Caedes stepped out into the cold night, the blanket-wrapped pups nestled close to his chest. Each tiny whimper echoed in his ears, mingling with the ghostly memories of Aurelia's voice and Sephiran's madness. The raven had flown swiftly, and it wasn't long before Aresenn appeared, his eyes filled with questioning. Caedes waited silently as the brute took note of the bundle in his jaws, the soft cries coming from within; and then as he went into the den and came out moments later.

“She is dead. They need to nurse.” Caedes said, his voice flat and devoid of emotion. He gently transferred the blanket-wrapped pups into Aresenn's grasp, his movements mechanical, as though his mind had detached from the reality of the situation.

Aresenn nodded, a grim understanding passing between them. Caedes barely acknowledged him, his gaze fixed on the ground as the other brute padded off.

[Timeskip for close your eyes. try to breathe.]

Returning to his den... The once serene space now felt like a tomb, the blood and remnants of the violent birth and subsequent brutality staining every surface. The metallic scent of blood hung heavily in the air, mingling with the faint, fading scent of Aurelia. He stood in the center of the den, staring at the bloodied floor, bits of brain matter and skull fragments where she’d been killed.

‘Caed-..’ ‘Dad, where are we going?’ ‘Save… them.’ ‘Dad?’ ‘Thank… you.’ ‘Your scaring me. Stop it. Stop it now! Please! Dad!’

The memories surged, unbidden and relentless. He saw Aurelia's agonized face, heard her pained cries, and felt the helplessness of watching her die that he had not let himself feel fully in the moments prior. Overlaid with these memories were echoes of his own childhood, the terror of his father's attack, the pain, the betrayal.

‘You did this.’ ‘You are a monster.’ ‘Fucking bitch.’ ‘Why do you look like him?!’

Caedes felt a scream building within him, a primal, anguished sound that clawed its way up from the depths of his soul. He let it out, a raw, guttural cry that reverberated off the walls of the den. His jaw clenched, his muscles rippled down his limbs, and he began to destroy everything in sight. Shelves were ripped from the walls, vials and herbs shattered and scattered, his healer’s tools thrown with reckless abandon. He as blind with rage. Blind with the memories overlapping and burned into his mind.

He relived the horror of his childhood, the fear and pain as his crazed father attacked him, each blow feeling as real now as it did then. The scars burned like the day they were carved into his flesh. He saw Astrid’s face, her pleas for him to be strong, to survive the pain and all the gaping wounds that littered his young body. His father's frantic visage haunted him, the madness in his eyes mirroring the insanity he had just witnessed in Sephiran.

Stop. Just stop. Please! No more!

Caedes was lost in the storm of his emotions, his actions driven by a need to expel the pain, to purge the memories that were suffocating him. To fight back where he’d failed to in both memories. He tore through his den, each act of destruction a desperate attempt to reclaim some semblance of control, to push back the overwhelming tide of grief and trauma.

Finally, exhausted and broken, he collapsed to the ground amidst the wreckage. His body trembled, his breath coming in ragged gasps. The silence that followed was heavy, oppressive, broken only by his occasional sobs. Caedes curled into himself, his mind a sea of sorrow and regret.

He lay there for what felt like an eternity, consumed by the weight of his memories and the horror of what had transpired. Slowly, he allowed himself to feel the pain, to mourn Aurelia, to grieve for the life he had lost so long ago.

Numb, empty silence.

It was hours. Days? He didn’t know.

Slowly, he forced himself to sit up, his body aching from the strain of his outburst. His gaze drifted to the remnants of the den, to his grief and anger. But there was one final task he had to complete.

With heavy limbs, he gathered up the stillborn pups, their small, lifeless bodies a tragic contrast to the living pups he had just entrusted to Aresenn. He cradled them gently, his touch tender despite the horror that had transpired. They deserved dignity, even in death. Despite the fact that one was headless.

Caedes made his way to a small clearing outside the den. He carefully prepared a pyre, arranging the wood with precision born from years of practice. He placed the stillborns on top, their tiny forms almost lost amidst the branches. He lit the fire, watching as the flames took hold and began to consume the wood, the heat intense against his skin and fur.

The fire crackled and roared, the scent of burning wood and flesh filling the air. Caedes stood vigil, his eyes fixed on the flames as they rose higher, transforming the stillborns into ash. He whispered a quiet prayer, a plea for peace and solace for their souls, wherever they might go. He was not religious, so he prayed to whatever god might listen. The flames danced and flickered, incinerating the lives that had ended before they even had a chance to begin.

When the fire finally died down, leaving only smoldering embers and a thin trail of smoke, Caedes turned away. The task was done. He felt a small measure of peace settle within him, a fragile consolation to his wounded soul. But the weight of the night's events still pressed heavily on him.

What was Sephiran doing to Aurelia’s body, that he could not burn along with her dead children?

He knew where he needed to go next. The thought of Mariah, her presence and strength. He needed her now, more than ever.

Caedes walked through the forest, the scent of death, birth, and ash clinging to him like a shroud. He moved with a determined pace, his steps steady despite the turmoil within him. As the hours passed, the dense forest began to give way to the familiar path leading to Elysium.

When he finally reached the outskirts of the sanctuary, the sky was beginning to lighten with the first hints of dawn. Exhaustion weighed heavily on him, but he pressed on, his heart set on finding Mariah. Her presence was a haven he desperately needed to reach.

He entered Elysium, his eyes scanning the quiet, peaceful surroundings. The contrast to his own chaotic mind was stark. Day and night. But he still did not know how many days it had been. It was morning now, but any number of days could have passed since that night. He moved through Elysium, the familiar paths leading him towards Mariah's abode. His steps slowed as he approached the entrance of her den, a mix of anticipation and dread filling him. Above all. Numbness again. He stood there, not entering, trying to understand why he would come here just for her to see him like this. Maybe he would be lucky, and she was still at the Hallow festival, so he could nestle up in her bedding and compose himself before she came back. But her scent was fresh, so that was a fleeting thought.

She did not even know of his past, how would she understand this?

"speaking"

Mariah was never really one to dream- or at least if she did, she didn’t remember them. But on this particular night, her slumber had been deep and peaceful. As she slowly emerged from the depths of sleep, an image materialized in her mind with vivid clarity. Every brushstroke and hue was rich and alive, it was like a painting come to life before her eyes. She couldn't help but be momentarily surprised by this sudden display of imagination in her otherwise dreamless state.

The figure standing in the entrance of her den was unmistakable - Caedes, with his rugged features and harsh gaze. The first light of dawn bathed him in an otherworldly glow, casting shadows on his tired face. His gaze met hers and a sleepy grin tugged at the corners of her lips, but it didn't quite reach her half-lidded eyes. There was something different about him. He seemed weary and burdened, causing a sharp pang of worry to form inside her chest. "Caedes?" She called out softly, her voice barely more than a whisper in the dull lighting of her den. Was this really a dream? She didn't want to risk waking up if it was. Shifting herself to one side, she gestured to the empty space beside her. "Come to bed," she murmured, her voice soft and inviting despite the concern she felt for him. Her den was warm and cozy, a safe haven from the outside world where they could be together without any distractions or worries. She hoped he would join her and find comfort in their shared moments of peace and intimacy. Even if it was just a dream.

"Mariah Mendacium"

Caedes stood at the entrance of Mariah’s den, the dawn's light hitting his obsidian form and revealing splashes of dried blood caked into his fur. He numbly thought of taking a plunge into the ocean, maybe the cold water would bring him back to his senses, and wash away all else. But then he heard her soft call, his name on her tongue that tugged at his heart, pulling him forward. He hesitated for a moment, the scent of death and ash still clinging to him, a pungent reminder of what he had endured. But her invitation was a lifeline, a beacon in the storm.

He moved silently to her side, the warmth of her den an immense comfort to his tortured soul. As he lay down, he nuzzled into her, his large form curling into her warmth like a child seeking solace. He tried to hide the tremble in his limbs, but the scent of the horrors he had faced? He could only hope she would not notice. Not yet.

Her presence was a haven, a refuge. He closed his eyes, the softness of her fur and the steady rhythm of her breathing grounding him in the present. For a moment, he allowed himself to believe that he could find peace here, in her arms. Emeralds shut tightly, the massive brute clung to her, the weight of his grief and pain pressing heavily upon him, but here, with her, he found a sliver of comfort. Even if only for a little while.

"speaking"

As she lay in the darkness, Mariah felt the weight of him as he joined her, his hulking form pressing gently against her own. She could sense the dried blood on his skin, the scent of ash and death that clung to him. But none of that mattered in this moment. All that mattered was that he was here, with her. His trembling body sent subtle vibrations through their shared warmth, one she chose to ignore for the time being. There would be time for questions later, time to understand what had brought him to her den in such a state. For now, she would offer him comfort, even if it were only just a dream.

She shifted closer, her slender form molding to his larger one. She could feel his muscles tense under his thick fur, felt the shuddering sigh that escaped him as he pressed into her. Her heart ached for the torment that so clearly held him in its cruel grip. "Shh," she murmured, nuzzling into his neck, "We're safe here." Her voice was soft, soothing, and filled with a deep-seated love she felt for this man. She felt the warmth of her own breath catch in his fur as she lay with him, in the quiet solitude of her den, her heart thudding steadily against his. Time seemed to slow, each second a prolonged testament to the tenderness of their shared moment. She had no idea what brought him to her at such an odd time. But she was grateful he had come.

"Mariah Mendacium"

Caedes felt the weight of Mariah’s presence as she molded herself against him, her warmth seeping into his bones and chasing away the chill that gripped him. He was acutely aware of the dried blood, the ash, the scent of death that clung to him, but she made no mention of it, choosing instead to hold him close. Her soft murmurs and gentle nuzzles provided him something to cling to, his tortured soul grasping at anything to help ground him here and now.

‘Shh, we're safe here.’ She whispered, her voice so soothing, so necessary to hear.

He felt her breath catch in his fur, her heart thudding steadily against his chest. Each beat was proof that he was not trapped in the void of his disconnection, that he was capable of feeling again, that he was not still paralyzed in his den watching Sephiran kill Aurelia.

He clung to her, his body trembling with the remnants of his anguish, but slowly, gradually, he began to relax into her embrace. Yet the more he relaxed, the more he felt overwhelmed again. This time, though, it wasn't rage that surfaced; it was pure, unfiltered grief and shame, flooding through him with an intensity that threatened to drown him.

“I do not deserve safety.” The brute murmured, his voice rough and broken. The words hung in the air, a confession of the guilt and self-loathing that gnawed at his soul. He buried his face in her fur, the scent of her, clean and comforting, filling his senses. The dam inside him broke, and a single, painful sob wracked his massive frame.

The sob was followed by another, and then another, each one more heart-wrenching than the last. The grief he had kept locked away, the shame he had hidden beneath layers of anger and resolve, poured out of him in a torrent of tears and shuddering breaths. His body shook with the force of it, his pain laid bare in the safe cocoon of her arms.

"speaking"

Mariah felt his body begin to relax, his trembling slowly ebbing away under her comforting presence. But as the minutes passed, she could feel a new tension creep into him. He was shaking again, but it was different this time. His body trembled with a new intensity that sent shivers of concern through her own frame. His grief and shame were palpable now, wrapping around him like a heavy blanket and threatening to pull him under.

Her heart ached at the raw emotion that flowed from him, struck by the depth of his despair. She wanted to ease his pain, to hold him until the tremors stopped and his breaths became steady once again. But how could she, when his pain seemed to run so deep? Instead, she did what she could. She pressed herself closer to him, wrapping her slender arms around him in a protective embrace.

"It's okay …" she whispered into his fur, her voice barely audible. But the moment the words left his lips, I don’t deserve safety, Mariah's heart stuttered. The raw pain in his voice was resounding,, a haunting echo of the guilt and self-loathing that darkened his soul. She felt her breath hitch as he buried his face in her fur, his body trembling with unrestrained grief. His confession hung in the air between them. And then, the levee broke, unleashing a torrent of pent-up agony. She held him tighter as the first sobs started to wrack his body. His grief was a tangible thing in the air and it tore at her heart, each sob sending jolts of empathy through her.

"Let it go" her voice a soothing balm in the suffocating silence of the den. She wasn’t going to engage in an argument with him- to try and convince him he could do no wrong. His pain was a reckoning force between them, a maelstrom of self-loathing and regret that threatened to consume him whole. She couldn’t win that fight for him. But she could see him through it. She tightened her grip, offering what little comfort she could amid his inner turmoil refusing to let go, keeping him anchored as he rode the waves of his grief

"Mariah Mendacium"

Caedes struggled against the tide of his memories, each one crashing over him with relentless force; dragging him back to a time he had desperately tried to forget. Aurelia’s death had been the catalyst, and now the floodgates were open.

The memories came in a rush, the terror, the pain, the betrayal. His father’s eyes, wild and unseeing, the madness that had consumed him. The feeling of being utterly helpless, a child at the mercy of a force he couldn’t understand or escape. The shame of surviving when it felt like he shouldn’t have. The hate of being forced into that situation in the first place.

All of those emotions re-lived as he stood and watched his friend die, her children helplessly crying for comfort as her skull was bashed in.

Mariah’s hold tightened around him, her whispered reassurances fighting to pull him back to the present. Her voice was soothing and she was warm. Comforting, but the anguish was strong, its grip unyielding.

He forced himself to focus on her, to ground himself in the sensation of her slender arms wrapped around him, the steady beat of her heart against his chest. He fought to calm his breathing, his sobs stifled back into horrid heaves of his lungs.

"speaking"

Mariah felt the raw emotion roll off him in waves, his grief and guilt manifesting in heartbreaking sobs that made her own heart feel heavy. The pain he carried was tangible, a living entity that gripped his soul with merciless intensity. Each shuddering breath he took echoed within the confines of the den, a testament to the trauma etched deep within his being. Something she had never seen of him before. She could practically feel his memories, dark and ruthless, and they were laying siege to his sanity, threatening to pull him under their weight.

Yet amidst the tempest of his torment, she remained steadfast, her arms wrapped protectively around him like a shield. Her voice was a soft whisper against his fur, a beacon of solace in the midst of his storm. She murmured soothing words, her tone as serene as the still ocean on a moonlit night, hoping to steer him towards calmer waters. "Caedes," It’s okay. she cooed gently, stroking his matted fur, rhythmically and softly, trying to anchor him in the present moment, away from the tormenting grasps of whatever had him.

She stole a glance up at him for a moment, before settling her cheek against his chest once more. “Can you tell me about it?” Can you tell me anything?

"Mariah Mendacium"

He tried desperately to focus on her words, but the memories were relentless, the images of brutal death, the cries of her children all swirling in his mind, refusing to be silenced. And mixing in was the voice of his father, layered over Sephiran’s cruel words spat at the mutilated corpse of Aurelia.

Mariah’s cheek pressed against his chest, her breath warm against his fur. Can you tell me about it? She had the right to know, as his tears wet her fur and bedding. As his massive form lay there bloody and repulsive.

He took a shuddering breath, his voice raw and broken as his voice shuddered and shook. “I let her die. I promised I would help her and I let her be killed.” The words hung heavy in the air, a confession of his deep guilt. His body trembled as he continued, “Aurelia... I was supposed to help her, to be there for her while she gave birth. But I failed. I watched as Sephiran killed her, helpless and paralyzed like a child. I could not save her, just like I could not save myself when my father…” His voice trailed off, choked with emotion. Fucking pathetic.

The sobs came again, uncontrolled and so very unlike the cold, indifferent brute that he normally was. He clung to her, letting the torrent of his grief pour out, letting himself feel. And how foreign it was to lose himself.

"speaking"

Mariah listened stoically as Caedes finally put voice to his grief, the pain in his words hitting her like a physical blow. She felt a pang of sorrow in her chest, as if it were she who’d failed Aurelia. For a moment she closed her eyes, gathering her strength before pushing aside her own feelings to better focus on Caedes. She couldn't comprehend the depth of his guilt and self-loathing, but she felt the intensity of his emotions, the pain that vibrated through his entire being. It stole her breath away for a moment, but she forced herself to keep breathing steadily, to be the rock he needed her to be.

She tightened her hold on him, a physical manifestation of her unwavering support. His sobs echoed around them, filling the cozy den with his grief. The rawness of the pain in his confession tore at her heartstrings, but she didn’t recoil from it. Instead, she drew him closer still, trying to absorb some of that torment, to soothe it with her presence.

“Caedes," she whispered, her voice steady though laced with pain. She tilted her head up to look at him again. His face was a mask of despair, his normally piercing gaze dull and haunted. It was hard to see him this way, to see the proud, stoic brute that she loved reduced to a trembling wreck. But she didn't look away, and couldn't afford to break eye contact. The moment required her full commitment, her unwavering support, her complete understanding.

She breathed in deeply, steeling herself against the waves of grief that crashed against her. "It's okay …" Her words were soft but firm - a soothing balm against his raw wounds. "I don’t know what happened, but you can’t possibly be to blame for this woman’s death." She began, looking for any sort of recognition in his distant gaze. “And if you had stood in this … madman’s way, would he have not done the same to you?” She didn’t wait for him to answer before she continued on. “Your survival wasn’t a weakness. It was a strength. It’s the reason why you are here with me, right now. Because you’re strong, Caedes. You came back to me.” She tried to assure him- willing the words to sink in. Looking at him, thinking that he could have possibly perished at the hands of someone who she had never met or could even pick out of a crowd … someone so close to him. And she wouldn’t have known. She would have gone on for days not knowing the other half of her soul had been ripped away.

The words he trailed off on- the admission that he couldn’t save himself from the trauma induced by his own father- that threatened to destroy her. She thought about his scars, but made no effort to look at them now. Swallowing back her own tears, Mariah chafed her paw gently against his matted fur, the coarse texture of it grounding her. Her silver eyes held nothing but earnest sincerity and concern as she attempted to reach him in his despair. "Caedes," she started again, a soft note of urgency in her voice, "I wish I could carry some of this burden for you...I wish I could erase your pain. But I can't. What I can do is promise you that you're not alone." She said lightly, settling her cheek against his chest once more. “So, tell me about it. Who was Aurelia? What happened to her?” She finished, hoping that by talking about it he may find a measure of release from the torment that was consuming him.

"Mariah Mendacium"

Caedes felt Mariah’s hold tighten, like she was accepting his grief for what it was in this moment. He was imploding. Her words, steady and filled with a determination to understand, cut through the fog of his despair. He shuddered, the raw pain of his confession still reverberating within him, but he could feel her support wrapping around him like a comforting blanket. It made him want to open up, to let her see further into his soul. Could he let that happen?

“Mariah…” he began, his voice a whisper, struggling against the weight of his emotions. These things he never let be seen by others. He drew a shuddering breath, his chest heaving as he fought to steady himself. He sat up now, eyes falling down to his bloodied paws still covered in dried afterbirth and blood. His massive body, usually so imposing and strong, seemed to collapse inward, his shoulders slumped and his head bowed as he spoke.

“Aurelia… She is… She was my… my friend? She was volatile, and callous, and no one got along well with her. She picked fights. She spoke her mind. She was… a healer. She was careful and kind when she needed to be. She… pierced my ears with your gift. We talked… about methods and theories to test. I respected her, and maybe I was the only one that did.” He lurched forward and clutched at Mariah as if she were his last anchor to reality, his claws gently digging into her fur, afraid to let go.

He was silent, the memories, the emotions that came with them almost too painful to continue. But Mariah’s steady presence gave him the strength to go on. He had to explain, or maybe he never would. “She came to me after laboring for so long on her own. Two stillborns, countless hours. She came to me so weak and so desperate. I helped her, but she was much too weak after. I gave her drugs to ease the pain, because she was in so much pain. She was so tired. But she loved her children, I could see it in her eyes even if she could barely hold them open.” At this Caedes’ voice cracked again, as the memory of Aurelia being unable to sit to greet her newborns flashing through his mind. Oh god what could he have done? She would have died, but what if she wouldn’t have? If he had stopped Sephiran, maybe she would have lived for her children. “When he came for her, there was nothing I could do. He tortured her with her own dead pups. He… he was just on her, stabbing her, cursing her. I was paralyzed, Mariah. I watched as he tore her apart. I watched him destroy everything she ever was. I failed her, and I failed her living children.” His body trembled violently, his breath hitching with each word. His tail, normally held high as a symbol of his pride, lay limp and motionless against the bedding.

He looked down at her, with emeralds so broken and dull. His gaze met the sincerity and concern in her silver eyes. “There is no excuse. I will never forgive myself. I stood there, and let her die. I could not think. I could barely feel. My vision, my senses, they failed me. And I failed her.” His eyes, once sharp and fierce, were now dull and glazed with tears. He didn’t bother to mention the thread Sephiran had given him, about him and Mariah. There was no point, and even now he did not want the woman embracing him to think he’d froze due to fear.

He held her closer, finding a small measure of peace in her closeness even in the circumstance. His body slowly began to relax, the rigid tension easing as he allowed himself to lean into her, trusting her to bear some of his weight. “I am so sorry. I am not the man you thought I was. I am broken, I was born from brokenness, and I will remain so.” What did he expect? He didn't know. He just couldn't stop the waves of self-hatred from swallowing him.

"speaking"

Mariah absorbed his words, a hollow ache growing in her chest. The images his words painted were haunting, grotesque, and the fact that Caedes blamed himself for what had transpired twisted the knife deeper. His guilt was as palpable as his grief, and she knew no amount of reassurance would dispel it. Not now, at least. "It's not your fault, Caedes," she murmured softly - a whisper lost amidst the turmoil of his guilt and regret. She didn't need to see his eyes to know he wouldn't believe her, wouldn't accept absolution so easily. But she had to voice it anyway, had to let him know that the blame didn't solely rest on his broad shoulders. As he sat up, so did she. “You did what you could, given the circumstances. You can’t control someone else’s actions, especially not someone as heinous as him.”

She pressed herself closer to him, offering her warmth and comfort in this distressing moment. Outside, the night air was crisp and cool against her body, but inside her den that they shared, it was warm and comforting. The embers from the fire flickered and glowed, casting long shadows that danced around them. “You did a selfless thing for Aurelia- if you were her only friend, just supporting her through her labor was probably the greatest kindness she would have hoped for. That’s not failing her- quite the opposite.” She tried to explain, her voice steady, but soft. Her silver eyes were filled with sincerity and compassion as she looked up at him.

"You grieve, not because you failed her, but because you cared for her deeply." Mariah paused, allowing the words to sink in, hoping he'd realize that his guilt was misplaced. "Your actions, your presence gave her comfort in her final moments. You were there when nobody else would have been. You dulled her pain. You eased her transition, you stood by her through the end, as grizzly as it was." She tightened her grip around him, a silent message of reassurance. "If you had not been there…" Mariah's voice faltered for a moment, before she cleared her throat and continued, "in that moment, she would have faced her end alone, in agony, and the pups that survived, would not have otherwise." The thought sent a chill down her spine. To die alone, without anyone to offer comfort or solace, was a fate no creature deserved.

She could feel him trembling against her, the guilt-ridden confession leaving him a shaking wreck. His breath hitched as he struggled to process the soothing words she offered, his heart aching with the weight of his perceived failure. But Mariah was steadfast- she wouldn’t have it. “You have to know that he would have killed her had you been there or not, right?”

Mariah felt the tremors wracking Caedes' body begin to recede as he pressed himself closer to her, his words hanging heavily in the silent den. "Everyone breaks, Caedes," she responded softly. "It's what makes us who we are. It's how we learn and grow." She raised a paw to gently brush back a stray lock of fur from his eyes. "The true measure of strength," she continued, her voice steady despite the emotion thick in the air, "is not in never breaking, but in how we piece ourselves back together.” She murmmered in the space between them. She pulled away to look at him, to try to meet his eye contact. And when she didn’t get it right away, she asked. “Look at me.” Mariah gently insisted. “I love you now more than I ever have before- if it’s even physically possible.” She hesitated, looking for the recognition in his dulled gaze. "Do you hear me? I love you. Don't ever tell me that I can't make a judgment of character for myself." She said softly, but with a little more of a quiet edge. Mariah couldn’t let him continue in his self-deprecation - her heart wouldn't allow it.

"Mariah Mendacium"

Caedes absorbed Mariah's words with a growing sense of disbelief and self-loathing. The haunting images of Aurelia's death played on repeat in his mind, each frame a brutal reminder of his failure. Her soft reassurances felt like fleeting whispers against the roaring storm of his guilt. Fuck it all.

‘It's not your fault, Caedes,’ Mariah murmured softly, but he couldn't accept it. These words, though well-meaning, rang hollow. Astrid had tried, and still his belief in his own pathetic-ness held fast. How could he not blame himself when his own mother had always made him feel worthless, a failure in every sense? And then his father, his confidant, destroyed him too? Goddamn it, everyone wanted to test him. And guess what? He failed every test.

‘You did what you could, given the circumstances. You can’t control someone else’s actions, especially not someone as heinous as him.’

Caedes shook his head, his body trembling despite Mariah's warmth and comfort. He wanted to hide, to forget, to shove it all down and build his barriers back up. "No, Mariah," He said, his voice a harsh whisper. Eyes unseeing. "I should have done more. I should have stopped him. But I was too weak, too stuck. I should have done something. Yelled. Screamed. Attacked him. Sedated him. Anything."

Her silver eyes, filled with sincerity and compassion, seemed to bore into his soul, but he couldn't meet her gaze. He felt unworthy of her kindness, her love. Fuck he hated this. He hated all of this. ’You grieve, not because you failed her, but because you cared for her deeply,’ She continued, her words a solace to his raw wounds, yet the pain remained. How could it be gone so soon?

"You do not understand," He muttered, his voice breaking as he spoke, his paws moving up to his ears scrabbling at the piercings Aurelia had done. "I watched her die, Mariah. I watched her die and did nothing. I stood there, and watched her skull crack and turn to mush. Her pups clinging to her as he screamed at her, blaming her for her own death. Just like I did nothing but cry when my father carved these scars into my hide. I stood there, frozen, useless. Pathetic." He was worthless in that sense. A waste.

Mariah's grip tightened around him, her presence a lifeline he clung to desperately. ‘If you had not been there... in that moment, she would have faced her end alone, in agony, and the pups that survived would not have otherwise.’

He closed his eyes, the weight of her words pressing down on him. The guilt was suffocating, a relentless beast gnawing at his insides. "But I did not save her," He choked out, tears streaming down his face. His voice was devoid of inflection now, indifferent and lost. "I failed her, and I failed myself. I thought I was strong. I thought I had changed. But I.. I was still, I am still that pathetic pup unable to fight back. Do you know what it is to be a Saxe and not be one?"

He felt her gentle touch, her paw brushing back a stray lock of fur from his eyes. Her tenderness was almost unbearable. She spoke of strength and breakage, of piecing back together. She pulled away slightly, trying to meet his gaze. He resisted at first, his eyes downcast, filled with shame and self-reproach. But her gentle insistence, her unwavering love, slowly broke through his defenses. She gently insisted he look at her and then shattered his defenses in one sentence. ‘I love you now more than I ever have before—if it’s even physically possible.’

Caedes hesitated, his dull gaze slowly lifting to meet her eyes. The sincerity in her words, the unwavering conviction in her voice, pierced through the darkness enveloping his heart. A sob escaped his lips, his body shuddering with the force of his emotions. He leaned into her, the rigid tension easing slightly as he allowed himself to feel her love, her acceptance. "I... I don't deserve you," He whispered, his voice raw. "I am broken. You are whole. Perfect where I am ruined."

"speaking"

Mariah listened to him, tears stinging her eyes that had yet to fall. She felt him shudder beneath her touch, a manifestation of the remorse he was wracked with, his words becoming whispers in the quiet ambiance of their shared space. His despair reached out to her, a palpable force that broke through her defenses and enveloped her in its cold, unyielding grip. His self-reproach was corrosive, gnawing away at his resilience, leaving behind only a hollowed shell of the proud, robust brute she knew and loved.

"No." Mariah's voice was barely above a whisper, yet it carried the weight of her heartfelt conviction. "You're not weak... You're not unworthy or incapable." She insisted, her eyes seeking his in the dimming firelight. “Caedes, you’re hurt. Can’t you see it? You’re hurt.” She so badly wanted him to see. "A monster cornered you, manipulated your fears and vulnerabilities. Someone you should have been able to trust. He took advantage of you, and there is nothing you could have done to prevent it.” On both occasions. She then reached up to cup his angular jaw gently, her touch tenderly tracing a path along his cheekbone. "You listen to me," she said, her tone firm yet gentle, "You are not the failures of your past. You are not the scars on your soul or body, or the voices in your head that whisper you're not enough. You are the courage it took to survive, to keep going despite it all. There is nothing you could have done differently.”

Mariah felt a silent tear snake its way down her cheek, tracing the contours of her face. The pain in Caedes’ heavy words was palpable, a raw testament to his deeply scarred psyche. He was right; she couldn’t fully understand the torments he’d been through, the trauma that gnawed relentlessly at his soul. But she wanted to be there for him, to provide some measure of comfort amidst his anguish. "Caedes," she whispered tenderly, her heart aching as his confession poured forth. She reached out tentatively, brushing against his trembling frame with a gentleness that mirrored her empathetic nature. "Don't do this to yourself," she implored, her silver eyes mirroring his pain. "What happened was beyond anyone's control. It's not your fault."

But as she spoke, she could see the words bouncing off him. His wall of self-loathing and guilt was too thick, too entrenched for her comfort and logic to penetrate. She was challenging a lifetime of self-hatred- one she hadn’t realized even existed until a few moments ago, a deeply ingrained belief that he was a failure. In a desperate bid to get through to him, Mariah took a deep breath and murmured, "You've suffered enough, Caedes." The breezy air of the den stirred gently around them; it was a stark contrast to the tempest raging within him. Shadows danced upon his haunted gaze, each flickering ember reflecting the depth of his torment.

"There is no pain you are obliged to bear," she continued, her voice as soothing as she could possibly make it as her own grief began to manifest. "You were not responsible for what happened to Aurelia at the hands of Sephiran, or for your father's horrific actions. They chose their paths, not you." She longed to dissipate the storm cloud of guilt and self-hatred that clung to him like a second skin, but she knew that healing was a journey he had to undertake himself. Her role was merely to guide him towards it.

But her own tears began to flow down her face as she grieved for him. Grieved for the child who had been lost, the one who had died at the hands of his father, and that the man beside her held in such contempt. “It’s not your fault.” She murmured into the fur of his shoulder. “It’s not your fault.” The pup that cried as his father carved his flesh. “Caedes! Listen to me! It’s not your fault!” She pleaded, her voice breaking as she repeated the phrase like a mantra, each repetition punctuated by a heartbreaking sob. “It’s not your fault.” It’s not your fault.

Mariah listened to Caedes' torment, his raw pain and guilt carving a path through her heart. His tears, glistening under the soft glow of the firelight, were like shards of glass piercing her soul- they matched her own. She held him tighter, her chest expanding with a deep breath she barely registered, swaying their bodies together to alleviate any amount of the tension that she could. “But if beating and torturing helpless women to death while in labor of all things- bearing the children that killed her, probably through means she was not accepting to … Caedes, if that’s the standard of being a Saxe, why would you ever want to be one?” Her heart pounded in her chest, fear gnawing at her, but she forced herself to remain calm. She needed him to hear this, to truly understand. She knew Caedes- knew this man that she held. He wasn’t a monster- not anywhere close. But why did he insist on holding himself to the standard that monsters made?

“You are not broken, Caedes,” she murmured against the rough fur of his chest, her voice barely above a whisper. “Not to me.” her voice steady and resolute. “You are afflicted with guilt and remorse, yes, but that does not make you any less worthy of love or happiness, and I love you.” Mariah drew back slightly, her silver eyes searching his - probing, seeking out the depth of his pain.

"Mariah Mendacium"

Caedes trembles ceased beneath Mariah's touch, her words beckoning him to listen, pleading as she tried to soothe him. Each syllable was like a lifeline thrown to a drowning man, his massive frame shuddering with the weight of his emotions as he took deep, steadying breaths. The memories were relentless, and powerful; a storm he couldn't escape. But he had to pick himself up, pull himself back together. For her. For the things he still needed to do.

He shook his head, eyes squeezed shut as if trying to block out the turmoil. But he wouldn’t block out her voice. Her voice was like a light in the darkness, and he wanted nothing more than to immerse himself in it, to let it wash away his pain and guilt. The thought of surrendering to her every word, of ceasing to exist in his agony, was both comforting and terrifying.

God he was tired.

“You see me as hurt.” He muttered, his voice barely audible as he breathed them out. “All I see is failure. I hear their voices. I see the blood. I feel the chill in my bones. The regret will not fade. That will not change.” It was his truth. His voice was stronger now, less broken. Just tired.

His eyes finally met hers, filled with a desperate plea for understanding. The warmth of her gaze was almost too much to bear, but he couldn't look away. He reached out, his paw hesitant as he touched her cheek, his fingers deftly brushing away her tears. She was so beautiful. The softness of her skin against his rough fingers felt like a crime.

“I want to be the man you see.” The brute whispered, his voice drawn out like he was moments away from sleep. The idea of not being a Saxe, of not being defined by his blood or his past, seemed foreign, impossible. Yet her conviction made him want to believe, to hope. Silly, dangerous thoughts. He looked into her eyes, searching for the strength he lacked, the strength he saw reflected in her gaze. Maybe she was just doing it for him. For his benefit.

As her touch lingered on his cheek, he felt a flicker of something he hadn't felt in a long time — relief? It was fragile, like a delicate flame, but it was there. “I love you, Mariah. Truly. I am sorry to show you this weakness of mine.” He whispered, his voice raw but sincere. He breathed her in, feeling a small shift within himself. He was still in a somber mood, still burdened by guilt and sorrow, but there was a glimmer of himself again.

"speaking"

Mariah, taking in the raw vulnerability in Caedes' voice, felt a surge of protective warmth. She gripped him tighter, her slender form pressing against him, reinforcing their contact. His pain was palpable, as vivid and real as the swirling dawn sky over Alias island. And she knew, in the depths of her soul, that she would do everything in her power to help him heal, to bring the light back into his haunted emerald eyes. "I see your hurt because I also see your strength. Your regrets... they show the depth of your love and loyalty."

Mariah's heart twinged in her chest at the despair etched into his face, the raw yearning in his voice. Seeing him in this state, so broken and remorseful, was akin to a wound to her soul. Yet she didn't waver, her determination unyielding. "You already are," she replied, her voice soft yet resolute. "And you always have been. Your past, your blood... they don't define you, Caedes. You do."

Mariah felt a wave of tenderness wash over her, a soft smile gracing her features. "Your weakness is also your strength," she murmured gently. "And I love you for it – for who you are, all of it." She watched as his gaze softened, the flicker of relief in his eyes empowering her further. Tenderly, she traced a path along his jawline with her paw, each touch a silent affirmation of her words.

But as they finally reached a moment of reprieve, she could see the exhaustion in his weary frame. Without, asking, Mariah pulled him back down in her bed. Gently insisting that he lie with her. To rest. Gods, how long had it been since he rested? She wouldn’t get to stay much longer before having to begin her day, but she would stay as long as she needed to to give him these precious moments of peace. She nestled herself against his side, her head resting in the crook of his shoulder while her tail brushed against his flank in a comforting rhythm. The steely firmness of his muscled body was a stark contrast to the delicate softness of her own, yet they fit together as seamlessly as two halves of a whole. Her slender paw traced patterns on his scarred fur, her touch light and soothing. The steady rhythm of his breathing, his heartbeat thundering beneath her ear, it was a comforting symphony that lulled them both into a sense of tranquility.

"Mariah Mendacium"

Mariah's touch and reassurance enveloped Caedes as she held him close, her presence offering solace to the beaten-down man. She acknowledged both his strength and his regrets, affirming that they were signs of his deep love and loyalty. It was hard for the brute to see the hope she saw in his convictions, impossible even at the moment. Each word, while comforting, also echoed in his head like a reminder of all he couldn’t quite believe about himself. He trembled slightly, the weight of his own doubts pressing heavily on his chest.

As Mariah guided him back down to her bed to rest, her actions spoke of a deep care and understanding. It had been so long since Caedes had allowed himself to truly relax, to be vulnerable and unguarded with someone other than his sister. Her warmth and proximity offered a comfort so rare, encouraging him to lower his defenses and accept the much-needed reprieve. Yet, as he lay down, a tension remained in his shoulders, a physical manifestation of his reluctance to fully let go, his muscles tight and coiled, ready to spring into action if needed. The way he accused himself of being useless for.

Nestled against her, Caedes felt the contrast between his own hardened form and her gentle softness. They fit together perfectly, her slight figure complementing his sturdy one. Her fingers gently traced patterns across his fur, each touch soothing his ragged nerves, yet part of him resisted the calm, his mind racing with thoughts of all that had gone wrong, all that he could have done differently.

Lying there, with the rhythm of her breathing and the steady beat of her heart against his ear, Caedes found a moment of peace. A slice of heaven within her embrace. He whispered his love and gratitude to Mariah, his words raw with emotion. He expressed how her perception of him—as someone strong and capable—fueled his desire to live up to that image, despite the shadows of his past. Still, an inner voice nagged at him, whispering of failures and weaknesses, making him flinch internally with every beat of his heart that seemed too loud, too alive in the silence.

In the quiet of the morning, with Mariah's reassurance still lingering in the air, Caedes allowed himself to drift into sleep. His breathing finally slowed, though his brows furrowed occasionally, a sign of the struggles within even as he sought refuge in rest. His hand unconsciously gripped her flesh, seeking reassurance even in sleep, a lifeline to tether him to the present, to the peace she offered amidst the turmoil that haunted him.


[exit caedes via sleep]

"speaking"