Alastor had brought Relm home on his own once he had gotten over the initial wave of pain finding her had crippled him with. He had dragged her lifeless body across the channel, cold and rigid from her time drifting in the tide, just to make sure she was put to rest properly. Manea had found him carrying her back across the bridge when it had happened. She had helped him prepare a funeral pyre for the pink woman, Alastor saying nothing during the entire process. He knew he wanted to cremate Relm. The thought of her rotting in the cold, hard ground beneath his paws was too unbearable to consider. So she would burn. And just as the candle of her life had done, she would burn until she burned out. Alastor didn't speak a word through the small affair. Avacyn was notified on the death for logistics purposes, but the funeral itself was attended only by Alastor with Manea at his side. He didn't want to make this a whole thing; Relm would've hated that.

Laying the corpse of his lover down on the pyre of oil-soaked wood was a surreal experience. Gazing down at her still features, never to move again, never to look up at him with silver eyes or smile at him when they crossed paths. Relm had told him she wanted to die, and he had tried to convince her otherwise. He had failed her. He had failed her just like he inevitably failed everyone. Everything he touched ended up broken worse than before he came along. Alastor had stroked Relm's cheek, a single tear rolling down his muzzle as he bid her farewell with one last kiss to the end of her snout. Dropping the burning torch on her pyre was a surreal experience. Feeling the heat of the flames rising to claim her body felt wrong. But Alastor sat and watched until the flames had spread across the wood until only they could be seen. Soon enough, all that would remain of Relm would be ashes and memories. She was gone.

Alastor sat in stoic silence, just watching the flames burn. Their glow reflected in his empty black abyssal eyes. All emotion was drained from his expression, making the dire brute look more akin to a sculpture than a living being. He sat so perfectly still, only the occasional rustle of wind making his fur move. He would stay here for as long as it took for the fire to burn out. This was the least he could do as penance for failing her. It was how he deserved to suffer.

"Manea & Alastor Mendacium"

It was no secret to anyone that had even a glimpse into the personal life of her and her husband that she had never fully come to terms with Alastor's relationship with Relm. It had been a point of contention time and time again. Still, despite all of that, she had never wished death upon the pink-marked woman. Manea was a violent individual, certainly, but she would never wish harm like that upon someone that her dear soul mate had cared about so deeply. That's why there had been no hesitation for her to jump in to help when she found her husband dragging Relm back across the island's bridge. Regardless of how she had ever felt about Relm this was still a loss she felt. She had been a near founding member of her pack–back when Elysium had been hers–and now someone who had been an important part of that journey was gone. Even more than that, she could feel the heavy grief rolling off of her darling in waves and his pain was hers.

She had allowed Alastor to decide what should be done with Relm's body and had helped him gather the needed materials for the funeral pyre he wished to create for her. It was a quiet, mournful process and as much as she wanted to focus on Alastor in all of this and question him about what happened she knew that he wouldn't be able to focus on anything else until this was done. It took some time, but eventually the pyre was assembled and Relm's body had been laid upon it. She stood back for a moment while Alastor said his silent goodbyes and then passed the torch she held to him so that he could ignite the wood and let it begin to burn. Soon enough Relm's body was obscured by the growing flames and for better or worse the grim, solemn ceremony was done. Manea never left Alastor's side, sitting quietly beside him while they watched the flames, her shoulder gently leaning into his just to remind him that she was there for him when he was ready.

"Manea & Alastor Mendacium"

Although Alastor was shut off to the rest of the world, Manea's presence with him was not ignored by the morose dire wolf. He did not speak a single word, though he appreciated her at his side all the same. In total silence the Mendacium couple sat back and watched with reverent solemnity as the flames consumed Relm's corpse and slowly turned the last earthly remnants of her to ash. Alastor had placed all of her meager possessions on the pyre to be cremated along with her, and once they were done with the funeral, Alastor would go collapse her den. He didn't want any reminders to remain of Relm to twist the knife in his heart any deeper. The flames flickered in Alastor's obsidian eyes, reflecting like empty black mirrors as he quietly watched and waited for the fire to do its job. It would take some time, but he had nowhere else to be and nothing more important that demanded his attention.

So Alastor sat in the hot glow of the fire as his lover was consumed by the flames, turning all that remained of her into nothing but memories. Beside him, Alastor felt Manea's presence as she leaned against him gently, offering him silent comfort in his grief. But that was the worst part. Alastor had become so numb to the pain of loss and failure, so used to being defeated and broken that he didn't feel anything at all. The hollowness was almost worse than feeling any pain at all. His vacant stare continued to reflect the firelight in his abyssal black eyes, his expression hard and impassive. Even the animal in his head was silent, leaving him empty and alone in his own mind. To anyone else, it would simply look like Alastor was quietly mourning. But to someone who knew the usually vibrant madman better, this would be a disturbing contrast to how he usually was—and they would be right to be worried by his silence and austerity.

"Manea & Alastor Mendacium"

While Manea sat in silence beside her husband, giving him her quiet support as they watched the pyre burning in front of them, she felt like she was just waiting for the pin to drop. Alastor had always been fire incarnate, bold and hot with his emotions and reactions to anything and everything. She had never known someone whose markings so accurately represented them. However, in this moment, she only received stoney stillness and quiet from her mate and that was perhaps the most unsettling part. She slipped a paw around the upper part of his foreleg after a few heavy, long moments of quiet, as if holding on to him might keep him anchored here with her some how even though she knew it was a fools errand. She wasn't sure what he needed right now–to let him remain in the quiet or to try and snap him out of it–but for now she just gave his foreleg a firm squeeze and remained there at his side while the flames continued to consume Relm's body.

It wasn't until the highest of the flames began to die down as the wood pile they had built began to crack and crumble in on itself that she looked up toward Alastor's face and gave his upper foreleg another squeeze. It had been an undoubtedly strenuous journey to find Relm's body and bring her here–not to mention the work that went into putting together their quiet funeral–and she couldn't even be sure the last time he slept. She knew well enough that he wouldn't care for himself in this state so she would have to make sure of it for him. "Is there anything else you'd like to say or do before we go?" she asked softly. There was still a bit of time before the fire burned itself out, but it would be coals and embers soon enough and she wouldn't drag him away without giving him the chance to say any last goodbyes.

"Manea & Alastor Mendacium"

The touch of his wife's paw upon his foreleg pulled Alastor back into reality from the dark void that his mind had become. She kept him grounded, anchored in reality as his mind tumbled over itself like turbulent waves in a roiling stormy sea. He could feel the seams of his sanity straining, fraying, like a pillow overstuffed to bursting. A dull thud beating inside his skull with his heartbeat trying to break its way out. Thu-thump. Thu-thump. Together they sat in morose silence while the inferno incinerated all that remained of Relm Abraxas before his very eyes, the glow of the flames flickering in his blank ebony stare. And still, the beating carried on. Thu-thump. Thu-thump. The animal inside his head was silent. The demon was catatonic. Lying in wait, ready to burst, or finally giving in and letting himself perish? That would be fine. It was what he deserved. He had failed her. He was a failure. Always a failure. Unable to protect. Cannot protect. Failure. Miserable fucking excuse of a wolf. Not worth the life I gave you. Do the world a favor and just crawl off somewhere to die like your sisters did. Alastor's jaw clenched. Those words that had been dead for half a decade haunting him, plaguing him, whittling him away and eroding his sanity.

Manea squeezed his foreleg and the voices vanished. Now there was nothing but silence and the crackle of the burning pyre. Alastor blinked, some awareness and life returning to his glassy gaze then as he looked over at his mate. She asked him if there was anything else he wanted to say or do before they left. Left? Alastor couldn't comprehend leaving. Leaving felt wrong. Like he was supposed to stay here and pay his penance for failing Relm. For failing everyone. The dire brute's obsidian eyes lifted to look back at the burning pyre. Committing the sight to memory. This was his sin to carry; his fault, his punishment. "No," he responded, words terse and tone curt. Without another word, Alastor rose to his paws and waited for Manea to lead him away. He didn't care where they went. He just wanted to fade away into nothingness like the ashes falling off the smoldering wood. It was what he deserved.

"Manea & Alastor Mendacium"

She could tell that Alastor didn't really want to leave–no, maybe want was the wrong word. It felt like he didn't think he could leave or that he shouldn't, but that's why she was here. Even though she didn't know exactly what was going on in his head behind those dark, distant eyes she knew it was nothing good and sitting here watching the body of his former lover burn wasn't going to help. Once he stood she did as well and she led him away from the fire, putting it behind them as she started to walk toward their den. She didn't take the most direct route, keeping to his side as they walked past the lake where they had spent so many days together and with their children and then up through the mountain paths that wound their way up the jagged landscape. Occasionally she would let her shoulder or tail or side brush lightly against him as they walked, giving him small reminders in her own way that she was here, that she wasn't going anywhere, that he was still here with her. After all of their years together she knew better what he needed and what he responded to no matter how unpredictable his mind could be and she knew that sometimes a bit of physical touch went a long way.

When they reached their den she didn't stop until she had brought him all the way back to their bedroom. Even though their nest was completely empty and she didn't have to worry about their children coming home and seeing them laying in the middle of the common area any more, she still felt like she wanted to give Alastor that little extra bit of privacy for a while longer. She took him to their bed and gently nudged him down onto the plush furs and pushed him onto his back before laying down across him, draping her lithe from along his as she had so many times before. She had no real intentions of doing anything more than laying with him unless he desired it, but she essentially made herself into a weighted blanket for him. Keeping him in the present, reminding him of where he was and that she was here for him. That was the name of the game for her right now. She sat up just enough to be able to look down at his handsome face and let her paws pet over the top of his head and ears, down along his cheeks and the back of his neck, before cycling back and starting the path again, the toes of her feline paws curling and massaging around his ears tenderly.

She sighed softly and tipped her muzzle to press a gentle kiss to the end of his nose. "My love... My sweet, caring demon... I know you're blaming yourself for this. I can see it in your face, in those handsome eyes of yours." She rested her paws on his cheeks for a moment, tracing along the bottom edge of the red marking that underlined his eyes before she continued to circuit of slow, gentle affections. "I know you won't believe me right now, but this isn't your fault. You gave her so much. There is nothing else you could have given her... not without uprooting and abandoning me and your family," she told him quietly. It was a harsh truth, maybe harsher than he wanted to hear right now, but she almost felt like it had to be said to put things into perspective. There had been so many times when his relationship with Relm had caused strife and tension in their relationship and that alone–at least in her eyes–felt like a sign that he had given her more than he probably ever should have. Still, he had lost someone very dear and important to him in a way that was difficult to process even for her so she would never say that his grief wasn't valid–but the blame and loathing was not. "I want you to grieve for as long as you need to grieve. I'm not saying that this isn't a terrible loss, but I can feel this heaviness and darkness swirling in this head of yours and I refuse to lose you to it."

"Manea & Alastor Mendacium"

Together the pair of Mendacium wolves left the burning pyre behind them, and with it the last remnants of Relm, as they made their way... well, wherever it was Manea was taking him. Alastor didn't ask any questions or raise any fuss; he simply followed her direction like a robot, mindless and vacant. His thoughts were a million miles away and almost a decade back in time. Perhaps Manea saw that emptiness in his stare, because every now and then he would feel the press and brush of her body against his, a gentle rubbing of their sides that snapped his mind back into the present if only for a few moments. They passed by Alias lake, through the pine forests, up the serpentine mountain paths towards their home, Manea giving him those little affections every now and then whenever his mind got a bit too far away from him.

Before he knew it, they had arrived back at their den. A glance back down to the forests below and he could just vaguely see the glow of orange out in the woods where Relm continued to burn. That's all she was now—a distant glowing ember on the fringes of his memory. Alastor's face was impassive as he allowed himself to be herded inside by his mate, Manea leading him through their home down to their bedroom. The den was silent like a tomb inside, no children left nor servant to care for them. It was as if life had been stolen from every corner of his world, and it pained Alastor's heart the more he dwelled on it. Manea led him to bed, then nudged him down onto the bed of plush furs, urging him onto his back. The great dire wolf obeyed every insistence without pause, winding up staring up at her as she came to drape her body across his. Her warmth and weight were a welcome embrace from the cold loneliness he felt inside his fractured heart and mind, keeping him grounded, present, alive.

They lay there in the quiet for a while, Alastor just listening to the soft sounds of Manea's breath and the drumming of his own blood in his head. Eventually Manea lifted her head and Alastor's sight was filled with the beautiful face of his wife, her halcyon aqua jewels of eyes fixed on his as her large feline paws stroked over his head, face, and neck, comforting and soothing the ache in his twisted soul. The gentle ministrations were enough to pull quiet sighs and murrs from her giant brute, giving some signs of enjoyment and that he was still there. A kiss to his nose and Manea was comforting him with her words, showing just how well she could read him, how well she knew him inside and out. She reassured him that this wasn't his fault, how he'd done so much for her, and that she wanted him to grieve but refused to lose him to his demons. Alastor's lips pulled down into a morose frown, ebony eyes averting from hers for a moment before looking up into her loving gaze again.

"I'm so tired of losing the wolves I care about because of me," he finally spoke, answering her unasked question of what was dwelling in his damaged mind. Yes, he blamed himself for Relm's death. But she was just another domino in a long line of fallen dominoes that he had a paw in toppling. "I know I could not give her what she wanted... even if I did, she might still have..." His words trailed off. He couldn't yet say aloud her fate. Still thinking about finding her face down in the water stirred his demon in concerning ways. His lips pursed as he bit at his tongue, the pain helping to keep his mind focused. "Relm is just another example of why I'm dangerous. Even when I'm not trying to, I kill wolves. I couldn't stop my father from killing my siblings. I drove my mother to kill herself. I drove away Lurid and Seraphina. Relm killed herself because I tempted her with what she could never have." Alastor slowly shook his head, a shuddering sigh slipping its way past his lips as he looked down, away from Manea again, feeling wholly unworthy of looking her in the eye. "How long until I'm the cause of something happening to you or our children...?" It was only a matter of time...

"Manea & Alastor Mendacium"

A frown pulled at Manea's lips as she listened to Alastor speak, biting back her own interjections and denials she wanted to make in favor of letting him share what was heavy on his mind. Every example he gave felt twisted by his own self loathing and guilt, but she didn't stop him and instead listened quietly and intently as he spoke about the possibility that Relm might have still killed herself regardless of what he gave her, how all of these examples from the span of his life was proof of how dangerous he was. His father's murder of his siblings, his mother's suicide, all of the wolves that had left him for one reason or another... all twisted in his mind to be his fault. Still, despite all of that, what hurt her the most was the certainty that he would eventually cause something to happen to her or one of their children. It wasn't said as an if or a possibility, but as if it was only a matter of time.

"Your father was a sick brute and the fact that you couldn't defend your siblings when you were no more than a child yourself is not your fault. You did not drive anyone to anything–not your mother, not Relm, not Lurid, and certainly not Seraphina. Your father abused you and Lurid abandoned you. Not the other way around," she insisted as she caught his cheek in her paw, pulling his gaze back to hers regardless of how much he tried to look away. She knew how hard it was going to be to get him to accept the truth so all she could hope was that the sincerity and the love in her gaze could sway him, even if it was just enough to get him to listen and consider. "You care so deeply about every wolf that enters your life and that is one of the things about you that I love and admire the most. For someone so ruthless you are also one of the most caring wolves I've ever met. You gave me the life I had always dreamed of. You have been a better father to our children than I have ever seen from any other brute. That is who you truly are. Anything else happened around you, not because of you."

She paused, stroking over his cheek for a moment to let her words sink in. She wasn't expecting him to change over night. This was something she had to remind him of and work with him on each time something pulled him back down toward the darkness she had been trying so hard to combat over the years that they had been together. She had grown to accept that there was no real fix or cure, there was only taking their lives together one day at a time and being his rock whenever he needed her to be. She was more than happy to do that for him again and again for the rest of their lives if it meant she got to keep the brute she loved at her side. He was worth anything and everything to her. She leaned down to press her lips gently to his, giving him a tender kiss before she added quietly, "Don't let the things that have happened to you pull you away from me. From your children. I need you. They need you. All of you."

"Manea & Alastor Mendacium"