Duchess had been traveling far from the band and it was rare if she had ever really showed her face in camp anymore. She occasionally stopped in with kills for the group, but otherwise kept to herself and sometimes slept in places outside of camp. This was nothing new of course, not since the loss of the pups. But it seemed to be growing worse as time went on, since her last couple encounters with Indigo at least.

She had never really come back here, she was always constantly reminded of what they had lost. It felt like ages ago that she had birthed the stillborn pups and she felt like a completely different woman since then. Not in any better ways and even she knew that.

When she came across the falls she first wanted to avoid them, but something drew her in. Maybe it was all the time she had spent away from the band and Indigo. And soon her paws found their way to the graves of the three tiny bodies. She couldn't bring herself to look at where they were buried, her eyes forward at the waters and stone of the falls. She laid down in front of the grown over grave, her cheek laying down just under them. Her whole body shut down as she tried not to feel anything and clear her mind. She didn't know if this would help her at all.

"Duchess"
F2U base by Snowylaika

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

He lost track of Duchess and he’d given nearly the most difficult goodbye he’d ever said to three wolves he knew that he had loved. Aslatiel fulfilled him, but he couldn’t help but feel like he losing something very special. Life changed drastically for him and Indigo still didn’t feel like he had yet found his paws. Asla helped, but even she couldn’t sew up the holes in tears still remaining in the fabric of his being. She couldn’t reverse the losses he suffered.

He woke up a little late and Aslatiel was already gone, likely out with her close adult children. Indigo could hardly believe how fast they grew up, and though he hated to admit it seeing them made his heart ache. He decided to take a walk, letting his dark massive paws carry him where they wished, and he regretted that decision when he found the sight of the falls before him. This would forever be a dark place for Indigo.

The man paused when he realized where he was, he lowered his head and grit his teeth. A deep and heavy sigh fall from his lips from his deep chest, pain laced through his veins. This was his greatest hurt. Knowing he should have been raising three beautiful little puppies… He nearly cried out as the injustice of it all overwhelmed him, but he realized he was not so alone. Somehow he’d shown up here at the same time that Duchess had.

Slowly he walked up towards the unmarked graves where Duch lay against the grown. His face contorted as he tried to hold the emotions back. Indigo stood silently, unable to keep tears from streaming down his cheeks as his soft blue eyes fell on the three small graves.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

She had barely felt Indigo's presence until he was there, maybe she had subconsciously seen him through the corner of her fluttering eyes. She had almost wondered if he was actually there or not for a short while thinking it could have been her imagination. She just laid there too, occasionally her cheek moved carefully along the grasses as she let herself feel everything at once and let her tears fall. She was never this way in front of others at least these days, only Indigo. She made herself completely shut down, wanting to feel physical pleasures in hopes to drown the pit of emotions she couldn't shake. She was only spiraling down since she had deceived Indigo, it almost felt never ending like there was no bottom.

She hadn't know the band had dispersed, that they had left Indigo. If she had known, it would only be the next thing to put on her list of guilts. After what felt like forever, she carefully lifted her paw in motion to invite Indigo into her own embrace. She wouldn't have expected him to deny her, even after their last encounter. Only this time her intentions were from the heart. It wasn't like Indigo could tell though.

"Duchess"
F2U base by Snowylaika

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

He was quiet as he stood there beside her, his attention on the ground, overgrown by now to the point no one would ever know his tiny children were laid here. His heart ached and clenched and he did with his jaw. The tension and the sorrow that built up almost too much to live with. After so much strife, after fighting so hard for them, to have just… nothing but a terribly broken heart. Indigo knew that Duchess was hurting as much as he was, but he didn’t have the strength to list her and himself at the same time. They suffered in silence, neither moving for a long moment.

The silence stretched on, a long quiet moment for remembrance and mourning for what should have been. How different would his outlook be if they had survived, if they were thriving and growing at their feet instead of dead and buried. Duchess finally shifted, silently seeking his presence, but not asserting her affection. Indigo moved almost without thinking and sank to the earth beside her.

He had held them back for a long time, but tears finally poured from his eyes as they settled back on the earth. He wanted them back so bad. There was no changing the past, there was no resurrection for them. Indigo lamented the cruelty of life, forgetting any transgression the woman beside him committed for along moment. He set it aside to mourn their loss together.


Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

Duchess' eyes followed Indigo as he joined beside her, laying down at the hidden grave she had her head laid under. She didn't move until he was there beside her where her paws gently reached to wrap around one of his own forelegs. Her intentions were far from her sexual advances the last time they were together, maybe he could tell the difference. She just wanted to touch him, hold his paw in hers and lay her head on him like a pillow as she watched him cry along with her own tears.

Her breathing was shallow as she laid there, maybe trying to contain herself or let it all out, she couldn't tell personally. She could have laid here beside him forever, but she knew it wasn't meant to be that way. Her voice cracked as she opened her mouth to speak, but had trouble finding the words she wanted to say to him. Every time they met they were stuck in the same place. Duchess was filled with guilt, regret, and loss. It never changed.

She let her breath go before bringing in another breath of air and finally making quiet and broken words, "I love you, Indigo." She did but... everything was different. Maybe what they needed was mutual time away from each other, or to just never see each other again. She'd probably never really know. "Just let us go." She had pleaded with him because everything that had happened between them had hurt them. She just wanted him to be happy, move on. Try to forget and maybe make a new life. She couldn't explain herself. But she didn't deserve him.

"Duchess"
F2U base by Snowylaika

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

Duchess leaned into him, holding his arm and grieving at his side. They should have been raising a litter of puppies together. Instead they sat there staring at overgrown earth, Indigo crumpled against Duchess. He’d embraced the numbness, he didn’t want to feel this loss. But he remembered every day what could have been. They haunted him, and even if their death had been no one’s fault he still hadn’t forgiven himself for being so naive about the woman who mourned with him. They were in this together, neither was blameless or guiltless. His acceptance of responsibility was why he couldn’t just let Duchess go. They did this to themselves, losing their relationship, and those tiny puppies… It was by far the harshest lesson he had ever learned.

Indigo lost everything because of his ignorance and weakness. It all overwhelmed him as he lay there holding Duch. Far too similar to how he used to. He wished so many things had gone different, the pain he felt was a physical ache that reached deep into his bones. Indigo had experienced rock bottom.

Duchess too. She whispered to him, barely able to get her words out. Her confession was one of love, but also a request. ”It’s not that easy. You.. All of you are a part of me.” Their pups hadn’t even taken their first breath but they had existed. He loved them, he’d loved Duchess. There was no way back to where they used to be though. They were just hurting each other the longer they were together. ”I can’t just forget.”

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

She knew he couldn't forget, she couldn't either no matter how hard she tried. Duchess clung to Indigo in the efforts to find her own support doing so, but it wasn't working. She was dreading holding him and being in his grasp. It was still comforting but she also hated it. In her eyes, they could never be together again the way they were before. She wholly blamed herself for everything that happened regardless of what Indigo saw, and she believed that he hated her and may have even been lying to himself when he said she was a part of him.

Her silent cries turned into quiet sobs as she went to speak to him again, "I can't leave you Indigo." she almost spoke in confession, she didn't want to leave but there was more, "But I can't stay here. I hurt you everyday I'm here, and everyday I'm not. I can't keep doing this." She wouldn't have left until he asked her to but he couldn't have really known that. She didn't feel right fully abandoning him even with the way she had treated him over the last few seasons. But maybe that's what she had to do to get him to cut ties with her. She would do it, for him. She now had full intentions of never seeing him again after this final meeting, regardless of what he said or wanted from her.

"Duchess"
F2U base by Snowylaika

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.

Indigo held onto her as she clung to him, the only wolf in the world who really knew the pain in his heart. They both knew deep down that there was no returning to what once was. Indy had thought at one point they’d repair their relationship and they’d grow into parents together, but none of that would be. Their initial problem could be traced back to Duch’s conscious decision to let Indigo get her pregnant. It was deceitful and wrong but he could have forgiven her at one time. Now? After everything there was no return.

They both knew it, but trying to let go was incredibly difficult to the Fatalis man. She cried softly to him and tears fell down his sapphire eyes. She spoke again, words he understood far too well. He couldn’t leave, but he couldn’t stay. Being with her brought him nothing but pain. She was the reminder of a dream that was crushed and obliterated. ”I know.” He told her in return, he felt it too. This was it, they were having a final moment of silence for what one was. For a relationship that had felt so perfect once upon a time… ”I’m sorry. I wanted so badly to go back to the way things were…” He shook his head, his chest ached with the deep pain from all of it. ”I wanted so badly to get to the past I let the present crumble around me.” His Band was gone, the wolves he loved were gone, his puppies were as dead as his dream. There was no return.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis

There wasn't anything more Duchess could feel. She was truly at her bottom here with Indigo at their baby's graves. The more he spoke, the more numb she felt. But she couldn't feel anymore terrible about everything that had happened. She looked up at him, her paw going to place itself in the plush fur of his chest as she quickly spoke out, "It's not your fault." She could have, wanted to scream it at him. She didn't want to allow him to believe that any part of what happened between them was in his own blame. Or the band leaving.

Her breath in was shaky from her tears, and she found herself pulling into him to kiss his lips. She didn't want anything more from him, but she was desperate for him. She tried to force bad intentions through her actions, she wanted to scare him away. If he let her kiss him or not she stopped with eyes down at his chest to plead with him and confess a lie of what she wanted even if he had retracted from her, "I want to Indigo but..." her dual toned eyes flicked back up to him but there was no different emotions from the last moments with him. She was on the same plane. "Tell me no again." She wanted him to give her a reason not to come back, a reason to feel she was worthless to him. As much as that may not have been true she wanted it to be justified. She wanted her delusions to be real. Indigo didn't want her. She needed it to be the end.

"Duchess"
F2U base by Snowylaika

Duchess is an !M rated! character for themes of Depression. Please Discord me if you have concerns.