The times were hard between Balthier and Azzurra which may not have been entirely new but this time was different. Before, Balthier had dwelled on how angry he had been and was so incredibly guilty and upset that he had treated Azzurra that way. This time he was not upset, he was angry. Maybe at her and maybe at himself. But the tension just rose higher every night they didn’t speak. On his terms they didn’t speak. He just rolled over away from her and acted like he was asleep.

He waited until late tonight after a patrol to come into their den, stopping to look at the back of her curled figure and, with a hint guilty, relieved he didn’t have to put so much effort into being angry. He laid down with his back against hers because that wasn’t something new. Even a night of frustration, he wasn’t used to being without her. It probably only made the tension worse.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

The days and nights that passed without Balthier speaking to her were quiet and lonely ones. At this point she didn't know what she felt. She was afraid to say anything one way or another, worried that she might strike another nerve or cause another fight. Every step was walking on eggshells and some part of her was angry at him for causing this. She laid beside him in silence and fitful sleep, frustrated that he couldn't find a way to calmly explain how he was feeling so they could talk through what was bothering him. Another part of her wanted to ignore her own feelings just to have this go back to the way they were. A couple of times after he came to bed she fought with herself over it, fighting the temptation to just roll over toward him and snuggle into him the way she always had, but she didn't allow herself to do it. It felt like she was sacrificing a piece of herself and her worth to do it and now that they were living in this pack where she had something to fall back on she couldn't find it in her to do that.

Yet another day and evening on her own came and went and she laid in bed, facing the wall with her back to the door. She had forced herself to close her eyes and attempt to go to sleep despite the fact that Balthier had yet to come home, but she struggled. She hovered just on the edge of sleep and when she did finally hear him enter the bungalow her pale ear flicked back toward him to hear him cross the room and climb into bed beside her. Azzurra frowned as he laid beside her, feeling his back press into hers as if it was some kind of silent way to still be with her without actually acknowledging her. A lump formed in her throat as that frustration she had felt for the last couple of days returned to the surface and laying here like this only seemed to make it worse. She blinked open her tired eyes and rolled away from him, getting to her paws without a word and hopping down out of the bed so she could walk out toward the door with a wary sigh.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Balthier had also been away a couple times here lately to travel to Boreas and bring back kills for the stores that The Long Night had diminished. It had forced him to grow and miss Azzurra heavily, though when he came back to Fenmyre he hadn’t changed.

Azzurra picked herself up to leave and Balthier called out, "Azzurra." In quiet tones, only a hint of desperation. It seemed he’d be losing this imaginary battle, pointless yet maybe inevitable, "Stay." She must not have been able to understand him, as he went nights without talking to her he wanted her to break to him. He was not supposed to be the weak one, but it was what she brought out in him.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Before she could reach the door she heard Balthier behind her and she hesitated, stopping mid step as he said her name and told her to stay. She tensed as he spoke, her ears falling back against her head. As with everything else in her life when it came to her brother, she was conflicted and torn. She was happy to finally be acknowledged in some way and to actually hear him speak to her even if it was to tell her not to leave, but it occurred to her that if she turned around and went back to bed then nothing would change. This destructive pattern of love and hate would just continue to roll through their lives and tear them apart along the way, but what other choice did she have? The thought of trying to leave him was terrifying and heart breaking despite the pain he caused and she didn't know where else to go. She could pretend and try to make the best of it, but that almost hurt worse.

She let herself look back toward him, tired desperation etched on her face. "Why would I, Balth?" she asked quietly, her ears pinned back as she reluctantly turned to face him. She remained in the middle of the room, refusing to come closer just yet. "So I can lay there in frustrated silence some more or think about how guilty our love makes you or think about how I'm not Psalm some more?" She sighed and grit her teeth, shaking her head as she looked down at the floor. "No... No, I don't think I will. I'd rather... I'd rather sleep somewhere else." She almost said she'd rather be without him, but that wasn't entirely truthful either. There was still some worn and weathered hope in her chest that things could blow over and get better, but in this moment her emotions were still too raw to just forgive and forget. She started to turn toward the door again, doubtful that anything had changed.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Yes, her words hurt him just as much as they hurt herself only they were feeling two different ways. Along with Balthier feeling frustrated and guilty over their whole scenario, he expected her to be more loyal and forgiving as he would have been. It may not have been ideal, but it was what he wanted.

She didn't give him much time to respond before she turned back to leave the room again, causing him to stand up and this time holler more sternly, "Azzurra." He acted much like a father getting ready to scold her which was not the intention he wanted to put off. "You misunderstand me." He was blunt in his tone, but he reached his paw out in her direction to welcome her beside him. He didn't even wonder if she would join him, he expected her to. He was lost in his own little world where he may have not intended or thought of it this way but where Azzurra listened and behaved to his every whim.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Azzurra flinched as the bed creaked behind her as he stood and he spoke her name like a parent scolding a pup, making her ears pin back against her head with her gaze fixed on the floor, her paws cemented into place. His assurance that she misunderstood him felt like a lie. There was no misunderstanding the way he was acting or the way that she felt so what exactly was she misunderstanding? Did the cause of this distrust and heart ache really matter at this point? But when she managed to lift her eyes from the floor to look at him and saw his paw beaconing her closer the tug in her chest to go back to him nearly hurt more than the need to get away from this constant doubt and frustration. The only comfort and pleasure she had ever known had been in his embrace and right now when everything felt like it was shaken and turned on its head the thought of feeling anything good was incredibly tempting.

"I... I can't," she breathed after a long moment of hesitation, hearing herself speak more than saying it herself. Some piece of self preservation, some piece of her that held on tight to the little bit of self respect she had left, was begging her to leave, telling her how this wasn't right. She didn't know where else to go and it felt like she was breaking away from a huge part of herself in the process, but being here was suffocating. It was too much for her to process and before he could say anything else she hurried out the door into the cool night air. It was lightly drizzling, the mist of rain coating everything in droplets of water that were oddly refreshing and everything was lit in a pale light from the moon that peeked through the clouds.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

When Azzurra didn't join him, and instead telling him that she couldn't, his teeth grit. She had turned away out of their den before she could see his burning, hating features now looking down to the floors. He didn't run after her, not for now. He allowed her to go into the island even with the rain. Though he was coming to realize that talking to her when he was so freshly mad was not the best course of action.

He waited some time before leaving their room and going out to search for her. He wasn't exactly cooled down but he was better than when she had left him. When he found her, he still hadn't jumped on her. He had stayed back and waited a little longer.

Finally, he approached her carefully, wanting to sit beside her. Only when he was comfortable, his paw reached up to rub down her back. But regardless if she allowed him to touch her or not he still spoke, "What do you want to hear." He wanted to know what she wanted to know, but also more what she wanted him to tell her.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Azzurra hurried through the misting rain of the island, trotting trough the jungle of trees that was slowly becoming more familiar until she reached a small clearing that had a secluded, covered gazebo that was nearly overgrown with vines and tropical flowers. If her emotions weren't swinging so wildly and her whole world turning upside down around her she might have appreciated how beautiful it was. There was just enough moonlight to see by, but more clouds were beginning to roll through and it was getting harder to see. She ducked into the gazebo and gave herself a shake to free her pale coat of most of the water that clung to it before she sighed and settled on on her stomach At the edge of the gazebo's floor with her paws dangling over one of the edges, watching the rain fall around her in troubled silence while her thoughts continued to spin out of control.

After a while she heard the sound of paws moving against the muddy ground and she glanced up to see Balthier approaching her. She wasn't necessarily surprised that he came after her, but she almost wished he hadn't. She knew it wasn't enough time for him to cool his temper and she felt like it was just going to end up being a repeat of the same fight that they had been in over and over the last few times they spoke. When he came to sit beside her she didn't move away, but she did look up at him nervously. The complete trust she had once had in him felt fragile and uncertain as his paw rested on her back, rubbing down her spine and making her ears flick back warily.

When he told her to tell him what she wanted to hear she looked away from him, looking down at the ground in front of her with tired exasperation. "I just... I just want you to be honest with me... to talk to me about what's wrong and how you're feeling." She lifted her gaze up to him again after a moment, her eyes sad and pleading. "I just want my brother back... I... I feel like I hardly know you any more." It was hard to admit and it was something she didn't know how to fix. At this point she didn't even care if they shared a love beyond the bond they had as siblings or if they ever slept together again. She just wanted to find a way to be around him without constantly worrying that she might start a fight or say something wrong, without feeling as if she had ruined everything.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

He could understand how she was upset, but he couldn't understand her. Her telling him that she wanted her brother back really affected him. But he wouldn't let he know that, or at least right now. They had other things to attend to. They were going through changing times, Balthier yes had changed as adolescence had changed the way he saw and felt Azzurra. But he did not want to think that he was lesser for the way he was reacting. It may not have been true to think it was justified to have these deeper and hidden frustrations he kept from her, but he wanted to believe it was.

His paw rested on her back while he didn't pressure her anymore physically, but he still felt like touching her this way was permitted at any time in their lives whether they were happy and embracing, or angry and fighting. "I told you what I've been feeling." He stated gently, "I..." He exhaled sharply as he tried to shake away a more frustrated tone and reaction. "I don't want to... I can't lose you Azzurra." His eyes had been on her as she spoke and as he responded, but the thought of Azzurra no longer being in his life whether it was by accident or because she ended up feeling the same guilt he had, he couldn't fathom his emotions. They were still so young, Azzurra hadn't even had her first heat yet but somehow they were wrapped in a spiraling wreck of different emotions. He couldn't look at her as faint tears filled his eyes, he didn't want anyone, including her, to see him this way. "You need to understand that when I told that you are not Psalm, it is because you matter more to me. And it hurts me to say that about her and you need to understand that too." His breath was shaky as he exhaled, trying to hold in the emotions still at the thought of her not being here beside him, "I cannot express how much I love you."

"Azzurra & Balthier"

She wished it was easier for them both to understand what the other was feeling. It felt like neither of them were able to fully convey what they were trying to say and it only led to more confusion, more heart ache. It seemed like the only thing they could really agree on was that they didn't want to lose the other. They had been through more together than most could probably imagine and she didn't want to throw all of that away. The only thing she didn't know was whether they could keep living like they were together without tearing themselves apart. Even if she still didn't understand the guilt he felt about them being together she didn't need to understand it to see that it was bothering him. She didn't feel guilt over what they were doing, but his guilt hurt her and made her feel like she couldn't be what he needed.

She watched his face as he explained how what he was trying to say in bringing up Psalm was that she meant more to him than she did, but that fact hurt him to say as well. She at least understood what he was trying to say. It would have been far easier on him if he had fallen for Psalm, if he was attracted to Psalm. There wouldn't be the difficulty of them being siblings, he wouldn't have to let down someone he cared about. If that's how things had gone maybe it would have been easier on them all. But now they were here, breaking each other to try and stay together, struggling to find a balance. She didn't doubt him when he said that he loved her even though it made her heart ache to hear it. She wished things could just be simple, but their lives had never been simple and this clearly wasn't any exception.

Her ears settled against her head and she looked down at her paws for a moment, trying to piece together her thoughts. "I wish I didn't make you feel guilty," she said softly, shifting a bit to lean into him lightly. She reached her pale paw over to his paw that wasn't on her back, resting her much smaller paw on top of his. She didn't feel like they had truly resolved any of their issues, but at least she didn't feel so in the dark. There was no fixing what bothered them. There was no way to make them no longer siblings and there was no way to change how he felt. "I love you too," she added quietly, turning her gaze back up to his. They were both too worn and tired to resolve anything tonight so now all she wanted was to keep the peace.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Balthier clenched as she spoke because he didn't want to feel that way. He didn't want to feel guilt being with her. He wished that every moment they were together, whether that was at night holding her or while he had her under him was filled with ignorant bliss. He didn't struggle with these feelings while he was going about his duties or while he kept her close at night. It was only few moments, few seconds that he just couldn't feel right doing it. He loved her too much to stop, and it felt more right to be with her than wrong. He had crumbled their relationship without intending to while thinking that he was actually keeping it safe. There was no turning back now.

As her paw reached over to his, he leaned into her, his ear matched hers as he looked down at their paws together. It did make him really happy after the days of silence and hardly any physical contact with her. He was a young man but he wasn't pent up with frustration over losing nights with her. Just sad. He took a deep breath, relieved in the attempt of talking it over with her even if they weren't finished. He didn't think there was more to say.

He pulled his head back as she did while she returned the saying. It wasn't such a hard phrase given their relations but it meant so much more to Balthier, it should have been clear. He looked down into her gaze, just searching her face for a few moments while his own expressions were rigid. The paw over her back slid around the other side of her waist while he leaned back on his haunches and the other arm went to wrap around her opposite shoulder away from him to pull her into his chest as he went to kiss her.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Azzurra watched his face for a long moment, trying and failing to decipher his expression. She felt like at one point in their lives she might have been able to read him like an open book, but as they got older it felt more like the pages were getting blurry and hard to read. She didn’t doubt that he loved her, she just wasn’t sure how healthy their love was. Then again, how would she know? The only example of a relationship she had ever been exposed to was their parents and that had been nonexistent at best.

When his paw shifted from her back to wrap around her waist and his other paw slipped away from hers to slip around her shoulder to pull her into him she didn’t resist. As uncertain as she still was, her frayed nerves were desperate to feel anything akin to love and pleasure. She lifted her muzzle to meet his when he leaned down to kiss her and as she kissed him for a long, lingering moment she let herself get lost in the feeling. It was easy to let the last of her resolve crumble while she tasted his familiar lips with her eyes closed, letting that need be sparked in her get wound up tight in her core.

When she did finally slip away from his kiss she did so with a soft gasp, breathing more heavily as she blinked open her eyes to look up at him. She was quiet for a moment before she asked in a slightly breathless, hushed tone, “Will you… Will you make me feel good, Balthier?” She needed to be surrounded by him, reminded of the love he always showed her, even if she had to risk seeing the uncertainty and guilt etched on his face afterward.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

He could have just stayed here and kissed her all night, even with the aching need to find a release under him. He loved Azzurra for more than their kisses and more than the sex. Maybe he wasn't much like other young men that could have had the strong desire to make their needs met either with her or somewhere else. Balthier was a good man, but he was not perfect as only Azzurra would know. He couldn't write off excuses as to why he was angry or guilty, and it was a part of himself that he just couldn't let go of. He wished he knew why he was like this or how to cut it loose. It was impossible at this time in his life.

Azzurra pulled back from their deep kisses, she was much more light breathed than he was though most of his came from emotion. He could feel the same way, but it tickled him anytime time she had to force herself away from his lips.

Balthier took a few seconds before anything, looking around at their dark surroundings in the falling rain. The gentle rush of the raindrops over the gazebo had calmed him without him noticing. As if she was fragile cargo he wrapped his arms around her carefully, laying her back as gently as he could while he kept his gaze up at her face. "Just stay quiet." He suggested with a serious tone but a very small grin. They had never been inside either Abaven or Fenmyre when they did this, only their travels in between. There was a part of him that was worried about their new, open location under the gazebo but that's also what gave him the desire and eagerness to give Azzie what she asked for.

Balthier never felt that tearing guilt when he looked at her, or when she was under him like this. Only at the hidden fact in the last few seconds that maybe one day he would impregnate her. Did they want babies one day? He couldn't think of things like that right now. Always gentle at first, he pulled her hips into his while their chests brushed against each other. His light-lidded gaze blinked down at her before continuing on with their meaningful kiss.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Azzurra hadn't even really considered their location before she made her request of Balthier, at least not until she saw him look around at the clearing that the gazebo sat in. Her ears flicked back bashfully as she was reminded that they were technically in the open despite the thick jungle they had crossed to reach this place and the greenery that grew up around the gazebo, blocking the view out on some parts of it. For a split second she almost took it back and insisted that they go back to the bungalow first, but before she could say anything she felt his strong and careful hold around her and he shifted her onto her back. His instruction for her to keep quiet made her face flush red, but she returned the little grin he gaze shyly. She didn't feel the same kind of nerves that she had their first time together any more, but her stomach still flipped and fluttered with butterflies as he moved to settle over top of her, the weight of him against her familiar and strangely comforting. For as long as she could remember they had always snuggled close and his scent had often been a source of calm in the turbulent sea of her life so moments like these were no different despite the very different connotation this had.

Her heart skipped and beat against her chest as he pulled her hips to his, feeling their fur brush and mingle together as he pulled her closer. Her lips found his again and the feeling chased away any lingering pain or doubt, instead fully immersing herself in the physical pleasure that could wipe her always tormented thoughts like nothing else. She wished that she could feel like this all of the time, latching onto the high that his love, attention, and pleasure could bring. Her delicate forelegs wrapped around the back of his neck, her pale toes holding onto dark fur while they kissed and she felt that need and fire tighten up her core, warming her from the inside out. When they finally joined together again she briefly broke their kiss with a gasp, her toes gripping tighter to his fur. Any worry or care was so far from her mind in that moment and it was addictive how good he could make her feel. She only pulled away from his lips again when her lungs demanded it, but she didn't go far, instead leaning her cheek into his while she panted to try and keep her breath.

Remembering his warning to keep quiet, she buried her face into the thicker fur around his neck as they reached the peaks of their pleasure, holding on tight to him while she trembled from it. She tried to keep all her reactions behind gritted teeth, but she wasn't completely successful as the occasional soft whine or gasp would escape her. It wasn't until they were both done that she managed to relax back into the wooden floor of the gazebo and let her grip around his neck loosen. The reality slowly started to trickle in as the sweet glow of tingling pleasure settled over her and she kept her face in the crook of his neck to avoid seeing his expression. She didn't want anything to ruin this cloud that was carrying her and it was easier to live in blissful ignorance than it was to face however he was feeling in that moment. She nuzzled into his dark fur and just enjoyed the feeling of him surrounding her for a while before they would eventually have to face reality again and go back to bed.

"Azzurra & Balthier"

Balthier and Azzurra didn't have much of a diversity since their first time together, Balthier of course was relieving his own needs but with full intention of doing the same for Azzie. She didn't need to do anything for him, he was completely content with having full control over her while seeing and hearing her own pleasures. It became more normal but also more desired every every time for him. Maybe he was just trying to make up for his flaws.

His arms gently slid under her back as she grabbed around his neck, pulling her up and into him making her almost float underneath of him. His breath was taken away while she forced her own lips away from his to catch her breath, her face and neck against his was just as relieving as his more physical desires. He pulled himself up slightly to look down at her face as they escalated, and soon she pulled herself into him to muffle the noises of her own pleasure. His paws ran over her hips while he took under under the gazebo, grit his teeth in the final release wanting to look at her while that made him turn his guilt over to hold onto her eyes but he didn't.

He pulled himself slowly off of her as he panted quietly, pulling and holding her close and just dwelling in the aftermath. He felt like every time he felt better, less guilty about expelling himself in her. But it probably wasn't a healthy healing he was putting himself through. Reverting to making himself feel nothing emotionally while feeling everything physically and emotionally just moments before. "Azzie." He nearly questioned her name on his tongue while feeling like she had tensions in the aftermath from their previous times together. His paw gently ran across her shoulder as he admired her, "You're so beautiful." It was not a new commendation from him to her, but he always felt the need to remind her.

"Azzurra & Balthier"