when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might take my place when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might end up being me The night was young, and the pack was just settling down into their dens. It had been a long day of establishing borders and hunting for the pack, and though the man truly enjoyed his duties he was troubled. He had been an entirely different man not even a year before. Just thinking of some of the things he had done was...chilling. Down to the bone. Fugue rose from his meal and paced the cool floor of his den, debating whether or not he should tell his leader of his history. They had become close friends, he thought. And even though he had deeper feelings for the femme, he felt that their relationship was perfect without the complications that came with taking things a step further. If only he could keep the voices at bay... The auburn man shook his head and exited his den, making up his mind. He would tell her. He had to. The queen needed to know exactly who she had allowed into her pack, and that he wasn't sure how much control he had over his thoughts. He made his way over to her den beneath the largest boulder in the territory. When he reached the dark mouth that formed the entrance, he bowed his head and called out to her, golden eyes squinting in the fresh moonlight. "Raisa, my queen? May I have a word?" He asked in deep tones. He was prepared to be kicked out for his deeds, and hoped that she would only allow him to remain an ally at best. -FUGUE- "Talk" Think "You"

The sun had set, and quiet had fallen over her lands. Like a proud mother at the end of a hard days work, Raisa sat in her den, simply listening to the sound of peace. Summer crickets sang their songs, and the wind rustled the grasses and low shrubs. Below her boulder den it was pleasantly cool, and damp. She had nearly drifted into slumber when a hushed voice floated down and in. Instantly alert, Raisa gave a little start. She yawned and shook herself a bit, trying to force wakefulness upon her deviant mind. Fugue, it would seem, had need of her. Her first reaction was, of course, to be cross with the man, but she forced it down. He was sensible, with a good head on his shoulders, and Raisa knew he would not bother her if it were not important. "Mmm, sure Fugue, one moment." She stretched beneath the earth, priming her muscles for movement, before wiggling her way out to the surface world. The moon had painted her land silver, and it struck her that she rather liked the look of it. The queen turned her luminescent gaze to the man and quirked an eyebrow by way of question. "Talk" "You" Think

when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might take my place when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might end up being me A shudder passed over his body when his queen stepped out to greet him. Her ashen pelt turned silver in the moonlight, and she appeared to be a goddess. He felt as if he were admitting his sins to a higher power; an angel with luminescent bi-colored gaze. His golden eyes met those as he sat before her, head dipped in a mixture of shame and respect. "I feel that I have not been completely honest with you, princess." He began, reverting back to his pet name for her. He hoped she wouldn't mind his informality in his confessions. It seemed easier to speak with her when she was only a friend and not his superior. "Before I met you, I was an entirely different man, you see. And my deeds were far less than those performed by a gentleman, or a knight, rather. They have been haunting me." He imagined the eyes of his victims. The look that they gave him as he took what he wanted without hesitation. His eyes widened at the feeling of power and dominance, and the idea that Raisa had only been spared the same treatment because he was having "an off day". He was ever grateful for that day and regretted that just days before, he had taken the innocence of an alabaster dame with a similar persona. She had been the last, and the one that haunted him the most. He didn't even know if she had ever recovered, or if she had gotten pregnant. His head dipped lower to the ground. "One instance, in particular." He had never felt so exposed before. It was more difficult than he had expected to inform his queen. He had never felt so ashamed in his life, and he knew that he could not keep the feeling from his eyes. -FUGUE- "Talk" Think "You"

Raisa was not so certain she liked where this conversation was going. Fugue seemed so... off. She was used to a certain assured arrogance from the man, a confidence and familiarity that she had come to see as comforting. To see the man waver before her twisted something in her stomach. She did not let this show upon her face, however. She merely nodded and kept her features as smooth as a frozen lake. "Since I met you, you have been nothing but a loyal friend, Fugue. It would seem to me that this past is well behind you, but if it will ease your mind to speak of it, I will listen." Raisa tilted her head towards the moonlit moor that surrounded the camp, and began to lead him away. If it was truly as sensitive as it seemed, she thought perhaps he would not want to risk an accidental audience. She waited until they would be well beyond easy hearing distance, but not so far that any alarm howls would not be heard. Raisa was loath to leave her sleep of course, but she had come to see the small man as a friend, and would not leave him in need of counsel for the sake of an extra hour or two. "Talk" "You" Think

when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might take my place when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might end up being me The auburn man dipped his head in gratitude to his queen as he followed her away from the dens and into the moor. It was cold and damp here, odd for the lack of rain but comforting all the same. It reminded him of the wet and humid lands of the swamp he had lived in when first arriving in Alacritis. Before he had become a real man. Before he had met Raisa. Life had been so easy before he had a conscience. He did not miss the voices, did not miss the power he had had in letting himself do whatever they desired. He simply wished the guilt and regret would fade into the distance. Settling into the moor now, he looked again at his superior and could not meet her gaze. It was too difficult. Knowing that he should not waste the woman's time, he began recounting his story, expecting to take the lashings that he deserved for them. "She was an alabaster dame from up north. A real beauty. with odd markings on her face and enchanting amethyst eyes.." His voice drifted off for a moment as he imagined the face he had seen so often in his nightmares. He had to stifle another shudder as horror gripped his shoulders. "She would tell me not of her name, and I found it...thrilling, I suppose. She was cocky and arrogant and it only fueled my own growing ego as she fought so hard to keep her pride. I wanted to own her, to feel the power of dominating such a headstrong and powerful creature of undeniable prowess." He swallowed, allowing his golden eyes to drift upwards for only a moment to evaluate the stance of his queen. Once he met her bi-colored gaze, he was stuck. He would forever be entranced by those eyes, and cursed to speak whatever truths crossed his mind as he gazed upon them. He would continue his story with his gaze locked on hers, sorrow and regret tinting his golden optics. "I made the mistake of allowing my ever-growing desire to take hold of me, I gave in to the recesses of my mind and I took her. I stole her innocence and reveled in the thought of it. I left her there, broken and battered by my careless actions. I know not if she survived or the outcome of my foolishness...She was in season, yet I remain unaware of any offspring that may have resulted from the deed." He was a sinner, and though he had voiced his fears to the queen, he did not feel as if any weight had been lifted from his chest. He was haunted by the thoughts that still plagued his mind and the idea that the woman he had claimed on that fateful day may be dead or with bastard children that he had not even attempted to rear. His emotions shifted like a hurricane inside him, and he felt as if his skin were ten times heavier. Would Raisa flog him for his misdeeds of the past? He would expect nothing less, for he would act know differently in her position. -FUGUE- "Talk" Think "You"

The man's words birthed a cold stone within the pit of Raisa's gut. From his very first sentence a certain aura of forlorn anxiety fell over her, accompanied by a growing sense of fear that she knew where his words would lead. Sure enough, he did not disappoint. The sooty fae remained quiet, eyes fixed on her paws as he spoke, listening intently. She would not miss a single syllable of what he said, both for his sake and hers. It was imperative that she knew the sort she shared her home with. Was she required to like every facet, though? Was it her duty as queen to accept and support them? Her mind became a maelstrom of conflicting emotions. Fugue, her closest Alacritan friend, the first to put their faith in her, was a rapist... She could hardly allow the word to float about within her mind. It was a sour, bitter thing, and not one she was ready to pair with the kind man she'd grown to know. She waited until he had concluded and drew in a deep breath. With the exhale, she tried to imagine her confusion and anger leaving as well, in the hopes that it might help her. Her mouth had turned to cotton, and words stuck against her teeth. Had it been anyone else, anyone, she might have been angry. Furious, even, but somehow it was harder with him. Instead she felt vaguely nauseous, and immensely disappointed. Finally, in a quiet tone she asked, "And how do you feel about this now, in retrospect?" He seemed near as horrified as she felt, but she needed to hear it from his own mouth. Raisa needed this sorted out, and soon. She would not harbor a rapist within her boundaries, even if it meant ousting one of her closest friends. At the same time, of course, she would not turn away any trying to better themselves. If Fugue was repentant, if he had changed... Only time would tell. "Talk" "You" Think

when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might take my place when i wake up i'm afraid somebody else might end up being me Images would not keep themselves from flashing through his mind like a strobe. It was dizzying, sickening, and maddening. The woman he loved stood before him, disappointment printed plainly across her features. He knew she hated him, knew that she would never see him again in the same light. He had already lost all hope for that. Her hushed tones would reach his ears and cause his eyes to widen. How did he feel about it? He was horrified, truthfully. It was not the way that he had ever wanted to turn out. He was born with nothing but sisters, for god's sake. What if that had happened to one of them? He would kill the male that touched his sisters in the way that he touched the ivory fae. So that would have to be his punishment. "I have not been able to sleep. Not been able to eat. Her image is carved permanently in the darkest places of my mind, which seem to be every part lately. She was merely defending herself and I took it as a challenge...I am the worst type of creature for doing what I have done. And to think that she was not the first... I feel that I don't deserve to live, don't deserve to be in a noble pack or in this position." His eyes were clouded with grief, his pupils dilated and sweating with the effort of keeping them open to avoid the images of the woman he had taken. His legs were shaking as he tried so hard to keep his feeble body from dropping to the ground. He blinked once, the motion making a drop of water leak out and stain the auburn fur beneath his golden optics. "I deceived you, and that is the worst sin, worse than the horrors that I allowed to take place just days before meeting you. Just days before you saved me from myself. I allowed you to believe that I was a different man and that only makes everything multiply within my heart. A man does not do that to the woman that he loves, let alone his queen." His voice was not but a wavering croak as he spilled his heart out to the gracious royal. His chest felt lighter, yet his heart heavier as he awaited her response to his misdeeds. -FUGUE- "Talk" Think "You"

Raisa breathed in deeply, processing much and more. His words were... unsettling, perhaps, yet somehow the image she had cultivated of the man since their introduction remained stoically unchanged. It was difficult, nigh impossible, to imagine him capable of such things. She remembered a brief moment of hesitation when they had first met; had that been her instincts warning her of the beast inside? Looking before her now, though, she saw no such creature. Instead, a broken man had taken the place of her first friend. At the mention of his lack of sleep, food, solace, his lack of luster became startlingly apparent. "Fugue," she said, her voice quiet and calm, "listen to me." Drawing herself upward, allowing her height to give her a confidence she was not sure she felt. "You deserve the life you have made for yourself. Nothing more and nothing less. I cannot speak for the man you were before, but since I've known you, you've come to help me create this..." She tossed her head over her shoulder at the sprawling territory behind her, the expanse, the sanctuary they had raised from the ashes. To create a home for so many in need, a shelter and a place to grow, surely that could counterbalance his crime. Looking back at the man she offered a small, sad smile. "I could not see the man I know repeating such an action. I can forgive the past, in lieu of the present, and in hope for the future." "Talk" "You" Think