Shelter For My Soul
05-04-2014, 09:36 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-04-2014, 09:36 PM by Othello I.)
Sunlight shone on the waters, reflecting off and making the shore look like diamonds. The dame sat on the warm sand, her elongated tail trailing in the water. It fanned out, lone strands curling with the ebb and flow of the tide. Even though it was autumn, it was a nice cool down for her. She has swam all the way to this gathering of island, settling on the smaller of the three. The cooing of the doves was calming, and very rhythmic. It soothed her, it was constant. She needed something like that to keep her crazy emotions at bay.
Othello's optics looked out at the glittering waters, her violet eyes sad. It had been nearly two weeks since she had seen Crucifix, and it was a lot harder than she had thought. Her feelings seemed to grow for him during their time apart, and she longed to have him by her side. She sighed softly, scanning the waters as if he would pop up out of the waves. She huffed, knowing that it was quite a silly thought. But she imagined seeing him everywhere. He wandered in her dreams, and he danced across her vision, teasing her with his opaque shape. He was ghosted in her vision, and she just longed to feel his touch. His scent wafted over her, taunting her. She just couldn't get him off her mind...
She had yet to decide if she should tell him now or not. She loved him. Well, at least what she believed to be love. She had never felt it for anyone before, she was pulled away from her family at such a young age, that she did not know its true meaning. She felt like this could be what it was, but fear was stronger. What if he didn't feel the same? Othello would be shattered beyond repair if he let her down. So why would she jeopardize that? They might as well keep it simple for now, without the complications of feelings like love. The dame felt it in her heart, but there were so many other things there that she just couldn't focus on it. It was easy to bury it, but it shone dimly among all others.
The pale female just couldn't take being away from Crucifix anymore. She lifted her black decorated face to the sky and let out her song, calling for him. Her voice was honey sweet, a high and almost haunting howl. She prayed that he heard her, and that he answered her beacon. She needed him here, just to talk, and to simply be with him by her side. Cru seemed to be a part of her now, and that missing hole when he was gone was becoming larger by the hour.
05-15-2014, 03:59 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-15-2014, 03:59 PM by Othello I.)
Everything was forgotten after the words that Crucifix spoke. Nothing mattered, because her heart was breaking bit by bit. She pulled back from the comfort of his chest, his warmth feeling more like a felled flame. It was too hot, too much anger. His eyes scared her, and she flinched away from him as if he was going to strike her. And by the sounds of his words, she almost wish she had. A strike would heal with time, but those words cut deeper than any claw could. Tears poured down her face, a horrible sob breaking free from her maw. Othello stumbled back from him, needing to get away from the ugliness. This was not the being that she cared for, this was a reflection of her own inner being. He snapped, she had finally pushed him over the edge. Scrambling backwards, she stumbled over her own paws and fell, landing on the earth with a thud. But that was nothing, nothing compared to the pain that he had just caused her.
Terrible sounds poured from her maw, such a broken cry one would think she was dying. At this moment, she almost wished she had. Shying away from Crucifix, she pulled herself to a standing position, although she was crouched low in an almost submissive way. "F-f-find my-y-yself?" She slurred, her crying making it hard to choke out words. She shook her head furiously, scattering tears onto the sand. "H-how c-c-can I lo-love my-myself when n-n-n-no one ha-has lov-loved me?" She asked, her hurt eyes searching his face. Was her dear Cru in there somewhere? Couldn't he see that he had been helping her? She tried to show it, tried to tell him that she was getting better. She hadn't donned on a mask around him, she thought that she didn't need to. Clearly she had been wrong. She was right to fear herself, because this is what happened. She pushed him away, and it tore her up inside.
Othello didn't know what to do with herself. She wanted to run, but didn't even have the strength. She wanted to plead with him, but was afraid to open up again. She had guarded herself to the point where no one could get in, and as soon as she had, they destroyed her. All hopes of him ever loving her were dashed, and it was all her fault. "I th-thought t-th-that you s-s-s-saw th-that I h-have been try-try-trying. I w-w-was b-b-beat-en f-f-for th-th-three y-years b-because m-m-my own fath-ther cou-couldn't l-l-love m-me. I'v-ve be-been try-trying. I... I n-n-need y-you. O-only y-y-you can s-sh-show m-me." She was pleading, begging him. Othello had told herself not to, but panic was starting to set in. What would she be without him? He was the only one who had cared about her enough to even show her that she could be worth something. She hadn't seen it, hadn't even noticed that he had tried to prove it to her. He told her that she was, but she didn't believe it. Or was it that she wouldn't let herself see it? For so long had she been suppressed into a dark corner, that it almost became her comfort zone. It had been all that she had known, her security blanket. When Cru tried to show her out, she had been afraid and had dealt with it the only way she knew how, which was to push him away.
She didn't dare take a step forward, but she needed to do something with her cowering body. The sobs were making her chest ache, so when she tried to step back once more she tripped again and fell on her belly. This time the air seemed to whoosh out of her lungs, the impact as well as her already sore chest leading to her knocking the air out of her own self. It didn't last long, she only gasped a few times before another cry of sorrow pushed its way out. Pathetic, she knew she was. But she was so hurt, so... broken, that she didn't know what else to do. "P-p-please d-do-don't le-leave m-m-me. P-p-please Cru-u-ucifix." Begging, groveling. Although she was scared to, she crawled towards the silver male, licking his paws and his legs as soon as she could reach them. Her tears fell around them, and the broken fae looked up at him. She couldn't let him go, she just couldn't. It was too hard to picture, too hard to even imagine him not being there. "Crucifix." She said, coating his legs in her sweet, sad kisses. "I-I'll d-d-do an-anything. An-anything. P-p-ple-please." She turned her body and curled herself around his front legs, resting her head on his paws as she tried to get herself sorted. She needed to calm her tears. Squeezing her eyes shut she focused on her breathing as it skipped from the tears, trying to get her sobbing in order so she could actually talk like a normal wolf.
"P-please sh-show me how to l-love myself. S-show me the j-joys in li-life that I was de-deprived of." Othello said shakily, her vocals somewhat stronger than they had been before. She stumbled over a few words, but other than that it was as clear as it could be at the moment. Maybe if he explained it to her again, maybe if she allowed him to truly tell her she was worth his time, she would listen. Maybe she would finally take his lessons to heart. "J-just answer m-me t-this. Am I w-worth your t-time?" Maybe from this answer she could grow, and they could develop together. Just... maybe.
Othello looked up at his face once more, resting her neck and chin on the incline of his legs. Her purple eyes were rimmed with red from the pressure of her tears, but she needed to see his face when he answered her. It was all in his paws now. If he said no, she would leave and he would never have to see her again. But if he said yes, and allowed her to stay with him, only then could she truly have faith that they could do this. She wouldn't be able to live without him, so if he said no she didn't know what to do. Would her inner demon take over like Crucifix's had? There was no way of knowing until the answer came to her.
05-15-2014, 04:31 PM
His closed eyes didn?t block him from the sound of her pain. It was as though he had physically striked her. His words had been peaceful, asking her to find herself, promising her something to come back to. Her response was a punch in the gut, the sounds of her pain like one in torment or the throes of a nightmare. He didn?t understand her, he could not? He was lost to this and all he knew now was that she was lost even from herself. He had thought that if she had understood how badly she needed to find herself that this could be ok, but her response was far too brutal to see reason.
He couldn?t let go yet, he couldn?t give up on her especially feeling as though he was the one who had done the breaking. Oh how this was such a far cry from the girl she had been. A piece of his heart already longed for her, for what seemed now to be lost. Here sass and strength had stolen him, it everything he sought for in a girl? but this, he did not know how to handle. She broke apart before him as through the shell she had held herself in had been made of nothing thicker than an egg shell.
He struggled to find words, to bring her to understanding. ?Yes Othello.. Find yourself. I can promise you that you are loved, I promise you this with all my heart in fact. But your allowing no room in your heart for that, not if you can?t love yourself as well. You are more then what has happened to you Othello, prove that, and understand yourself?
He folded in on himself, this was a nightmare. Surely she could see that he did not have the power to save herself, he would not even know where to begin. She was special, and amazing, and beautiful and he knew there was a spark of that sass within her. If she could just see it for herself and understand the amazing person she was she could rise about this, and be someone everyone could love? because that was already what he had seen inside of her.
Oh god. He wanted to run from this, from this mess he had caused. He wasn?t a man of wisdom, he wasn?t someone special, or amazing, or a saviour. He could easily spin a good joke, he could easily spring his own personality on any situation and bring out his sass? except for a case like this. There was no jokes in this, no flirtatious, no solid ground for him to stand upon.
She would begin to beg, to grovel, and he would shrivel up that little more. Whatever she was seeing in him, whatever she was expecting him to do... surely she could see he was not the amazing being she seemed to think of him. He was made up of anger, and bloodlust. Of his special mix of flirtation and sass, he wasn?t...
She wound herself around his paws as through he could save her, ground her, make her whole again. Hell. He couldn?t even ground himself, he could not beat the beast inside of him. He would lower his head and let out his breath like it would be the last he had ever let. Let it out in a big gust before him, as through with it went his life. This wasn?t his strength, not by a long shot. ?Your worth my time, I know the good in you Othello? but this? I don?t know how to handle. I don?t know how Othello. I need you to understand, listen to my words, all [/]I of them, not the ones you pick and choose. I don?t know [i] how to put the pieces back together again. All I can do is hold you and hope you can find it yourself. Hell. My sister was raped! And all I could do was want the blood of her killer. I could not make her whole again. My own sister! I can?t handle this Othello. You are beautiful and sexy and amazing.. but maybe.. maybe you need someone who can find you. Since all I know is that you should find yourself? he shook his head, groaning and feeling as though he himself was in the throes of a nightmare.