Now that she had the chance to work though her emotions with Artorias she knew what her next step had to be. Part of her had considered bringing him with her as some kind of emotional support, but some things just had to be done on her own. She had given it a couple of days, letting the others spend their time with Zee if they wanted and letting her recuperate a bit before she went to seek her out. She was such a bundle of mixed emotions, but she wanted to be hopeful. She wanted to genuinely put forth an effort to try and build some kind of relationship with her mother that she never had before - if for no other reason than to be able to say she tried. She thought about the times after her mother's funeral when she had felt such regret about never really getting to spend time with her mother and now she had the chance, but she didn't even know where to begin.

She made her way toward the den she used to share with their family, assuming that she would be there or at least somewhere near by. "Um... Mom?" she called as she got close, looking around near the den and peeking inside. It was the middle of the day so she wasn't sure if Zee would be out doing something or not, but she supposed she'd know soon enough. She had asked Artorias to not come, but to stay within ear shot just in case. She felt herself lean on him more and more these days, especially with the whiplash of emotions that were constantly swirling around their family, but he never complained. If anything he just insisted on doing more for her. She smiled softly as she thought about him and how he had kept her from drifting off to sea in the mess of her own self doubts.

"Briar Fatalis"

The days following her return passed both excruciatingly slowly and in the blink of an eye. Each hour spent away from her children were hours they were growing, learning, existing without her. It was nearly impossible to convince herself to provide them the space they might need, and choosing to remain away from them was almost more painful then having them held from her a continent past her reach. The recovering queen spent the majority of her time tucked within her familiar den, only venturing out in to the territory when Sirius would prompt her and never for too long. Simply existing in the state of freedom was draining, and had she been able to think Deathbelle's name without becoming enraged she'd be thanking the Gods that her first mistress was never so cruel. Beneath her treasured cheetah coat she huddled, finding the fabric managed to hide her emaciated form well. Zee hoped that by appearing stronger she might feel some inner strength return to her, too. At her door her faithful Toucan croaked, the sound shortly followed by the hesitant call of her horned daughter. "I'm here." Zee answered softly. In her paws was a faintly nibbled rabbit, and she gently pushed off to the side and into the shadows. While her husband was out and about much more then Zee herself was, he never failed to return every few hours to deposit in front of her some meal. The times he'd stay with her, she'd eat what was offered out of politeness. When his visit was short, she'd take a few bites and discard the rest before the rich meat caused her stomach to churn. Her first instinct was to invite her daughter in, but she swallowed back the words quickly. Offering an invitation could be misinterpreted that there was ever a time her children were not welcome to intrude upon her, and Zee refused to risk planting that thought. "How are you, Briar?" She asked instead, offering her daughter a small smile of (what Zee hoped looked like) encouragement.   "Speech"

Briar heard her mother's voice call from inside the den and she gathered herself up so that she could duck her head through the doorway, always careful to not get her antlers caught on things. She blinked her eyes to adjust to the change of light within the den and then her gaze focused on her mother, laying under the familiar cheetah coat. If it hadn't been for the fact that she was significantly thinner than she had once been then Briar might have been convinced that she had never left. It was strange, like being teleported back to being a pup and walking into the den to find her mother here. But she wasn't a pup any more. So much had happened and shaped her since then and she wasn't the same wolf she once was. She stepped into the den, giving her mother a smile while her heart twisted in her chest.

She settled down beside Zee, the two tan and turquoise women alone in this den that she had been raised in. She realized that this was the first time she had been in this den since the night that her father had bitten her and that realization caught her off guard. She glanced around the familiar space, the deja vu almost unsettling. They hadn't been in this den when he attacked her thankfully so that wasn't the memory she was forced to face, but it was still strange to be back here after so long. The only way she knew how to describe it was that she felt like she was remembering someone else's memories. They seemed strangely distant and she didn't know why.

Her gaze turned back to her mother when she asked how she was and at first she didn't really know how to answer. "I'm... doing okay," she finally settled on, giving Zee a smile. All in all that was true. Before the moment she laid eyes on her mother things were truly beginning to look up and she was improving in so many ways thanks to Artorias' and Mortis' help, but this felt like it shook her and reminded her of too many things she had been trying so hard to forget. Guilt gnawed at her and she shifted her gaze away, looking down at her paws. "Um... I'm... I'm sorry if I didn't seem happy when you came home," she said after a moment, her ears folding back against her head. "I didn't mean to hurt you if I did, I just... I don't think I knew how to react." Even if she didn't feel like she had been close with her mother, Zee still didn't deserve a daughter that didn't seem grateful that she was alive. "I really am glad you're okay. It's been really difficult since you've been gone."

"Briar Fatalis"

Briar pushed past the entrance and into the den alongside her, and Zee followed her every move with the thinly-veiled obsession of a mother. Her horned daughter was tall and fit, sporting the body of a young warrior. The baby fat each pup had carried through their early seasons had dropped off, and Briar was left looking sleek and graceful and strong. Zee's smile grew sad, remembering the night Sirius had found her. Without thinking, her gaze roamed towards the yearling's neck, searching for the scar that would match her own. As her husband had reminded her - her children had been forced to grow up much too fast. Eventually Briar found her voice and Zee gave a small nod of acknowledgement. 'Okay' was good, all things considered. Her daughter was stuttering then, and Zee's heart squeezed painfully to see the turmoil her daughter was suffering. "You have nothing to feel sorry for, I understand your confusion." How much could she tell the child who was not a child anymore? It felt wrong to explain that her death had been faked somehow by her captors, corpses planted, fires started. Like to give that much raw information away would take away what innocence remained of her. Her second litter still seemed so small, so young, and Zee wanted desperately to protect them. "If I'd had any way to.. alert you all, I would have." She settled on quietly. "I'm so sorry for the difficulties my absence brought you." Briar, with her mother gone, had been attacked by her father. Zee could only hope that the remaining members of their family were there to support the tawny girl. Zee's paw shifted then, to slowly reach toward Briar's own with intention to lay it atop the girls larger one. "Thank you.... for taking care of your father. I know he wouldn't have made it through this without your love, and that of your siblings. I'm so sorry it was necessary at all." Her lips pulled into a tight line and she blew out a sigh. Would there ever be enough lifetime to make up for six months of death?   "Speech"

Just as she had felt when her father had tried to comfort her the day her mother had returned home, she wasn't sure that Zee really understood where her confusion stemmed from, but it still helped to hear her say that she understood, to hear that she would have alerted them if she could, to hear her apology for the difficulty it caused. In the end they were just words, but they were a start. It was difficult to leave the resentment she held in the past, but she wanted it to be left there. This was their second chance. If nothing came of it well... At least she could say that she had tried. Then she could more confidently say that it hadn't been her fault that her mother hadn't spent time with her, that it wasn't her fault she didn't feel close to her. This was her olive branch, and effort to get to know her mother now that she was back in their lives and she would make this effort count.

When Zee's matching tan paw came to rest over hers, her chest felt tight with emotion while she listened to her thanks for caring for her father while she had been gone. She looked away, looking at their stacked paws while her ears flicked back against her skull, conflicted and feeling as if she couldn't really accept that thanks. "I... I tried to help him at least," she said after a moment, a frown pulling at her lips. "It didn't feel like anyone was trying to help him so I felt like I had to." She thought about the day her father had come back with the burned up remains, how Aris and Gossamer had denied it all and made things so much harder on their surviving parent, gritting her teeth at the thought. They had all expected their father to be the strong one because he always was, but she saw how broken it had made him. Had she been the only one paying attention? Or was she the only one that cared?

"I don't think I did a very good job though," she admitted uncertainly, still looking at their strikingly similar paws, only different in the fact that Zee's paw was far smaller than her own. "After... After he..." Had her father told her what he had done? He had told her how he had done the same thing to Zee once upon a time and she glanced up at her mother, her turquoise gaze looking for the matching scars on her neck. "I just... ran away. Asla gave me a place to stay in her den after that, but I ended up staying in The Hallows for a while. I was too afraid to even be here for some time. I..." She looked around at the den and added, "I haven't been in here since he came back with the burned bodies. I've stayed with Asla or Artorias or Mortis every night since then."

With a sigh she brought her other paw over hers, holding her paw between her paws quietly for a moment, shifting a bit closer to her mother. She could feel tears prickling at her eyes and she tried to fight them off, blinking them away before they could really form, but she feared it was just a losing battle. There were so many things she wanted to say but felt like she shouldn't. But out of all the things that had hurt her, all of the things that had frustrated her, the silliest and most unimportant of them all was the one that suddenly stuck in her mind. Maybe it was because it was one of the things that she had spoken with her father about when she returned from her stay in The Hallows, but for whatever reason it was what she thought of. A little smile twitched at her lips at the stupidity of it, a little laugh escaping her as those tears finally started to collect in her eyes. "I know it's stupid and there's no reason to even think about it with so many more important things going on, but... but is it selfish of me to be mad at dad because he didn't do anything for our birthday even though he promised he would?" She laughed again, tears spilling over onto her cheeks as she grinned at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. She got caught in a fit of silly giggles as all that frustration and pent up emotions suddenly found an outlet out of her.

"Briar Fatalis"

The emotion Briar so clearly was experiencing pained her mother, and for the hundredth time since returning home she wished she could turn back time to where they were tiny, blind bundles who knew nothing except love and milk and cuddles. Zee let her daughter find her words in the short silence, and tried not to let her pain show through too strongly as Briar spoke once more. "Your effort made a difference, I promise you it did." She offered softly, wishing she could take away her daughter's frown. Sirius was one of the most devoted wolves she'd ever met, and the fact that he was still alive and had not hurled himself into the coals to burn with her 'body' was a testament to both his strength, and the support given to him. Briar's stuttering sent squeezes of pain into Zee's chest as she realized what the yearling was trying to say. Zee gave only an understanding nod, not wanting to push or prod her to speak on that night further then she was comfortable. "I know that fear." She said after a moment. Had Sirius told their daughter that he'd done the same to her, so very long ago? Zee remembered forcing him to confront his night terrors, insisting to the warlord that they could never risk a litter of children until the danger had passed. Sirius worked hard to combat it, and now years later it was easy to forget he'd ever had them at all. "I wear the reminder every day, too." Zee leaned back her head, pulling tight the skin of her neck so Briar might see the long-healed scar that hid within her fur. There was more she wanted to say - that Briar shouldn't blame her father, he'd never hurt her intentionally. Or perhaps that it was okay to fear the damage his teeth and claws could do, and the unpredictability the night now brought to her safety. None of the words felt right to say, she couldn't bring herself to defend her husband's attack nor condemn him for it, and to attempt either would risk downplaying the pain it brought to Briar. "I'm glad you have family who make you feel safe." She said only, her lips pulling downwards into a frown. Would Zee ever be one of those wolves she sought to comfort and protect her? Zee continued to watch her daughter, and could not hide the mild confusion in her eyes as the girl began to first smile, then laugh. She was not left in the dark long, as Briar spoke once more, sounding more her age then Zee was prepared for. Briar's laughter brought a wistful smile to Zee's face, but she did not laugh along with the yearling. Instead, she waited for the chuckles to subside and shifted so that both her paws came upon Briar's own. "It's not stupid and it's not selfish, and while my promise right now will mean so little to you... I still swear to you that your birth will be celebrated, if you'll allow me the honor to try." This was something the broken queen could throw herself into, something easier then remembering to eat or exercise or train for her own benefit. No amount of apathy or exhaustion or pain could prevent her from giving to her children this gift, not if it was something they truly wanted. Already ideas began to eat away at her, and she had to focus to set them off to the side to give her attention to her daughter and that rare laughter that lingered in the den. "I hear you have a boyfriend." Zee was careful to keep any disapproval from her tone, to instead remind herself that they were no longer babies that fit between her paws. She wanted her children to feel able to talk to her about anything, no matter what, and to do that she could not insult the decisions they'd made in her absence. "Can he keep a secret, even from you? I'll need the ear of someone who truly knows your heart to help plan your birthday surprise." She let her hopefulness overtake her smile, and felt she was silently asking Briar's permission to become a part of her life.   "Speech"

Eventually the giggles that had become an outlet for her bottled up emotions subsided and she felt her mother hold her paws between both of hers and her expression softened as Zee insisted that it wasn't as stupid or as selfish as she felt that it was, giving her a promise that she would make sure their birthday was celebrated. Briar swallowed past a lump of emotion that formed in her throat, smiling as more tears started to gather in her eyes. At this point she had given up on expecting a celebration of any kind for their belated birthday, but even just the offer meant something to her just as it had when her struggling father had made the promise as well. Whether it came to pass or not the meaning behind it wasn't missed and she leaned her head down to press her nose to her mother's cheek gratefully. "Your promise doesn't mean little to me... It means a lot," she assured her, smiling again as she blinked away the tears that had crept up on her.

Her ears perked with surprise when her mother mentioned the fact that she had a boyfriend, her face immediately lighting up with a smile at the thought of this love she had found in Artorias. She nodded shyly to confirm the statement, her tail brushing against the floor of the den. She asked if he could keep a secret to plan her birthday surprise and she laughed lightly and nodded more eagerly. "Yes, and that sounds like something he'd love to do. He surprised me with this already," she replied, lifting her leg a bit to show off the silver bangle that had amber topaz stones all the way around its outside edge. She looked at the bangle wistfully, her ears folding back against her head with a bashful grin. "Artorias was the only one that remembered my birthday and he gave me this as a gift. He's gotten really good at restoring things that he finds in the castle - armor, weapons, and even jewelry."

She could brag about her boyfriend for hours if she was allowed to, the pride she held for him so incredibly obvious in her voice. She lifted her gaze back to her mothers' oblivious to the disapproval she might have held for their relationship. "Did dad tell you he's going to lead The Hallows when he's old enough? And he's an amazing fighter and really, really smart and sweet and thoughtful..." She grinned at the other compliments she held back - all the ones about how handsome and strong he was - but she was still her happiest when she thought about Artorias. "Maybe I can bring him to meet you tomorrow?" she offered hopefully, rubbing her mother's paw gently with her own.

"Briar Fatalis"