Settling in to the new pack wasn't anything difficult for him, they had known pack life their whole lives. Balthier had little anxiety or worry when it came to well, pretty much anything. And maybe that's why he struggled so much with the deeper, darker feelings he felt in regards to how close he was to Azzurra. And maybe it was why he was so adamant about keeping it to himself.

It was midday when he came back to the area of the islands that they had claimed together. He had to admit that it didn't feel entirely homely compared to their natural dug out dens that they grew up in or used on their travels. But the buildings and rooms were very spacious which at least didn't make him feel claustrophobic and uneasy while he was getting use to it.

Entering the room, he laid down on the furs of the floor, one of them the lion skin that had gotten them here in the first place. His attitude had been rather neutral and stale since they arrived though maybe it had been more that way since the first time they were together. He sighed as he placed his head down on the furs, taking a break after running a practice patrol around the island.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Ever since they came to live in Fenmyre she felt like she had been able to relax a bit more. She hadn't realized just how much she relied on others until she had moved away from Abaven and all of needs had fallen on Balthier. At first that hadn't been a problem for her other than the slight guilt and feeling like she was a burden on him, but he had never complained or made any sign that he minded caring for her so she had let it go and settled into this status quo with her brother. However, after the night that they fought and she was left feeling helpless without him she felt a bit like she had been walking on eggshells making sure that she wouldn't upset him again. Her biggest fear became loosing him and not having a way to feed or defend herself, left alone in the world with nowhere else to turn. Now that they were living in the pack she felt like if something did happen she'd at least have a home and could eat from the stores they had here if she had to. Figuring out what she could do to contribute back to the pack was taking her some time, but every day that she spent exploring the island helped her get a little stronger and a little more comfortable here.

She walked back into the bungalow she shared with Balthier after a lap around the middle portion of the island and found Balthier laying on the furs that covered a portion of the floor. Her legs still ached when she was on her feet for any real length of time, but at least now she didn't feel winded or weak. Her muscles had been pretty much nonexistent and the lingering effects of her illness plagued her for so long, but here in this more tropical climate with the freedom to roam and slowly build up some stamina at her own pace she was doing well. Azzurra walked over to where her brother was laying and settled down onto the furs beside him with a bit of space between them, giving a sigh as she laid down and got the weight off of her legs. She had begun to slowly lessen how much affection she gave her brother—not because she didn't love him and not because she didn't enjoy what they did, but it just felt like each time it built more tension that Balthier would never explain so it felt easier to simply not do it or at least not do it as often. "How was your patrol?" she asked conversationally as she stretched out on the fur, flexing her toes out in front of her.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Azzurra's quiet paws on the surface didn't bother him, only what seemed like the air and ground moving around him brought a hidden attention to her while he still laid on the furs silently with his eyes closed. Her voice rang out gently through his ears, causing an eye lid to slide open and look at her while a grin grew on his maw from her presence. He took a quick stretch at first, his paws closing in as he scooched his body closer to grab around her and hold her. He hummed through a sigh as he relaxed again, hoping to keep her in his grasp and never expecting any sort of drawback from her. "Tiring."

His eyes searched around his face as his emotions relaxed to while here looking at her. While she was struggling with her own feelings of some sort of mistrust in him, he too struggled with not wanting to be put in that position again. Yelling at her while all she needed was understanding, he knew what he did wrong and he couldn't turn around and make it right or tell her what he was feeling. And he continued on like nothing was wrong. He almost felt like he could pull in to kiss her while his eyes looked her over, but instead he stopped himself. "Have you been enjoying the island?"

"Azzurra & Balthier"

She caught a glimpse of his aqua and lavender gaze as he opened an eye to look at her a moment before the grin crossed his lips. Her mismatched ears flicked back shyly as he reached out for her and pulled her into him, but she didn't try to resist him either. The way he was able to move her small frame so easily felt like a double edged sword since she had always appreciated and admired his strength and was attracted to it, but at the same time it also reminded her of how weak she still was and probably always would be. Her paws rested on his chest, the feeling of his fur familiar under her paw pads. "Well, I'm glad you're getting some rest then," she replied softly with a little smile when he told her that his patrol had been tiring. She nearly used that as an excuse to tell him that he should go back to sleep and take a nap, but as they laid there with with his forelegs wrapped around her, her eyes searching his, she had a hard time finding words to say. Half of her loved when he was like this, reveled in his affections and adored the attention he gave her, but the other half only felt conflicted and worried that it could all turn south so quickly.

She kept waiting for him to kiss her, expected him to, but instead he asked how she was enjoying the island. Even she could feel how it was just a question to deflect from other things and it felt like that's all they had been doing lately—deflecting from what was really going on. "It's nice," she replied honestly. "I've been doing some exploring, strengthening my legs." None of it was a lie, but she avoided the why behind it. She avoided telling him how she was trying to get stronger and learn how to fend for herself so she wouldn't feel so dependent on him. "Balthier..." she said softly, her ears folding back again uncertainly. "What... what are we doing? What are we?" Of course they were siblings, but that wasn't what she was asking. If their intimacy was going to continue to put more and more strain on their relationship then she didn't want to continue it, but she didn't even know why there had been an issue to begin with.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

He never really realized just how... in control he was of Azzurra. He nearly dictated her whole life without knowing it, but also wanted her to have the freedom she never had and deserved. He wanted her to be strong, to take care of herself, to do anything she ever wanted. But he could never imagine his life without her in it. He felt just as she knew, that she depended wholly on him. That had she left him she would have been in danger. Even if she got stronger, even if she had someone else, there was no way he would willingly let her go.

He smiled gently as she responded, strengthening her legs and due to all his previous thoughts he was happy for her. And those deeper feelings subsided for the time being while she was here in his arms.

Her next question though made a nearly dramatic change in his expression, his face didn't frown but relaxed and he almost felt soured by the troubling question. He held his breath because he honestly didn't know how to respond. If they had any normal relationship, Balthier had never even had a girlfriend to compare, than that would be their label. But no, it was complicated, and he was really understanding just how wrong it felt to call his sister his girlfriend. "I don't know Azzie." His voice was forced into a gentle tone because he didn't want to alarm her. But his mind moved back to when he met Poem by the lake when he was crazy and sick. "I just love you... more than anything." It was an honest truth because Balthier had never had temptations like he did with Azzurra. He never found other women, or men, attractive, there was absolutely no feeling he knew that he could compare to what he felt with Azzie. And along with the guilt of laying with her, he also felt the guilt of not feeling the same way about Psalm. Everything about their relationship screamed wrong to him, even while Poem's words and history had at least eased his mind in clarity. "Azzie... please..." He leaned forward, his paws carefully wrapping around her just a little tighter as he began to kiss her. Being with her made him forget all of what was troubling him, even if it was just for a few moments.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Azzurra watched Balthier's expression change as soon as she began to question him on what they were and what they were and she felt that now familiar nervous pit in her stomach. She didn't know what kind of answer she expected, but him not knowing didn't necessarily surprise her. Neither of them seemed to know even though when they set off on their own she had felt so confident and so sure when she was with him. Everything had pivoted so suddenly and in the course of a night everything she had thought she had known got twisted and confused. She was glad that he kept his voice and his temper down this time, at least for now, but it felt forced. The nervous butterflies in her stomach fluttered harder at his insistence that he loved her more than anything. On one hand she felt like she couldn't deny or doubt that statement. He had given up and given her so much just to make sure she was cared for and provided everything for her, but if he really loved her then why was there always this strange look on his face after they were together? Why did she always feel like there was always this dark regret rolling off of him when they were done?

Before she could even manage a response to his declaration of love she noticed him leaning his muzzle down to hers and felt his forelegs wrapping more tightly around her, his pleading making her heart patter uneasily. "Balthier..." she gasped uncertainly, her ears pinned back against her head, but his lips claimed hers before she could move or pull away. Confusing desire and twisted among the uncertainty, her conflicting emotions battling with one another as she half-heartedly returned his kiss. She enjoyed how she felt when they were together, the pleasure nearly outweighing everything else, but the way he rushed right into this affection while she was trying to talk to him about what had been eating away at them for ages now didn't sit right with her. She managed to pull away after a few moments and her paws on his chest pushed away from him a bit, but she didn't get far. He was much stronger than her and his forelegs around her kept her from pulling away. "Balthier, I... I don't know if we should..." she whispered, her voice quiet and breathless. "Shouldn't we... Shouldn't we talk about this?"

"Azzurra & Balthier"

It was easy for him to get lost in her and act like there was nothing upsetting her, even when he knew her better than that and could clearly tell she was in disarray. When Azzurra pushed back away from him and spoke out, he tensed. It was clear to both of them that he was just using this as a distraction to avoid what was slowly destroying their relationship. He wouldn’t so easily fold though.

After a moment of silence and grit teeth, Balthier pushed forward again, pulling her into him like she didn’t have any other choice and started kissing her. Quickly, he picked her up and placed her back down underneath of him, but didn’t go much farther until she retracted again. He huffed slightly to the near rejection, and he knew what was wrong and just didn’t want to face it. He told himself that he was protecting her by not telling her, but in reality he just wanted to live this false life and pretended that being with her, which felt so incredibly right in these moments, was not how their lives were supposed to be.

Still crouched over her slightly, he found his focus away from her face as his paw carefully ran down her shoulder, "We are not meant to be together Azzie, not like this." He somehow wondered how she could be so blind when he had felt like this their entire adolescent lives, but he really couldn’t blame her. Still, his paw had picked up off the ground and fell heavy with a thud next to her frame. A telltale sign of anger or frustration. "Have you never thought of our parents? Of those in Abaven? How Psalm is not here in your place?" His tone was hushed, but may have come off as angry or threatening. He struggled a lot with feeling like how damned they were for being together. And while he couldn’t blame her for not understanding, he didn’t understand how she couldn’t.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Azzurra looked at Balthier with wide sapphire eyes as her hesitation and concern was met with silence and his expression noticeably tensing. She waited for some kind of response, but instead he gripped her tighter, pulling her into another kiss. Even if she had tried to pull away it would have been impossible. She was trapped against him, far too weak to even attempt fighting her way out. She half-heartedly returned his kiss, her ears pinned back against her head while her thoughts spun with this worry that bordered on fear that fought with her need for the pleasure he gave her and the need to keep him happy.

Suddenly she felt the world shift and then he was on top of her, pinning her much smaller body under his while he continued to kiss her and silently she resigned herself to whatever he wanted to use her for, but instead he pulled away. She blinked open her eyes and looked up at him with confusion and concern, seeing this intense look on his face that she didn’t fully understand. His gaze didn’t seem to focus on hers while his paw trailed down her shoulder. For once he spoke and gave her some hint of an answer toward what was making him this way. He told her that they weren’t supposed to be together like this and her brow furrowed, but before she could question him his paw slammed into the floor beside her, startling her and pulling a small, gasping squeak from her. She stared up at him fearfully, panting lightly as she withdrew into herself, any words she might have spoken dying on her tongue.

He brought up their parents, Abaven, and even Psalm. Confusion and hurt were etched across her features. Their nonexistent parents and the pack that had never once checked on her while she was ill confused her, but something about him bringing up Psalm in this moment struck a chord and hurt her more than it probably should. Her entire life all she had ever had was their father and Balthier. Even their other siblings had mostly kept their distance while she was sick. She had no frame of reference to understand why her love and her passion for him was wrong. But the thought that there was even a possibility that this could have never come to be, that he could have gone to Psalm instead, tugged at her constant fear of being abandoned again.

Azzie reached up with gentle paws after a moment of hesitant silence, her pale paws resting on his cheeks and gently coming her claws threw his fur. "It’s okay,” she told him quietly even if she didn’t fully believe her own words. She pulled a slight smile onto her lips and leaned up to kiss the end of his nose. Even if her stomach was still churning uneasily, even if her heart was still beating wildly in her chest, she felt like she had to soothe him and calm him down to prevent anything worse from happening. He had never hit her, but the way he slammed his paw startled her badly enough that she thought he might and worried he might leave again. "We can do whatever you want… I won’t ask again,” she promised. Even if she didn’t fully understand she had at least gotten some kind of answer and it was more than she thought she’d ever get from him. "Just… Just calm down, okay?”

"Azzurra & Balthier"

He didn't like when he was angry like this, and he never knew where it came from. He was generally so kind and reserved, and loving with Azzurra. He could blame the darker feelings and thoughts, he could blame her, but all of it was wrong. Something was burning down inside him that only came out in these moments. It wasn't like him at all, or at least the way he was 99% of the time, how he was just moments ago.

He looked up at her almost sadly when she spoke again. His teeth grit to the thought, his paw picked up and carefully placed itself just at the curve of her hip before he spoke again, "No." He huffed as he pushed himself off the ground, giving her much more space between them and not trapping her underneath him anymore. "Not if you don't want it." Just as he had the last time they had fought, he picked himself up off of her and left the den with heavy steps. It seemed like it would be a long day, and maybe another long sleepless night without her. This was how he punished her even if there wasn't a reason behind it.

-Exit Balthier-

"Azzurra & Balthier"