The Warlord tried to give Zee space. It came in fits of indecision. Sometimes, he would leave her to her space, and catch some much needed sleep. Other times, he prowled nearby, watching, listening. Both for enemies without, and the gentle sounds of her sleeping within. Needing, desperately, to know that she was okay.

He did not trust himself to sleep beside her, nor did he trust she wanted him there. There were a lot of unknowns between them, cautious uncertainty. He did not know how to proceed. How do you start life again when your late wife comes back from the dead?

He was prowling that night by her den when the late autumn sky opened up. He had not seen the clouds gathering in the dark, but he had felt the chill pick up in the wind. The wise thing to do would have been to find shelter, but what if it stormed? She would be afraid. Stubborn, he rooted himself outside her den, looking up at the falling rain and dark sky, trying to gouge the weight of the storm.


"Speech"

Things were.. different, now. Zee felt the physical withdrawal of her husband almost as strongly as the emotional withdrawal of some of her children. Where she was with her husband wasn't clear anymore, but regardless of the daytime worries and awkwardness, she always found herself reaching for his titanic frame in the depths of night. This night was not unlike the others, and as Zee roused from her slumber she found the den as empty as it had been all week. She peered over her shoulder toward the makeshift door, squinting through the cracks to the outside to gauge the time of day. No light was spilling in, so Zee assumed her awakening was middle of the night as was typical since she'd left the north. With a heavy sigh she dropped her head back to the floor, rubbing her cheek against the plush pelts Sirius had provided for her and attempted to find her sleep once more. She shifted and turned and curled in on herself, but had no success. Outside, the atmosphere shifted and with it brought the smell of approaching rain. Hari had taught Zee all there was to know about discerning the weather - specifically to watch for incoming storms - and it was a skill the queen practiced often. From his perch her toucan gave a croak, confirming her suspicions. Great. Where had Sirius been taking his nights? The logical part of her expected him to remain nearby, while some sad insecure mindset worried that perhaps he'd been sharing the den of another instead. Zee got to her feet quietly, slipping off her blanket and working slowly towards the door. Cracking it, she poked the tip of her muzzle around the corner just enough that she could spy him. Her warlord looked distracted, staring up at the sky with such intensity that she thought he might will the storm away with only his eyes. "Sirius, you're going to freeze." Zee spoke to him in a hushed whisper, a deeply ingrained habit from when they'd be forced to talk softly over their slumbering children. "Speech"

The wind and rain assaulted him, twisting mercilessly through his coat, and partly blinding his blue eyes. He ignored the discomfort, tilted as he was up at the sky. Glaring at the storm. It was going to make for a very unpleasant watch tonight, but it would not keep him from his post. He wasn’t sure yet exactly what he would do if he heard thunder crackle across the sky. He would take it in stride, and ensure Zee was okay.

He almost missed the creak of the door, and the whisper of her voice. The whistling wind snatching them from her muzzle. But it was Zee, and a part of him must have been listening out for her voice. He turned, and found the familiar features of her, sticking partly through the door.

He sighed softly, but knew the longer he delayed, the more she was likely to get wet. He shook out his coat - a useless endeavour, as the rain was hard enough to soak him again almost instantly. He dove through the door, brushing gently by her, before ushering her back to her room with a gentle paw. Once she was clear of the ‘hallway’ he shook out his coat there, and placed himself in the doorway, seating his rump down there. “What woke you, the storm?” he asked, his voice equally as soft.


"Speech"

Her warlord gently encouraged her back inside, and Zee did not fight him. She shuffled with his paw, standing at a distance while he shook out his thick coat and splattered the remnants of rain onto the nearby walls. The mere action brought back memories, of when they were slave and handmaid both weathering the summer storms. "No, I don't think so." She returned, pulling her chin down towards her chest. Zee was more than an adult by now, an alpha, a mother, it was laughable that a silly storm could still shake her to her core. "I'm not sure what woke me, but once I knew the storm was coming and wanted to make sure you had somewhere to stay." Sirius sat away from her by the door, and Zee crept forward toward the middle of the room. He was not a danger in his waking hours - why did he keep himself at arms length? "S-stay here, if you want to." She clarified softly. "Speech"

He leaned lightly against the door frame, his eyes roving about the familiar space. He hadn’t slept in here since he had lost Zee. Too painful to touch, but the kids had still spent time in here, so the place hadn’t fallen to mold. Iris had helped him to refresh it before Zee had moved back into the space. His eyes snapped back to Zee at her words, however. Touched, in a way that hurt something fragile inside his chest that she had gotten up with the specific intent to check on him.

She crept a little closer to him, venturing into the center of the sleeping space. His eyes trailed her with an almost painful softness. “I do.” he said, the words soft in his deep tones. Gods, yes, he wanted to stay here.

He didn’t move from his perch at the door however, and after a time he broke the silence. “The storms… I counted every storm after you were gone. I thought of you, of back then. Of how I hadn’t even realised I was falling for you, when I found you hiding in the Ashen bushes in the rain.” He whispered.


"Speech"

Still the titan remained at his place at the door, and Zee crept closer under the guise of absent pacing. He broke the silence and Zee's heart clenched, remembering the thankfully few storms that she weathered alone in the cold north. "I don't think you were falling for me quite then." She contradicted him with a wistful smile. "By that point I was still the annoying, disobedient servant making your life and Lucretia's life difficult for no reason." The Klein healer and her had a rocky start, but they'd grown into something more aligned with friendship before she had been given her freedom.   Zee paused in her pacing and instead drew abstract shapes in the dust of the ground with a blunted claw. "You know, we shared this den once before while you had your terrors." She mentioned offhandedly, allowing her gaze to roam across the worn walls and extra rooms, toward where she knew the small indentation that was once made her bed was hiding. It wasn't until after they'd settled into their role as Alphas and considered children that Sirius truly got help with his terrors, not until he'd met Io and adopted her as his own. "Speech"

He laughed softly at the memory she drew forth. He’d had no idea what the tiny handmaiden would mean to him. No idea the adventures they would share, or the fire in her heart. He remembered her calm in the face of his anger. From making pillows, to falling in the Ashen lake. “Perhaps so.” He agreed. It had snuck up on him, until it felt like it hit him over the head, and suddenly, he would have killed to have her at his side.

Her next question brought another hint of sadness to the Warlord. Yes, they had shared a den. They had done so effectively for a time, cuddling while awake, and sleeping safely apart, but close by. “Are you saying you wish to do so again? Sometimes he thought… he was sure that she was revolted at the touch of him. Knowing that he had slept with another.

There were so many fissures between them, he felt like he was circling her slowly, looking for a way back in, but afraid to make the leap. His gaze turned hungry. Keeping the distance between them was necessary… but difficult. That urge inside of him to draw her tightly into his arms, to hold her and never let go. Surely now she would suffocate within it. Had to… had to give her time. He needed her so badly that he couldn’t risk scaring her away.

"Speech"

The weight of her own words hit her then and she drew back from him, turning her head away so he might not see the conflict within her eyes. Every nerve in her body ached for him to be nearby her, for her scent to be upon him claiming him as only hers. Sirius was a possessive beast, but he'd never known the fire that came from knowing someone else had had what was his. If only how much she desperately needed him could push down the remnants of distrust and betrayal, then they could live happily ever after in each others arms. Zee sighed. "This is your den too, I can sleep in the nook you made me, like before. There are plenty of rooms." And plenty of space. Zee made herself pace casually back to the plush furs, feeling the softness beneath her paws and willing her body to lay down again and relax. "I feel better when you're around, because I don't need to worry that you're with her." She admitted softly, speaking down as if to the dead bear that had given them it's fur. Even if she could not handle snuggling into his chest like she'd used to, it was comforting to know that no other wolf had the pleasure in her absence. "Speech"

His eyelids lowered in a sleepy sort of sadness as she turned her head from him. There it was, the truth she couldn’t face. The reason he knew this distance between them was the only way either of them could survive this. If he let her see the depths of his hungry need, she would try to run from him. If she ran, he would chase, and her hate would follow.

He lowered himself slowly down from his sitting position, resting on his paws. It was so much harder to be by her inside the den then it was without. Here, he could see the conflict in her eyes, hear the soft hurt in her voice. “I haven’t been far from you since the day we returned.” but surely that didn’t surprise her. Her words… her words hurt. Did she really think he would seek comfort in the arms of another now, with Zee alive and within his borders? He was lonely and aching, but that was a penance he deserved.

“I can’t stay in this den with you, Zee. Not until you're ready to give me all of you. The terrors are only a part of it.”

"Speech"

The sound of his elbows softly touching the ground drew Zee's ear and she glanced his way, hating the sadness she saw swimming in his eyes. It brought her no pleasure to cause him pain, not after he'd rescued her from the frozen north and returned her home. Pushing him away hurt her as much as it hurt him, but Zee had to protect herself from stumbling into the chasm that had formed between them. "Somewhere inside I know that, but it doesn't make me feel any better." She could only trust him so far, and though she knew with every fiber of her being that Sirius would remain faithful to her while she lived, the anxiety still gnawed at her. His next works shook her, and Zee's ears pulled back tight against her skull. Admitting to him her fear had taken all the bravery she could muster, and he turned it on her with an ultimatum. It stabbed at her heart, and she felt tears welling up in her eyes. "I thought.." Zee drew her lips into a tight line and took in a deep breath. She needed him with her, couldn't he see that? "Then you shall have all of me." Her eyes cast downwards away from him once more, her tone detached and defeated. "I want you to stay."   "Speech"

He nodded slowly, understanding that there was a barrier sometimes between logic and what a person felt. It meant he needed not to prove with his words that he was here for her, and only here. He needed to prove it with her emotions. Needed her to see, body, heart and soul, that there was only one wolf he could choose.

I thought… thought what? He could contain himself to have only a part of her? Just a taste of everything he wanted and keep himself from taking more? No. No, he was far too selfish for that.

She promised him everything, but her downcast eyes and unshed tears said so much more. She needed him, but did she truly want him? She had been through hell, and he was the one that had dragged her back. She needed stability and safety, but him did she truly want him? He wasn’t sure.

But still, still. Her words were a magnet that drew him from his perch. Ringing him forward with slow, predatory steps. Stalking her with softly padding paws, and hungry eyes. He stopped before her, and tapped her chin gently with an oversized paw. Lifting her eyes to his as he sat before her. His other paw moved to comb slowly through her fur, starting by her cheek, and moving slowly down her side. His eyes, his deep ocean eyes held to hers. “Zee.” He said softly. The word was nothing more than a soft caress. “You are the light in my darkness. Need me, or want me, I’ll take whatever you can give me, but I will take it. I will take it all. Can you live with that?” he whispered softly, his mouth so close to hers his soft breath stirred her fur.

"Speech"

Sirius' intensity overwhelmed her, and had she not been paralyzed where she stood Zee might have backpedaled from his advance. His unrelenting gaze bore into her and she felt her adrenaline kick on, her veins flooding with the heat of stunned panic. No, no, she was not ready. Not so soon after her capture. A handful of times she'd fought against the possessive beast and the fire in her only fueled him further, Zee did not know if she had the energy left within her to deny her husband again. She was painfully aware of her season, and her tail tucked tightly between her legs. "Oh." The soft word slipped from her maw as he touched her cheek with one deadly paw, lifting her chin to force her to meet his gaze. Sirius' touch was gentle and kind, but held his unmistakable passion and she tried her hardest not to flinch from the intensity of him. Her chest heaved a relieved sigh, and she watched him in silence as he spoke. "I don't have light enough for even myself right now, Sirius." Zee whispered. "If you take too much, I fear I may break.. but I promise I'll give you what I can. Is - is that okay?"   "Speech"

He didn’t want to lift his gaze from hers. Wanted to breathe in that perfect aroma of her. To lose himself in it, in her. There was heat to his gaze, and he wasn’t sure if was going to be able to back away from her now. He wanted to claim her lips with his, and feel the familiar heat of her body against his.

“All I see is your light.” He whispered softly at her denial. Simply by being here, and being alive, she brought back his sanity, his reasons. He was no longer a drowning man, but he wanted to drown in her regardless. Her words of breaking wearied him. A part of him cried out that it was too much, too soon for her. She should have kept the distance between him. But she wanted him close, needed him. He craved that need. There was lust in his eyes as he leaned forward, and brushed his lips softly against hers. Trembling with the strength it took not to crush her against him. To claim her then and there as his and only his. Instead it was just a feather’s touch, waiting for any hint of returned passion. “Then I'll be as gentle as I can.” He promised her.

"Speech"

Sirius denied her words, and Zee shook her head in argument against the firm grip of his paw. "Then you've been in the dark so long that you've forgotten what light is, because I assure you I'd know if I had any left." The lust in his eyes scared her, and she forced her body to remain still as her possessive husband trailed his lips against hers. Zee was not so stupid as to think any of this was easy for him, but she knew that to give in would only seed in her more darkness and resentment. She leaned her head downwards against his paw, aiming to touch her small forehead to the top of his muzzle. "Can I have my protector, my confidant, and my playmate Sirius back first?" Zee dared to ask. "I'm not sure I can handle my husband right now, but I'm very lonely, and I miss my best friend." She didn't realize what the aching, empty void in her chest was until she'd said the word aloud, but Zee recognized then that she was in fact, extremely lonely. Her pack was nearly unrecognizable, Tamsyn, Resin, Io, and Natha were gone. Her Indy had struck out on his own, Asla hadn't returned from her own adventure. Odette had vanished, along with so many others she'd known and loved. New members who didn't even know her name patrolled the border and passed by her in the plains. How had everything changed, in such little time? "Speech"

He snorted in soft amusement at that. Of course he had been in the dark, he had been there long enough to know when he saw even a glimmer of light. Zee was that and more, to him. Perhaps she didn’t feel it, but she sparked with that terrible hope it built inside of him.

She did not fight him, exactly, but she resisted all the same. She offered him herself in order to keep him here, but as he had already known - she was not ready. He let out a long, deep sigh and leaned his head against the one she had titled down towards him.

He felt that heat that had been building inside of him, just by seeing her familiar form. He knew what he wanted, and a part of him dared himself to take it regardless. She was his. his wife, his prize. He had fought for her on many occasions. He had pulled her from those slavers, and brought her home. She belonged to him completely, but she was not prepared to admit it yet.

…. But it was Zee. At the end of the day, she was not a prize, nor a possession. As much as a part of him might wish he was selfish enough to make her so. She was his Queen, and her words were something he could only take as a command. He let out another soft sigh. “As you wish, my Queen. You are and always will be my best friend. For now, for just a little while, I will abstain from being your husband. No matter that he did not like to be denied. “What do you wish of your protector, confidant, and playmate?” he whispered.

"Speech"

Zee could practically feel the tension radiating off of him and knew that this was not a request the warlord was happy to fulfill. He mirrored her movements and their foreheads touched. She felt his sigh vibrate through her, and frowned. To her husbands credit he did not push further, though Zee found she hated his defeated acceptance. I did not ask it of you as your queen. She wanted to say. I'm not sure if I even am one anymore. She pushed the negative line of thinking aside and along with it the worries and doubts that weighted her. Sirius was not one to break his word, not to her nor any other wolf. Zee reminded herself of it again and again, willing the bridge of trust between them to rebuild. "I want my protector to hold me through the storm, and when it's over to stay." As they did a lifetime ago, she yearned to snuggle against his chest and escape only to her nook when the battle with exhaustion was lost. "I want my confidant to listen, to let me cry and complain and mourn." Though she doubted her warlord could remain neutral and keep her secrets if she wanted to vent about Deathbelle who'd betrayed her, her once-sister was no longer the only cause of grief in her life. "And I want my playmate to teach me how to find my joy again. To laugh with me over the antics of our children, to race me across the plains, and to nearly drown attempting to catch ducks for their feathers."   "Speech"

She had much to ask of him, with little to give. He had built this life with her once. He had started from scratch and built his way up, until the handmaiden believed she could be a Queen. It would be harder to do it a second time, now that he knew through and through how much he loved her. How much he wanted to hold her in his paws, and to be intimate with her.

He pulled her gently towards him at her first words. Slowly, so as not to startle her, as he wrapped her in his arms. Holding her without restraining as he lay down beside her, his warmth around her. He tilted his head to the side, as though to better listen to her.

“I can’t promise any drowning… But very well. Come the morning, I will race you across the plains” He promised her as the sound of rain only grew heavier outside their den. The thundering rain warned that the storm might yet grow worse.

He reached over, and tugged at her ear gently with his paw, tilting his head and offering her an impish smile. “And these three tasks will earn me sex?” he joked softly with her.

"Speech"

As she spoke, Sirius shifted. His towering form towed her down with him slowly until they were upon the plush furs strewn about the floor. Zee allowed herself to relax into him, leaning into him as close as she could without risking jabbing him with her horns. Warm and soft as she'd remembered, the adrenaline and fear began to melt away. "Well I'd sure hope not, I'm the one who taught you how to swim and I'm a wonderful teacher." She commented pointedly, her soft smile sounding through her voice. "Even if you're a terrible, stubborn student." The sound of the rain came back to her and she swallowed, nuzzling tighter into him and shifting her hip so it aligned closer to his stomach. His joking words reached her then and a course laugh bubbled up against her will. "These three tasks will at least ensure your testicles remain intact, should we desire another litter one day." Zee joked in turn. "The price of sex may very well be another hundred." "Speech"

“I’m not the only stubborn student” he reminded her, amusement tilting one lip upwards. Getting Zee to fight had been a test to his own stubbornness. But he had not taken no for an answer, and they had gotten there in the end. Zee had become a wolf that could hold her own. Yet, that had not saved her when wolves had come after her meaning her harm. That thought was a dark cloud, and left a problem he did not know how to fix. One thing was for sure, Zee would not be leaving Armada territory without an escort anytime soon. While she was not a prisoner, she was not exactly a free agent either.

She shifted against him, and he had to remind himself that no amount of contact with her right now was going to lead to anything. Instead, he tucked his head gently over her shoulder, resting part of his weight against her, but not enough that she would suffer beneath his bulk. He lay there, comfortable with the familiar weight of her against him. Closing his eyes, and listening to the sound of rain. As he lay there, thunder began to rumble somewhere ahead, and he gently placed one of his paws over hers. Offering her comfort.

“Then I will complete a hundred tasks, for you.” he promised her softly.

"Speech"

At the mention of her own stubbornness Zee's eyes rolled. He'd not seen stubborn yet, and she hoped she could put off his wicked ideas of training and strengthening and battle long enough that he wouldn't have to. The irony of it amused her - that forcing her to spar him again might actually succeed, only for how much she would want to hurt him for daring to have her try it. "Yes, well, I'm the better teacher." She muttered, though her smile lingered in her voice. It was far from the truth (as Zee learned to fight much better then Sirius had learned to swim) but she knocked an elbow gently into him to tempt the giant to concede regardless. His promise was gentle, and though she lay tightly pressed to him the intimacy of it did not scare her. Sirius was fierce in his devotion and Zee did not doubt that he meant every word. If she had asked him to walk through fire for her he would - and he had - and while the knowledge of that should have made her feel suffocated, it somehow instead gave her an overwhelming feeling of safety and support. "I love you." She offered simply, acknowledging his promise with a voice just as soft. The distant rumbling thunder and the comforting weight of his paw managed to balanced out her terror, leaving her only with lingering exhaustion. Her jaws parted in a yawn and as they clicked back together, her head flopped down back upon him heavily. "If I fall asleep," Zee began, hesitant. "Please wake me up to have me move, don't sneak away in the night for my comfort." "Speech"

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