It probably wasn't a secret to anyone who cared to wonder that Avantika was not doing well. She hadn't been truly okay for a while, but she'd only gotten worse. Nothing could get past a layer of indifference that floated above her skin like armor. It didn't matter. Nothing really seemed to matter anymore. She stuck to her routines like she'd die if she didn't, even knowing that she almost definitely didn't have to anymore. She couldn't bring herself to figure out how to do anything else. Every spark of love or ambition or drive she once had had fully vanished. She didn't eat much and she slept less; she had abandoned any form of self-care in order to keep patrolling. She felt like a robot, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Worse, she'd abandoned Audra. The woman she loved -- the woman she had wanted to raise a family with. There was nothing but stiffness and distance there now. Relationships were hard. Avantika just couldn't do it anymore. She didn't want to leave her beautiful, happy Audra, but Audra was no longer happy. Even through the fog, Avantika knew that.

Avantika didn't want to speak to anyone, so she hadn't. In months, she had not had one decent conversation with a single person. It was fine. Everything was fine. Everything would be fine if she just. kept. going.

"Speech"

Artorias was not a happy wolf. After the heartfelt farewell he'd given to Audra and had personally seen the woman out on her way to Abaven, the Aegis had a singular focus on his mind. His sister, Avantika. Artorias had known of Tina's struggles, of the trouble and strife her relationship had been in, but he had tried to let the lovers handle their own personal affairs. Much like Resin before him, he believed that private matters were for the parties involved and he did not want to interfere—but the moment the pack was affected as a whole, then the alpha felt compelled to intervene. He only wished he'd done so sooner so he might spare them all the loss of the talented Audra. She had said this wasn't a forever goodbye, but there would be no telling when or if the tawny woman would want to return to the Hallows. And it had all hinged upon the collapse of his Vanguard.

It came as no surprise to him to find his sister patrolling the castle grounds. She had been a wolf possessed with her drive to keep working, as if it were the only thing in life that brought her any sort of joy. She had become a shell of her former self, a ghost haunting the halls of the castle, barely eating, barely sleeping. Even during his wedding, she'd been present but vacant, hovering on the fringes where she was expected and disappearing as soon as she could. He should have said something then. He hadn't, and now here they were. Artorias marched with purposeful strides back through the gates, making his way through the gardens and into the halls and corridors of their home. "Avantika," he called out when he spotted his adoptive sister, his tone firm and blazing eyes fixed on her. The frown on his face betrayed the severity of his mood. He motioned for her to follow with a flick of his head. "Come with me." This was a command, not a request, and he wasn't giving her a choice. He'd tried to deal with her as a brother before. Now he would have to be the Aegis.

Artorias turned on his heels and strode with a steadfast gait back out to the garden terraces. They were going to have a discussion whether she wanted to or not. Artorias didn't stop until he'd led the way down to the fountain at the heart of the gardens, then rounded on Avantika with a disappointed scowl. "I just saw Audra off. She's left the Hallows." He didn't know just how much Audra had shared about her desire to depart the Hallows with Tika. Would this news come as a shock to her, or elicit any sort of emotional response in his sister? "Do you want to explain to me why one of our most talented healers and scouts left us, sobbing her eyes out over you?" The gaze Art held on Tika was hard, but not unfeeling. He loved his sister and cared about her deeply—but this had gone too far now.

"Artorias Carpathius" | "Carpathian" | "Corbin" | "Eira" | "Argent"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
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Avantika turned instantly when she heard her name called. His tone was sterner than she could remember it ever being when he spoke to her, demanding that she go with him. A hollow dread knotted in her stomach at the thought of being in trouble, but while she hoped this would be over quickly so she could get back to patrolling, she knew she ought to be grateful. Whenever she spoke to Art about serious matters, she always ended up feeling a lot better. He reassured her and gave her good advice. Whether she followed it or not was her own issue, but the calming presence of the brother and Aegis she loved always helped, at least in the moment.

She followed him to the fountain in the center of the garden terraces. Once he spoke, she found herself unable to look at him. He was angry at her. Or disappointed. She didn't know which would be worse. Audra had left the Hallows. While Avantika wasn't exactly surprised -- she knew she hadn't been treating the woman very well -- she did feel something close to anger. Not so much that Audra had left her -- she knew she didn't deserve such blind loyalty and tried to force down the lingering hurt and pretend it didn't exist -- but that she had left the Hallows. Audra was a skilled healer. The Hallows should have such skills at their disposal. Therefore, Audra should have stayed. Was that really so hard? It was what Avantika would do. But then, she was loyal. She scowled at the ground. What they had had -- clearly, it wasn't important. They'd had some fun. She'd deluded herself into thinking that maybe there was something more there. They'd talked about starting a family, about a future at each other's sides. But it didn't matter. Avantika didn't care. Not one bit. "I -- she..." She didn't know how to say it, but if Art wanted an explanation, she would have to try her best. "I had too much else to do."

"Speech"

The moment the words left his lips, Artorias saw the shame cross Avantika's features. She couldn't look up at him; honestly, he wasn't surprised. He would've found it more upsetting if she had been able to meet his gaze without some sort of remorse. At least this way he knew his sister still felt something. Tika didn't answer him for a moment, whether out of timidity or for gathering her thoughts, he couldn't tell, but it didn't matter which. The answer she gave him took him aback, fiery eyes blazing in shock as his mouth dropped open. "You had too much- Tika, are you listening to yourself? 'You had too much else to do'?!" Artorias tried to keep himself composed, keeping his breathing steady so he didn't snap or lose his cool. This was very unlike his sister. "What has gotten into you, Tika? This isn't who you are. The Avantika I know isn't a cold and unfeeling machine. The Avantika I know is a caring and loving soul with a heart of gold. But this..." Artorias grimaced as he looked from Tika's dour expression to her barely maintained coat and haggard appearance. She looked like a ghost of her former self, an unwelcome shade that had replaced his kind and loving sister.

Artorias took a couple steps closer to Avantika, still keeping some space between them to respect her boundaries and give her room to breathe. He was upset, yes, but he wasn't going to smother her to get to the bottom of this mess. "Go on then," he said, gesturing with a wave of a paw for her to keep speaking. "Tell me all about what's been so important that you stopped caring for the girl you loved, and the girl that loved you with all her heart. It must be something big if it's literally killing you." Artorias fully expected Tika to not have an answer for him, so he was already preparing his follow up response. "You're worrying me, Tika. You look just like mom did, right before the end—when she was isolating herself, and ignoring her mate's needs and cries for love, and letting herself waste away into nothing. Only instead of lashing out with teeth, you pushed your partner away with your cold indifference. You made her feel so unloved that she couldn't stand to be in the same place as you."

The Carpathian leader paused, giving Tika time to digest his words and process her thoughts before he cut straight to the matter at hand. "What's going on, Tika? What's happened to you?"

"Artorias Carpathius" | "Carpathian" | "Corbin" | "Eira" | "Argent"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
____________________

Art’s words struck at the weakest parts of her. He didn’t sound angry, exactly; still, she was being stoned to death for something, helpless to do anything but wait as pebbles turned to palm-sized rocks -- wait for the boulder the size of her body that would be heaved at her. She fought to keep the emotion from rising to her face, although her shoulders stiffened. It was time, finally. The moment you’ve all been waiting for. They’d finally realized how utterly worthless she was and her leader was going to throw her out. Not worthless, a small, hopeful voice told her. It didn’t matter. There were things Avantika was not bad at, even things she sometimes still found pride in herself for. Fighting, mostly -- she’d specialized. But that wouldn’t save her now. It didn’t matter if she cared about herself or not if no one else did. Even as Art praised the wolf she had been, Avantika couldn’t argue with the feeling of apathetic dread that filled up all the space where her heart might have warmed with satisfaction. It was going to happen, anyway. Being left by the Hallows would crush her, no matter how much he tried to lighten the blow. She wanted suddenly to scream at him to just get it over with.

She wished she could be unfeeling. She wished her emotions didn’t always seem to overwhelm her at the very worst of times.

Art took a few steps forward. Normally the distance would be more than sufficient to keep her feeling comfortable, but since she was already feeling frayed at the edges and panicky, the movement itself made her tense up more and she willed her paws to remain rooted to the ground so that she wouldn’t sprint away at top speed and go hide somewhere nobody would ever find her. She took a deep breath and forced herself to stay present in the moment. Art deserved that at least. He asked her to explain what had been so important that she’d ignored Audra. That was where he was wrong. Audra hadn’t loved Avantika, clearly. People who loved you didn’t leave. “It must be something big if it's literally killing you.” No -- it wasn’t -- she was just doing what she had to do --

Then he compared Avantika’s situation to the spiral that had preceded Resin’s death. She was stunned into silence as he described the way she had been acting recently, making it sound so much more serious than it really was. He broke off, asking what had happened to her. "How dare you?" she asked softly, finally meeting his gaze. She could barely see the world before her. Her brain was whipping around like a spinning carnival ride, except it must have been turned up way faster than any safety regulations would allow. Luckily her voice didn’t rise, or else she might have ended up straight-up yelling at her Aegis; it remained quiet and almost rasping, choking with emotion she had no idea how to let out properly. "I know what I’m doing and I didn’t mean to hurt anyone." That was a contradiction. Her heart was being stabbed too painfully for her to even try to rephrase what she’d meant. It wouldn’t have worked anyway. "Sure, what happened with Audra was… a mistake. But maybe she should have been more loyal to the Hallows --" to me. "-- then she wouldn’t have left. And don’t use our mother against me. She was mine too; I loved her just as much as you did." Maybe that was it. Maybe Art was trying to say Avantika didn’t deserve to be a part of the family anymore. And if she did, then why would she be worthy of being likened to the past Aegis? Comparing an ill woman, one who had died, to her… It was uncalled for, even if it wasn’t Resin. It insulted Resin’s memory. "You made me a Vanguard for a reason, Art. I’m not going to be selfish and betray my family." She used the word ‘family’ for a reason. She needed Art to say it once and for all. Was she theirs forever or not? Were they hers? "You can banish me for that if you want, but you’ll be making a mistake." She looked down again, letting her head droop submissively, her ears pinned back.

"Speech"

For the duration of his speech, Avantika had shown him little reaction. The occasional tending of her shoulders, a turn of her head and eyes every now and then, but otherwise she tried to keep herself impassive. It was difficult to get a read on her, but her discomfort was clear as day. Finally, he broke through to her. It was his comment about Resin that had done the trick. But what he hadn’t expected were the words that lashed back out of him from his sister. She took him aback, eyes blinking wide and then narrowing with frustration as she both rejected culpability and admitted fault. Despite the bitterness of her words, she didn’t sound angry—rather, Tika sounded upset, like she was struggling with herself, still speaking softly but with evident strain in her voice. Avantika chided Audra's lack of loyalty to the Hallows, claimed she should have been more loyal to the pack. Then she said the most concerning words of all. He could banish her, but it would be a mistake. Artorias did not take kindly to being given subtle threats like that, but because she was his sister he would give her some grace here. She was emotional and not in the right headspace. Still, she was far out of line.

"Audra was loyal to the Hallows, Tika, but she was more loyal to you. She joined us because she loved you, and I will not fault her for wanting to leave when your love died. I won't berate you for falling out of love for someone, but I will remind you that her loyalty was to you first, and it wasn't the Hallows that changed or betrayed that faith." Tika hadn't seen the way Audra had wept when faced with leaving the pack. She hadn't wanted to. She wanted to stay, but she couldn't with the bitter memories left behind, and Artorias would not torture the girl by forcing her to stay somewhere she didn't want to be. Everyone in the Hallows was here because they wanted to be here. No one was expected to stay if they were unhappy. "I made you a Vanguard because you had shown me you cared for the wolves of the Hallows, Tika. You showed me you were capable of maintaining balance between your life and your duties. But now you've lost that balance. You've fallen so deeply into this obsessive compulsion for your work that you've let it overtake you and push everything else out of your life. I need my Vanguards to have compassion and morality along with their strength. Right now, I don't know if you feel anything for anyone, and that worries me. I don't see my sister here anymore. I see a soldier, and we are not soldiers."

Artorias drew in a deep breath, letting the air fill his lungs before he released his breath in a heavy sigh. His shoulders slumped, head shaking as he considered the wolf before him. "I'm not going to banish you, Tika. I don't want that. I want to help you. I've already failed the rest of our sisters. I won't let this happen to you too." Artorias was so sick and tired of not being able to help his own family when they needed it. He'd failed Bowen when she'd gotten kidnapped and again when her mental health took a dive, now he had no idea where she even was in the world. He'd failed to save Asheila, and now she was gone too. Artorias had no idea if either woman was still alive. He'd failed Gwynevere when he hadn't been there to defend her when Oxx attacked her in the woods, and now their demure sister was traumatized for life, terrified to ever set foot outside. Now here he was again, watching his sister deteriorate away into a husk of her former self. Her eyes held no life, her spirit had disappeared. It was like staring at an empty shell masquerading as Avantika and it broke his heart.

"You are Avantika Carpathius, daughter of Tamsyn and Resin Carpathius, my sister," Artorias asserted, fixing her with a resolute stare. "This is not who you are. If you won't accept my help or open up to me, that's fine. But this..." He gestured to the sulking wolf. "...needs to stop. Now. I have no use for a Vanguard who cares only about filling the checkboxes of her role in her mind. Let me or Gwyn or anyone help you, for gods' sakes." It might have been too late for her and Audra, but they could still bring Tika back from whatever this depression was that had a hold of her soul. He would not stand idly by while Avantika withered away emotionally.

"Artorias Carpathius" | "Carpathian" | "Corbin" | "Eira" | "Argent"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
____________________

Art waited for Avantika to finish speaking before he replied. How dare he? How dare he be so freaking considerate while she was trying to be angry? She felt angrier then, not sure if it was at him or herself or the whole damn world. Her gut felt like it was being stabbed with a thousand tiny thorns. She didn't want to be angry at Art. She really didn't want him to hate her. But it was going to happen eventually, right? Avantika had always known she didn't deserve the good the Hallows had done for her, and it was bound to happen eventually that they realized that. She had been trying so hard to claw her way out of the pit of debt she'd was in, but then she messed up and fell apart and someone -- usually Art, because why should her issues be piled on less laden-down shoulders -- helped her and then the pit just got deeper. She hated this; she hated all of this. She was never going to be enough, was she?

Why -- Why would Audra be loyal to her? No. No. She wasn't. She wouldn't have left if she really cared. She wouldn't have left if she loved Avantika. Had she not understood how hard this stuff had been for her? She had been trying. She'd messed up, but that didn't mean she hadn't cared about Audra, about their relationship. She hadn't fallen out of love with Audra. She'd loved her all along. She hadn't spent much time with her, sure, but that wasn't -- that didn't mean she didn't love her. Sometimes it felt like all Avantika ever did was love, devotion sitting steady for so long it fermented into poison in her chest. But this was always the choice she would have made. She lived for the Hallows; someday she knew she'd die for them. Not soon, hopefully -- she didn't actually want to die, despite everything -- but she'd die happy if it was for her family. How could Art expect her to be anything different?

He didn't see his sister anymore -- she didn't want to think about what that could mean.

She was honestly surprised when Art said that he wouldn't banish her. She started back a little, eyes widening. But once that processed a little, she couldn't help but notice how tired her brother looked as he said that he'd already failed the rest of their sisters and wasn't going to let it happen again. She knew things had been rough. She wondered if Art had ever not wanted to be the Aegis. He was such a natural leader that it was easy to turn to him with problems, but the responsibility clearly weighed on him to some extent. Guilt rose at the idea that Avantika had added to his load. Regardless of whether she really wanted or thought she needed help, Art was going to try his damn best to give her it. It would only hurt him more to not take it. She could still work and prove herself worthy of the Hallows, but for Art's sake, she did have to try to take better care of herself.

He told her again to let someone help her, even if it wasn't him. She hesitated a little but finally nodded. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'll try to be better." He didn't need to know anything more. He knew why she was acting like this; she'd whined to him plenty of times before. But this was her duty now. To get better. Okay. She could do that. One step at a time. But she remained standing there for a moment, before stepping forward and silently, nervously offering a hug. 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry,' she wanted to whisper, again and again until the words no longer had any meaning. But she wouldn't say a word.

"Speech"

Artorias watched the anger and frustration in Avantika's expression build and build while he spoke, his words tightening a spring that seemed ready to burst. He had been preparing for some sort of rebuttal or rebuke, some pushback against him when he finally said something that made her snap, but he wouldn't bring himself to regret it. These were all words Tika needed to hear, things he needed to make clear to her, lest he risk not doing enough again and letting her fall into her pit of self-sacrifice again. He hadn't done enough to save Asheila or Bowen, he hadn't done enough to keep Grimshaw in the family, he hadn't done enough to protect Gwynevere. He was so sick and tired of not being able to save anyone! Always a day late and a dollar short. No. Not this time. He wouldn't fail Avantika like he'd failed the others.

He expected the anger. He expected her to lash out, either physically or verbally. But instead, Artorias only saw the anger fade away from his sister's expression when he told her he wouldn't do the insane suggestion of banishing her. Like snow in the sun, the pain and frustration melted off of her visage, leaving behind shock and confusion. Had Tika really been expecting him to exile her from the Hallows? The notion made Artorias' stomach churn with worry over his sister's mental state. What was going on in Tika's head and heart that had her feeling of so little value?

When he begged her to let someone help her, the tricolored Carpathian woman simply nodded and apologized. She'd try to be better. Artorias' jaw set and he shook his head. "I'm not asking you to be better, Tika. You're already enough. I'm asking you to let me help you stop this... this anger, this doubt, this... whatever it is that's making you work yourself to death." Art could never truly know what struggles Avantika faced inside her own mind, but gods dammit, he wished he could simply do battle with her demons. How he wished he could make them manifest so that he might slay them and spare her whatever thoughts and emotions were tormenting her to make her this way.

There was no hesitation when Tika stepped forward and offered him a nervous hug. Artorias closed the distance with a quick step and wrapped strong forelimbs around his sister's midsection, pulling her into a secure embrace. She didn't need to say anything. The mere fact that she was still here spoke volumes for her. "I love you, Tika. You're my sister, and you'll always be my sister," he spoke softly while bringing his cheek down to nuzzle the top of her forehead. "You will never be banished from our family. And you are worthy of love. You don't need to kill yourself to prove it." Avantika was a Carpathius. There was no doubt and no question of that to Artorias. She was his sister and she would forever be a part of their family. He loved her, and like all of their siblings, he would gladly die to save them. He hoped it didn't come to that to get Tika to a place where she didn't need to be isolating herself and grinding herself down to the bone, but there wasn't a price too steep Art would pay to aid his family.

"Artorias Carpathius" | "Carpathian" | "Corbin" | "Eira" | "Argent"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
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