Avantika hated this feeling. It came around every once in a while, leaving her tired and disgusted with herself. To be honest, it never really left her, even when she chased it away with as much work as she could force herself through. But she was in a bad spell of it now. The plague was part of the cause: the powerless, confused feeling it brought, as well as its fatigue and pain, which kept her from serving her pack properly. If some group had attacked in that time... She couldn't bring herself to imagine it. Of course, it wouldn't be entirely her fault. But somehow, that didn't make her feel any better.

Eventually, she thought, this feeling would fade. Eventually, she would work hard enough and be safe enough that she wouldn't have to worry so much. But until then, she would never stop. She would never let herself rest until her Hallows was untouchably perfect. Future pups deserved peace and safety; Avantika would provide it. A thought crossed her mind. She and Audra... Would they ever have children of their own? She gritted her teeth just thinking about it. She made a promise right then, a promise similar to the one she had pledged to the Hallows a million times over: she would protect her pups with her life, she would ensure them the childhood she'd been robbed, she would give them a life where they didn't have to worry about anything.

She'd been wandering the castle, and she was near Laeta's room, so she decided to go in and check in on her since the plague had so hurt her. "Hey, Laeta," she greeted softly. "How're you doing?"

"Speech"

Compared to the wolves of the pack that were recovered and moving about at last, Laeta was stuck. Her paralysis had not resolved itself as the ooze had, leaving her behind in the same bedroom she’d nearly died in. It sucked, to say the least - seeing her packmates trot and walk about on well-muscled limbs as if it was natural as breathing. Which, to them, it was. They didn’t have broken necks. She’d give anything just to walk again. She sighed deeply as she laid on her bed, peering through her window facing the sea. Her chin had to rest on a mountain of pillows provided by Mel, who was currently exploring the castle. She’d asked for some private time, and he respected her wishes. What a good little badger. It wasn’t long before a familiar multicolored wolf reached her room, greeting her and asking how she was doing. The woman could only tilt her head slightly towards the door, so she did her best to look in the woman’s direction. "Avantika," She replied, offering a warm smile. True, she had been one of the most severely affected by the ooze and the long night, but that didn’t mean her packmates were faring all that well even now. "I’m doing alright. Would you like to come in?" She noticed the femme seemed to have a lot on her mind, as her ruby gaze peered curiously into Tika’s blue one. Lae found that wolves typically showed their true emotions through their eyes, which often told a story greater than any facial expression or body language they could give. She did these mini-observations a lot on others, especially since she didn’t have anything else to do. "Speech"

Laeta still couldn't walk or even move very much at all on her own. Avantika looked at her with pity, when she looked at her at all. She'd never liked being around those who were sick or injured. She couldn't heal them, so all she could do was worry, and that wasn't productive for anyone. It was better for her to drive away her fear with work. If she was physically exhausted, that left less energy for bad feelings. And other than the helplessness she felt when she couldn't help those who were hurt, she couldn't imagine being in their place with her brain rebelling with intense distaste.

But Laeta looked at her with kindness, and asked her if she'd like to come in, so she did. "I can't stay long," she said. "I have some patrolling to do." Something in her resigned itself to the prospect of more work. Ever patient, ever tired, that part of her was. She didn't listen to it. There was a far bigger part of her that would never let her rest, and she couldn't fight it even if she tried. Even though she didn't need to patrol, she couldn't just do nothing.

She sat, willing herself to relax, why don't you, for just one second.

"Speech"

Laeta knitted her brow when Tika mentioned she couldn’t stay long. Though the woman couldn’t move, she could notice when wolves passed by her room, and measured the frequency of their passing by. Tika was always on her feet, always running around. It was good to want to be productive, and it was certainly admirable that she wanted to provide for the pack by any means possible. However, she risked burning out. One could only dive headlong into their duties for so long, and her hurried manner suggested she was trying to do all these activities in an effort to escape something. That something, Lae wondered, was certainly weighing on Tika’s mind. Whether or not she’d want to open up about it was her choice, ultimately, but sue was patient. Being paralyzed forced her to take things as they came, no matter or slowly they did. Offering a soft smile, her gaze sharpening with concern, she subtly tilted her chin up and down in the best nod in understanding she could muster. "Of course. I understand." She paused, and then added, "Aren’t there other pack members that can patrol at the moment? Surely things won’t fall to disarray if you take a few minutes to sit and relax." She offered a sympathetic look towards Tika. She did look rather worn down, perhaps not so much physically as mentally. "We can all use a bit of kindness and rest, especially after alo that’s happened in the past season." "Speech"

Laeta smiled, but there was some odd look in her eyes. Avantika hadn't felt that she was really taken care of for a very long time, if she'd ever. She relied on herself. She cared for others, but she didn't need them to do the same for her. When she needed help, she would ask. Until then, she could look out for herself.

The paralyzed wolf suggested that other pack members could patrol and Avantika could relax for at least a few minutes. That wasn't what it was about. She didn't really believe that she was the only thing protecting the pack from impending doom. But she couldn't push away the storms of nervousness no matter what she told herself. She listened politely, her skin crawling, as Laeta finished speaking. "I know," she said.

She glanced around, not sure what to say. Then she sighed. "You won't tell anyone?" she asked, staring at her paws. "I--I really care about the Hallows, okay? I'd die a hundred times to keep this pack safe. And I just want to do everything I can, you know?" She didn't know how much she could tell her packmate, but she did want to tell someone.

"Speech"

Avantika sat near her, and Laeta could begin to analyze her more clearly now. The way she talked, her tone of voice, her mannerisms - not in a judgemental way in the least, but in a sense, a social assessment. The paralyzed woman had a way with observing the best in others, and also what seemed to bother them. Tika’s body language suggested anxiety, and that she was on edge as if something terrible might happen. As the woman sat across from her bed, Lae mulled over her previous words. No, perhaps she wasn’t worried because she felt the need to be productive, to distract herself, like she initially believed. No, this seemed deeper. She couldn’t read minds, but her brief analysis gave her at least the surface of what was beneath the warrior’s troubled expression. Wolves could hide any emotion if they had a will too, but to suppress it entirely was near impossible, even eith the best of actors. Suddenly, Tika sprang a question, asking her if she wouldn’t tell anyone what she’d be about to say. Lae did her slight chin tip in understanding, her version of a nod. "Of course. Nothing you say will leave this room," She said, letting her speak. I--I really care about the Hallows, okay? I'd die a hundred times to keep this pack safe. And I just want to do everything I can, you know? Laeta tipped her chin up and down in understanding, nodding along to her words. Her full attention was on her at that moment, and she offered a reassuring smile as Tika finished her statement. Though she didn’t know the woman well yet, she could tell she was firecly loyal to the pack. "I can tell you’re very dedicated to the safety of the pack. That is admirable, in and of itself," She stated, but she wouldn’t offer too much yet if the woman still had more to say. It seemed she had quite a lot on her mind, but Laeta would let her speak as much or as little as she wished. She was paralyzed, after all - anything the warrior said literally wouldn’t leave this room unless she did. Which, at this point, was rarely ever. Still, just to see where the conversation would lead, Lae offered a generous pause before asking, "Tika, do you often worry about many things?" Sometimes stating what seemed to be apparent could help her to open up - but only as much as she was willing to say. It wasn’t meant to be pressuring, and she filled the emptiness after her question with a soft, kind expression that filled her face, in the hopes of easing the woman’s tension if only a little. "Speech"

It was good that Laeta had assured her that nothing she said would leave the room. Avantika wasn't secretive, but she did like her independence. She wanted closeness and vulnerability, but she couldn't figure out how to trust it. She'd told Art about these fears, at least, a while ago, and he had been very kind about it. He always seemed to know just what to say. But then, she trusted her leader and brother more than most. She wasn't sure why she was trusting Laeta.

But the woman's calm softness drew her in, and so did her reassurances that Avantika's dedication was admirable. There was a long moment of silence. Avantika didn't know what else she could or even wanted to say. Laeta gave her an easy question, and she almost scoffed. "Of course." She thought for a second. "I guess the plague kind of... brought it into the light, for me? I've worried about pretty much everything all of my life, but it was hard having something that no one understands or can control or fight or anything, you know? I like fighting; that's why I have the rank I have. It makes me feel strong, or like, I can't think about anything else when I'm in a spar or a fight." She acknowledged that she was very much babbling and hushed herself. "I like knowing that I'm not helpless."

"Speech"

Laeta listened quietly, ears perked and ruby eyes soft, as Tika explained what was on her mind. After the silence that passed between the two of them - Lae didn’t mind it, she didn’t want to rush the woman if she wanted to ensure her words came out the way she wanted them to - she heard her speak. Of course she worried, Tika had said. Everyone worried. Worry was a natural part of life - the anxiety within had an instinctual component, one that kept wolves out of danger that could mean injury, or worse, death. But sometimes, the worry escalated far beyond what it needed to at the moment. Perhaps Tika was struggling with a constant influx of this deeply-ingrained anxiety and did not know how to cope with it, struggling for years. The plague, Tika had mentioned, didn’t help matters. This was depdenent on her need to help protect the pack, and such a widespread illness that threatened to kill its hosts took any semblance of that control away from her. Helplessness was a fickle creature, a cruel one at that. It was cruel because it preyed in even the strongest of warrior, such as Tika herself. Laeta tilted her chin softly in periods as the woman talked, acknowledging her words with a softly knitted brow. She understood the feeling, not in the same way because each wolf was different, but on a base level, she understood. Not being able to protect the pack from such a terrifying, devastating entity such as the ailments of the eternal night was a nightmare in and of itself. Lae craved validation from control, but she had to relinquish it in lieu of her paralysis - a consequences that made her helpless. Though they were two different scenarios, the deepest feelings were not entirely different. With her own pause to consider Tika’s words, Lae blinked and said, "The plague was devastating, indeed. It’s a terrifying thought, and even moreso terrifying to see your friends and loved ones suffering, and having no way to combat it or make it better. I can see why it was so frustrating to feel that helplessness - that ordeals such as the plague, as well as other tragic events in our lives don’t offer a clear solution defeat it. That uncertainty, and feeling unable to control what’s happening, tends to stir a lot of anxiety." She paused, then continued. "You put a lot of effort into your duties, and your rank. Focusing on your abilities, as you mention occurs when in a spar or fight, is a great gift to hone. It can be a great distraction from the anxieties you encounter, as well as offering you that control, the ability to determine the outcome of what is put in front of you. However, there will be times when you encounter more situations, more challenges that present themselves that have no solution in sight, and that anxiety and helplessness can come back. Something that might not present itself as clearly as an opponent on the battlefield." Laeta allowed her words to sink in, just for a bit. She hoped her words would provide some comfort, as well as a bit of advice the woman could take, if it would help. If not, she hoped the conversation they were having would help ease her mind, if only a little. "Perhaps it would help you to envision what you’re worrying about - those emotions of helplessness, for example, as an opponent you’d want to spar. Just imagine it in your head." Lae paused, then added, "When you’re stuck, and you feel there’s nothing that can ease your anxiety, and there seems to be no easy solution in sight, imagine yourself striking back at it - launching yourself back at those worries that try and swallow you whole. By making your thoughts turn into a more tangible form, it can help them appear a bit smaller. And perhaps lend you back that control, even for a while." Now, she was rambling a bit - or perhaps advising? - but she hoped to help Tika in some way. Lae felt her own helplessness being paralyzed and unable to move around and assist in pack duties. So, in return, perhaps she could help in a more spiritual or emotional sense, by lifting peoples’ spirits. "I hope my words bring you some comfort. I understand that not being able to help when a situation arises, to be able to use your skills, creates a frustrating cycle of heplelssness, and thus, anxiety into it as well. " She could only hope she didn’t ‘mess up’ Tika’s meaning too terribly. If that was the case, they could just dig further and try and find more solutions then. However, Tika’s struggles were a bit more than what could be whisked away with a few words - it just didn’t work like that. But maybe she could help, even just for a little bit. "Speech"