The night he had spent wrapped around Absinth just so happened to have been one of the best nights of sleep he ever remembered having. It was deep and thorough. As if his very soul had fallen dormant in the first breaths of spring- camped out in he open air of the ancient forest. It was something that he had stubbornly held on to- being a great deal later in the morning before he finally allowed himself to answer the natural call to rise. The first rays of sunlight had come and gone, as dawn slipped away with the steady rise of the sun- a quarter of the way to its apex. It was nothing less than a stubborn desire to hold on to the shared moment for as long as possible. As he slowly stirred and opened his eyes, he felt her body pressed tightly against his own. He could feel the heat emanating from her skin and the steady rise and fall of her chest against his. It was a feeling of comfort that he had never felt before. Aresenn couldn't help the faint sleepy grin that tugged at the corner of his lips as he was drawn out of unconsciousness, a deep sigh escaping his lungs as he searched for through his half-lidded amber gaze. How could this possibly be real?

It was the sudden snap of a twig that shattered his resolve. Aresenn snapped up, eyes flashing to the direction the sound had come from- forcing himself up on an elbow to get a better look. It was accompanied by the sensation of his stomach falling- a flash of anxiety as every muscle in his body tensed. His attention immediately found the scrawny black frame of a stranger who didn't belong - just as it dove for satchel that held the few supplies that he had brought along with them. It wasn't that anything in that bag was irreplaceable. Just a few things that made travel easier. But it was the idea of the audacity this thief had to approach them in broad daylight with the assumption that he could simply evade notice. It lacked intelligence. Or perhaps he was just that desperate. "HEY!” Aresenn barked, as he staggered to his paws- leaving Absinth behind as he leapt to pursuit of the individual that had several heartbeats of a head start. Even in the best mood of his life, he wasn't one to be taken advantage of. Even beggars can tell you're spineless.

"Aresenn Praetor"

Absinth. Absiiiiinnnnth. My lovely little Sin. You haven’t forgotten me, have you? You couldn’t possibly have. A father knows. Just like I know where you are. Run, run, little Sin. I’m coming for you. Right. Now.

Outwardly, her sleeping form was the picture of tranquility; her breathing steady and deep. But inwardly, Absinth was battling a nightmare of a fearful sort. Running, pursued by a snowy figure that only wished to take the very skin from her body. Maybe the heart. The dream, the nightmare, ebbed in and out. Some moments when the vividness was restored she saw memories of useful lessons and chatter under a starry sky- other times it was a paw pressed into her throat, crushing her into the ground; or the gleam of insanity within molten eyes. In one instance, she saw nothing but pitch blackness, and a song coming from a direction she could not pin down. However the lyrics pierced through her unconscious mind with little effort. Oh can’t you see how you belong to me! How my poor heart aches with every step you take, Every move you m a k e, every vow you b r e a k! The sing-song echoing angrily, sounding right against the shell of her ear now, My love, my darling, hey, are you listening? Hey… ‘HEY!’

Absinth woke with a start, the warmth that had kept her comfortable all night long yanked away with a resounding yell. Bleary at first, emeralds blinked into focus. Her gaze caught sight of Aresenn barrelling off into the treeline, and only a flash of some figure ahead of him. She was disoriented from her nightmare -or perhaps it was more accurate to call it recollection. Still, she rose to her feet with an irritated snarl; fur bristling she took off after Aresenn to assist him in whatever she had missed in her deep slumber. What the fuck was that dream? And why had it ruined her wonderful morning, on top of whatever the fuck Aresenn was chasing now?! Seriously?

wormwood

While the thief was a good deal smaller than himself, they were quick on their paws. Weaving in and out of the massive redwoods and ground cover. Aresenn maintained the space between them, pushing himself to close the distance a half step at a time. He narrowed his gaze to the brush that tugged at his coat- the stinging of thorns cutting through his fur only fueled the cacophony of visceral snarls, barks, and roars that echoed in his mind. Or was that his voice he could barely hear? What could you possibly do? They can smell your weakness from across the forest. You reek of it.

The closer he came to his target, the more he could practically feel the wretched individual's desperation. In a flash of movement, he saw the blur of the bag being discarded off to the side. Perhaps the smaller wolf thought that if it no longer carried the items it stole, it would be allowed to go free. That would never have been the case. Not with the bloodlust that was being demanded by the ever-growing growls that only he could seem to hear. He had never felt such a fury, and he was desperate to silence. To satiate it. What have you to prove? Killer or not, you're still the coward.

When Aresenn came into range, he lunged for the thief's back leg- catching it in his jaws, and bracing himself against the forward momentum they both carried. The gawky black wolf fell forward as its gait was interrupted by the sudden capture of one of its limbs. In the couple seconds it took Aresenn to become convinced of the fate of the stranger's tumble to the forest floor- he released his grip then- descending on the boy- a bit younger than himself now that he was close enough to tell. As the thief attempted to roll over- to face him- perhaps to fight. Aresenn made contact his scraggly throat. As his canines broke flesh, the metallic taste of life leaking into his clamped jaws- it was only then that he registered the pleas of mercy. The roaring in his mind suddenly quiet for the first taste of blood. But it was simply not enough. As his demon returned in full force, as did he.

"Aresenn Praetor"

She was a good deal behind, more than a couple footfalls at least. As she ran she could only see the occasional flash of red and white she guessed was Aresenn’s tail- but her line of sight was not perfect and the flora of the forest proved to be a burden in her pursuit. It felt as though the massive trees continually blocked her, having to whip around them in quick succession as she chased snarls and torn-through shrubbery from Aresenn’s trail. Her dream still echoing in her mind, a small spike of anxiety pushing its way out from her chest and sending the hairs on the back of her neck standing. There was no way her father would be here. He had too many new, unsuspecting souls to torment. Emeralds narrowing, her lips pulled back in a resentful smirk; all she needed to worry about was catching up to Aresenn and figuring out what had happened. There was no time to be thrown off by a mere fucking dream.

When she finally saw that Aresenn had hold of a smaller boy, she didn’t understand- confusion riddled her features. She’d slow down, opting to watch and wait in the sidelines as the cogs in her brain worked hard to discern just why the fiery man was so intent on hunting down this loner? Flicking her eyes up to amber orbs she was surprised. This was the first time she had seen Aresenn so angry. It wasn’t like the anger of when she had suddenly struck him after Sephiran commanded her to prove herself- no. It wasn’t even like fighting off the polar bear…. Was it predatory? She stood back, contemplating if this was the non-repressed version of himself she’d tried to pry out of him. Either way… Why let that fury die by interrupting when she could observe it? How far was he going to go with this? He already had the boy by the throat, the begging surely ringing in his ears as it was in her’s from this distance. What would he do? She truly wanted to see. A cruel smile took it’s rightful pace on her lips, and she thought of how this scenario would be all the better if he bled the simpering boy dry. Whatever Aresenn believed fit the crime. Or, had he done anything at all? The boy looked weak. Skinny. Unkempt. Could it be that he had tried to scavenge- no, steal? She couldn’t be sure, but what else was there? She had not really given much thought as to what sort of man Aresenn was, though he did keep Seph close... perhaps he was far more violent than she had given him credit for. She wouldn't know for sure unless she saw it for herself.

wormwood

In the weak resistance he was met with, Aresenn maintained his hold on the unfortunate scrap’s throat- his jaws were set as hard as he could, sharpened teeth prepared to tear and rend. He became still for a brief moment as his pupils began to dilate and the roaring in his head returned- drowning everything else in the world entirely out. In this moment, he could feel nothing but an overwhelming hunger for blood- a thirst that could not be quenched. The larger brute braced his paws against the younger wolf’s shoulders and chest, and with a violent shake using all the strength he could muster, he tore as much as he could out of his screaming victim’s jugular in one fell swoop. After that, there was little fight to be had. But even in post-mortem, he couldn’t back down from the ongoing battle that raged in his mind. He tore at the now lifeless form for several minutes, before releasing the mutilated flesh he had hooked his jaw in. Standing back up on shaky legs, he remained still- muscles still tensed as he waited for an attempt at a challenge- an inkling of life. He looked down at what was once a living creature- now reduced to a mangled corpse barely recognizable as ever having been part of life itself. His breathing was heavy and labored due to the struggle with himself that occurred within him during this gruesome act of violence.

"Aresenn Praetor"

Absinth observed with bated breath, emeralds intensely focused on the scene unfolding before her. It was odd. It was also… quite appealing to say the least. Brutality became him. Or perhaps brutality had always been him? She had once expressed how pent up he had seemed- but she could have never guessed it was like this. Savagery. Predator and prey, something of the like. Aresenn tore into the boy with a frantic hunger, nothing like the frantic hunger displayed in their night of lust-  no. This was bloodlust. Terrible, uncontrollable bloodlust. Nothing unfamiliar to her, but so very captivating of a look on him.  Still. She was cautious, edging sideways so she could get a better look at his face, hoping to understand. She did not want to be noticed at this moment, for there was something…. Primal about him right this second. Something she didn’t dare interrupt.

Minutes went by. Gore, messy and wild; like a Beast without a mind. She had seen something similar before, though that was a product of extreme stress and torture. Aresenn.. had never seemed as such. Had she been wrong? Had he lied about his upbringing? But why? It didn’t make sense. None of this did. Not the way it was playing out. Had that boy been a mortal enemy of some sort? She would have noticed if Aresenn was something sinister like her father, or a manipulator- so what was this?

Her heart thudded in her chest; both with exhilaration and uncertainty. The motionless pauses were unsettling, the feral look in his eyes even more so bewildering. Let it be known that Absinth was not scared. No, she longed to approach his blood spattered form and lick the eviscera from his maw- but instinct trumped her impulse. For now. She stood fast, neither moving away nor moving closer- waiting. Would he continue on  mindlessly mutilating the corpse, or… would he come back to normalcy? Whatever that meant.


wormwood

Aresenn stood there for what felt like an eternity, his breathing slowing down as the adrenaline ebbed away. He looked down at the mangled corpse and felt the first wave of emotion- a sense of satisfaction wash over him. It was a strange feeling, but he couldn't deny that he had enjoyed ripping into the flesh and feeling the warm blood spill over his tongue. But the longer he stood there, and as his rational mind slowly began to return  ... he looked the boy over once again, the reality of what he had done began to set in. Younger than him. Half-starved. Over what? A bag and an old knife? A couple of pieces of food? The forest was quiet, save for the sound of his own breathing and the occasional rustle of leaves in the wind. He was alone, with nothing but the corpse of his victim for company.

He hadn't been prepared for the devastating wave of guilt that struck him as he looked down at the corpse with disgust. What had he become? Was this the kind of monster he was destined to be? He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He looked up for the first time, searching his surroundings until his amber gaze landed on her. His eyes widened then. He could only imagine what he looked like to her- blood splattered everywhere. Standing over the helpless victim he had just murdered. What could she be thinking? He met her emerald gaze- held it for several moments before tightening his lips. Turning his back on her then, and setting off in the direction that they had come. To retrieve the bag that he had murdered the kid for. And to try and put distance between him and her. It would be easier than trying to explain what just happened.

"Aresenn Praetor"

The atmosphere seemed to die down into a lull of ambiance now, the snarls and tearing noises long gone. She watched as his breathing went from erratic to a steady pace, and the silent stare she couldn’t quite place the emotion of. Perhaps… realization? Disgust? Shock? It wasn’t clear. Aresenn shook his head and looked up finally, and for the first time today he looked at her. She maintained a solid stare into his amber orbs, attempting to read his thoughts as usual. But all she saw was conflicting emotion. And then he turned his back on her, walking the way they had come from.

The fuck?

Absinth gritted her teeth, brows furrowing in puzzlement. What? What the hell was that? Not even a word exchanged, and he left her to think she’d done something wrong by witnessing his carnage. Ha. You think she would let that slide? Her fur bristled uncontrollably; a result of the irritation she felt. He wasn’t obligated to explain anything to her, but what was that goddamn reaction?

Absinth took off after him, foot falls purposeful and at a brisk pace. She came up behind him, trying to walk at his side if he allowed. Either way her gaze was piercing, probing. “Hey,” She spoke in a neutral tone, trying to fight against her combative nature for the sake of their… whatever it was. Friendship. “What the fuck was that?” Her tone was a struggle to keep calm, composed at least. “I’m not talking about the boy. Don’t ignore me.” She tried and failed to suppress a hiss in her voice, incredulous at the cold shoulder she was receiving. “I’m not running away from whatever that was, so don’t you dare.” She rushed forward to whip around on him, facing his squarely in questioning.

wormwood

As Aresenn trudged through the dense forest, his mind raced with thoughts of what he had just done. He couldn't believe that he had killed a dumb kid over a measly bag and its contents. He hadn't expected Absinth to simply just let things go. So it wasn't a surprise that she came running after him. Demanding an explanation, but Aresenn simply didn't know how to give her one. How could anything like that be explained? At last she rounded on him, cutting his path back toward their camp off. Aresenn stopped walking with Absinth's sudden placement. Though, his eyes looked straight ahead, trying to avoid her gaze. He knew that he couldn't avoid her forever. But he didn't want to face her just yet. Not while he still struggled with the guilt and self-disgust. "What do you want me to say, Absinth?” Aresenn finally spoke, his voice laced with frustration. "I killed someone. For what? A bag and a knife? Some pieces of food?" He clenched his jaw then, as he recounted the mutilated carcass- that he didn't entirely remember doing himself. It was the feeling of forgetting a dream after just waking up. But it couldn't be forgotten entirely as all the evidence lay before him.

He shook his head, unable to meet her gaze. "I don't know what it was,” he admitted, his voice low as he answered her truthfully. "I don't know when it's going to happen, or even why it happens. But I lose control, and I don't know how to get it back.” There was an edge of desperation in his voice. He wasn't sure she'd understand- even if she wanted to give him understanding. He plainly didn't deserve it.

Aresenn finally looked at her then, though his amber gaze remained hardened. "Maybe you should run. What if it is you next time?” He threatened- but not a willing one. At no point was there any rational thought put into those actions. And if it had been her ... he didn't think he could live with himself.

"Aresenn Praetor"

Once she stopped him in his tracks she was astonished to find that he still wouldn’t look at her. Face to face and he was actively avoiding eye contact, which infuriated her greatly. Still on that bullshit. Hiding. Running. Avoiding her. No. She won’t let him. One edge of her lip curled upwards, ears pulling back in disbelief. She was about to snap at him that she could care less about a fucking boy who made a stupid decision and died for it- and Then the truth came from Aresenn’s lips. And she softened, her gaze, her tone of voice; the pride she had thought slighted by his withdrawal. It wasn't that he was some secret serial killer, or that he thought she could not handle his truth; but that he was prone to losing himself.  And it scared him. The manner of his affliction was apparent, it seemed equal parts  predatory and primitive. It hadn’t happened before when they fought the bear or during their spars… so, it was a  particular flavor of blood lust then? So interesting. What was the catalyst? Intense emotion? Even Aresenn said he did not know when or why it would happen- and he was the one living that nightmare of uncertainty. She couldn’t imagine blacking out and losing control like that. She’d only heard of stories like that before. From her father.

On his face she could see it clearly now, the Inner turmoil he was feeling. She wasn’t sure she could help with that… but she could try. “Are you okay?” Her first question, certainly not going to be a good answer but she still had to ask. Eyes roving over him to check for injuries she hadn’t inflicted last night; searching for the struggle of the now dead boy. Her eyes flitted back up to his, and she spoke again, attempting to reassure him but not laying it on too thickly in case he received it badly. “He was a thief. And there are many more vile ways to die. To be frank, I think it was a far more pure form of killing. You held no malice, only the instinct to kill.” It was the truth as she saw it, and she truly believed it. It was still a cruel notion of course, but possibly the best she could do to comfort him on a topic such as this. Though, it didn’t seem like he would be carrying that with any sense of pride. She didn’t expect him to either, given the reaction he was having. Was it remorse or something she wasn’t fully understanding that bothered him most?

As he finally graced her with the focus of his amber orbs, all she found was warning- and restraint. No. That’s not really what you want. “Aresenn, I don’t need you trying to scare me off. Any danger I put myself in is a risk I’m willing to take. Sorry, I’m not weak or faint hearted. I don’t play it safe, I like you. You won’t be rid of me anytime soon. That’s a fucking promise.” The fur on the back of her neck stood as she spoke, resolve burning intensely within sharp emerald eyes. Hopefully he would stop trying to build his goddamn wall back up, because she was ready to crumble it to dust. She wasn’t going to let him pull away. Not the first true connection with another soul she’d ever had.



wormwood

Are you okay? He offered her a tight grin. A nod in acknowledgment- but perhaps it could be confused as a nod in agreement. He simply wasn’t going to keep unloading on her. She could see right through him. He was certain that was burden enough to bear. 

As she tried to justify his own actions to him, he couldn’t help the annoyance that was quickly beginning to bloom in his chest. “And what about the girl that I hunted for Sephiran? I killed her, and he violated her as she drew her last breaths. What part of that was pure?” Aresenn answered with a fury in his tone that surprised him. He couldn't help but picture the wretched girl's body lying there on the cold stone floor of the cave- he couldn't remember the act of it, but once again, the evidence had been damning. However, he suddenly recognized while he was very frustrated with himself- that shouldn't be taken out on Absinth. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to raise my voice.” This time, he was far more conscious of keeping his frustrations in check. It certainly wasn't her fault. He looked her over then, searching for any sign of discouragement or resentment. But when he didn't see anything right away, he sighed. "Thanks for the reassurance- but I don’t want to be forgiven.” Not by her. Certainly not by himself.

A part of him appreciated the resistance to his suggestion of running. He didn’t want her to. However, it was a very selfish part of him, and he hated that he recognized it. With confidence, she absorbed the risk of all future encounters- it was just a shame that she had to. “I don’t want you to be weak or faint-hearted.” Aresenn answered lowly, maintaining his line of sight with those emerald eyes of hers. He couldn’t help but crave her touch then- perhaps he may have even subtly begun to lean in for it. But there was still so much left unsaid. “But I also don’t want to put you at risk for selfish reasons either.” Even if she said she didn’t play things safe … he still wanted that for her. 

"Aresenn Praetor"

He was angry. The annoyance was clear in his tone, his eyes flashing with fury as he responded to her measly attempt at reassurance. It was indeed as badly received as she thought it would be. And while his frustration was directed at her outwardly in a scathing tone and a raised voice- she knew she was not the true recipient of his hostility. He was venting his own resentment towards himself onto her. It was obvious to her at least. Fine. She could take it. She could take anything thrown at her. So she stood her ground, sharp gaze and all, meeting the burning amber of his in unwavering defiance. She refused to let him think that for one second she was anything less than the tenacious wench that she truly was.

He had divulged the details of another instance where control was lost. The fate that had befallen the woman from his admission was not for the faint of heart- so it was a good thing she was a callous fucking bitch. Funnily enough, Absinth had yet another opportunity to compare Sephiran to her sire. It was an ever growing list. Ah, pitiful woman. Such a fate could have so easily been her own. The irony of that fact was not lost on her. Did he so fear that she would one day be another corpse he came back to himself standing over? But, that was not a fear she held for herself. Whether it happened or not, she wasn’t going to just fear the chance alone, nor do anything less than fight back. It seemed Aresenn was carrying some guilt around like a cloak of self-disgust- trying to push her away. Letting it eat at him, festering beneath his flesh just as the other him was. To that she had no words to ease his mind, not that he wanted that reassurance anyways. He made that very clear.

As Aresenn apologized for the outburst, his eyes roamed over her face in searching. She was sure to smile, to convey her desire to take weight off his shoulders with a knowing gaze. She didn’t know exactly how to help him though. This was a battle that was waging within himself. She couldn’t so easily guide him to a conclusion or sway his mind onto an easier-to-accept path. He needed to do that on his own. So she contemplated her next words carefully. Perhaps.. if she gave up more of herself.. he would see that she did not speak lightly when it came to her conviction to remain close.

“Aresenn.. I’m pretty shit at being comforting, so I doubt what I say will be anything close to that. But I’m honest. I’m not trying to offer you absolution- you can feel however you want to about what you’ve done. That’s your right. Forget what I said about purity. I didn’t understand how much this bothered you.” She rumbled lowly, softly, and at some points even gently. Her emeralds set upon his face as she fought to string words together in the heat of the moment; hoping she came off the way she intended to. She knew better how to use words like a whip, not this. “I… don’t have a decent moral compass to follow. You might just have a better one than me. If you think I’m going to condemn you for your actions, at what point did I make myself out to be someone that can’t handle shit?” Dont fucking insult me with that. With great difficulty she held back her temper, wanting to correct the assumptions she thought he was making about her. “Listen. I don’t care for the lives you’ve taken. I don’t care how they were taken. I don’t particularly care why either. If you did it under a spell, out of your mind, or by a simple willing choice makes no difference to me.” Even if it does to you. Absinth had allowed a tone of coldness to lace her words, but her eyes still shone brightly with the intent to.. help him. She was trying hard, But she knew she needed to give up something in exchange. A give and take of sorts. Perhaps he would stop beating himself up over this if he only knew what she was, at her core. “I’ve done fucked up things, I’ve killed. You name it. I’ve been beaten, starved, poisoned, spat on. I’ve fought off rapists, traffickers, hell- my own father. I fought like fucking hell to never be weak again. Torn throats, plucked eyes, I’ve even bitten the dick off a fucker. I’ve done it all of my own volition, with a smile on my face to boot. I may have started off doing it for survival, but that excuse is long gone. I still commit those acts. I have no loss of control, no affliction to blame. Can you be close to me and live with that knowledge?” Did that make her as bad as Sephiran in his eyes? How did he see Sephiran? Other than intense like he’d described once before. Why follow the Saxe if he was going to be hung up on the blood spattered reality of catering to vile whims? She suddenly recalled her argument with the toy Sephiran had battered. When the sapphire-eyed girl had called her crazy for choosing this kind of life. Would Aresenn? … Were their similarities only surface level? “I am not crazy or maniacal, but there’s no doubt that I am some form of unforgivable myself. I have never pretended to be good or kind. I am not some false hero of anyone’s story. I am Absinth, a poison.. That is who I am, Aresenn. A product of the world we live in. I was this long before I met you. This is why I have no trouble seeing you as you are, and welcoming you with open arms. Even if you can’t.” She flitted her eyes down to his chest where the thief’s blood still remained, coagulating and drying. A smile, faintly appreciative playing on her lips. “I hope you will be selfish. I want you to be. I want you to show me more of yourself… That is, if you're not going to condemn me now.” Absinth said, her gaze drifting upwards to his face as she registered the slight lean he had been unknowingly doing. She sighed, reaching forward with her muzzle to press into his cheek if he would allow it. Cards on the table, was this as far as they went?

wormwood

The truth was, he hadn’t entirely been sure about how much it bothered him either. But maybe he simply wasn’t doing a very good job at articulating what it was that bothered him. It wasn’t the killing. He wasn’t pretending to be a saint. He wasn’t Andromeda, who he believed to be one of the few truly good-natured. There was no way he could be that. Killing those who deserved it, wasn’t the issue. Killing to survive, was necessary. Killing those who wronged them, shouldn’t have been a concern. Oh, but didn’t the boy wrong them? That was different. Was it? Even if his own moral compass couldn’t find true north, it still boiled down to him feeling as if he wasn’t in control of himself.  

Whatever topic it was that they were moving to was one that she was obviously passionate about. Or perhaps it was just him that made her that way. But as she led him down the rabbit hole of her acceptance vs his, putting words in his mouth, he couldn’t help but interject. “I’ve never thought you couldn’t handle shit.” Quite the opposite really. He wouldn’t have brought her aboard Sephiran’s rag-tag group if he had. She continued detailing her point of view on the subject. Reiterating that she simply didn’t care. That she had done unforgivable things as well. He was not great at communication, but it felt like it was a matter of her attempting to point out her own flaws to make him feel better about his own. But also, at times it felt like he was being bound by her words. Being taken verbally hostage in a scenario of … if you can’t forgive yourself, then you can’t forgive me. But also. If you can forgive me, then you can forgive yourself. “It doesn’t matter to me what you have or haven’t done, or why you did the things you did- I’m not a judge, nor am I a jury, and I don’t want to be an executioner unless I have to be … I know all that I need to know about you to tell you that I like you too. If our roles had been reversed, I would have trusted that you had a reason …. A good one or a bad one means little to me … The problem is, I couldn’t tell you what mine was. I snapped somewhere after the campsite with no recollection of at what point I decided he needed to die- nor do I remember killing him. …That’s what bothers me.” He tried explaining. The words didn’t come as easily to him as he tried to express them. Pushing past her was sounding better and better- but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

As she broke their eye contact- her attention sliding to his chest. He looked away as well. “Well. It seems like you’ve got everything figured out. Me. Yourself. The world. And everyone else in it. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You’re too smart for me, Absinth.“ He trailed off- he could practically hear the exhaustion in his own voice. “I can’t accept myself, because I don’t understand myself.” He mumbled, chancing the glance back in her direction. “But maybe you understand enough for both of us.” He met her touch with the side of his face. But rather than stopping there, he slid his cheek past the side of her face, and to momentarily press it into the side of her neck. “For now … I will be selfish.” His voice lowly and intimate. Aresenn maintained the contact for several more moments before pulling back enough to look her in the eyes. “But if I ever hurt you- not like this.” He gestured with a paw to the punctures he had left in her skin from the night before. “But more …” Serious. Furiously. Aggressive. He wouldn’t allow himself to be selfish any longer. Not when it came to her.

"Aresenn Praetor"

Aresenn reassured her this time, something entirely foreign to her. She didn’t need it. But… there it was. He spoke on his faith in her mettle, casting aside her transgressions and faults just as easily as she had his. It was some form of freeing to speak of it, cathartic even to explain the many variables that had made a creature like herself. Hateful thing that she was. He even went on to share his indifference to good or evil, just like her. That he returned a fondness for her; just as she did for him. What do I do with that? Their entire relationship had thrown a wrench into her guarded lifestyle, and it was making room for wounds she could not lick to soothe.. But that was a good problem to have, she supposed. ’Better to have had than had not’; and other bullshit sentiments she didn't particularly believe in. Absinth did not half-ass things, so this might be a hell of a ride she was embarking on. Who could say? She shook the thoughts away, returning her brainpower to the conversation.

When the true issue he was having with himself came, she grew silent. Realization flashing across her face. It was a simple matter, and one that made so much more sense to her than the morality debate she had worried they were going to have. She herself could have never imagined losing her oh so precious self-control she held a tight rein on. It would have made her feel… violated. Who could you trust if not yourself? But would finding the trigger be the closure he thought it would be? Absinth regarded him with a careful look, processing his words without response. She couldn’t speak on it any longer, not when she had so little to offer him in regards to his snapping. This needed further investigation to sort out the cause, no more words could be said on it until then.

A breathy chuckle, her posture finally relaxing as the confrontational aspect of the interaction died down, replaced by a mutual understanding. “I don’t have everything figured out. I know myself and my beliefs, and that’s about it. But I want to help you understand yourself, and If I’m so goddamn smart, who better to pick your brain apart?” She aimed to dispel his grand opinion of her mental acuity, but also extended her expert eye for his use in closing the gap between the how and why he snapped in the first place. His tired tones had fallen on her ears softly, carefully as he expressed again his intense desire to not harm her. Outside the pleasurable kind. Aresenn met her touch without hesitation, slipping down to her neck in a way that set a heat burning in the pit of her stomach. She relished in his choice, satisfied that he would not be pushing her away. As his gaze realigned with her own he warned once again about the danger, motioning to what she considered love bites that she wore quite proudly. Absinth grinned wickedly, casting him a mischievous twinkle of her emerald eyes before she spoke with a tease in her tones. She sought contact, whatever he would give her as she pressed closer to him. “I’d enjoy some fucking greed too, you know, on top of the selfishness. It sounds like a delicious combo.” Be equally selfish and greedy for me. Absinth refused to address the concern of him inflicting real physical harm to her, because he wouldn’t change his firm stance on it. Even if he did so happen to hurt her, Absinth was sure she would fight. She would fight him until he came back to himself, and there would not be another body he couldn’t understand. There would only be her, standing with a smirk for another challenge yet survived. She was certain. Just as she was that his touch felt like the best thing she had ever felt in her pathetically short life thus far.

wormwood