After seeing Resin when she gave their children their birthday gifts, it had planted a need in her mind that she had the hardest time ignoring. For so long it felt like she couldn't face her mate without fearing that she might break down or be frozen by fear. Seeing how she was with the medicines that Lúta provided... It gave her a way to see Resin without fear and that was a dangerous thing for her. Any sort of chance or hope was an addictive drug that she was in very short supply of these days.

She had asked for Resin to be given the calming herbs again and she sat anxiously at the top of the stairs, fidgeting and pacing until she was allowed to go down. Her heart still pounded nervously as she walked down the stairs into the darkness, but there was also an excitement that she hadn't felt since this all began. It wasn't nervousness driven by fear, but an eagerness and excitement to see the woman she loved, even if it was under very particular, controlled conditions. At this point she'd take whatever she could get.

Tamsyn stepped into the dungeon, the recently fed fire filling the room with a flickering light. The corners of the dungeon were still fairly dark, but the middle of the room allowed for plenty of light. And there was her Resin. Her Resin. Thin and frail compared to when they had first met, but still her Resin all the same. A smile creeped across her face as she moved closer, nearing the door that had been opened for them and hesitating. She never wanted to push Resin too far so she always felt cautious, even as she fought the desire to go press into her side.











"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

Time was running out. Her appetite was pretty much gone. Sometimes she forgot that she even needed to eat. The formerly thick and muscular woman was wasting away. She looked old, older than her eight years. Eight? Nine? She'd lost count. It was nice to be released from her prison, if only for a little while. She'd forced the imprisonment upon herself for the sake of others, but that didn't mean that she liked it. She'd gone willingly, but she hadn't gone happily. Happiness had left her long ago. And yet... a piece of happiness came to her this day. Resin was nestled upon the polar bear pelt that Luta had brought her; a gift from the Armada. She was curled up near the flickering fireplace, soaking up the warmth into her old bones. Now that she'd lost a significant amount of fat and muscle, she was getting colder. It was much harder to stay warm without her bulk. The formerly hulking woman looked smaller than she'd been since she was a yearling. Aside from her size, her pelt was dull and her piercing golden eye was dim. It was evident that she was on her way out. It had been nice, being able to see her family again without the worry of harming them. She'd settled the worries of her children and packmates, but she hadn't settled the worries of Tamsyn. The woman in question came down the stairs into the lowest layer of the castle and drew near. Resin could see the hesitancy in her actions and who could blame her? The ashen woman had permanently scarred her lover. It was wise of Tamsyn to fear her. Today though, Resin was very much herself. "Tamsyn," the older woman rumbled. Lifting one paw, she motioned for the dark fae to come close. She wanted to embrace her mate at least one more time while she was in control enough to do it, and herself enough to remember it. "Speech"

A rumble of her name and a wave of her paw was all it took. "Resin..." she whispered back, tears pooled in her eyes, but they weren't tears of sorrow or fear. She hurried forward and immediately dropped down to Resin's side, pressing her side into Resin's as she bit back a relieved sob. Her face burried into Resin's neck, the fur there less soft than it had once been and her body far more thin. She could feel Resin's ribs against her side and the bone of her shoulder was far more prominent than she remembered, but even with all of that the overwhelming relief she felt at being against her mate once again was almost too much for her to handle. After weeks and weeks of living in the darkest, most painful place she had experienced since her youngest years of life, this was more than her body knew how to handle.

She wouldn't run from these feelings though, not like she had been doing to every other emotion recently. She embraced them, let them overwhelm her. She wanted to remember this feeling for the rest of her life. She curled into Resin's chest as if she had never left, tears staining her cheeks and paws curling around clumps of her mate's fur. She didn't know how long she would get to have with Resin this time, but she wasn't going to let a single minute go to waste. "I've missed you... so, so much," she said softly against Resin's dark skin. It was almost easy to just pretend that they had just been separated by some long spent trip and ignore the haunting, terrible truth of what had become of their lives.

She lifted her head away from Resin's neck to be able to look up at her scarred face, a small, sad smile lingering on her lips as her paw came up to trace the heavy scars that nearly mirrored her own. She hadn't lost her eye the way Resin had, but the similarity was still slightly eerie. She hated the dullness that had come over her mate's eye, the frailness that had taken over the former warrior. She'd always remember Resin as the wolf that she had sparred with in the snow all that time ago or as the wolf that had ripped her brother limb from limb in front of her eyes, but this was still her Resin. She was still able to feel her embrace again and for now that was more than enough.

"There's not much time left is there?" she asked quietly, already knowing the answer before she asked it. She just needed to hear it to make it real in her mind. Her chest squeezed tight with that truth, but she was going to have to face it sooner or later. It felt easier to accept coming from Resin herself than hearing it from the healers or from Ulric. Everything had always been easier coming from Resin. Resin made her world make sense. Perhaps that's why it had been so utterly devastating when Resin herself had upset what she knew to be real.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

Tam wasted no time in launching herself towards the resting woman and Resin chuckled, though she felt the jarring sensation in her bones from the impact. She'd gotten so frail so quickly. Perhaps it wasn't just some disease of the mind. Resin didn't know what it was and nor did anyone else, it seemed. Luta had come closest to controlling the symptoms but even the sedative concoction wasn't working well these days. It was hit or miss and, to Resin, the time for allowing such close encounters was drawing to an end. "I've missed you as well," The dark fae buried her face into Resin's fur and the one-eyed woman gently kissed Tamsyn's crown. She knew that this was painful for her, but it was out of Resin's paws. She had no control over her situation. It was easier to accept the inevitable than to fight it. Fighting it only seemed to turn her into a beast. She'd been fighting it the night that she'd ruined Tam's face. Raising one paw, Resin cupped Tamsyn's cheek, placing a kiss upon the scarred flesh that she'd inflicted upon her. "Tamsyn, I'm so sorry..." There was no going back from that. Her lover would carry those visible memories for the rest of her life. The soft admission that there wasn't much time left drew a sigh from the larger fae. "No, there isn't." She could feel it in her bones. Wrapping her arms about Tam's neck, she pulled the smaller fae tightly against her chest. "When I am gone," she whispered into one black ear, "Do not cry. Remember me as I was." She kissed that black ear lovingly. "When I am gone, move on. Find someone to be with that will give you the attention and respect that you deserve." Like she hadn't. Resin felt like she hadn't done enough to show her lover the appreciation that she'd held for her. "You're far too loving. Far too beautiful to stay alone." Sliding her cheek along Tamsyn's, the slowly dying woman pulled her woman into a heated kiss. Resin tried to show the fae in that one action just how much she loved and would miss her. "Speech"

Tamsyn tipped her head to lean into Resin's touch when her paw came to rest on her cheek, squeezing her eyes closed for a moment against a heavy wave of emotion as Resin brought her muzzle to her scars, giving them a gentle kiss. "No, don't... don't apologize," she immediately insisted, speaking softly and blinking her eyes open to look up at Resin again. "It's not your fault, my love." She didn't hold a single ounce of resentment toward her mate for what had happened. Yes, she would be scarred forever, but she could live with that. She'd move past it the same way she had moved past the scars on her leg and the scar on her neck. They were marks of the past and she'd leave them in the past. What she was going to have a harder time with was living without her mate.

Her ears folded back and she hid her face in Resin's fur when she confirmed the painful truth that there was little time left. She pressed herself close to her mate, biting back the tears that threatened to overwhelm her. She knew it was coming, had known for a while, but it was still so hard. Living her days without Resin had been hard enough even with knowing that she was near by in the dungeons. Knowing that she would be completely gone from her life stabbed at her heart in a way that made it hard to breathe. She almost wished that it would have been sudden so she wouldn't have had all this time to live with the knowledge that her mate was withering away and suffering. She let herself be wrapped up in Resin's arms, savoring the feeling and wondering how many times she had taken these embraces and cuddles for granted. Now she'd likely never feel them again.

She swallowed hard as she listened to Resin's insistence that she not cry, to remember her as she once was, to move on and find someone to respect her as she deserved. The only thing she could promise to do was remember her mate as the strong woman she had always been. Everything else felt too difficult to swear to right now. Tears had become a constant companion for her and she had no doubt that when the day came there would be plenty of them. Moving on... Moving on felt painful. Impossible. She knew that she would have to for her own sanity - living alone during this time that Resin was locked away had taught her that - but right now, laying in Resin's arms, this was the only place she wanted to be. This feeling was going to be ripped away from her far too soon and she loathed that fact.

Feeling Resin's cheek against her on forced her to pull her face away from her chest, giving in to the motion as Resin's lips found hers for the first time in what felt like a life time. The tears she had been fighting fell down her cheeks as she closed her eyes and pressed back into that heated, passionate kiss. A soft whine escaped her as her paws came up to gently hold Resin's face between them, holding her as if she was the single most precious thing in the world, desperate to keep that kiss going for the rest of time. Even though all the heavy, gut wrenching sorrow, Resin still sparked the same adoring love and desire with that kiss as she always had and for just a heart beat she could believe that nothing was wrong. At least in her mind, they were suddenly back in the den they had shared once upon a time within the Armada when Resin had allowed her to experience true love and pleasure for the first time. For one blissful moment everything was fine and she could be lost in this feeling of passion with her mate.

Once their lips parted and Tamsyn blinked open her eyes, reality came crashing down in on her again and she whined again as her paws gently brushed over Resin's cheeks. "I love you..." she whispered quietly against her lips, doing her best to hide the pain in her voice.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

The kiss that they shared was the last that they would ever have. Resin broke it and placed her forehead against Tamsyn's, her golden eye closing as she savored the moment. Already her mind was beginning to tingle and cloud over. There wasn't much time for them. There wasn't much time for her. Pulling back, Resin gently cupped her lover's cheek, making their gazes meet. The deep mint of her eyes was still as lovely and mesmerizing as the first moment that they'd met. She had been enamored with the dark woman from that evening in the hollow tree. She was still in love with her now. Resin regretted having put Tamsyn behind her duties as a leader. She didn't deserve that. When Resin died and Tam was able to move on, she hoped that whoever took her place would be someone that would treasure her as she was meant to be treasured. "Tamsyn, I need you to go." She whispered softly, placing her forehead against her lover's once more. "My hold is slipping." Her gaze was starting to glaze over and it was difficult to focus. She needed to get back in the cell just in case her confusion turned to anger. It was almost humorous. She'd spent so much of her life stifling and controlling her emotions. Now, in the end, she had no control at all. Resin kissed Tamsyn's forehead and gave her a gentle nudge towards the stairs before rising from the pile of furs and moving back into the cell. She pulled the heavy steel door shut behind her and moved to the corner to lay upon the fur pallet. It would be up to Tam to slide the bar through the door once more and seal her within. "Speech"

Tamsyn's eyes squeezed closed as Resin rested her forehead against hers and told her that she needed to go. Every fiber of her being was screaming no it was too fast, too soon. Her brief moment of relief and reprieve came and went in the blink of an eye and she couldn't tell if it actually helped or made everything worse. It gave her a taste of what she was losing, ripped at her heart, made her crave every single thing that she no longer had. A flame of desire scalded her and left her with a hunger that would never be met. She swallowed painfully as Resin slipped out of her grasp, watching her move back into the cell. She wanted to rush in there, stay there with her mate, let her end it if that's what it came to. But the heavy door closed with a sickening finality that made Tamsyn tremble.

She managed to get herself to her feet and walked up to the door of the cell, looking down at the bar that was laying just off to the side with a shuddering sigh. She couldn't look at Resin as she forced herself to pick it up and slip it through the handles of the cell door, tears collecting in her eyes as she locked Resin back into her cell. She lingered there for a long moment, wrestling with how wrong this felt, how painful it still was despite the time that had passed. She briefly lifted her gaze to where Resin was laying, her ears falling back against her head as she turned away and started climbing the stairs. There was nothing else she could say. It was too late. There was nothing she could do to help, not that there ever had been.

But she would be back. As she climbed the stairs back to the castle above, she made a resolution with herself. She wouldn't let Resin die alone, no matter how painful it would be. She'd be down here when the time came.

Tamsyn Carpathius