Once it became apparently that Ophie probably wasn't going to die she couldn't help but feel a little...disappointed, almost. Like ducking out would have been easier than having to deal with the aftermath of everything. Of course, she was happy to see the sun and to shed all of her mushroomy growths but back home no one seemed happier for it. A sense of doom and gloom prevailed, causing Ophie to slowly but surely wander further afield on the pretence of regaining lost strength and stamina. She'd never come out this way before nor was she really sure what had inspired her to, but she felt a little better with the change of scenery. How the rising stone walls and thin strip of the Fjord was nothing like the open space of the Armada. Almost too open, with nothing but scents and invisible barriers to keep the outside world at bay. This was exactly the sort of place she could imagine Kaija exploring, bulky form scaling over the rocks with ease as the black of her nose twitched, taking in all the scents like a natural-born explorer. She hadn't seen her since the mangroves, they'd drifted apart like the tide rolling back out to the sea. More than anything she wished she was okay, Jerry too. Wherever they were in this big wide world. "speech..."

Her mom was dead.

Kaija swore that she'd known it before even got back home. Something wasn't right - and it wasn't just her sickness. That had started to fade, first the crystal growth breaking off just when she feared she'd lose her sight entirely, and then slowly she started to feel more and more like herself. Still a bit unwell overall but with the darkness slowly fading and the light returning she started to feel hope again, like the life that had slowly seeped out of her was returning. Until she got close to home, at least; her heart had started to sink in her chest before she even saw the grasses of the moor.

Though she'd willingly left Valhalla, she felt even less tie to the place now. If it wasn't for her brother she'd have none at all, but even his company didn't make staying plausible for her. Being there hurt. She wasn't used to feeling angry but it suddenly hit her just how deeply unfair life was. People left, or died, and there wasn't anything you could do about it. Nothing at all.

That was when she started thinking about Ophie. She'd been sick, really sick like Kaija, but it was hard to say if any of it had been a figment of her imagination or not. The sickness had messed with her mind a bit, she realized after she started feeling better. Now she was feeling more clear-headed, nearly symptom free except for a nagging fatigue that she couldn't seem to shake. Most of the ooze was gone now, though her affected eye seemed inflamed and hazy, no doubt still healing. Though her physical body seemed to be recovering with ease, she wasn't sure she'd ever be the same again, not really. It was hard to find much to smile about now. Even if her mom hadn't always been the most present, or the most loving, she'd still been her mom and the world was a little darker in her absence, the kind of darkness even the sun couldn't touch.

Maybe finding Ophie and making sure she was alright would make things a little better - she could only hope. Following her scent was tricky; her senses seemed dull now as she recovered and it took her days to find her way back across Boreas and get a sense of where she might be. Once she finally knew she was close, she felt some of that joy return - just a tiny spark, barely noticeable at all amongst all the hazy darkness but it was present and it urged her on. Once someone came into view that was no doubt Ophie - she was even alive! - Kaija picked up her pace as best as she could, barrelling toward her friend and barely managing to resist the urge to tackle her. "Ophie! You're better," she weakly exclaimed, not sounding half as thrilled as she really felt. Kaija didn't want to think about what she would've done if her friend hadn't made it.

Ophie's mud-caked ears twitched at the sound of Kaija's voice. Had she truly been so lost in thought she hadn't heard her coming? Apparently so. Toddling around, Ophie gaze seemed a little brighter, like gentle ocean waves roving over the sight of her friend. Except something was wrong, so very wrong. It was in the way her shoulders were slumped and how she moved awfully slow as though something dreadful was holding her back. The Fatalis sucked in a panicked breath, it caught in her throat like thorns as she came to a standstill. What was she supposed to say or do in a situation like this? She was wholly incapable of dealing with her own emotions at the best of times, how was she supposed to help her bestest of friends? The only person who really noticed how rough of a time she'd been having, made the effort to comfort her when no one else even tried. "Kaija...what's wrong?" She asked, her voice whisper soft, as though afraid to speak any louder.

Ophie was alive and well. She looked tired, but so did Kaija, but that didn't matter. She should be happy she'd found her, and she was was, really, but she felt so bogged down by darkness that felt incapable of lifting that she wasn't nearly as carefree as she used to be. Maybe she'd never be like that again, it was hard to say for sure. Slowly she approached, fighting the urge to bury her face into the fur of Ophie's neck and breathe in her scent, and possibly never come out. Her presence was comforting no matter how she felt though, and slowly she sunk down onto her stomach beside her. Traveling so much was exhausting, not that she was sick anymore but she definitely was still recovering, and fatigue was a big part of that.

"I'm fine. Better, too," she said quietly. "I'm glad you're alright. I was scared, you know, scared I'd never see you-" Imagining a life without Ophie felt too dark for her to even comprehend, all-encompassing and terrifying as a concept. Even darker than this. Life was brighter with her in it though, and with the faintest hint of glow emanating from her markings Kaija was reminded of this. "My mom died, Ophie. She got sick and she died," she said quietly, her voice raspy. She wasn't the crying type but she'd cried over her, but she didn't feel like there were any tears left now, so she hung her head and let out a barely audible whine.

Ophie swallowed thickly as she plonked down her rear, her tail smearing into the mud in an anxious tail wag. And then she froze solid, all movement and breath stolen from her as Kaija's words met her dirt coated ears. Her Mother... Oh. Leaning forward and as tall as she could manage, she tried to lean up and whine along with her friend, joining her in a quiet moment of mourning. She wouldn't say she was sorry and lay it on all thick, stating she was in a better place and was watching Kaija from heaven. It never helped, hadn't made Ophie feel any better when her Mother was pronounced dead. It all just felt...so hallow, like they were just going through the motions, said just enough to feel a little less guilty. Like they were helping somehow. "I'm okay." She told her, hoping that would soothe at least some of her concerns.

No amount of apologizing would stop the hurt that came from finding out her mom had died, and even if Fidelias felt like Valhalla was his home Kaija just couldn't relate. She had nowhere to go, no one to turn to now - nobody but Ophie, really, and while once that had been a freeing thought it just felt stifling now. At least Kaija had her family and her pack, even if she felt they didn't understand her. She frowned a little, choking back a quiet sob as Ophie leaned into her and she tried to still her thoughts. She'd never felt pain and loneliness quite like this before and she didn't know what to do with all her feelings. Shoving them deep down and out of her mind was working for now, but would it stay that way?

"We should go on an adventure. Go see the world," she suggested, warily at first. Nothing was keeping her here, and though she knew her friend's life was different she knew she was unhappy sometimes.. well, a lot of the time. And what better time to go see the world, now that the long night had finally lifted? Spring was slowly sneaking back into the lands and soon the world would be brimming with life once again, recovering from the painful months they'd all endured. There was no better time for them to do this.

"We can go anywhere we want. My dad's told me about so many cool places - did you know there's a lake up north, frozen with fireflies trapped beneath the ice? And stars - there's so many stars, Ophie," she explained wistfully. "I know there's stars here too, but they look different in other places. There's so much we could see together." Kaija sounded a little panicked as she kept speaking. Ophie had to agree with her; she didn't know what she'd do if she didn't. Kaija couldn't stay here and she certainly couldn't go back west to Valhalla. She needed to keep moving, needed something new and exciting to reignite the spark she'd once had, seemingly quenched by the never-ending darkness.

Ophie blinked owlishly. It didn't take much effort at all to imagine Kaija roaming the land in search of adventure, of taking in all the sights Boreas and beyond had to offer. But what of herself? She shifted, cat claws uselessly digging into the rocky ground beneath her paws. It really was a tempting offer, the sort that made Ophie's heart pick up pace as she thought of the possibilities. But there were so many what ifs nipping at her ankles, causing her to hesitate as she looked up at her bestest friend.

Communication had never been their strongest suit, Ophie in particular was the sort who flopped around difficult topics like a fish on dry land, gasping and flapping like that would do her any good.

The rising tone of panic had the Fatalis fumbling, following suit as her words fell out just as clumsy.

"Is this okay? I mean-what if I slow you down. What if I'm too tired and slow and-" Breathe. "I don't want you to get frustrated at me, you know? And I'd need to ask dad to leave and... She shuddered at the thought, she'd need a lot of time to work up the guts to even call him, let alone ask such a thing of him. "I'm supposed to be getting better." She knew what it would look like, yet she felt the urge to flee with Kaija all the same.

Silence stretched between them, heavy and thick, as Ophie processed what she was asking her. She couldn't imagine staying anywhere for anyone, not just because she was upsetting or disappointing them.. maybe if they really needed her to survive, but she knew this wasn't a situation like that. She clenched her jaw as she let her friend fumble for the words, noting that she looked uneasy - even panicked. Kaija tried to steel her temper that threatened to flair, averting her gaze momentarily. Why was this decision a hard one? And why did it hurt so badly that she wasn't as quick to agree as she had hoped? Already she had visions of their journeys together. They'd go far north and see the sights her father spoke of so fondly, and someday they'd go south to the continent few wolves dared ventured to. They'd see it all, together. Or.. not, maybe.

She didn't sigh. Hell, she barely even breathed as Ophie finally answered and she tried to think of every way she could possibly convince her to come with her. Screw her father and screw the Armada and whatever it stood for. None of it mattered. "You wouldn't.. slow me down. Or frustrate me. It's not about going fast or anything. It's just about, you know, adventure," Kaija explained, sounding meek and far less convincing than she'd hoped. Maybe she shouldn't try to convince her - Ophie wasn't gonna leave anyway, was she? "It's okay. You don't have to do anything. I just-" the words caught in her throat as she tried to say them. "I can't just stick around here... you know, waiting for you all the time. Hoping you can come out and play when you're not training or doing whatever pack wolves do." Her words were low, but said as gently as she could muster. She was frustrated, but not at Ophie, and she wouldn't take it out on her.

And were those tears that pricked at the back of her eyes, threatening to spill? She wouldn't let them come to fruition. Kaija blinked hard and continued. "There's stuff I wanna see, and do, and I can't.. I dunno, I need to live while I still can." Losing her mom had taught her that above all else that she didn't want to settle. She wouldn't hang around here and grow bitter than she wasn't getting to see the world because of anyone, even Ophie. Even if she.. "I really l- The words caught in her throat painfully, and she struggled to dislodge them, clearing her throat. "I love.. hanging out with you. A lot. But I need to go see the world, so I might not see you around for awhile, I guess." Come with me, please, her eyes pleaded, but she wouldn't beg and grovel, she wasn't that type. And she didn't want Ophie to settle either, not if she wasn't ready.

Ophie pressed her front paws down with all her weight and squeezed her toes together. How come everyone else seemed to know what they wanted to do? Like they'd worked it out already, weren't plagued with the doubts that made Ophie feel queasy on a daily basis. Even working out what she wanted to snarf down was difficult sometimes, too much choice and too many options had her paralysed as guilt crept in. The words caught in Ophie's throat, sentences that felt like excuses as she looked up at the lilac of Kaija's eyes.

"You shouldn't have to wait for me. It's not fair, I'm sorry." She sniffed, willing herself not to make a scene.

Well more of one. She was enough of a burden as it was, but whatever option she chose she was gonna disappoint someone. To leave without asking would bring the force of her Father's wrath down upon Kaija. She had to spare her that, even if the thought of not seeing her for a long time made her wanna heave a little.

"And all those things you said, you deserve all of it. If-when you go, come tell me all about it...if you feel like it? I love your stories." She said with squinty eyed warmth, as though they were beginning  to sting at the corners of the thought of being left behind. Again. She sniffed again, goopy and full of snot. She was taking the cowards way out, not really responding as she should. Her inaction an action in and of itself.

Abandonment issues, she had a plenty.

"But can I-can I have a hug? Before you go."

Kaija was quietly berating herself for even getting her hopes up. Nothing in life could be predicted, she'd learned that with her mom dying and now with Ophie saying she couldn't go with her. This was exactly why her dad didn't like making plans - it wasn't that she was mad at Ophie for not going along with her plan, but rather with herself for expecting her to in the first place. 'You're the only one you can count on,' she remembered her dad telling her once, and it suddenly made complete sense. It wasn't worth getting her hopes up only to have them shattered. She couldn't be upset with at Ophie though, even if she was just plain upset.

"Hey, it's okay. Don't be sorry. I just hoped-" She choked slightly on her words as she felt a strange, stupid sob begin to rise in her throat. Promptly she pushed it down and swallowed hard, nodding quickly. "Don't worry, I'll come tell you my stories when I'm around. Promise." Kaija didn't want to leave her but she needed to, and though it wasn't really a goodbye it definitely felt like one. She knew she'd grow to resent Ophie for not being brave if she sat around waiting for something that would never come. She had to live her life.

She wanted a hug? It was the least she could do for making her friend feel bad. The tears still stung at her eyes but she'd done a damn good job of keeping them from falling. "You don't have to ask for a hug," she explained, allowing a cheeky grin to sneak through even through all the strange emotions that had suddenly begun to well up. "You can have one whenever." Fighting back a sigh as she moved over to her friend, wrapping her head around her neck and allowing herself a moment to bury her nose in Ophie's neck. Her familiar smell very nearly made Kaija rethink everything she'd just said, but instead of saying anything she remained there for a long while, content in their embrace.