Small. He felt small and he was small. The small child sighed and paced around the little patch of dirt he’d found. Something about it had caught his attention. Boredom maybe, but he found it too difficult to concentrate on playing this season. He didn’t want to seek comfort for the feeling that he would cause issues for his family. While he wasn’t prone to hiding his feelings the young pup had a hard time understanding and working through what it was to feel sad for such a stupid reason. He was beginning to think it was the weather.

He stopped in his circle, looking at the marks he’d made. How often did he use this dirt patch this week for a form of walking and thinking. Why couldn’t be brave like all the hero’s in his story. Or maybe like papa. Hanataro sat down and curled his thin tail around his paws. He had to grow strong and big one day correct? Frustration bubbled in his belly again what was it that bothered him so desperately so.

((Just for clarity, this post, as it is largely from Mo's perspective, uses gender language that does not align with Hanataro's gender identity. It is not intentional on his part and was cleared ahead of time with King and it will change once he's aware of his son's identity but a warning for misgendering nonetheless))

Mojito was running himself ragged these days. Which probably wasn't helping his children much. He was largely focused on finding, something, anything, to help Asla. To ease her pain, her suffering, to turn the small creature she'd turned into back into the spitfire woman he'd fallen in love with so long ago. But nothing was working and it was slowly stripping parts of him away to watch it happen and not be able to help.  Another day with nothing to show for it and Mojito had retired early, he was trying to give space for Asla's children to spend whatever time with her they wanted and to grieve in peace. Even if he wanted nothing more than to hold his eldest close and share in her pain. He knew things weren't quite mended between them. Mojito sighed and dragged himself across the packlands. He knew he ought to be seeking out his other children but in truth all the man wanted was to collapse into his nest and sleep. But the job of a father was never done and when a familiar scent reached him and he spotted one of his daughters pacing Mojito did his best to push his exhaustion and grief down. "Hey little flower." Mojito called out, even managing to lift his tail in a somewhat weak wag as he approached. Little was maybe not so true anymore, Hana was only a head shorter than himself and if she kept growing he figured he'd soon be outgrown entirely. As he approached Mojito fell into a bad habit, checking his daughter for any visible wounds. With her body unable to coagulate blood the way it ought to one of his primary worries was the higher risk of dangerous blood loss. He'd done his best to teach her which plants could be used and she should try to keep on her when she could, horsetail, yarrow, but he also knew sooner or later he'd need to let go of the reins and trust his daughter. Not today though. ”Speech”  ’Thought’

Normally seeing papa would give him a sense of security. Almost like a child caught doing something wrong though Hanataro shied away for a moment. "Hi papa." he said softly while digging his paws into the dirt beneath him. It felt like he had rocks in his throat. Normally he could easily communicate himself but uncomfortably he shifted on his paws. "Can I ask you something papa?" Hanataro crawled closer. Concentrating on that fluffy fur. It seemed that maybe when he was grown he’d be the same size as his papa.

"I’m a boy and I don’t want that to make you upset." the words were hard enough to get out but he did it. Trying to trust the comfort he felt in the anxiety that swarmed in his belly. He didn’t know what was going on in the world after all his had been such a tiny bubble. He hadn’t gone out much other than to collect horsetail and other herbs. Even if his knowledge was still a little spotty.

Mojito frowned as his daughter seemed to shrink away from him. His head tilting slightly but he slowed his approach, watching for any sign of obvious discomfort. But it was just a shy greeting he was met with and Mojito let his worry slide further into the back of his mind as he watched the the near teenager. ”Of course.” He said softly as Hanataro slunk a little closer. But as the next words left the child's mouth his brows shot up. ”Okay.” He breathed the word out, deciding to close the gap between himself and his d- son. Throwing a foreleg around the boy and pulling him gently into a hug. ”That could never make me upset...” He trailed off awkwardly suddenly feeling the name he had for his son felt quite feminine and failing to find another pet name to use. ”I love you, and all I've ever wanted for you, all of you, is for you to be happy.” He pulled back slightly and dipped his head so he was eye level with the child. ”If being a boy feels right then who am I to say otherwise?” It wasn't a totally new concept to Mojito. He hadn't ever met any wolves as far as he was aware who'd made the transition over from either of the "common" sexes but he was a healer, he knew pups could be born with features of both or neither and he knew there were plants that could help to suppress various hormones. Probably a good idea to see if that would be something his son would be interested in, especially before he'd otherwise be subject to his first heat. ”Was that what you wanted to ask me?” Despite the deep sadness that sat in his stomach like a rock, despite the exhaustion that settled over his whole form he managed a teasing smile. This part of fatherhood made choosing not to ignore his son worth it. ”Speech”  ’Thought’

He didn’t know what else to suspect from papa. They’d always been there for him. Hell one of his siblings was similar too. He frowned when Monsaid he just wanted them to be happy. Was it wrong of him not to be happy right now? He didn’t know. "Kay cuz imma be strong just like you." he puffed up his chest little flopped ear wiggling as he jerked his head upwards. Hanataro’s eyes looked down. Was that all he’d wanted to ask. He’d spent a fair amount of time taking the courage to say that but maybe it was something else.

"I'm sad, and don’t know why." he began. "Ever since it got a little chilly." when the clouds had come to cover up the sunshine he loved so much. To bask in it and smell the flowers that were all growing around. "maybe my brains a little broken." he concluded a little. Maybe not broken but sick? Sickness was something you could do something about wasn’t it. In order for him to learn and grow he was simply just frustrated by the new emotions he couldn’t quiet put his paw on so to speak.

((Content warning: Extremely mild in character discussion of depression and self-harm.))

Mojito watched his son carefully, filing away the sea of follow up questions they'd need to go over for later. Also probably best to discuss things with Nao, though he wasn't going to share anything his son hadn't yet. When the boy proclaimed he was going to be strong he smiled, leaning back into place a kiss on his son's crown. Far as Mojito was concerned his son already was. Maybe even stronger than Mojito was. Though he sat back as the boy continued, followup up with his real question. And again Mojito frowned but it wasn't from disappointment, rather he was starting to consider the possibilities. ”Do you remember when I told you that sometimes our bodies don't do what we want them to?” He started slowly, remembering the day they'd discovered his blood sickness. ”I said there's no shame in helping our bodies when they need it. The same can be true of your mind.” Mojito nosed playfully at the boy's head again. ”Sometimes wolves can become very sad. So sad they struggle to do things that aren't being sad.” That was probably the easiest way to explain depression to the child. ”Sometimes that can last for quite a while. But other times it can happen because the winter season can be long, and cold and dark. When we don't see the sun often our minds can become upset.” Mojito watched his son carefully. ”When that happens we make sure we're treating whoever is sad the same way we would if they were sick. With care and patience. It's perfectly normal to feel like you're struggling during the winter.” Mojito wanted to assure his son but he also wanted to make sure the boy knew what warning signs to look out for. ”But promise me if you're still struggling with feeling sad once the sun has really started to come back or you're ever thinking about doing anything that could harm yourself you talk to me or your outou-san okay? Neither one is unusual but it's important we know to try and find what can help you, okay?” He hoped that didn't spook the boy. ”Speech”  ’Thought’

Hanataro listened intently to his father. Nodding his head so Mo could tell he was paying attention. He remembered, the day he first got hurt and the bleeding wouldn’t stop. Sometimes their bodies didn’t do what they wanted them to do and that was alright. So he was sad because of this? The world was turning out a lot more complicated then he ever thought it would be. Yet he found it easy to make the difference. Some wounds you could see, others weren’t so visible to their naked eye. Of course he would try his best to treat everyone with kindness. He didn’t see a reason as of yet to be frustrated with another. Perhaps he was a bit too gentle?

When his papa finished Hanataro slowly nodded his head, he just seemed deep in thought. He looked off into the distance before he spoke. "Okay I will." he began, frustratedly moving his paws around in the soil. "So what kind of plants help with that sort of thing? I want to know them all. If I can take better care of myself then I can save whoever I want, or ease their pain." he smiled brightly looking up at Mo. he just wanted to help who he could.