He had borrowed one of Artorias’ training swords, and found himself a secluded corner in the castle grounds. He had dragged one of the straw dummies with him, and set it up against a wall. He attached the straw with vigour, attempting to work himself to exhaustion. It felt like sleep had eluded him for weeks. But the more he attacked the straw, the angrier he felt himself becoming. Everything he had built, all he had worked for. He had believed he had built it for her. That he had reached out and claimed a pack so that she would have a place to call home. Looking back, he wondered how much of that had been for her, and how much for himself.

Had a pack truly helped Zee, or had she drowned in it? Drowned in it as she whelped children her body couldn’t handle. It felt like every action he had taken, every choice he had made, had led him here. He had killed her, and the guilt was drowning him. He let out a growl of rage, slicing the sword through the straw and into the rope that tied it. The blade caught and was torn from his paws as his momentum drove him onwards. He hit the straw with his shoulder, and then turned his body and lashed out. Throwing the dummy to the floor with a clash of metal. He snarled, feeling no relief from the feelings boiling up inside of him. He leaned forward to grab the dummy - to do what, he didn’t know - when Marshal let out a warning cry. He straightened instantly, turning and finding the child that Marshal had seen first. Breathing heavily, he wiped a paw across his brow. “Hey honey, are you… “ he grasped for words and found none. are you okay? didn’t do justice to what they had lost. “... looking for me?” he asked instead.


"Sirius"

The girl likes to observe others, to silently stalk along in the shadows and learn about their lives. However, since Zee has left, Andy has felt less and less like leaving her room and has turned to the telescope that was gifted to her. She had met Zuriel, the kind, motherly ghost who had offered some solice but she too had been taken away. Briar is a great support for her but the girl does not wish to burden her sister with the pup’s grief on top of Briar’s own. Dad has been doing his best but the pain mom’s leaving has caused the family seems to be hitting the big wolf the hardest.

That is why she goes in search of her father, to hopefully reach out and make an emotional connection in their time of pain. Maybe there is some understanding they can glean from this shared experience that will help them understand each other more. Silent paws carry her to where her father trains, watching with curiosity as he pummels the straw dummy into submission. Marshal sounds the alert on her and Andy flicks her pale blue gaze up to where the bird is, shooting him a small glare before looking back to her dad. The hesitation in his words does not go unnoticed by her and she offers him a sad smile.

Looking to the dummy, the pup allows the emotions she has kept at bay to spill forward, sadness clouding her eyes as she softly says, “I miss her too.” Pale blue gaze moves to capture her father’s eyes, an unspoken understanding flashing between them about how each deals with the pain differently. Dad is warrior, a fighter through and through. It makes sense he would let out all his emotions in training. Andy has chosen to lose herself in the stars, the far-off galaxies becoming her home while her heart aches within her chest. A small sigh fills the air around her.


"Andromeda Fatalis"

The Warlord visibly flinched at her unexpected words. The answer, not to his spoken question, but the one that had been in the silence spaces between in. His little galaxy wolf was far too perceptive. He let out a soft breath, his heart still hammering from the work out the rage that had built with it. He hadn’t managed to work through the aggression, but there was no chance of that now. Not with Andy within sight.

He ran a paw through his fur, panting softly to release some of the heat. He didn’t reply to her comment, opting instead to ignore it. It was too raw, and he was far too aware of how small and easily a child's body could be hurt. He dusted off his paws, and pulled the sword from the dummy so he could sheath it. Placing it carefully to the side. The motions buying himself some time to think. “Would you like something to eat?” He asked, turning back to Andy at last. “Have you.. Did I…” He paused. He couldn’t remember if he had brought the pups breakfast that day. He grimaced, and wondered if he was slipping.


"Sirius"

Her statement is ignored, her father turning to get the sword and sheath it. It hurts that he won’t talk about it, about what her leaving is doing to him and the family. His words pull a sigh from the pup and Andy shakes her head in the negative saying, “I’m not hungry dad. And Briar got us breakfast, we’re okay.” Food wasn’t as appealing these days and Andy would fight to choke down her meals so that the adults wouldn’t worry. But the prospect of a snack has her stomach flipflopping.


She diverts her eyes to her paws, shuffling before softly saying, “Why don’t you talk about her dad? She left us too.” Pale blue gaze flicks up, catching the older wolf’s eyes with a sudden piercing intensity, as Andy almost dares him to ignore her question about Zee. Truthfully, she doesn’t know what hurts more, her mother’s departure or her father’s unwillingness to talk about it. However, Briar’s words swirl in her head and the anger that had been building fizzles out.

A sigh rolls past her lavender lips and she shakes her head saying, “Never mind. I understand.” Truly, she does but it still hurts. Looking to him once more, Andy offers, “I heard there is a predator stalking the garden nearby. Want to go chase it away with me?” It is her attempt at an olive branch, a chance for both of them to let out the hurt that dwells inside. Andy offers her father a gentle smile, hoping that he takes her up on the offer.


"Andromeda Fatalis"

The Warlord gave a sharp nod. That was after all a large part of why they were still in the Hallows. The Hallows had always been a safety net for the Warlord, and already his Queen Daughter was catching what fell through the cracks. He considered taking her out for a hunting lesson, despite her statement about food. He was chewing it over when she spoke again, her words catching him off guard. They hit him like shards, and it was hard not to wince again. A cruel part of him rose up then. And he had to bite down with the effort to keep the words from spilling out. Telling the pup that Zee had been his first. For longer. That what he had lost hurt more would be bitter words to tell a child that had lost her mother.

He could still feel the rage inside of him. The part of his nature he chose to deny and bottle down. That he had promised to keep clamped down, and away from the children. He swallowed the words and shuddered softly. It was easier to make the promise to hold true then it was to keep it. Instead, he answered Andy’s question with one of his own. “Do you know how Briar got the scar under her chin?” he asked softly, leaving aside her question about the predator for now. Hunting a predator with his daughter didn’t feel the safest move with the mood he was in.


"Sirius"

Andromeda watches her father, anger raising at his inability to voice his feelings to her. However, just as quickly as the emotion comes, it leaves and, in its wake, a hollow feeling is left. Pale blue eyes search her father’s features, seeing the raising rage that simmers just below the surface. Her sadness deepens as she wonders if he hates her. Or maybe, he just does not to remember the beautiful wolf that Zee was. Sorrow tugs at her heart and she looks at the dummy, suggesting they go chase off a predator together to release some of his anger.

The shudder does not go unnoticed but the anger that had been boiling just underneath her father’s blues, seems to cool. Again, he ignores her question and poses one of his own which has Andy shaking her head and softly saying, “No. What happened dad?” Pale blue eyes meet his gaze with and grief swirls in the girl’s eyes. However, her ears perk forward, ready to give her father her undivided attention and learn the reason behind Briar’s scars.

Part of her wishes to move to him and be held while he tells the story but she hesitates to ask for such tenderness. She is uncertain if he even wants to touch her so she does not move toward him, even though her heart screams out at him to hold her.


"Andromeda Fatalis"

She gave the answer he had expected, but some part of him hoped she already knew. That he wouldn’t have to be the one to share it. He looked at the soft, sweet child before him and thought of an earlier day. Another child who had sought to comfort him in his grief. Children were such fragile things, and while he loved being a father he wondered, and not for the first time, how anyone had thought it wise to entrust such fragile creatures with him. He almost choked on the grief as it brought him an image of Zee. A reminder of a day when she had feared to have children with him, feared what his volatile dreams might bring their children.

That grief brought with it a wave of anger, one that made it a little easier to tell Andy. Perhaps he was a little too eager to push away those he loved. Those he could hurt so easily. “There was a time, before you were born, that we thought your… that…” he grimaced, angry with how difficult it was to speak of her. “.. we believed your mother had died in a fire. Briar was not much older then you were then. She sought to comfort me then as you wish to now. I lashed out in my sleep, and almost killed her. That's how she got her scar, Andromeda” He said, his voice harsh.


"Sirius"

Andy gazes up at her tall father, a questioning look in her pale eyes as she asks if she knows the story behind Briar’s scars. Truthfully, deep down, she already knows the answer but she needs to hear it from her dad. The man has been consumed with anger since the untimely passing of Zee and, while the passing has dredged up that feeling for them all, her dad seems to be stuck in it. She has a slight understanding of what he might be feelings since, after the wave of overwhelming grief, she too had felt that dark stirring of fury.

The worst had been the desire to lash out at those around her for something that had been beyond anyone’s control, to make them hurt like she did. However, she had not. Instead, the girl had sought to understand the root of emotion and find out why it was there. No one had taught Andy how to do this but it is innate and in her very being. So, she decided to follow through with the feeling, and in the end, she had found the cause; abandonment. Zee’s leaving had been so sudden and swift that there had been no room for goodbyes or talks about what was to come.

Because of that it is felt like her mother had abandoned her. It had been a bit of a struggle to comprehend that Zee had not intentionally left them but, when she did finally start to come to terms with that fact, the anger disappeared. Yet, Sirius seems stuck on that raw, primal rage that seems to follow death; going so far as to draw his energy to live from the powerful, yet toxic, feeling. But that is no way to live and, in his rage, he has even forgotten how to live. Perhaps that is why this whole situation hurts so much, because it feels like she didn’t just lose just one parent that day but both.

The snuggles had been harder to get and he has spent the majority of his time stalking around the castle with a dark cloud over his head. That is why, when he explains about how the scars came to be on her sister, Andy is not surprised. For a moment, after he finishes speaking, Andromeda just looks at him with deep, gut wrenching sorrow in her pale gaze. It is not just because he inflicted those wounds on her sister when she was young but also the fact he has used her full first name instead of her nickname.

With it, comes the feeling that he is building a wall between them. Gone is her strong, loving father who laughed and hugged, who chased away their fears and sheltered them from worry. Now, before he, stands a hollow version of the once might man and Andy finds herself hating it. Her shoulders slump, curling inward in an attempt to shield her heart from his anger and the hurt that comes with just being in his presence. Somewhere along the way, her pale blue eyes had drifted down to stare at his paws and she releases a sigh as she lifts her gaze to look up him.

As they meet his electric blues, there is a deep, painful sadness that boils within her gaze and, for a moment, she feels as if she is a world-weary soul that is far older than the girl’s mere months she has been alive. Choosing her words carefully, Andy begins, “You act as if mom had a choice, as if she could have not died. I hate how much you are angry and I hate that you cannot even talk about her. Since that day, I felt like I didn’t just lose mom but that I lost you too.” Straightening up, she sighs and adds, “The fact that you can’t be here, for us, hurts and I am sure Briar would say the same thing.”

A pointed look is given to him as the underlaying meaning hangs heavily between them, that the scars that the children will bare for their lives are both mental and physical. Giving a gentle shake of her head, Andromeda finishes her speech by saying, “You keep trying to blame mom for leaving yet you are missing time with your family. Somehow, I don’t think she would be happy with you.” It is a low blow but Andy hurts and her father acts as if his pain is the only thing that matters. Has he even checked in with his other children, her older siblings?

This time she gives her head a harder shake, disgust at him, at her mother, and the whole damn situation staining her features. Unable to stand it any longer, the lavender pup turns to leave, as hot tears burn tracks through her fur.

-exit Andromeda unless stopped-


"Andromeda Fatalis"

He growled softly at her words. He didn't blame zee for leaving, buy He felt her loss so keenly that the mention of her name sent pickles of pain across his skin. She had been at his sides for years. A presence so steady that he still struggled to comprehend its absence. But she was right, Zee would be ashamed at him for his attempt to push Andy away. To shut her down for dearing to mention her mother.

As she moved to escape him, he looked up at the sky, and clenched his jaw. Zee would have cuffed him if she had been there. But then her absence was kind of the point, wasn't it? "Andy" he said moving to intercept her. He looked at her teary face and clenched his jaw a moment, before moving to grab her. Wrapping his paws around her. "Alright… alright." He said softly. "Its just… it hurts Andy, okay? It's still so fresh. Think of it like an open wound. It needs some time to heal." He whispered, attempting to kiss her forehead. "And I… mislead you, before. With Briar. Your right, Zee would be so mad at me for pushing you away." He clenched his jaw again, but forced himself to say her name. "When I hurt Briar, I was asleep. I used to have… terrible nightmares, a symptom of a tragedy that happened in my past. At the time they had gotten worse, and I was trapped in one when I hurt Briar." He said, the confusion falling from his lips.

The young Andromeda hears the words leave her mouth, feeling a strange disconnect from them and the pain that rages inside her. Tears prick the corners of her eyes as she admonishes him for not being emotionally available to the kids in the time following their mother’s death and, while it is true that she cannot comprehend the pain that her father feels at the sudden and jarring loss of Zee, the lavender pup does know that they can all heal… together. Yet, in the family’s greatest time of need, Sirius has chosen to withdraw into his own grief and loss and become angry at the world.

Tears spill down her purple cheeks as she finishes her speech, the need to slink away and nurse her broken heart in private drives Andy away. However, she does not get far as the sound of her nickname reaches her ears. Paws hesitate, causing her steps to falter as Sirius intercepts her and she turns bright, red-rimmed eyes up to him. There is pain and an immeasurable depth of loneliness resting in the pale blues but she stops her movement to stare up at him defiantly. Idly she wonders if she went too far with her speech and silently wishes mom was here to quell the burning rage that boils in him.

She notices the line of his jaw stiffen for a moment and a great sense of shame slams into her suddenly, hollow chest, almost stealing the air from her lungs. Knees wobble and lip trembles as she stands there, waiting for the world to end… or for her father to do… something. But the world still turns and, for such a large wolf, Sirius can be surprising gentle when the time calls for it as he scoops her up and softly talks to her. Andy melts into his strong yet gentle touch and her face moves to bury itself in his thick fur so she can inhale the scent that surrounds her family.

It is not just his scent but the scent of their mother, of home, and their pack. It is safe and warm; loving and painful… and right now Andy clings to it and the wonderful memories it drags up, with all her might. Small legs move to embrace her father as a sob hitches in her chest and she nods against his fur, not yet trusting her voice but listening to what he has to say. He leans down to kiss her forehead and she pulls slightly away from him so that his kiss finds its mark before blinking open her tear-filled eyes. She does not interrupt him as he goes on, and nods along, allowing him to say his piece while continuing to gaze up at him.

As silence falls between them, the young pup’s voice softly speaks up, saying, “I know dad and… you’re not in this alone. We are all trying to cope and figure out life without mom. But… you don’t have to do it alone. We’re family dad and that means we help each other. No matter what.” A small paw lifts as she aims to gently place it against his broad chest before continuing, “You are a better person than you were and it is okay to be angry. Just… try to remember that we love you, dad… and want to help.”  A small pause falls as she seeks to catch his bright blue eyes with her pale gaze and says, “I love you dad. Just… don’t forget that… okay?”

Andy knows all too well how consuming grief is and she doesn’t want her father to get lost in its strong currents. The girl is trying to offer him a lifeline… if he wants it.


"Andromeda Fatalis"