**Using liquid time to set this before the raid meeting**

The days that have followed the pack meeting have been busy for Haydée as she continues to try and do damage control. If the young woman was completely honest with herself, she would admit that she has completely thrown herself into the more administrative duties of the pack in the hopes of avoiding other members because Gilgamesh’s words still sting her heart. Her mood has turned downright foul since that fateful day and she keeps going over the whole damned situation and the itchy, healing wounds have done nothing to help with that.

It is mid-day when Haydée finally puts aside the notes she has been studying and decides that it is time to take a walk. Being cooped up all day is not good and she knows that her family has been keeping a close, yet somewhat distance, eye on her since the meeting. Standing, the woman stretches, rolling out the kinks and tightness that has settled in her muscles from sitting for such a prolonged time and, as they loosen, a sigh rolls past her lips. Shaking out her coat, a wince tugs at her features as the stitched wounds stretch painfully.

With that, she moves to the fur that separates her den from the rest of the cave system and pushes it aside, quickly slipping out into the day. Pausing at the entrance behind the waterfall, the brightness of the day causes dark spots to burst across her vision and she rapidly binks them away. Haydée silently hopes that she can get a quick walk in without being spotted by anyone because, while she knows that she needs to talk, the young woman also doesn’t wish to bother anyone with own internal struggles. Small paws then begin to trace familiar pathways up to the top of the falls.


"Haydée Kedieo"

So, she was hiding a ghost in the area of the creek, taking patrols to go see Acere while trying to figure out how to bring the situation up to her daughter. Hay was already dealing with so much. She kept herself busy… and Gavroche had made himself scarce. What had happened to her had affected them both, and though Bellamy was angry that her daughter had been hurt because of something she had done, and if she attacked back in retaliation was only going to breed more and more violence. Was this her true cost for what she had done? To watch her loved ones get hurt… because of her?

Bellamy sighed, her gaze focused out over Ethne’s lands. She was troubled… had been sharing those troubles with Ace. It was enough to keep her from doing something stupid but… she knew she would need to talk with her daughter eventually. And fate… fate had a funny way of putting you in the path of the ones who you needed most. Bellamy turned, considering heading back down the path of the falls when she saw her daughter making her way up. She adjusted slightly, calling to her.

“You know, when I was still beginning my role as the Leader here, I liked coming up to this spot to look over the falls, to watch over everyone.” She turned her head away, giving her daughter the choice to approach if she chose to, or to leave the old woman talking to herself. “I wanted to be everything for everyone… Even now, I still do… but even as we see everything that goes on… we can’t handle it all on our own… That would be an impossible task.” Her tail tip flicked as she drew in a deep breath, falling quiet.

"Speech," 'Thought.'

Haydée’s mind is far from the familiar pathway that leads to the top of falls, her paws moving more of their own accord than from her conscious command. Instead of watching the way the sun filters through the trees or listening the soft songs that the birds sing of the coming Spring, the weary woman hears the insults and malice hurled at her on an obsidian beach far North of here. A call pulls at her tortured mind, forcing it to turn from itself and she lifts her small head to bring her gaze up to rest on her mother.

Emotions swirl in her emerald eyes, hurt, fear, and sorrow awhirl in those deep green depths before she blinks and they are wiped away, concern for her battle-scarred mother replacing them as she looks at the woman’s, tired form. The words Bellamy offers has a small sigh falling from Haydée’s lips and she bobs her head, having a rather similar reason for coming to the top of the falls today. Without a word, she finishes her approach, angling herself to come up to next to her mother where she then lightly seats herself upon the ground.

Together, they quietly gaze out over the land, the old and the young Leaders contemplating their own struggles that the not yet voiced to each other. Silence fills the space between them, growing with each passing second until it hangs heavily around the women’s shoulders. A bug lazily buzzes around the shorter wolf’s head and she resists the urge to swat at it or to scratch the healing wounds on her neck. Finally, Haydée speaks, the words that emerge are laced with the exhaustion that she feels in her very soul, “If only I could be half the leader you and my siblings seem to see in me.”

A wistful smile tugs at her lips as she remembers all the kindness they have shown her, encouraging her with every step she has taken as she blindly blundered through her role. Yet one man has erased all her good deeds and placed a dark blot on her leadership causing Haydée to start rethink every little choice she has ever made. Suddenly, she wishes that Bay was still here, that the smiling golden boy might be in his den when she goes back, to kiss away her tears and hold her while she cries.

But he is gone, taken captive by a tide that some cruel force of fate had sent to keep them apart. Vision blurs as tears well in her soft eyes and she bitterly spits out, “I don’t think the Divines want me to be a leader. Every time I think that I am starting to do something good…” voice grows weak and falls off, small shoulders lifting only to fall into a half-hearted shrug as she shakes her head, biting the inside of her cheek.

Eyes fall to her paws, neck arching as her head bows, revealing the poultice packed stitches where Gilgamesh’s wounds will forever remain on her. Once more she speaks, words now softer as she quietly asks, “How did you do it mom? How do you keep everyone going and know that the choice you made is the right one?” Was leading another raid on the Raiders a smart decision? In her eyes, it will show that Ethne is not a push over and that they will seek to take back whatever is stolen from them.

But is it enough?



"Haydée Kedieo"

Her daughter’s words and weariness echo the same that lies across Bellamy, and the old woman can’t help the sad smile that tugs at her lips. “You are starting to sound more like me, Hay.” Her poor girl. Bellamy’s heart aches for her, her gaze distant as she stares across Ethne. “Long before I even gained my freedom, I questioned if the Divinities had decided I was no longer fit for good things. If perhaps Chaos has loomed all this time, and any good I thought I saw being done was the act of Delusion and Calamity giving me false comfort before it all came crashing down. Hell, I still question it…” One couldn’t help but wonder. For one who seemed to want to try and do good, she was sure doing a fucking terrible job… at least in her own opinion.

Haydée speaks again and Bellamy frowns, turning to look at her daughter with a sympathetic gaze. “As a little secret, Hay… I didn’t. I never thought any of the choices I made were the right one, always second guessing, always questioning if I could have done something better or been a better leader… if someone else might have done better than I would have.” The old wolf confessed. She shook her head, that sad smile returning. “But… your father never had those doubts that I did. He’d tell me that I was a good leader, because I cared about what happened after each decision, if there were consequences… cared who it affected…” Bellamy’s gaze softened.

“A good leader doesn’t always make the right decisions, but they care to keep trying, to be there for their family and their pack. They are the one holding things together, even when they themselves feel like they are going to fall apart. It becomes less because they have to - there are other leaders out there, and some may argue that they are better, that they make smarter decisions, that they know the right way to lead…” Bellamy straightened.

“The truth is every wolf is going to make mistakes, leader or not. I did not become a leader thinking I would be a good one, I did it because I wanted to create stability for my family, for the little lives growing within me at the time. The world had failed me and your father time and time again… If I had to fight the world to give our children hope at knowing what being “normal” was like, then I knew I would without hesitation. With every fumble along the way…” Bellamy let her gaze shift out across the land once more.

“...and that is why I’m so worried about your decision to keep me here.” Bellamy sighed softly. “I have always been reactive when it has come to our family, and history shows that battlefields… bring out something in my mind that is unwell…” The seriousness of the topic hurts her heart, but Bellamy knows it needs to be said. “...and yet, if I had been the Leader, and it was one of my wolves, one of those I care so deeply about that had the same thing happen… I know I could not turn my back on them.” Another truth at just how similar mother and daughter were.

The older wolf gently leans into her smaller daughter’s side. “If we mess up, we learn from it.” Her tone grew softer now. “We may not know the best choice before it happens, but we can choose how we handle what happens after.” She placed a kiss on Haydée’s brow. “So if you ask me you’re doing the best that you can, and that is something everyone in the pack sees. It is why we all follow and support you.” Bells hopes that encouragement will be enough, that her daughter might finally feel some of the weight that is crushing down on her lift up and leave her alone at last.

"Speech," 'Thought.'