Nirvana had been in and out of her den at the Rock Garden, poking around the lands surrounding Elysium, and yet, the more she thought about her run in with Kaija on Mount Volkan, the more the woman thought about what she wanted. She loved her family, and she knew that she could not bear to simply leave the pack, even if it was to find the soulmate she believed out there for herself. But… perhaps there was a way to have her explorations benefit Elysium. Nirvana had thought hard about it as she patrolled the borders, spent days alone and restless rather than asleep, and the woman knew, as she started to break her routine and grow more restless, that she needed to speak with her cousin. Surely in doing so they could work out a plan together.

And so Nirvana had taken a daytime trip to the island. It sucked, the woman squinting with the light glaring against the snow, but she was determined to find their Matriarch. She could have howled for her, but the woman had wanted to come to the island on her own. A bit of stubbornness at her own weakness in the bright light. Nirvana's tail swayed behind her in thought, a mumble of a curse leaving her lips. Damn it all… this sun wasn’t doing her any favors…

"Speech" 'Thought.'

When she was between tasks or short on things to do, Avacyn usually found herself wandering the island. It was large and mountainous enough that she still sometimes managed to find something she had never seen or at the very least find prey or predator that still hadn't been flushed out. A meandering trek through a part of the mountain range had unfortunately turned up nothing of note today, however, and she was on her way back down the mountain paths toward the island's central lake when she spotted the distinctively pale coat of her cousin crossing the land bridge that connected the island to the mainland. Her brows lifted with surprise since it was a very rare thing indeed to see her cousin out and about during the day so that was more than enough to make her curious and bring her down toward Nirvana to see what was going on.

She half expected something to be wrong or for there to be something important to report, figuring there must be a reason for Nirvana to put herself out in the daylight, but as she got closer she noticed that her cousin didn't necessarily look worried or concerned–more just annoyed if anything and squinting at the light. That at least eased her own concerns and she smiled a bit as she approached Nirvana and immediately began guiding her toward some trees that were more tightly clustered together that would offer some heavy shade, saying, "Cousin, it's good to see you, but surprising given the time of day. Come on, let's get to some shade and we can talk more." Once they were sitting in the shadow of the evergreen trees, she gave Nirvana a smile and a curious tilt of her head. "Just out for a stroll? Or is something going on?"

"Avacyn Mendacium"

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The sunlight was such a hindrance… Nirvana mumbled under her breath as she pressed onward, refusing to allow such a thing to hold her back. Sure the light stung, but the pale woman refused to let it be a true weakness. If she wanted to speak to her family during the daylight hours then she would do so, sunlight or no sunlight. But she hadn’t expected to catch the attention of her cousin before she had made it closer to their densite. Avacyn would draw close to her, identified more by a blurry form of purple with white paws - the difference she could easily tell from her mother, Manea - and immediately begin to guide her to some heavy shade. Nirvana did not protest the aid, taking a moment to blink her eyes free of the tears that the light had caused before taking a seat.

Her cousin had noticed the oddity of her activity, and once Nirvana had recovered enough to do so she would turn her red gaze on the other femme. “Most wolves are awake during the daytime, cousin.” A bit of a smile tugged at her lips. “I wanted to see you, but it is nothing urgent with our lands or anything.” The femme’s voice was reassuring. The last thing she wanted was for the Matriarch to worry. “It’s… selfishness on my part.” Her gaze fell, and her smile slipped from her face.

“I’ve been restless, Avacyn.” Nirvana confessed. “My heart yearns to travel Boreas, and yet… the idea of parting from Elysium fills me with a sick feeling like no other.” The albino femme looked back at her cousin, the look of longing within her eyes, but it was mixed with that torn feeling too. She loved her kin, wanted to remain with Elysium, to have a home to return to. Not that she expected Avacyn to turn her away, but… her ears fell. “I was hoping we might be able to figure out a solution in which I could still aid Elysium, and be able to travel for periods of time, but still come home to be with everyone.” If anyone could help her find that answer, it would be the Matriarch.

"Speech," 'Thought.'

Avacyn chuckled at the teasing her cousin gave as she pointed out the normality of her presence in the day light, but just because most wolves were active during the day that didn't mean that it had to be normal for her cousin. She gave Nirvana her full attention as her cousin's concern became more clear, her head tipping to the side with confusion and curiosity at the mention of her selfishness making her seek her out. She couldn't think of any request or desire that could make her cousin appear selfish in her eyes, but she waited to hear Nirvana out and see what was weighing so heavily on her mind.

Not unlike her sisters, Nirvana mentioned her desire to travel Boreas while still wanting to call Elysium home and aid the pack, wishing that they might find a solution that could allow her to do both. Any concern she might have had was immediately eased and she gave Nirvana a reassuring smile, silently glad that there was no larger issue at play here. "I believe we can work out something," she replied with a soft chuckle. "You are certainly not the only one that has desired a similar situation. Fia is already out exploring the world as we speak and I believe Mariah and Malico will be heading out soon as well. I think that need to find ourselves out in the world is just in our blood." A touch of longing and something bordering on jealousy touched her expression for a moment as she added, "I do envy all of you a bit. It does sound liberating to be able to go out and explore like that. I'll just have to live through all of you, I suppose."

Her smile returned with a little shrug as she pressed on, not wanting to explore those feelings too deeply. She knew the responsibility she had accepted when she took on her role of Matriarch and understood the impact it would have on her freedom. Although, emotions didn't like to listen to logic, it seemed. "Regardless, I have no issue with you going out to explore and do what you wish for stretches of time. If you would like to have a purpose while you're away we can certainly find something for you to contribute, but you taking the this time to hone your skills or find your passions is also a perfectly acceptable reason for your absence. I don't want anyone here–my family included–to feel that they are stuck here in any way."

"Avacyn Mendacium"

Avacyn’s words bring Nirvana relief. Seems her cousins were already out and exploring the world… a fact that Ava said was in their blood. The pale woman nods. “It would seem, yeah.” Her expression softens. “Someone needs to hold the family together, to give us stability, Avacyn. I wish you could join us, but you do have an important job, and we all trust you to do it well.” Now that she is in the shade her eyesight is slowly adjusting once more, the sting fading and allowing her to look at her cousin more clearly. She wishes to offer Avacyn encouragement.

“...and someday you’ll pass the mantle too, you know. Then you and your soulmate will be able to see the world for yourselves, just as aunt Manea and Alastor have the freedom to.” A bit of a silver lining for the future, perhaps? “All the same, I am appreciative, cousin. I would never say I felt stuck here… even Manea understood when I needed to go on my own. But… I don’t want to feel like I’m simply walking away either. I want a paw in both worlds, to know I can return to my family, and support them as they have supported me.” Nirvana swished her tail thoughtfully.

“It’s a complicated feeling. To be happy and yet, almost feel like something is missing.” She confessed. “Maybe my time away will lead me to my own soulmate as well.” Could that have been what was pulling her now? Her soul pulling her in the direction of the one made for her?

"Speech," 'Thought.'

Avacyn smiled appreciatively as Nirvana spoke of the important job she had been given of holding the family together and giving them stability. It was a job she was not always certain she was doing well, but her cousin reminded her of its necessity and she appreciated the trust that Nirvana had in her to carry it out. "As long as you all come home from time to time I'm happy to keep things afloat here while you explore the world. I hope I can continue to live up to that trust you have in me," she replied. The reminder that she would not always be the Matriarch and that one day she would pass this responsibility on was one she thought of often. She didn't plan on handing off this role any time soon, but she did very much look forward to having the freedom with Saracyn that her parents were now enjoying. "I'm not going to lie, that is certainly something I'm looking forward to," she said with a chuckle, her tail swaying with a bit of amusement.

She dipped her head with acknowledgement to Nirvana's appreciation for allowing her to come and go as she pleased. She did completely understand that feeling that her cousin described of being drawn out into the world but also still wanting to support their family. As long as she had the ability to give her family that freedom she wouldn't hesitate to give them that. Yes, of course she wanted to keep her family close and reinforce what her mother had built, but she also wanted them to be happy and fulfilled.

As Nirvana went on to mention how she felt like she was missing something Avacyn's head tipped with thoughtful curiosity, but once she mentioned her hope that her time away might lead her to her soul mate Avacyn smiled and nodded with a hopeful enthusiasm. Even though her own love life was a bit complicated with twists and turns she wished she could have avoided, she did truly love seeing others in love and with their better halves and it was all she could hope for every member of their family that they might find that for themselves. "I hope you do. Even if that's the only thing you get out of your time away then every moment without you will be worth it." Having a mate and a family wasn't the only thing that made life worth living, but their family traditions and laws of course put a heavy emphasis on doing just that so perhaps it was just ingrained in her to want that for all of her family members.

"I didn't have the best of luck with having a mate arranged for me, but if you do want me to put some feelers out to our allies to see if they have any eligible bachelors you just let me know," she said mostly jokingly with a little grin. With a little more seriousness she added, "Truthfully though, the strongest relationships I've seen have come purely by chance or fate or whatever you want to call it. When the time is right I have no doubt that the Ancients will put your soul mate in your path."

"Avacyn Mendacium"