Collision had put it off while she brought up the kids and while they grew large enough and big enough to be self-sufficient for a fair amount of time, he felt the need to talk to her about the decision he had made. After all, it was going to largely effect her and the rest of her life, and if he gave her no notification, he was through and through just a bad man. It wasn't what he was trying to do, and he never wanted to hurt her; which was also why he wanted to change some things about his...their lifestyle. It was important and something he couldn't put to rest. Never would he let her be hurt by his own doings again. Having a hand in her pain was not something he sat well with, and so the rest of their life would be discussed today. Body was seated at the edge of a lake, tail thumping gently against the ground as xanthous eyes pulled to the evening skies. It was a limited window as they needed to be home soon to find their children and get everyone put to rest, but it didn't matter. Things would be handled first and foremost. A long gentle howl was thrown out, begging the attention of his wife. Soleil. She was so sweet, and he only hoped he could conjure up her understanding with the news he had come to want to reflect in her. There was no reason for her to be upset, and he was certain he could get her to reason with him and his siding. ` Speech!

	The sounds was like silk, gliding gently into her ear canals and caressing her. Only the sound of him was needed to make her swoon. It was crazy to think that two wolves could be so in love, that the passion fire they felt years ago could still burn just as strongly years and two litters later. Soleil's little body had been through so much and yet she was not quite ready to call it quits. When she looked forth into the future she saw her and Collision, grey with old age, sitting amid their children and their children's children. The family life was meant for her but it didn't come without a price. The mate she had chosen was so much larger than herself, each time they made love in season was a risk to her very life. Not that she ever saw it that way. Her first litter was a struggle but relatively a breeze compared to the last one she had had. Still, Soleil yearned for her lover in all manners of the word. She wanted to feel him close, to have their bodies interlock. She wanted more children, she wanted more sons. Her paws were in motion, carrying her swiftly from her den site out into Valhallan lands. When she found him he sat peacefully by a lake and she remembered fondly the first time they had met. Then too water had separated them, just lot as much. Their eyes had met and for being a wolf who avoided eye contact, she found herself staring at him. The pale little female found herself staring now. "Collision," Her words were low, fleeting just before she turned to the left, she rushed forth pushing into a lope. Around the water and into her lover's embrace. Soleil let out a heavy sigh as she did so.

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She was careful and quick to come to him, as usual, and if there was one thing that put a decent smile on the face of the man it was seeing her be quick to come to him. She was a diligent wife, doting and giving, and he appreciated what she had given to him. Children, happiness, and she had stood beside him even in his failures. How could he have not been captivated by her? How could have failed her more than he already had? He was not proclaiming his perfection this day, or any other day, but he was going to do his best to pick up what he could. Failure did not suit their family well, and as Adravendi (blood or not) there was a requirement of wisdom most didn't have the chance to see. Luckily, Collision had been raised by all the right kinds of people, and he had power that had seemed untapped. A mind that was ready for a sacrifice of the most unparalleled kind. Her body came close, crashing into his subtly, the warmth she emitted rocking over him gently and creating a smile that caressed his face, showering her in ardor. Tail moved restlessly as she became comfortable with him, the whisper of his name echoing in his ear pleasantly. Every moment with this blessed woman was pure intoxication. He was a druggie married to heroine. It was the ultimate downfall, and yet the most blissful existence he could have chosen. Contrary to what lay on the table, however, he had called her for a more serious intervention. There wasn't much he could smile about, nor was there much reason for him to not be slightly fearful of what the future held. Even the next few minutes seemed to be an unknown revelation to him. "Soleil," the tempered disposition of the well-groomed behemoth rolled forward, his head nuzzling into the top of her, his tongue dancing over her muzzle and brow to shower her in the warm kisses he could offer. How sweet and nice it was to be beside her. His heart, his night and day. "I need to talk to you about something," he was well aware that the woman didn't do well with stress, nor with surprises, and she preferred an easy stylized life. He couldn't give that option to her at the moment. Something had to change, "It's regarding out children, I suppose. Your health," He didn't want to drag it out, but what choice did he have? He didn't want to push her past some unknown breaking point, but perhaps that was what he was going to do.

	Soleil was truly an obedient wife, following the demands of her husband as laid out. Luckily he did not demand enough to make her feel enslaved, though with their passionate love it was hard to imagine with little woman ever feeling like a slave to the man. They were in love and love made a gal do silly things. It was true, Soleil would do anything for Collision. If she really thought about it, she would feel as though she owed him some large favor. He had proven that he would do anything for her the night he had killed for her safety, what had she done outside of the ordinary? Her caressed her, swooned over her, and called out her name. Like putty she melted. "I need to talk to you about something," His baritones came to her, making her straighten up and act more seriously, for that's what he was, serious. "It's regarding our children, I suppose. Your health," The way he began was enough for her draw back her ears in confusion. She found herself taking a couple steps in reverse and seating herself. Like a statue she sat tall and square. "What about them? Our children our fine and my health has never been better?" Perhaps there was something off in her tone, a light air of dread. Where was he going with this? Did he think she was still sick? Did he think that the children were going to pick something up? The healer woman licked her chops, an expression of the nerves that were bubbling up in her. If nothing else she was a wolf of worry. She worried for her family above all other and right now Collision was pushing her into the flames of her own paranoia.

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	He swore he would bid her no more pain and he was not reluctant to fight that which he had sowrn he wouldn't do. A firm smile coated the lips of the man. This was all for her, so that his sweet love would be harmed no longer. He abhorred the thuoght of her pain, especially when he had done everything to cause it. Her touch was something that made his heart rattle quickly within' him, and embraced every fine sinew of the man in the ardor she gave off. Still, it was never enough for him to just enjoy that, it was never enough if he wasn't sacrificing. Perhaps he thought himself a failure, perhaps he was, and he would refuse to think of that any longer. "I don't want anymore children with you," the beast would rumble the words i nthe sweetest way he could, but he was aware of their levity. "I want to find someone to castrate me. I don't want to ever inflict damage on you again," His words were laden with sincerity and every good intention in the world, and the only thing that was unknown to him would be herreaction. Still, he had no doubt that it was coming, and he had to wonder if she would try to be noble, as always, and turn him from what was best for her.

	Her mighty lover contained himself, remaining solid where she molded to him. There was a moment of silence between them as she asked what could possibly wrong. "I don't want anymore children with you," His words were sudden and felt chilled. Her heart dropped. What was he saying? He... he didn't love her anymore? He didn't want to be with her? Was he even allowed to leave her like that? How could it even be possible. Water was swelling in her eyes and her breath was trapped in her chest. "I want to find someone to castrate me. I don't want to ever inflict damage on you again," At this Soleil made a choked sound, half surprise and half disbelief. Jaw had gone slack but now snapped up, "Collision, my love, what pain is it you mean? The pain of childbirth is natural, a good pain. There's no better pain in the world to see, at the end, our darling children wriggling with life." It had no effect on him, he was immune to the words. She tried another approach. "I want more children, Collision! Not this year, this winter we can wait. I'll get extra fit so that next year I can give you more sons! You don't have to do this Collision." She was aware of the slight whine that had entered her tone. She was clearly begging him now, he didn't have to sacrifice his manhood for her!

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	this was arguably the hardest thing he had ever done, and to be quite clear it was breaking him more than he ever thought it would. He was standing, strong, meanwhile breaking the heart of that who most loved him. It was difficult, but he had to withstand trial to save her. Of course, he expected her to fight against his words, to struggle, to clammer around and beg and tell him not to. Though; why? It was simple, she was beautifully selfless, a miraculous child that saw no wrong in the world, that would do anything to keep him from pain and just bless him in any way that she could, even if it meant causing herself pain unimaginable. Why...oh why would she torment herself in such extreme ways for him? He had done nothing to deserve that. Nothing. It came and he could feel his heart tighten, as she yearned to make excuses for the things that had happened: saying things like the pain was worth it, and the joy was something excessively resplendant. Why would she dare say that when he so yearned to help her? "Soleil, you passed out, I feared you were going to die you know? I feared so much, and what kind of man am I if I cause that again? A selfish one, one that doesn't deserve you. I want to deserve you," he wanted to make everything okay, but that wasn't happening as quickly as he wished it was. His eyes fought back showing the emotion that hid on the brink of his mind. He wouldn't be weak, not today, not when it wasn't an option. A sigh slipped past the confines of his lips and he looked at her with the most meaning he could, the most meaning he could without bursting into tears. "Soleil, I don't want more sons, I want you healthy, I want you alive. I want to make sure that you're around to see the sons we do have grow up," that was all he cared about, making sure she saw the successes of Gael. And that her daughters grew up to be beautiful young women. They had so much to look forward to in life.

	Soleil stood looking at her husband, her king, her everything. Eyes locked on his as she struggled to be firm and demanding. How challenging it was to solidify her points. "Soleil, you passed out, I feared you were going to die you know? I feared so much, and what kind of man am I if I cause that again? A selfish one, one that doesn't deserve you. I want to deserve you," His words had her shaking her head. She crept nearer to him, tongue flicking at his muzzle near his nose. How could he think that he didn't deserve her? How had she ever found such a compassionate mate? Their perfection was undeniable. His steely expression finally broke, but not by force. Collision allowed himself a little feeling, enough to have huge meaning to Soleil. "Soleil, I don't want more sons, I want you healthy, I want you alive. I want to make sure that you're around to see the sons we do have grow up," She lowered her head, ears flipping back. She nodded once, to show her resigned agreement. "I suppose I cannot sway you in this... and I assume you already have some to preform the... surgery?"

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	he hadn't really thought about one of the most important aspects of the entire thing. someone to actually do it. as much as he loved Soleil and didn't want to put it off for fear of something else, the fact that he didn't really know what he was doing was something he was slightly off-put to mention. would she now think his decision rash and deplorable? it was evident that she didn't enjoy it as much as he would have preferred her to be accepting of it, but he could only ask so much of her. The man rolled his shoulders forward and contemplated with everything that was happening...what if he fought in the war? with that as a wager? he could weaken his opponent and purposely lose? he would much rather have had his pride wounded than have anything else given to him. a shudder coursed through him and he slowly shook his head. "Not yet...I was considering challenging Isardis. If I win then Valhalla gets to know he was thrown down...if I lose then I get what I want. Either way, I win," and Isardis would at least be weakened a bit. Perhaps the glaciem boy was a good fighter, but Collision did have some size over him, and utilized properly size could be a very durable weapon. Tongue crawled over inky lips and the golden eyed man looked carefully at his wife. "Are you mad at me? I don't want to lose you in this..." she was most of his world, and he wanted her to know that, to remember it, and above all else be strong in that. He didn't fancy hurting her --it made him sick. Perhaps he hadn't really planned it all out like he should have, but his efforts should have been strong enough.