sorry...
Delphi
Bloodletter
Berserker
ever since that day on the beach, they haven't been sleeping very well. the irony of this is that while Strai's impromptu therapy seems to have worked - they haven't dreamt of that terrible flood since they'd saved him - their dreams are now filled with Strai's startled face, the incredulity in his eyes. in reality he'd been kind about it, but in their dreams he pins them with an accusatory glare, mouthing 'why?' with increased fervour until it frightens them awake. even worse, however, are the dreams in which Delphi appears. in those, she rants and screams, or beats to them a pulp...or just stands there and cries silent tears. those are the worst. their friend. Spider is meant to be her friend.
what kind of friend would do this?
hilariously, they find themselves straying close to Viking territory today, as though their guilty conscience has drawn them this way to torture them further. miserably, Spider peers through the thicket undergrowth and remembers the last time they'd been here with Strai. perhaps, they think to themselves as their stomach gives a nauseating twist, they're better off avoiding the East altogether for a while.
Poison Master
Knight
Winter was finally coming to an end. Though the winds that blew off the mountain were chilly, there was a different sort of feel to the air. Snow began to melt and grass began to peek through the white blanket that covered the lower mountain slopes. Eager for Spring to come into full bloom, Delphi found herself traveling toward the thicket. Over the past few days, Strai had been acting funny and she figured maybe a day away from him would help. Or maybe it wouldn't. She wouldn't know until she returned home later that day.
For now, she headed straight for the patch of blackberry bushes that always grew the best-tasting berries. Delphi knows it's too early for berries to have arrived, but their flowers would be useful as well. Humming a little tune under her breath of a song that Vidarr had taught her recently, she let herself daydream as she walked. Having walked this path plenty of times before, she wasn't worried about getting lost.
Instead, what causes her to stop is the scent of someone familiar. Delphi perks up as she looks around until she sees Spider hiding within the thicket. Her face scrunched up as she headed toward the other pup. "Spider?" Delphi calls out carefully as she lowers her head toward the ground. "What're you doing in there?" She hesitates as the look on Spider's face is concerning enough and she worries for her friend.
Delphi’s appearance is like a manifestation of one of their nightmares, freezing their heart in their chest as she appears through the thicket. a look of horror dawns immediately on their face, eyes growing so wide the whites of them are visible. it’s the complete opposite of what they’ve told themselves they’d do if they ever came across Delphi - which is to calmly and resolutely explain what they’ve done and then graciously accept whatever punishment she deems befitting. now, it’s like the mere sight of her is enough to break their resolve, rendering them a blubbering entanglement of guilt on legs.
“i’m s-sorry,” they whisper, unable to even force out a greeting. their bottom lip trembles so badly they can barely get the words out. “Delphi, i…i’ve done something terrible.”
Strai had already filled her in on what had happened. So as she stared at the cowering form of Spider, Delphi felt almost... annoyed. If the pup was going to make a move on her boyfriend, then they should at least own up to it. Show some courage instead of hiding like a damn courage. Her ears fold backward as Spider trembles and admits to doing something terrible. The stuttering apology has her expression growing from concern to flat. Spider was her friend so yeah, she would be concerned why her friend was hiding in the thicket. But now that she had an inkling as to why, she could feel the ice creep back over her heart.
"Was besting me in a fight not good enough for you?" The sneer in Delphi's voice is obvious as her lips rise up in a snarl. A growl rumbles in her chest as she steps toward the thicket, lowering her head to get a better glaring look at Spider. "Thought you could steal Strai from me too, huh? I figured if you were that bold you would at least come challenge me for him instead of hiding away in the bushes," there is a snap to her words as she lets her fur bristle and her cropped tail flag above her haunches.
Delphi's anger is a near tangible thing, and Spider hates it - hates that they're on the receiving end of it, and that they whole-heartedly deserve it. they can't defend themselves from this, can't protest or object, because everything Delphi is saying...it's the truth. they did those things. they hurt her. "no..." they whisper, a desperate edge to their voice. they step out of the thicket, raising their chin to let Delphi's angry gaze rake over them. she deserves to see their face, even if they want nothing more than to sink into shadow and disappear. "Delphi, i never wanted to steal him from you. i promise." how to explain themselves? should they even try, or should they just let Delphi shred them into pieces? they'd deserve it. but she doesn't want their self-loathing, she wants an explaination. at the very least, they can try to give her that. "it's like...it's like i feel so deeply for him - for both of you." they wince, anticipating Delphi's fury. such a stupid thing to say. and yet...it's the truth. there's a heat that burns in their guts when Strai looks at them, and it's there to a lesser extent when Delphi is present. they've never felt it around strangers, but its like coming to know Strai and Delphi has ignited it within them. "i wasn't thinking, Delphi! we'd just been through a lot, and i was so full of relief that we were alive...please, believe i'd never want to upset you like this." tears pool down their face and hiccup in their voice. "i'll stay away from him, if you want! forever!"
Delphi listens as Spider whimpers out the words she didn't want to hear. She hadn't wanted to believe Strai. Maybe it had been his imagination. He had hit his head on a rock after all. But unfortunately for Delphi, that was not the case. Spider's sputtering words had her fur standing on end and her teeth flashing menacingly in her friend's direction. "Don't you dare make promises. You intended to steal him the moment you kissed him," Delphi spits at him, her ears fully flattened against her skull as she steps closer to Spider. Lowering her head and raising her shoulders, she closes the distance between herself and Spider. "Care? Deeply? For us both? Then you wouldn't have KISSED HIM," Delphi sneers, her voice lowering a growling octave as she lets her toes dig into the soft dirt beneath her.
"Thinking? Yeah, you definitely weren't," she lets out a dry chuckle before shaking her head. "No, keeping you away would be too easy of a punishment," her words are sharp and painful. "How do I know you're being truthful, huh? How do I know this isn't your grand scheme to steal him from me?" Delphi swipes out with a paw toward Spider's face. Not fully intending to smack her friend, but she wasn't going to be upset if her paw connected. "If you cared so deeply for both of us, why haven't you tried to kiss me, huh? Doesn't make sense if he's the only one you're pining after," her voice is a rasping hiss as she stands inches from Spider's face, peering down at the cowering pup.
Spider shrinks back with every word, seeming to grow smaller and smaller until they're practically a bundle of curled limbs and big wet eyes. gods, this is somehow even worse than what they'd feared. maybe because the idea of Delphi's wraith had been just that - an idea - and now its real and directly in their face and all they want is for the ground to open up and swallow - their brain stutters to an abrupt halt, replacing the tumultuous cascade of their own thoughts with static silence. kiss her? does Delphi...want that? they scarcely dare to breathe, eyes roaming across her face in search of a joke, a trick. something warm and heady fills their veins, something that makes them feel floaty and vaguely divorced from their body. their heart is beating so loud in their ears it drowns out all other thoughts, all of the uncertainty and fear and hurt and excitement. kissing seems to make everything worse. kissing seems to hurt people and make them not want to be your friend anymore. kissing makes them yell at you and shove their face in your face and...and dare you to kiss them?
closing the gap between their mouth and Delphi's feels a lot like they imagine jumping off a cliff must feel. a leap of faith, their stomach plummeting terrifyingly, their pulse racing so fast it makes their head spin. but Spider does it anyway, because Delphi is truly radiant when she's furious and they can't think beyond the emotions running rampant in their chest and...and...
and clearly they have a death wish.
Delphi doesn't quite understand what position she's put herself in. As she towers over Spider, her eyes staring daggers into the poor pup's face, she hovers. Her breath is quickened, heart racing, emotions at an all time high. She too is confused and hurt and angry and...
There's a connection. Suddenly, Spider is pushing forward and pressing their lips to hers. Delphi's eyes widen, frozen in surprise and what she doesn't know. With her breath caught in her throat it is a moment before she reacts. She doesn't press back, but instead pulls away, her paws pedaling backward as she stares. Unblinking and unsure. Had she asked for that? Had she wanted that? She hadn't even... really shared a first kiss with Strai and now Spider was stealing both of theirs.
"Strai," the name is a breath of a whisper on her tongue as she finally wills herself to breathe. Still staring at Spider, Delphi's brain is a scrambled mess. "Spider, I-" fuck. What was Strai to think? What... did this all mean? Her face finally scrunched up. No, this... Well, she couldn't say it couldn't happen because she had two moms and a dad. The idea of three in a couple wasn't foreign to her, but... Strai was hers and she was Strai's. That's how it worked. They were both toxic and possessive enough that they shouldn't want to share.
"I-I don't know what-" Delphi's words sputter to a halt as her rump falls down into a sitting position. Her shoulders hunch up and her chin tilts toward the ground as she squishes her eyes closed. "I'm sorry," she whispers. Why did these things always happen to her?
just like Strai, Delphi doesn’t reciprocate. just like Strai, her face goes slack with dismay, panic spilling into her voice as she looks at Spider with…well, something almost akin to horror. Spider’s stomach drops so violently it’s like they’ve swallowed a stone, and mortification makes their face grow hot as fresh tears gather in their eyes. that’s it, they’re swearing off kissing forever; all it does is make people upset! “oh, Delphi, don’t apologise. i’m sorry,” they whisper, and they’re so goddamned tired of apologising for their fuck-ups. it’s like it’s all their capable of doing right now; messing things up. should they become a hermit? dig a hole in the ground and just refuse to come out? maybe then they’ll finally stop making their friends sad. “i keep…misreading things. sometimes it’s like…like my heart does things before my brain can catch up.” it’s not an excuse, they know that - but it’s the best explanation they can give. sniffling, they try to catch Delphi’s eye, try to convey their apology through the strength of their stare. “tell me how to make this right. tell me how, and i’ll do it.”
Delphi sits there, confused and upset. Had she wanted Spider to kiss her? Was it out of spite? Revenge? Petty feelings? Or... something else? Could she blame the hormones? The emotions that plagued her that she didn't fully understand? So much was reeling through her head as she stared back at Spider who visibly shrunk backward. Tears were in both of their eyes now and all Delphi wanted to do was make it right. Except all she ever did was fuck things up. Nothing went right for her. God dammit!
Letting out a snort, she shakes her head. "Spider, shut up," the words leave her with a snap. Ears folding backward, chin turning to the side, eyes going closed. Sucking in a deep breath through clenched teeth, she tenses her body. They both had things to fix. Had things to figure out. "You are my friend," the words are tense, but she says them anyway. "I am your friend. A kiss will not ruin that," her voice wavers as she shakes with both anger, frustration, and confusion. So much confusion. Did a kiss really mean as much as she thought it did?
"I-I... you live in Armada, no?" Delphi remembers them talking about their parents and living toward the west. "How...would you... no, I can't," she stops and lets her lips pull up into a snarl. If Spider lived a few days away, there was nothing to worry about. Right? They could stay friends and her and Strai could live happily ever after. But she wasn't going to deny the weird feeling in her belly. She was too inexperienced to understand all of it. "We're still friends. Nothing to fix. We're fine," she finally says after a few moments of silence, her face turning back to look at Spider. What... if she could have both? The thought lingers at the back of her mind as she waits to see what Spider will say.
i am your friend. a kiss will not ruin that. those words dispel some of the nausea swirling in the pit of their stomach, relief and gratitude causing their shoulders to slump and the tension to seep from their frame. even after all this, Delphi still wants to be their friend. and no matter what happens next, no matter how strange or awkward they might’ve made everything, they’ll forever be grateful to have such wonderful friends in their life. friends that, despite how badly they mess up, don’t want to cast Spider from their lives. they remain silent as Delphi seems to grapple with her thoughts, giving her the space to draw her own conclusions. honestly, they’re grateful for the time to shuffle their own clusterfuck of thoughts and feelings into some semblance of order, vaguely dismayed at the gigantic mess they’ve managed to make of their life in a matter of days. is this why teenage hormones are so notorious? and yet it’s not like they’re going around developing crushes on every pretty person who so much as looks their way. no, they only started developing these feelings when they’d gotten to know Strai and Delphi. should they say that? just be honest, they tell themselves, punctuating the thought with a firm nod. you owe her that much, at least.
when Delphi turns back to face them, Spider parses her words over carefully. nothing to fix. seriously, what have they done to deserve such a wonderful friend? “if that’s what you want,” they murmur, genuinely. “i never wanted to make you and Strai unhappy, Delphi.” above all else, they need her to know this - that they never set out with malicious intentions, that they never meant to ruin her happiness with Strai. a sudden laugh punches out of them, vaguely hysterical and bordering on a sob. “look…i clearly have no idea what i’m doing. i just know that i like you, Delphi. both of you. but that’s not your fault, or your problem – it’s mine.”
Delphi stands there, assessing Spider. Why were they so... submissive? Normally, Delphi wouldn't think that of the yearling. Tenacious, bubbly, and confident. That was the impression Delphi had initially perceived, had been what drew her toward the other yearling. Now as they stand there, staring at each other, Spider saying that it was a they problem, not a her problem, Delphi's brow furrows. "Neither of us are unhappy," her words are simple, straightforward. She doesn't know how to really beat around the bush. Her emotions are worn too easily on her sleeve for her to be bashful.
She can't help but laugh a little. "I don't think any of us know what we're doing," Delphi allows a little smile now and a sigh to follow. "There ain't no rules against liking more than one wolf," she pauses, her face tensing for a second as she mulls over the options. Well, she still wanted to be Spider's friend, but she wasn't sure if she was exactly ready or wanted to share Strai. Maybe they could all be friends... Maybe... it would just take time. Delphi didn't know now and perhaps might not for awhile. "Let's just see where it goes, sound good?" Her head cants to the side, her botched tail wagging in a friendly manner behind her.
Spider…isn’t good at this kind of thing. crushes, romance - the last few days have torn them up and wrung them out, and the in the aftermath they found themselves almost limp with relief. shoulders slumping, their gaze scans Delphi’s face for a hint of dishonesty, of placation. but there isn’t any. Delphi doesn’t lie about her feelings just to make others feel better; it isn’t in her nature. if she says they’re not unhappy, it’s the truth, and Spider almost aches in relief. “you’ve certainly got that right,” they chuckle, a tad breathlessly. stars, what a mess. they need a nap.
they’re certainly not expecting Delphi to say what she says next, but it draws them up short and kicks their heart into a gallop. happiness blooms across their face like a sunrise. “yeah, that sounds…that sounds really nice.” their own tail begins to wag in tandem, warmth suffusing their chest. if nothing else, they’re delighted to still have their friends by their side.
maybe that nap can wait.
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| 1. | sorry... | Rustling Thicket | 06:14 AM, 11-08-2023 | 01:01 PM, 02-01-2024 |