Katja had been different to Raisa that much was of course only to be expected, everyone had different personalities after all. She had seemed ok though and Isi had certainly not had too much care about the whole change of leadership stuff, she still had a place in the pack and there was still none of that fear that had been in Old Ebony. Of course it appeared that she had been horribly mistaken however. She'd missed a lot of the festival, hadn't felt like competing herself and had simply gotten in the way and likely annoyed anyone she spoke to during the event. The end she had arrived late to, not late enough to quite miss the big event but enough to realise that the death was a voluntary sacrifice, all she'd seen was Katja and a dying wolf before her. What on earth had that wolf done to get killed, would she be next? No she damn well would not! Isi had turned and ran from Ebony lands, ran from the East. She had no idea where she was going or what on earth she would do now she had left her home but she wasn't going to wait around for Katja to suddenly decide to kill again. Now she had found herself within the Northern lands of Alacritia. So strange to her she could have been anywhere, in fact she might as well have been. Currently lost in the middle of the red forest, she was certainly beginning to wonder if she would ever make her way back out again.

Things were... changing. As the season progressed, and all the creatures she had been meeting, something was softening in the woman. It was a small change, minute in it's integrity, but it was there. The fox that trailed her was no longer such an unwelcome sight, and there was less disconnect between her body and her mind. In fact, just then she was following a scent. What it belonged to, where it had come from, she couldn't say. She was not even of a mind to understand whether the scent was fresh or stale, only that it was there. She was driven along it's trail by an aching need she had not felt in all the times she could remember. But still... the change was small. She padded along slowly, carefully, her mind empty except for her purpose. One paw after another, her journey to nowhere progressed. When her trail led her to a wolf, she was caught up short. Her frame was little more than a ghost's, gaunt and hollow-eyed and wary. She seemed ready to spring away and flee at any moment, so what kept her paws grounded? The woman before her was of a lighter coat, grey scale and common, but her eyes... Why did the eyes haunt her so? She was locked in the stranger's basilisk stare, and a headache began to fester between her ears, as it often did when her past struggled to surface. She said nothing, couldn't have said anything even if she wanted to. She could only wait. "Talk" "You" Think

Oh crap. Those two words were the first to spring to mind the moment that Isi realised she was no longer alone. Of course she wasn't technically doing anything wrong though a part of the girl was paranoid she would be tracked down for fleeing Ebony as she had and would be punished for such treason. Of course she wasn't going to make it easy for them to drag her back nor would she simply stand there and take a punishment if she could help it but those thoughts would still exist within her mind. It would only take a few seconds for her to realise that the wolf stood before her wasn't a member from Ebony, well not currently anyway, it was of course none other than her former Queen and though she certainly wasn't looking her best Isi was pleased to see her. Expression would break into a grin and tail would wag as she bounced a few steps closer to her former leader. "Boy am I glad to see you." She announced, coming to a halt once more before she was too close to the either, she wasn't sure if Raisa was the hugging type or if any contact was even really appropriate. "You look awful, but it's great to see you back." So flattery was not her strong point.

Raisa clenched her teeth around a confused whine. What... what was... She didn't know what was going on. Where at this wolf come from? The words seemed to buzz in her ears, and the once-Queen could not seem to make sense of them. Who was this woman? Why did she seem so... cheerful. Raisa took a hesitant step backwards, freezing as Koros trotted hesitantly up from behind her. He said in a low, soothing voice, "Isidora, my lady is not well right now. I'm sorry to say that she doesn't remember much of her life before... well. Or even who she is." He gave the frightened, shell of a woman behind him a gentle look. He loved his liege still, no matter what state she found herself in. He was sworn to her in life and death, and he would guard and serve her all his days. This was no question, nor was it a burden, though there were nights that his worry kept him without sleep. Looking back at Isidora he sighed. "There are days that she seems better than before, though." He would not go so far as to say that this might be one of them. He would not want to bring down the mirth of the gods, to sway their generosity with his own assumptions. It was a fragile thing, he supposed. Koros was hardly a superstitious creature, but he was more than devoid of logical hope by that point. Waiting on and trying to read the will of the gods was all that was left to him. "Talk" "You" Think

With her words however Raisa only seemed to get worse. She frowned slightly, confused with the reaction though swiftly the fox companion would move forwards and begin to speak. Isi wasn't sure she'd ever actually heard Koros speak before and he had certainly never spoken to her before. What was his name actually? She would struggle to recall it and remain listening intently to the fox though his words would mostly settle within her mind. "What the hell happened then?" Isi questioned, glancing once more at Raisa before looking back to Koros, seemed she was most likely to get an answer from the fox than the wolf. "Sure I forget stuff but you don't just wake up one day and forget who you are." He of course realised this himself though she was intrigued to find out what had happened to her. "You know she needs to remember quick, she left Ebony in the hands of a mad woman!" Impatient however she wouldn't really give Koros a chance to explain before she looked back to . "You're Raisa Xanilov, does that ring any bells?" She would enquire hoping to jog her memory. Koros had likely tried informing her of such things but of course Isi would try for herself regardless. "Ebony. Queen. Isi Koval." Her name was hardly one of importance that would bring everything back but still, she'd slip it in regardless.

The woman's tone changed from friendly and excited to something else. It was a rapid change, it caught Raisa off guard, and she skittered back a few more lengths in a nearby clump of brush. She would not flee entirely, but instead wait there amongst the shadows, quivering a bit. She did not understand, and she felt frightened by the possibility that something was about to change. Her insides began to war with one another and she pulled her lips upwards to contend with that uncomfortable feeling. Her stomach clenched and her shoulders began to shake. She fought off the shaking fit that tried to seize her. Koros took a few steps after his liege, watching as she slunk into what she likely assumed was safety. He let loose a light sigh before turning back to answer Isidora's questions. "She has gone through much trauma," he said softly. "It began after the birth of her children. I am told pregnancy can sometimes do strange things to the mind. She began to have nightmares of the rebellion soon after, I recall her waking up in the middle of the night, panting and frantic." Koros took a deep, shaking breath, and attempted to collect himself. It was... difficult to talk about, to say the least. "You know she needs to remember quick," Isidora claimed. "She left Ebony in the hands of a mad woman!" This disturbed Koros, but he could not devote himself to that just yet. "I've seen her tear rogues to pieces," Koros said, emotion choking her voice. "I've seen her rush headlong down cliff sides and go for weeks without eating. There have been nights I was certain she would die, and I do what I can, but most of the time she doesn't know me." Isidora did not seem to be paying him much attention, though. She turned to face the cowering ex-royal and exclaimed, "You're Raisa Xanilov, does that ring any bells?" Koros would have stopped her if he'd had the chance. He had done a similar thing, and seen the chaos it wreaked on the poor woman's mind. True to form the shakes began to take Raisa, starting in her shoulders and creeping outwards. Eventually her whole body was taken in something that looked like shivers, but only a bit more severe. The words stung her mind like a hoard of angry bees and she shook it from side to side, fighting against the tremors to clear the thoughts away. No, this was too much. She should have fled but she couldn't anymore, her body had turned traitor. It was too much. "Talk" "You" Think

It hadn't exactly been a secret that Raisa had had some problems after the birth of her children, she had disappeared briefly and then once again had completely vanished until now. Even so Isi had never imagined that there was actually potentially anything wrong with the Xanilov woman and everything now still struggled to make sense, not able to or wanting to believe that she had been slowly breaking for so long. She had to come back though, Ebony needed her. Those details certainly didn't sound like the Raisa she knew. Of course she didn't really know her all that well at all, had just figured during her time spent with her that all the rubbish some of the wolves in Old Ebony told her was just that. They'd have a field day with this news though, more tales spreading of how unstable Raisa was, how they had been right all along. Isi wouldn't change her opinion however, she was still a whole lot better than those ruling Old Ebony at the moment. At least as Raisa did all these crazy, destructive things she had the excuse that she had clearly lost her mind. She would try spurring the Queen's memory but all she would do was stand still shaking. "It's Summer, it's not that cold." The girl would proclaim, these lands were far cooler than the home she'd had in Ebony of course but still to be shivering so much didn't make any sense at all. Of course though the shakes were not for coldness but for something entirely different. "Uh fox... is she ok? She done that before?"

Koros could see that the younger fae did not have a good grasp of the situatino. He had made it his buisness to know every member of Ebony while his lady ruled, worried that what happened to Old Ebony might happen once more if the wrong sort were allowed to mince about as they pleased. Isidora, despite having ties to families in their homeland, was not the wrong sort. But Koros knew she was at times naive, and always seemed cheery. She was nothing like that now. He could speak to the fear that Raisa's state inspired in those who had once loved her for a ruler. It was devastating, but Isidora did not sneer or scowl, she moved to help. No, it seemed the bright-eyed girl would not give up quite so easily. "It's summer," she said, her voice strong but gentle in Koros's ears. When Raisa did not stop, and when Isidora turned to him, he moved with a start. How rude, he had not properly introduced himself! The smaller creature cleared his throat and bowed quickly. "Apologies, Miss. I am Koros, once and always Raisa's steward and constant companion." He looked over Raisa, and found that her shakes had calmed some, and that she watched Isidora with a keen, intent eye. Somehow it did not seem hostile or unfriendly. It was as if she was waiting for something, as if she was gazing at the night sky searching out a shooting star and afraid to blink, less she miss it. "Unfortunately yes, her shaking fits are common enough. I think it is a reaction, triggered by something within her mind." He took in a deep breath. He wanted so badly to be at Raisa's side, as much for his comfort as hers, but he dare not take another stop forward. "I want to help her," he whispered. "But it's been so long, I don't know how..." "Talk" "You" Think

Isi may not have typically worked hard ever, may not have exactly presented herself as a particularly caring individual at times yet there was certainly a good heart hidden beneath her often irritating ways. To see Raisa like this was far from right, she had no idea if she would help but she might as well try, Ebony needed Raisa back after all. In a slightly more selfish thought, Isi certainly didn't think she could return until Raisa had control of the pack again. Koros she would try to remember that, or else find a better nickname for him than fox that one definitely lacked originality. As for his manners, sure it was nice and all but Isi was not a miss, nor did she really like Isidora. "Alright Koros. Just Isi will do for me. None of this miss stuff or Isidora." She would point out, he had after all used her full name earlier on though with everything else distracting her she had refrained from correcting him then. "Weird..." Isi would comment simply as he explained the shaking fits. "Maybe she needs a healer. We can't go get Addy or Max though, taking her back to Ebony probably isn't a great idea." She would comment looking back to Koros again.

Koros could not help but agree with the fae's precautions. If anyone from Raisa's old life happened to come upon her in her old state, those who might be of a more ambitious mindset, well... It could go poorly, to say the least. The less public her trauma, the better. It did not leave him many options, though. He would not risk revealing her weakness to the land's packs, and the rogues he had come across were admittedly less than qualified to aid her. "Your caution is more than warranted," he said quietly and with emotion. "Weakness is a dangerous thing. It leaves us with a beggar's few options, though." He was willing by that point to do almost anything. Despite the bounty of summer, so unlike the last, his days seemed drab and lifeless. Koros could not find joy as he once had, could hardly remember what life used to be like. Perhaps he was losing his mind as well. Raisa meanwhile would do nothing but stare. Stare, and blink only when necessity demanded it. Her mind had set in a loop feed, circulating around 'What is going on? I should stay and find out. This might be dangerous. What is going on?' Her tremors began to subside, however, and she drew in a ragged breath. Her muscles ached, and not in the sweet way she had once known, but with strain and fatigue and mistreatment. Blood pounded in her ears, a headache springing to life there. Her eyes narrowed against the pain, but would not close. No, she had to watch. Something was happening. She ought to go. But no, she had to watch.

code by sam & image by lu

Who would have ever thought the day would come, Isi with a good idea that someone of a likely far saner mind was actually agreeing with. This whole situation didn't make all that much sense however, the best Queen she'd ever known now an almost unrecognisable mess. Keeping Koros' explanation for her state in mind, Isi vowed then never to have kids. She'd just babysit for everyone else, far easier, still gave her time to herself and meant she wasn't going to run the risk of losing her mind. She would frown softly at Koros' next comment. Beggar's options? What did he think they should do, get help or not? Surely they couldn't just leave her like this there had to be something someone could do to bring her back. Her first though was family though if those kids had caused this that probably wasn't a great idea. That and it was probably better, if they went to a pack, to go to one that didn't really know Raisa too well at all. Did one of those exist, she really should have paid a little more attention to politics. Nah, she couldn't do that, no point in even trying. Koros though, that little fox must have had an idea. "What do we do then?"

Raisa shifted from one paw to another. Slowly she slid down until her belly brushed the earth. She hesitated a moment, as if wondering whether or not the earth would rise up and lash out. At last, when all seemed safe, she rested there. It seemed she would be there for a while, observing. Most of the ex-regents fractured mind agreed that she had no business to be in such a dangerous, confusing situation, but a sliver begged her to stay. There was something about these two... familiar in all the worst ways. In some sense, in some distant part of herself, she belonged with these monsters. They were the demons that plagued her every step, but she was a part of them, somehow. She could not move. Koros could only guess at the thoughts within her mind. Her spared Raisa a long look, and long blink, and a sigh. He shifted his weight from one side of his body to the other. "I'm not sure," he admitted at last. "I don't believe this is a problem a healer could solve with salves and tinctures. I believe my lady would have to work through it herself, only..." He paused, searching for the right words. How could he convey something so vastly complex, something he himself had only scratched the surface of after months of observation? "Only, there are times I don't think she herself wants to," he said at last in a quiet tone. "Perhaps if we found some sort of trigger, that might pull her back to us, but the past seems to wound her." He was caught between trying to heal his Queen and trying to keep her safe. Koros wasn't sure what was worse for her these days, it was getting harder and harder to tell. "Talk" "You" Think

Raisa's shakes would come to a stop though for now Isi's attention was fixed mostly upon Koros and their attempts to figure out a solution for the former Queen's state of madness. A healer was her only thought, they had cured her of that dreaded plague when she thought she was going to die and did all kinds of useful things to help make people feel better, surely they could think of something to heal Raisa's mind? Koros had his doubts there it seemed and Isi would plonk her bottom down on the ground with a small huff as planning went right back to square one. Now what on earth could they do? Hopefully Koros had some sort of better idea but unfortunately it seemed he only had more bad news. There was a small glimmer of hope though, one that Isi would latch onto. "Oh! What about Vaughan?" Of course the fact that she had no idea where the man was didn't seem to be a major flaw at the moment, she had found Raisa after all, surely he would be easier as long as his mind wasn't all crazy and stuff as well. "They're pretty good friends, maybe he could help and if not he might have a better idea!"

Isi seemed to sit with the same frustration Koros had been feeling since mid-Spring. It was a problem with no easy solution, as matters with the head often turned out. Koros had been rendered near helpless, and that was perhaps more devastating than anything else. "There is no easy course," he would murmur. Isidora suggested the once-master of the Ebon Knights, and it was enough to give Koros pause. They had been close, Vaughan and Raisa, both before and after the rise of New Ebony. As the young fae continued to speak, Koros saw that she felt the same way about the dark brute as he did, more or less. He shifted his weight on his paws, considering. "I have been..." he began slowly, "...leery, in the pursuits of wolves Raisa knew in her past for reasons I'm sure you understand. The dangers that would pose to her, even to her children, are uncountable. But I do not think, or at least I hope, that Vaughan would not be among those who might manipulate her situation." He paused for another moment to let those words settle in his ears, and on his tongue. How did they feel there? It was so strange. But good. It felt like progress, even if it was hesitant and unstable. He would need Isidora's help for the next bit, though. "Do you know where we might find sir Vaughan?" Raisa showed no reaction to the name's voicing, but it did make her insides feel strange. Hot, and agitated, as if it was something she did not want to be a part of. The name made her feel as these two demons did, their presence a hot coal beneath her coat, burning at her, yet entrancing her with it's colors. She had stepped from the empty void into an unknown land., and she desperately wanted this all to go away, to go back to the nothingness of yesterday. "Talk" "You" Think

The biggest problem however was simply that Isi did not quite have Koros patience. Of course he too wanted to see Raisa better as soon as possible though the waiting game with this complete mess of a wolf wasn't one she'd likely be able to cope with very easily at all. There simply had to be a solution that was quicker than waiting for her broken mind to attempt to heal itself. Of course when contacting any that Raisa knew they had to be careful. Isi perhaps wasn't quite as aware of this fact as Koros, though she certainly knew the information couldn't fall in the hands of any Ebony enemies or traitors. Vaughan of all wolves was perhaps a good idea, he'd probably show nothing but compassion towards Raisa, no hasty judgements, using it for his own benefit or anything remotely bad. Of all the wolves that could have been picked from Ebony, he was perhaps amongst best choice really and Isi had been the one to think of it. Koros still seemed hesitant though was willing to pursue the option and Isi would brighten slightly at the prospect of them having a solution however that excitement would quickly diminish as his next question came along. "No." She responded with a small huff. She couldn't recall the last time she had seen the male, perhaps he too had left to try and find Raisa at some point.

Raisa would quiver, but her mind had begun to go blank as if filled with styrofoam, or white noise. It was there, but not. Pleasant and irritating all at once. She would let out a deep sigh, eyes unfocused, the only way to vent her muted frustrations. Koros would spare her a long, lingering glance, looking for any sort of sun beyond the clouds. It would not show, not yet. As Isidora admitted she had not seen nor heard from Vaughan in some time Koros wilted. There had been hope, and now... But he would not give up. "No matter," he said with a false cheerfulness. "The land is not so large, and we have many companions who might help us search. Seeking out the old Ebon Master will not be nearly as noteworthy as seeking direct aid for Lady Raisa." But where on earth to begin? It would be no small task... Of this he was certain but there was no length he would not go to for his Queen. His one and only liege, his purpose in life. The dedication he felt for her was not only emotional, but spiritual. It was what he had been taught, all he knew, and without her he was lost. "Talk" "You" Think OOC: Crappy post Eld, I'm sorry ;-;