return, burying his nose into the soft fur at the base of her ear. Song pulled her closer and eagerly lost himself with her.

-fade-

Maybe this was exactly what she needed to heal the wound that seemed incapable of ever fully closing. A new family, a chance to begin again. So long as they were in the north and had the protection of a pack behind them. She was in a better situation now than she had been back then, so far from any wolves she may have once betrayed and who sought to harm her. Here she'd done nothing to make anyone an enemy - and though she didn't think that reality was necessarily a permanent one, she vowed that she would never let anything interfere with her life with her children again, no matter what.

She breathed deeply as he moved against her, feeling for the first time in awhile that she'd found someone who'd give her the world if she wanted. But she didn't want the world - only a chance to undo the wrongs she had done, and that had been done against her. A family. The thought delighted her, and she pressed eagerly into him, consumed with bliss as two become one. In the span of a short moment with Song she felt as if suddenly her life's course had been shifted, and she threw herself headfirst into the journey they had suddenly decided upon.

-fade-