All the work she had done, and it was almost to fruition. Wren took a break for once. She decided to head north, avoiding the Gorge. Anyone would tell her she needed a bit of downtime; she didn't feel like butting heads with any potential members by saying she was. Anyway, if she did go to the Gorge she'd want to check everything again. And again. And... again.

So she opted to roam to the Lake, where she knew it was and had never been also. Wren stood at the edge of the frozen expanse, hesitant. Was this a good idea? She bounded forward without another second thought. Her paw pads skid against the surface, and she felt herself moving at a speedy pace. The ice held her weight.

She let out a 'whoop' of amusement and a cry of glee. She placed her rump on the ground, and the ice pivoted her so she faced the way she had come. Laughing, Wren more or less flew across the lake's surface backward. What joy she had gotten in the moment was by nature's decree.

"Speech"

Winter’s chill still clung to the landscape, as if Spring simply wasn’t an option. This was expected this far north, but Sybil found herself missing summer. This was strange, as warm weather would become hell for her and her thick coat, but she missed being able to bathe without catching a cold. Besides, she had yet to see this world awake. She had not been doing well lately. While she tried to pull her weight as was required, she could not deny the feeling of isolation. Which again was strange, considering she’d been by herself all winter. Amidst all these new and welcoming wolves, she had never felt more alone. It agitated her, and soon the whistling of the gorge felt more like incessant screaming in her ear. She needed to get away, to talk to someone who’d listen. She followed Wren to the lake. The fisherwoman had been able to knock some sense into her before, and she hoped she might be able to do it again. Fitting, to seek your leader for life advice. It seemed most appropriate. A blur of honey browns across the lake snapped the girl out of her introspection, and she stood, mouth agape, as said leader slid on the ice sheet, clearly having the time of her life. What on earth was she doing? And a tiny part of her wanted to ask if she could join in. ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

She caught sight of a pale blur.

Wren scrambled to her paws, but slipped and fell on her chin. Pain shot through her system, but it was more or less a slight feeling. It faded as she yet again scrambled to all fours. Shooting the girl a sheepish look, she tried her best to walk toward her on the frozen lake. "Hi, Sybil" she wobbled a few times but managed to get to the edge "erm, well. Guess you saw all that, huh?" She bit back laughter.

This was not how an alpha should behave, but she already knew... She would not be a traditional one. Sybil looked stunned at her actions. Wren couldn't blame her. "I mean, if you want you can join in. I'm... well, I've been working hard so I thought I could relax a bit." She shrugged, unable to stop the slip of giggles. Shit, she really was going to lose Sybil at this point. The girl was so straight-laced and serious.

Why would she respect Wren? Who was totally not? "It's fine if not. Uh, did you need me for something?"

"Speech"

Sybil stood by, baffled witness, as Wren attempted to scramble to a more dignified stance, tamping down the schadenfreude as the soon to be alpha fell on her chin. She merely blinked at the rhetorical, unsure of how to respond. How was she supposed to respond? 'Yes, I saw you sliding around on your ass on this lake here, can I join you?' She considered Wren's offer, brows furrowed as two sides warred within."I, uhm..." Luckily, the next query offered respite from this conflict and the girl snatched it away immediately. "No! Not really. Just wanted to talk." More important matters could keep her from making a fool of herself, surely. ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

She could feel the soft judgment coming from the girl, but also a lingering curiosity. Wren resisted pointing out she could join if she wanted. She also resisted calling Sybil out on it. Shaking her brown fur free of snow, she cleared her throat as well. "Well, sure" the soon-to-be alpha invited "what did you want to talk about?" She gestured for her to sit down where she was. Wren could stay on the ice.

It wasn't going to break. Hopefully not.

"Also, I wanted to apologize" before she forgot "you were sorta forced into coming to the meet-greet. I thought... it would be good for you to meet your packmates-to-be. There were so many wolves there, I'm still learning to do this alpha stuff... I wanted to say 'sorry' since I didn't mean to ignore you. I was waiting for a good opportunity to introduce you to Keahi." She lowered her head.

No excuses. She wanted to, if Sybil was to be a diplomatic role in the pack.

"Speech"

“I was looking for some guidance, actually.” She took her seat on the snow, the crunch of it bringing her home again. Here was warmer, compared to the blizzard at least. The harshness of the weather was bearable, temperance that reminded her of her days with family. “It’s no problem, really.” She did not see it as a fault on Wren’s behalf, not at all. The wound had been self inflicted, a symptom of a greater feeling of inadequacy that had shadowed her for a long, long, time. Long before she ever arrived here in Ardent. “How do you deal with feeling you’re not good enough?” She blurted. This was a question she hadn’t even asked her parents, an insecurity that was private to her. A termite’s nest that was threatening eat away at everything she built. She could not let that happen. ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Well. That was unexpected. Wren blinked a few times at Sybil's outburst, not pegging the girl for insecurity. Did she want guidance on that? The alpha-to-be was pretty terrible at confidence. "I don't" she replied honestly "even when I look back at all the stuff we're going to do as Menagerie... All the stuff I have done to make the pack a reality, some wolves would pat me on the back. Say 'good job!' But I always feel I could... be better." For most wolves, becoming a leader was their endgame. That nothing else mattered to them but power and status.

"I let the voices come. I let them guide me into being better than I would be as a content wolf" she said honestly to Sybil "if I work and work, I feel better. It could be fleeting, and it usually is. It drives me forward, being insecure. Wanting to better myself. The question is, do you want to do more than you already have done? Do you want to change a bit to suit a forever-changing you?" Wren bit back a sigh, glancing at the sky above them "life is a journey. If you're perfect from the get-go, you're pretty damn boring in my opinion."

And you have no hopes, no dreams... No ambition. Everything is handed to you. Everything is expected to be. Everything is terribly dull. "Don't let your weaknesses be weakness. Let them be strengths. That's what I can say to you, without diving into it more."

"Speech"

Sybil did not meet her gaze in the silence that followed, not until she spoke again. The feeling of vulnerability oozed somewhere in her guts, she wanted to squirm and wriggle it away. This was necessary, but god was it unpleasant. The advice she got was solid, but the practicality of feeling inadequate wasn’t the thing in question. She wanted to know how to cope, or ideally, how to rip the parasite from her flesh and crush it beneath her toes. She got a suggestion, which was ‘work more’, but it wasn’t the conclusion she’d been looking for. Maybe this whole endeavour was foolish, maybe a satisfying answer was unreachable. ”Ah, what’s the saying?” She said, mostly to herself, remembering a tidbit of her life before Ardent. “Death completes a man.” The idea of an unchanging, perfect soul drew grim associations in her mind. ”Good thing we are not dead then.” She shifted. “You’re very welcome to elaborate, it’s not like I have anything better to spend time on.” She said neutrally, largely convinced that further explanation would draw no better clarity. ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Wren shifted against the cold ground. "Why do you think you're not good enough, Sybil?" Maybe she would start there, again and from the top. Ask why the girl felt the need to think herself anything less "you don't have to tell me everything" she added, "I know you don't like to talk about yourself much." And that was, truly, okay. Wren understood that need a lot. She just began to open herself up to others. Mercury and other wolves were important to her. She wouldn't trade them for anything. Not even a pack.

"Honestly, what works for someone doesn't work for others," she told Sybil truthfully "what I could tell you, what advice I could give... You can take it with a grain of salt. I say 'work' but that always worked for me, yanno? Distraction has always been my thing, and I never really... confronted my issues. I guess I never have. I don't think I'm ready to open that bag of bats yet" She sighed "it helps to have people around you that are patient, kind... People who support you. I support you, Sybil." She nods to the girl.

"I believe in your potential; else I wouldn't have asked you to Menagerie. Else I wouldn't have introduced you to the other diplomat. I believe in your skills. Maybe... We all need someone that believes in us?"

"Speech"

'Why do you not think you're good enough?' She paused, thoughtful look in her eyes. This feeling sat deep, burrowing through soft tissue from the moment of conception, slow enough to go unnoticed, gentle enough to leave nothing but a dull ache somewhere in her body. She wouldn't answer immediately, icy eyes fixed on a point past Wren, just over the lake. She'd let the leader continue before saying her piece. The way she talked, the way she gave her space, the way she accommodated her and not herself. This humbleness, this gentleness, Sybil knew it would breed a loyalty within this guild, within her, that strength alone could not offer. She could recognise the feeling within herself, but she did not wave it away like most. This could work, Wren was worthy. She knew at her core she was biased, nothing more than a lonely little girl, but she would not acknowledge the sea-salt smell she carried. The one her father had. 'I believe in your potential,' That was nice, but it was something the spirit couldn't settle on. She was young, she was unwise. She wanted the world in the palm of her hand (paw?). She spoke now, voice low, implying that this was to be between them and no one else. It would not hurt her, if this got out. It was simply something she was still figuring out herself, an idea half formed. A monument in construction. "My family, they were the advisors of kings once. They lived in palaces, we were held as high as royalty." Wistful, she stared at a distant horizon, as if seeking the silhouette of the castle, of the grandest reminder of what they had lost. "That changed, obviously." Despite her high opinion of herself, she thought it evident that she didn't hold herself as a princess would. "When we were cast out, our gifts began to leave us too. We became just as blind to the world as any other. We adapted as we had in the beginning, we originally came from nothing you see. We accumulated knowledge as mortals do. It wasn't enough. It impossible to revive something that is already rotting." "As a child, I dreamed of our renewal. I prayed for it even, to all the gods I knew of. None of them answered, none of them could. As much I may hope, rebuilding the legacy of the ones who came before may be beyond me, beyond anyone. No, what I can do, what I seek to do, is to construct my own. I want to create something that will outlive me, as my descendants did. I want something to last forever, in my own mind at least." She turned to Wren now. "You believe in my potential, will you believe in my vision, truly?" A trust fall. The child was flailing outwards, seeking this stranger to catch her. Her parents would've, she thought. ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

"You believed in me enough to join my vision."

Wren reminded the girl warmly, kindly. She smiled softly at Sybil, having listened to her family's plight. Having some experience with such a thing herself... The loss of power - in this case, had been a personification of her mother's death - and the travels. The need to build herself and her ideas up. The wanting of purpose. The wish of relationships.

"I never wanted power" she continued "I never wanted to be a leader" She dipped her head slightly "but I wanted something to outlive me. I wanted to put something on this earth. I wanted to change what others thought. I had ambition, but it took a while to get there. I always lived for others, Sybil. I always served others." Be it her mother, her pack... her alpha.

"I gave up on traditional aspects. Having a mate, a litter... A bloodline. Wolves always do that to make sure their legacy lives on" she shrugged " point is, it takes a bit to get to your vision. Things change, views shift and new ideas spring up. You're still young, so it's okay to trip and fall a few times to get somewhere. That's learning, so when you get there... You can do it. You have that experience." But.

"As long as you don't kill people, hurt people... I'll believe in you. It's okay to use Menagerie as a starting point. It's fine to grow something in the guild too. Maybe you'll figure it out in time, what you want to do, and maybe it takes you away from us all" Wren cannot say "I wasn't satisfied with being a loner, or a pack wolf. So I became something more. I understand the wanting, the needing... A desire to grow."

"Speech"

She turned to face Wren again, greeted with a warm smile, greeted by guilt. How could she surround herself with these people, knowing she could never reciprocate? It made her skin crawl. It made her want to run, it made her want to dive into that lake and re-emerge once everyone was mean again and she could feel good about herself, justified in all her little cruelties. All that she could give her was her ear, and with it a quiet support. It wasn’t enough, it never would be, but it was all she had to give. She and Wren, they had little similarity. The difference in ego was one, their ambitions were another. It felt as though Wren had been in a constant state of forfeit for most her life. Sybil however, fought for what she wanted and took more than she needed. The act of giving up on traditional success felt like a surrender to her too, having been raised with those quiet expectations. “Gave up out of preference, or something else?” The last line was left implied. Do you not feel worthy of these things? She barked a laugh, abrupt and harsh. “Could you have set the bar any lower?” She said with dry amusement. Though to her final words, Sybil couldn’t respond. Like an apology before she could hurt her. To say a simple ‘thank you’ felt too dismissive. She’d let her words hang in silence, unable to give them the weight they deserved. ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

"I thought the first man I loved was my greatest love" Wren explained "my only love. That isn't true. It was never going to be between us. But now? I have Mercury, and I realized... He's for me. Maybe kids are in my future. Maybe not. I don't want to lay all my cards on the table before I know the full deck" She laughed in good humor, huffing "I had given up because of a great loss. I don't want to see you give up on anything because of the past."

She eyed the girl as she laughed this time. An amused smirk parted her lips. "Either way, I'll be counting on you" Wren began "you'll be an apprentice diplomat for now, but I fully expect you to grow quickly out of that title. I hope you're up to travel because you'll be seeing my ugly mug a lot when I take you on alliance talks!" She barked a bit of laughter "the perks of being the only diplomat in the pack, I guess, or you're growing on me so you're my first choice." She grinned fully now, tail wagging.

"Speech"

"Ah, so you two are an item." Posed as another joke, but this was a genuine realisation on Sybil's behalf. She assumed little of Wren, at least she made an effort to avoid doing so. Who she kissed or slept with or, frolicked with? (She didn't quite know what it was that couples did, aside from annoy her and pop out some puppies every now and then) Was none of her business, especially as an apprentice, even more so as a child. But one could not stop the mind from wandering, not even she. Undesirable thoughts were often dealt with a swift quarantine, and she'd wait as they'd starve to death before continuing. "Oh, don't worry. It'll take more than old ghosts to scare me away from this dream." Tone shifted like the wind, and soon she felt her own smile on her face, impossible to push down, inevitable as Spring. There was no ticking clock. There was no pressure, the constricting of her chest a figment of her own anxieties. Perhaps she was just looking for something to worry about, something old and familiar. A comfort blanket that itched at her skin. All this new, all this opportunity. "I'm looking forward to it." She admitted. All of it, was what she left unspoken again. ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

"We are."

Wren confirmed once more, sounding it out. Liking the sound of it. She secretly hoped Sybil approved, because... Well, she never had a little sister before. She always thought Sybil was a mature girl, yes, but the thought of her being alone in a strange new place... Wren would do everything she could to make sure the pale girl was settled.

"I'm going to be critical of anyone you bring home, I hope you know that" she added, her eyes flying open with amusement "you'll be beating men off with a stick eventually!" Sybil was a pretty girl, but she'd be a gorgeous young lady. Even as someone straight like Wren, she could even see it. But enough of this.

"But let's head back. Race you!" the woman added, bursting off ahead of them. She slipped on the ice again, scrambling with her nails, and fell on her ass "oops" Wren could not help but snicker at her idiotic behavior "see this is why I need you to act like the adult..."

/end

"Speech"